The Mockingjay and the Albatross
Author: Howlynn
Realm: The Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins
Story Title: Tsunami
Summary: A sad farewell and an uncomfortable hello.
Character/Relationships: Katniss/Finnick. Prim, Rory, Rue, Johanna
Tsunami
Bonus material - warning, may contain any of the following ingredients –(old people, language. Spoilers, Sexual discussion, ghosts, sex, smexy lemons, smutty thoughts, sexual reference, sexual innuendo, reference to past violence, sadness, bondage, violence, dead characters being discussed, alcohol use, caffeine use, reference to man love, unintended exhibitionism, naked people, infidelity, torture, reference to adultery, reference to other persecuted unacceptable sex (threesome), reference to possible non-consent and prostitution -whew the warning alone makes me want to read it again) If you have any allergies to these subjects, please take appropriate measures for your maturity level. Side effects may include but not be limited to: flaming of the author, Pm grouchiness, and unwanted hair growth.
Tsunami
I could see the hovercraft with the medical symbol gliding just out of the harbor. Beneath it the Maudie Dog shuffled the water to its slogging grumble. Help. The most exhilarating word ever created. I come in hot, throttling down, spinning to starboard and literally backing the boat up to them, with such obvious disregard for safety that I could see the fear then anger in Captain Blue's face. I skimmed down the stairs went into the wheeling house and flipped the reverse thrusters on low to hold her steady. I left the engines idling in case I had to try again.
"Damned you Odair if this is some kind of joke you're going to need this Hover to get my boot oo'tat your ass!" Captain Blue jumped across just as I came out, off the wheeling house deck and slipped the rails onto the main deck. I landed with a thump a half second after Blue landed.
I pointed at the gore-covered body wedged against the net. "Oh holy Poseidon save us from yee gale and cur with pity. Friend of Fiend and water give us mercy. Sea to flesh and flesh to sea let us be bound in our …" He prayed as he bent to check on Finn for any sign of life. He signaled the lanyard arm to approach and it seemed to take forever to get to us. His face was hard as he rolled the broken thing covered in gore onto the Mechanism. I wanted to touch him but it would have frozen me in place and they were already giving a calm instruction loop warning not to touch the victim or the arm. This was emergency service; I would have to find my own way there.
"Who the hell was driving? No way it could've been you, sweetheart." He demands.
"It was me. There is nobody else." I say. "Is he…"
"I don't think it looks good. With who you are, you could make them transport you as well. You won't like what waits yea in harbor." He warns carefully.
I sigh. "No, I suppose I won't. I can't leave the MockingJo. You will have to help me do it right, but she did her best for me, I owe her."
"Buy golem he's made a seawitch of yea," Captain Blue said with approval. "I was fit to be tied when I saw her flying. Thought he was driving and pulling my leg. When she dipped and spun I was ready for a brawl. You learned that in a week did yea?"
"Aye, but twas mostly b'lucked," I say in the local accent.
He laughed. "You will want to be on your way I know, but the rip tide may cut yea. Hang starboard just follow me. No pushing. It will be hard to be in such close quarters with a girl this size. You will do fine. I warn you of this too. Your younglings have made a ill wind little seawitch with their dreggy business. We are infested with a horde of Abernathys and Hawthornes."
"My family is here? Why?"
"You're missing and Auntie Jo died," he says kindly.
"Oh no. Johanna Odair?"
"Aye. You may want to put on a bit of clothing as well. Though I fully approve of that." He looks me over and shrugs.
I look down and realize my clothes are tattered, bloody and wet. They don't leave much to the imagination. "I'm sorry, I was too busy dragging him out of the sea." I go to my bag and pull out a long black dress and simply pull it over. The hovercraft has headed toward land.
"Caught in a net?" He asks with appraising eye.
"Sort of." I sigh. "Caught on purpose, over by accident."
"How did you get him? You can't out swim a net."
I glare at him. "You can go down with them if you think fast. And you can live when their dead wife brings you back up." I expect to see disbelief on his face.
"Well. His odds are better, knowing that. I guess Annie Ma approves of you," He says without a hint of mirth.
"Yeah. Forty years ago I promised to take care of him. If I had done a better job of it, she might not have had to show up," I say watching the hovercraft lower out of sight.
I dock the MockingJo, hire two young men Captain Blue recommends to clean the deck and arrange for a haul out and paint job. It requires ten extra minutes past the docking. Getting past the cameras takes longer. I hire a car to take me to the hospital. As we drive by Rue's house Joesea is in the yard with at least ten other kids. My eyes lock on the child I now know to be Finnick's and I try not to weep. "Holy Poseidon save us from your gale and cur with pity," I repeat.
