The Mockingjay and the Albatross
Author: Howlynn
Realm: The Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins
Story Title: Violins –Chapter 3
Summary: Finnick and Katniss discover that some of the kids have an issue with the old people finding any comfort in each other. Katniss is shocked that her oldest child could hate her own Father-in-law so much. Finn takes off on his boat in a rage.
Character/Relationships: Katniss/Finnick (Nicky, HayLee, Magnus –sons of Finnick and Annie, Rue –daughter of Katniss and Haymitch and married to Nicky)
Violins- warning, may contain any of the following ingredients –(old people, language. Spoilers, Sexual discussion, sexual reference, sexual innuendo, reference to past violence, sadness, violence, dead characters being discussed, alcohol use, caffeine use, reference to man love, unintended exhibitionism, naked people, infidelity, reference to adultery, reference to other persecuted unacceptable sex (threesome), reference to possible non-consent and prostitution -whew the warning alone makes me want to read it again) If you have any allergies to these subjects, please take appropriate measures for your maturity level. Side effects may include but not be limited to: flaming of the author, Pm grouchiness, and unwanted hair growth.
Violins - Chapter 3
The older the violin, the sweeter the music.
Like tributes we marched up the path. Finn squeezes my hand. I sigh. This is not going to be pretty. He smiles at me and stops before we get to the gate. "Do you see what I do? I used to feel the same way before some of my worst appointments. No younglings in the yard, is a sign of danger, Katniss. The sharks have gathered."
"Those sharks are our children, Finn. And I for one, will not be treated like a child."
He yanks me into a rakish kiss, "Good luck with that, baby. I can smell the fire. They will barbeque us if they can."
"Finnick Odair, you are still a wimp." I smile at him and he knows I don't mean a word of it.
"It isn't wimpish not to want to do battle when you have just armed your opponent. What are we to say? We have not even done more, than get carried away with nostalgia ourselves." He says kissing my hand and letting his half lidded eyes speak volumes.
I sigh in satisfaction. To be in his arms again makes me feel like a girl. "They better mind who they talk to, Finn. Haymitch wasn't the only one to have a grumpy side and you have got me on the tipsy half of the boat."
He threw his head back and laughed rough and boisterous. "Aye, Mockingjay. But Yea both made the girl and she is a bit of a monster!"
We open the door to my daughter's house and look defiantly at the many faces greeting us with open accusation. "I feel so special children. Didn't know my techniques would be so interesting to you all." Finn stands, feet apart arms folded, still showing off powerful arms and keen eye. He has lost most of his capitol dialect over the years and his tone is softened into the cadence of the speech of fishermen.
My son-in-law, Nicky, stands up and puts his arm around Rue. "We can't imagine what the two of you were thinking with such behavior." His voice is so reasonable and full of disappointment that it felt like we'd been caught stealing from small children.
"We were thinking that we would like to say hello in a mutually enjoyable private way. Who knew we would be dealing with anyone else's opinion? How are the knocking lessons going?" Finn demands.
"Who knew that anyone would even care?" I say with a sarcastic gleam. Finn and I both chuckle at the adult children.
"You think this is Funny?" Rue silences us both.
" Yes, as a matter of fact." I say, eyes level on my daughter.
"I don't remember needing your approval for anything I decide to do Nicky? What difference does it make to any of…"
Rue cuts in. "It does make a difference when my mother arrives and is bare ass naked with you, within hours! How could either of you dirty the memory of Daddy and AnnieMa like that. They would both roll over in their graves. How dare you act like two foolish teens and be groping around in rut like that."
"The last time I checked young ma'am, your mother and I are adults and if we want to rut, make gooney eyes or announce our love with a sea chantey, it is our business. Our business alone." Finn says leaning forward eyes hard as emeralds.
"You seducing my mother is damned well my business. You have no idea how delicate she can be. I know what you're up to old man. I know what you used to be like. You know I do. Act as pathetically stupid as you like, but not with my mother." Rue screams at him.
"Rue, don't say that." I say calmly.
"Do you think this is all fun and games, Mother? Do you think he gives a crap about you? He never loved anything in his life, except for AnnieMa. He's going to hurt you and you don't need his kind of attention."
I take a step forward. "What kind of attention do you believe that to be, Rue?"
She glares at him. "The attention of a whore, Mother."
"Rue. Apologize at once." I say, face red, seeing the deep hurt in Finn's smile.
"Katniss. Just let it…" Finn's voice is low and deflated. His eyes are locked on Rue, so filled with pain, I can feel the pure hatred.
"Mother, You don't know him. You were all friends' way back in the day, but I know who you are dealing with. He is not who you think. Whatever he told you to get you in the sack, is just going to hurt you in the long run." The venom behind her words rocks me.
"Sweetheart. I am so very sorry that this came about the way it did, but I promise you. I am a big girl. Rue, Finn loves me and I love him. Please don't be afraid? I know what I am doing here." I can't help but smirk a little at my little girl being so protective and warning me of the dangers of having a physical relationship. I am pretty sure she has only been with her husband, Nicky. We sent her away before the boy from home got to her, hopefully. She has no idea that Finn and I are closer than we appear.
"Oh, so you check in to the hotel, go to the marina for a moment of meaningless humping with him and suddenly, you and he have made time to fall in love? Give me a break, you can't be that stupid!" She is so livid I look at her husband confused.
"Sweetheart, he didn't seduce me." I say with perplexity.
"Mother, you can be so inexperienced. Last week, you say he won't take your calls, but your solution is to show up here with the intent of being his slut? Because that is all he will ever see you as. The famous whore will use you and then he will tear your heart out. He thinks all women are sluts."
I slapped her. "How dare you. How dare any of you stick your little ignorant noses in things you know nothing about? None of you would be here. Not one of you. This man saved my life and…" I am so angry I want to do more than slap her. This is my daughter. My beautiful daughter, who I was pregnant with as we stormed Snow's mansion, the reason I threatened Haymitch to get him to stop drinking, the child I sung to as I rotted in prison. This is the precious girl I came home to Haymitch from the wilds for. She thinks she can speak to me, as if I have no right to the freedom I helped make in this world.
Rue holds her face. I have never struck her before and the loathing I see in her eyes is too big and vicious to comprehend. "We have heard that all our lives, Mother. He took a bullet for the great Mockingjay. He did something good a long time ago. So what. That isn't who he is now. Isn't who he's been for a long time. He's nothing to anyone now. We put up with his crap for AnnieMa. When she died. So did any obligation to Finnick Odair. I can tell you who he is now. He's a bitter old man and everyone hates him." She isn't looking at me, but him.
I turn and see his eyes focused hard on the floor. The boys are all looking around uncomfortable, as if they want to crawl under the floor. "How can you say that? Rue, Finn has been my friend for most of my life. He put his life into hopeless danger for me again and again. I didn't even know I was pregnant with you; he stayed in the tunnels, with the wild Mutts, knowing it was certain, gruesomely horrible death. We owe him every breath. You couldn't exist if he had not been there. You married his son. Saying something that hurtful to Finn, is just like saying it to me."
"You know mother, just because he gave you a little thrill for the first time in a million years, doesn't mean you know anything about him." She says chin high and looking down her nose at me.
"Well it certainly wasn't the first time." He blurts with malice.
"Finn!" I chastise.
"Oh dear jellyfish juice, I don't want to hear another word. Rue, if your mom and my dad want to sing a little ballad now and again, it is up to them. I don't want to know any more. I don't care and I damned sure don't want to know that they cheated on Mom. I can't deal with that shit. Do whatever you want old man. You always did." Finnick's youngest stands, makes his speech and walks out of the room. I hear the kitchen door slamming as Magnus exits the house.
I am watching this and I don't realize, until the front door slams, Finn has left.. "There he is. There is the man we know, Mother. Flying Finn is gone again." Rue gestures toward the door and says it in a mocking sing-song voice.
.
"Rue, I don't understand any of this. This is absolutely stupid. How can any of you be so cruel?" I say baffled.
"Did you cheat on Daddy? Did you two sneak around panting and thinking you got away with it? Wasn't it enough Daddy let you have PapaPeet? Did you have to be such a greedy bitch in heat, that you had to bring your dirt into AnnieMa's house too? Are any of my siblings Odairs, Mamma?" Each sentence is far more efficient in causing sting than my little slap. "You never deserved either one of them. Daddy and Peeta were too good, and too kind, to have ever been lied to like that. Maybe that horrible old whore was rocking you while…."
I don't hear more, because I stumble out the door. I can't be there while I am this angry and I have no idea how this small bit of embarrassment has turned into such a nasty argument. I had expected to say we were sorry, but then I had expected them to grin and be happy for us. I had expected a tongue in cheek lecture about his intentions or even a little sly teasing. I was not prepared for the bomb in my face.
I questioned how my actions could have led to this. I questioned if she was right. I always knew I didn't deserve Haymitch and Peeta. Maybe seeking comfort in Finn was somehow a betrayal to the memories of my husbands. But I honestly felt it was not. If Finnick Odair had not married his true love and I had gone to Haymitch and told him I wanted an affair with Finn, he probably would have seen to the arrangements himself. I did not see he or Peeta begrudging us seeking solace in each other now.
I get to the marina just in time to see Finnick at the controls, as his trawler pulls out from the docks into the shipping lanes. I take off in a run and scream for him to wait. I have not run anywhere in ten years and I am sucking air and near puking by the time I get to where his boat was docked. I jump up and down and wave my arms like crazy, but the evening light shines brilliantly at my back and I see that he never turns or hears my pleading cries.
I stand there, panic and exhaustion making my chest heave and I can't help but wonder if I have seen him for the last time. I bend to the railing wondering if he's gone to find Annie. I watch the boat get smaller, trying to figure out what to do. The voice from behind me says casually. "You know my Dad has always been that way. He has always been so full of darkness you could bait hooks with it. Did you and he cheat on my mother?"
I turn. My favorite one of Finn's sons, HayLee, named for Haymitch of course, stands there, green eyes appraising me from his mothers face. "Before everyone was married, yes. If you must know. Uncle Haymitch threw me away once. I was a war hero, because I didn't give a damned about what happened to me. Your Momma was just back from being tortured. Not all the way home yet. He and I have loved each other all these years, but not once did we act on it, once we took vows. The friendship was bigger and it endured all these years. A little comfort in each other was not too much to ask of you people. We may be old to you all, but we still have hearts. At least we did. We weren't hurting any of you. You all live your safe little happy lives and you don't know anything."
He sighed. "Won't help but, my two lines in the water if you want them, are in agreement with you." He squints, watching his father's boat bump the waves as he heads out to sea.
"You didn't speak up. Same as agreeing with them Haylee." I keep my voice calm.
"I don't disagree with them either. If you had done that to my mother it would have changed things in my eyes. Momma trusted you. I am hoping that she could. He is not what you think Aunt Kat. I didn't know you all had that kind of history, but I don't know if it matters. Dad is crazy as a bed bug. Only one who could ever soothe him was my mother." He says without any anger as if he's just stating facts.
I turn to him and laugh at him. "You think any victors made it out sane? Do you have any idea what my beloved first born just did to him back there? Do you really know what happened to him? And Haymitch? And your mother? You kids won't ever understand because you don't want to be bothered. Maybe your last chance to really know him and you guys stabbed him in the heart. Me too."
"There is more to the story Aunt Kat. I don't know what happened between Daddy and her after the wedding. Rue has had her guns out for him for a long time. Momma kept her in line, but she isn't here to calm Rue anymore. She's like Uncle Hay. I remember him you know." He leans up against the railing.
"What do you remember of him?" I ask, trying to keep the challenge and the sarcasm under control. There was no need to lash out at him. HayLee was eight or ten when Haymitch died.
"I remember his temper a time or two. He and Dad used to argue a lot. I remember him dancing with my mother. She didn't dance with anyone but Dad. But I remember them dancing in this twirling gliding way. They spun and spun and my mother's eyes were on him with this strange look. I always wondered about them, Aunt Kat." He asks, eyes turning to me in amusement.
"Yes. They did." I admit simply.
"So you and Dad. Him and Mom. Anyone else I should know about?"
"We don't have time to list all the permutations, Hay. You wouldn't believe some of them if I showed you the pictures." I tease.
"If that's true, I don't know how the lot of you had time to start a rebellion. Auntie Jo says things sometimes, but she also doesn't know her own kids these days." He shoots back. "How did my father become …what he was." He looks away, blushing.
"You mean a victor, a whore, a hero, husband, father, friend or broken?" I won't let him off the hook. I don't understand what has happened between him and his family, but Finn doesn't deserve to be treated like this.
He shakes his head but says nothing.
"They never told you why?" I ask seriously.
"He won't talk about it at all. Just stomps off. Momma pretended not to hear. We even rented historical footage. I saw you get shot, then Dad was there. He looked insane. Should have guessed what it meant. That was more than him just protecting the Mockingjay wasn't it?" He asks, just seeing and comprehending the whole picture.
"He thought I was dieing, HayLee. He blamed Haymitch." I say quietly.
"Because you got shot?"
"Because I was there at all. They wanted a martyr and at the time I was pretty determined to give them one. I thought it was all Haymitch could want of me. Your Daddy was …all I had at that moment in time. He gave me everything. His life, his kindness, his friendship. He made me live."
"I saw you do some other stuff. Brave things Aunt Kat. You were so brutal. A young woman like you would have scared the devilfish out of me. You looked like a rough-cut hellcat. Dad was shown with a lot of women. Hundreds. He looked just as crazy then. We saw your reaping. Uncle Hay drunk at it. We wondered if it was because you were called. We hear stuff about him. Even in school, people said stuff. Auntie Jo would tell us stuff without telling us stuff. I don't understand."
I study him finally turning my attention from the sea. "You are ashamed of him."
He shrugs. "Not exactly proud of it."
"You should be proud of it. Not many people would survive what he did to keep someone safe. If he said no, they would have killed everyone who ever spoke to him more than twice. It is what they did to Auntie Jo and Haymitch. Haymitch had it as bad as anyone ever. They tortured him to finally gain his cooperation. Tortured your Dad too, but mentally more than physically. They tortured everyone. You have never lived the constant fear we did. Finn and Hay kept it from happing to your Mom for long, but they paid for it. The price was almost his very soul HayLee. He was a hero long before he saved me. He saved a lot of people in ways you don't know. Any crazy he has left from those days, you should bow at his feet and thank him for not being a gibbering, drooling lunatic." I say wistfully aching for him.
I sit down on a fishing bench. Finn is out of sight now. I would have given anything to go with him. I wonder if he would have let me. "How can I talk to him?" I ask suddenly.
HayLee grins and he leads me aboard another vessel. The Captian and HayLee are obvious friends. Before long they are hailing the MockingJo.
"What do you need Broadie Blue, I am underway." Finnick says casually. His voice is clear and sounds like nothing is wrong.
"Where are you headed Finn." He asks.
"I am on the boat, where do you think I am headed?"
"No crew. You're not fishing and I have a little lady here who says she is going to start swimming if you don't get you sorry self back here."
"Tell her to go home. I am doing her a favor." The radio crackles.
I grab the microphone. "Finnick Odair, You are leaving me with the sharks?"
"Oh Katniss. Go home, baby."
"No. Dammit, come back here. I came to see you. I will go with you."
"I Love you, Katniss. But no."
"Finn? Do you still have my arrow?"
"Sure baby. Course I do."
"I am calling it in. Come back here for ten minutes. Just ten minutes." I plead reasonably, but my voice shakes. He may laugh and turn me down.
There is no response for almost a minute. I am afraid he will refuse. "I will if you want it, but it isn't going to change anything. Know that, before I get there."
"I will say what I have to say then you can do what you want with it." I say back immediately.
"No tricks." He says warily.
"No."
"Any of the kids there?"
"HayLee is. He helped me contact you. On this."
"Can you still swim baby?"
"Yes."
"Swim out alone."
"Are you kidding me?"
"Let you figure that one out. Be ready. ETA two Zulu minutes to port. This is Flying Finn on the MockingJo, I am clear."
"Finn? Finn are you still there?" I look at the two men who have listened to this exchange.
"He's turned it off. He says twenty minutes."
I let go of the microphone. "Do you think he will come back?"
"Said he would" The man says with a smile. "Now why do you want him to, is the question?"
"Because I am the Mockingjay and I am cranky. Thank your for your help. HayLee, this is my room key. Staying at the Anchorage, get my suitcase. Hurry."
"Aunt Kat. You can't mean to get on that rust bucket of his with him, do you? He could be gone for a month. What would I tell your daughter." HayLee says with horror.
"Tell her that we will be back when and If Finn decides. Tell her I love her and I hope she doesn't ever regret the things she says to people, because if she ever does, she will know how she shamed her father today."
"No. This is insanity. You can't."
"HayLee Odair. I may be older than tides, but I will get on that damned boat, with or without my things. Go, before I really do start swimming. Captain, have you a row boat?"
"Aye, but you better listen to the boy here. His sire is no company for a lady." He states carefully.
"Then we have no problem. I stopped being considered a lady, the day I took up with Haymitch Abernathy. I have no fear of Finnick Odair. He paid the toll on my life long ago. If I have to pay it back now, the forty happy years he handed me were a pretty good gift. If he makes shark bait of me, so be it. I owe him that much. Now, are we going to stand around here while he gets closer by the second, or should I just start swimming."
The captain looks at me then over my head to HayLee. He shakes his head and scratches his ear with obsessive habit. "I always wondered how you did it. How a little slip if a girl, started it all." He wipes his nose with his knuckle and laughs. "Guess I got a first hand glimpse. I will get the dingy ready."
"Just like now, Captain Blue, I always had help" I smile at him and wink.
"My sister in law is going to kill me." HayLee says but he takes off at a jog up the hill.
When Finnick's boat arrives, Captain Blue has us sitting on the edge of the shipping lane. Finn whips the wheel and cuts the engines. The huge boat looks like it is going to ram us sideways as the forecastle tilts ominously and a huge surge bounces us. It stops its drift just before bumping our little rowboat gently.
"Show off. Pulls crap like this all the time." Captain Blue says in resolved annoyance.
Finn leans over the side and I hand him the suitcase. "I told you no. No doesn't need a suitcase."
Hands on my hips, trying to balance, I yell back to him. "After we talk, you can throw me and it over the side if you want. But just in case you change your mind, I have it."
"Fine. Hope you don't mind wet stuff." Finn reaches over and grunts at the weight of my bag. It isn't that heavy, so I roll my eyes.
As I finally and gracelessly make it onto the deck, I lean over and tell Captain Blue thank you and he can go. He looks at Finnick. His face says he does not approve of this. "Stay there; she will be right back Broadie." Finn shouts down.
"No, I won't." I correct. I glare at him and wave him off. I paid him, so he listens to me and begins rowing back toward the docks.
"Do you think I won't dump you over the side, baby?" One eyebrow raises and there is mirth all over his face.
"I very much think you will. But you won't drive off and watch me drown." I say meeting his eyes with steady humor of my own.
"You will swim. You and your luggage. Now, what is it? Must be life or death, that you called that
old childish promise in." He is glaring now.
"Where ever you are going. I am going with you." I say as if I don't expect him to complain.
"That it, Mockingjay?" he has no reaction to my words.
"There is more. That is the big one."
"The answer is no. Have a nice swim Katniss." He lifts me up and though I can see the strain on him he heads to the edge of the boat. I lean into him and kiss him.
"One night Finn. You can make me swim tomorrow. Take me out to sea, no interruptions. Please?" I brush my lips against his.
I see the temptation smolder. His lips curl at the edges. "One last Goodbye?"
I nod as I slip out of his arms. "Anything you want. Last time, so anything."
I see his decision on his face before he says the words. "One night, Katniss. One."
I smile. "Ok. But if we can't get it all crammed into one night, I reserve the option of two. No reason to put that much pressure on us. We are old." I say seductively, pressing myself to him and sincerely amazed at how delicious he feels. I slip my arms down to his hips and pull him to me.
He looks at me, eyes soft with desire. "Might take me three nights to do everything I am thinking right now, baby. Why are you here Katniss? What do you think is going to happen? What do you expect of me?"
"Finnick Odair, I have loved you, as exactly who you are, for forty years. You made me feel alive once and you did it again today. I didn't care what anyone thought when I fell for Haymitch. I don't care what any of them think now. Finn, I am not asking for more than you can give. I never will. So. I don't expect anything. Right now, I am expecting to live a few of the secret little things that have passed through my mind over the years. Maybe, you will allow it. That's all I am asking at this moment, sweetheart." I couldn't hold his eyes as I said all of this, though I did try. Finnick Odair, still made me blush, all these years later.
He kisses me and I can't think of more than the feel of his lips and the way his hand feels like rough stone as it slips from my cheek to the back of my head as he deepens this kiss. Eyes locked to me, he pulls back and sighs. He quietly asks with scorching eyes and husky voice. "You have fantasized about me? Did you think of me as he was inside you, Katniss?"
I have said too much. It is hard to tell him the truth. "Sometimes. But, I never told either of them." My heart beats in my ears and I tremble slightly at this terrible admission. Shame is written on my face, but if that is what it takes for him to know how much he means to me, I will deal with the humiliation to please him.
"I am surprised by that Katniss. Once you fantasized about him, while you were with me?" He is searching for chinks in my words. He wants to believe me, but I don't think he does.
I grin, remembering how he'd said that would not offend him. My old teacher, wanted to be more than a surrogate lover. I relaxed realizing he needed to know the truth, right this minute. "Finn, you know you were the first man who really made me feel pretty. Like I could be really special and someone could want me. Really want me. We may have never stepped over the lines again, but I have made love to you, found gratification in your memory, so many times over the years it is embarrassing."
His head tilts as he hears this, pleased and mystified. "I never suspected that, baby. Even earlier, I expected you to push me away. There has not been a stray look between us for forty years. I am not the beauty I was once. I expected you to react with revulsion or at least call me a perverted old fool."
"So, I should have made you work harder and seduce me? You never did before. Games were never our game, Finn. Even when we were young, you being pretty had nothing to do with us. Nothing at all."
"You think you would have bothered with me if I had been ugly?" he asks as if the answer is obvious.
"I was ugly, and you bothered with me, Finnick." I say looking at him with no question that I was telling the truth.
He sighed deeply, and then he chuckled. He laughed like he had lost his grip on reality. He spread his arms and his head rolled back as he half screamed, half laughed.
"I wasn't that ugly, Finn." I complain giving him a little shove at his meanness.
He stops and yanks me to him hard and almost with anger. I can't quite hide the shock of watching his emotional roller coaster he has just ridden. Crazy as a bedbug, his son had said. He kisses me as if he owns me and I try to figure out what the next expressive earthquake will be. "Katniss, just because you were not painted and primped to capitol standards, didn't mean you were not the object of many men's desire."
I glance at him. "Did you ever? Did you ever think of me, or was I just one more that you tried to forget?" I say this directly to his chest. I don't want the answer as soon as it is out of my mouth. He had Annie and I could never compete with her ethereal perfection. It was a stupid question and I was an idiot for asking.
"Katniss. You're so dense." He whispers. He lifts my chin and waits for me to look at him. "I loved Annie with every fiber and every ounce of me. Like you loved them. But, you never left me. Not really. I have dreamed of you. I have known your kisses. The taste of you. The heat of you. The sound you make as I …."his breath is heavy on my neck, "…as I made you beg me for pleasure. We were all heat and passion and fun once. No strings and no responsibility. Love, purely for the sake of the others pleasure. Yet, I knew the day we said goodbye, that I had to be careful. I knew how tempting it was to have you again, even if it meant games. How did you guess my dreams, Katniss? "
"I don't understand Finn?" I say, wanting to stop talking and leave. I want to be away from all we know. I want to be alone with Finn.
He smiled wickedly and pointed to a spot on the deck. "Right there. You. On this boat, under the stars. That's the one that still keeps an old man in the sport of the young."
His words are polite, but the idea behind them is not. He has fantasized about me. I know my face lights up. "You mean you…thinking of me?"
"Yes. More often than you would believe. So habitually it could be called a sickness. Tortured by the thoughts lately. I could not speak to you any longer Katniss, for fear I would break down and beg you over the phone. If you had laughed at me? Even an old man can have his heart broken." His words are punctuated with kisses, feathery and sweet.
"I won't ever laugh at you. About that anyway. That one has to be first, Finnick. You and I under the stars. Then I want to hear the rest of them. I want to hear them all. We have to do them all. Please Finn. Anything." I nuzzle him, lost in the need of a long misplaced clandestine dream.
He searches my face, the eyes that match the distant sea are wide, as if I am trying to pull something on him. "You are saying yes? To anything I want? Surely you have learned that could endanger you? You don't make offers like that to strange men, Katniss. I am disappointed Haymitch didn't warn you of that peril long ago. Out here alone, there would be nobody to help you. What if I am crazy? You must not say things like that, baby. Not ever."
"You are not a stranger, Finn. Every breath I have taken for forty years, you gave me. Even my husband, you made him understand. My other husband, you would have let he and the mutts tear you to shreds to protect me. Forty years of friendship without once letting it be uncomfortable. My first Grandchild. It all revolves around you. If I can't trust you Finn. Then it never mattered. This was all a dream and I am really next to Gale Hawthorne, nothing but forgotten dust and bones."
"Katniss, you saved me as many times."
I smile at him and lean in to kiss him again. Just before our lips touch I whisper again, "Any. Thing."
He shakes his head and his jaw is set hard as his eyes blaze with things twisting and coiling in his mind. Silly man, who taught me the art of seduction, has become such easy prey.
"Better back out now, little Mockingjay. I am not turning the boat around again, even for you?" He picks me up and spins me once.
"Does this old tub move?" I challenge nodding out to sea.
He crawls quickly up the ladder to his controls. I follow. "Better hang on. The old tub might buck you off." He looks back toward shore. His expression hardens and he turns away.
There are faces back on shore who have watched this exchange. I am sure some of them are filled with fury. Finn turns over the engine and I grab hold of him as the acceleration sends me off balance. I wave to them, that all is fine, and grin. The wind on my face and Finn driving this thing like it's part of him, makes my spirit soar. I beam and kiss his cheek from behind, holding on for dear life as the boat begins leaping in the water. His footing is steady and sure, but I am pretty convinced I am going to be flying off the back any second. I scream from time to time as I learn to let my legs take the movement.
He leans back looking in my eyes and his anger at the gathering on shore, melts into a laugh of his own. "You are a crazy woman Katniss the Mockingjay." He shouts.
"I had a pretty good teacher!" I shout back.
Once we are out to sea, the choppy water is gone and the ride smoothes out. I finally let go of him. He turns around and smiles. "Time to learn how to drive this expression of grace and beauty." He names off the controls and lets me steer for a while. Basically, keeping my hands busy leaves his own free to roam. I like the way controlling the boat makes me feel powerful. I love the way his hands make me feel weak.
"Hey Finn? Before you get too distracted there, how do you bathe on the boat? I need to you know, freshen things up before the stars come out." I have just now realized I still smell of the train and our sweaty morning adventures.
He steps in front of me and adjusts things a little. "Follow me." He whispers.
"Wait, don't you have to drive?" I say afraid to leave the bridge, as he called it.
"I can drive and shower at the same time." His eyes dance.
"So me hanging on to the controls was not really necessary?"
"No, but it was very entertaining." He bounces his eyebrows at me.
He explains the workings of the shower and how we have to conserve water. I nod and wait for him to leave. He leans up against the counter and crosses his arms. "Take off your clothes for me Katniss." He whispers.
I stare at him for a moment. "Finn…I…"
He tilts his head and raises an eyebrow. "You said anything. The way I taught you will do fine." He waits, narrowing his eyes with expectation.
I know he's up to something, but I like his game, so I take my time and even though I am no longer too thin and too young, the appreciation in his eyes, makes me tingle. "Very nice, Katniss." He says, turning and leaving the small space.
The water is hot and I spend some time shaving things to capitol standards. I hear the engine cut off and a mechanical groaning noise from somewhere close. I hear him coming down the stairs and scramble for my cloths. They are gone. He sees me searching.
"Looking for cloths? Don't bother. I will let you know when you can have them back."
"You're going to keep me naked?" Disbelief is fighting amusement.
"Nothing but the stars to see you Katniss. Go up on deck and wait for me, I think you will know where." His eyes crinkle a bit. "My fantasy, baby. I have dreamed of getting out of the shower and you are just there. Nothing on, waiting."
I grin at him and nod. "Then tonight, I will be."
Up on deck, the stars are closer than I have ever seen them. There is no land. The whole world is blackness with sparkling lights. Nothing exists but this tiny boat in the vastness of all. I move around to the stern and in the place he'd pointed before, there are six hurricane candles surrounding a canvas-covered cushion. I peak under the canvas and see the huge net coiled under it. He has made us a little mattress here under the stars.
A bottle of wine and two glasses sit nearby along with snacks. I lay back, feeling like a terrible person yet too aroused to care. The candlelight dances on the canvas. Reflecting on my skin, it's giving me the illusion of beauty in its warm flicker.
He comes up the stairs slowly. He wears a matching outfit to me. I take in the sight of him, his hair is smoothed and his skin stretches over hard muscle. Any flaws I had imagined he would find looking at me, do not show on his expression. "My Katniss, at last." He sighs.
I lay back invitingly. He makes no move to join me, as if he's in no hurry though his body disagrees. He just stands there looking at me. "The stars, Finn. Are they always like this out here?" I look up and smile.
"No. They are never like this. Usually, I can see them."
I hope you liked this chapter. I loved the then and now dynamics – the kids being jerks – how she is the one desperately trying to save Finn and something is brewing.