I go to the desk. He is in surgery and they hand me a stack of paperwork to fill out. I sit down in the long row of chairs. Then I decide to go up to administration. Hospital procedures are getting me no place.
After my ordeal, I don't look like myself, so the outer office personnel have no intent of letting this shoeless Gullah pass. "Mender Halpin you have only known me for about thirty years. I may be disheveled but it doesn't mean I won't raise geese and little chickens if this is how you treat me, just because I lost my shoes saving Finnick Odair. If I have to sit in the lobby filling out this mess, when the press gets here I will make sure that my mother has a good reason for swabbing the deck of the whole lot of you."
"Poseidon's pants, Miz Mellark, we thought you lost at sea. How? Never mind. She's in there. Your mother arrived last night." Her hand goes to the intercom and I put my hand over hers.
"I will surprise her." I grin.
I step around the desk and softly open the door. The woman is over seventy, too slim and slightly stooped, from years bent over patients and paperwork, but her mind is sharp and her ears as good as ever. "Have you an appointment. I am not here for administration duties." She says digging in a file and not even glimpsing away.
"I thought you might want to know that the reports of my sea adventures have been greatly exaggerated." I say quietly.
Her head whips up and she grins. "Well I wasn't worried. You haven't died on me once in all the times you have pretended to. You look like one of these nutty Island people. Is your insane sailor with you?"
"He's in surgery. I am not as certain if he plans on sticking around. Who else is here?" I say flopping into her soft couch with a thankful sigh.
"Are you ok, Katniss? You look like you have been fighting again. You are much too old for this sort of disarray now. They say you and Mr. Odair? What happened?" she asks finally turning her full attention to me.
I give her the shorter, less racy version. She doesn't hug me, or get sentimental, but her quick appraising fingers on my face, and on down to my ribs, neck, stomach and legs are just as heartfelt and soothing as any demonstration of mother-daughter affection.
"Katniss, the man was cracked forty years ago. He didn't improve with time. I know you have always been overly fond of him, but he is no dear Haymitch much less a Peeta. You must consider your position and your family. He was handsome once, but it doesn't make him worthy of you. Very idea of you jumping on his horrid little boat and taking off for who knows where. Your daughter is livid you know."
"I imagine she is. Mother I am going to warn you, this could get ugly. And he is as crazy as a bat in a bug farm, but I will stand with him, if he lives. He's My Finn now. Annie gave him to me."
"What on earth are you talking about? You can't be held to some death bed promise of a person who….Katniss, I know everyone loved her. I did too, as a matter of fact, but Annie was never quite playing with a full set of timber," She said sitting on her desk and fiddling with her necklace.
I grin exhausted. "Did you know he and I had an affair back in thirteen?"
Her mouth set with disapproval. "I heard rumors of course. But you were madly in love with dear Haymitch and I dismissed them as gossip." Since he died, she had never once referred to Haymitch without prefacing his name with dear.
"Dear Haymitch would have never been, if Finnick had not stepped in. The Horde would never have existed and I would be nothing but an old film clip for Prim to show her children how her sister died trying to change the world. Do you remember when I went to District 2, became a war hero?" I asked her directly.
She sighed. "I am not going to like this story, am I?"
"Not much." I reached out and took her hand. "But I don't know anyone else who I can tell it to. I need your help."
Tears filled her eyes. "You haven't said that to me in forty-eight years. Since your father…"
"Maybe not, mother, but this is too much and I am too tired not to admit it now." I told my mother a much less edited version. She was a physician above all else and her face stayed neutral for my tale of woe. I explained the situation of Rue and that some of her great-grandchildren had come to be thanks to the man she felt had the mental capacity of an octopus. She didn't blink or rage at the news.
"If you had any instinct for self-preservation, you would have cut your losses when he fell over the side. I can't believe Annie knew of you and yet called you friend until she died. I did not approve of dear Haymitch, but you and he did transform each other. This is not the same. Finnick will drag you down. He will be nothing but an Albatross around your neck. He is not of your caliper Katniss. I would think that him sleeping with your daughter would have some bearing on your feelings even if what he said were factual. You must consider how Rue will feel. She is part of you. He is just a sad old man who you knew a long time ago. Do not mistake your sentimental memory for love. As far as his being the sperm donor to her children, it doesn't matter to me. But it should matter to you." She states with her normal logic and simple words.
"It does matter. I raised a monster," I said softly.
She crosses her arms. "Did you? Have you ever watched what they used to show us? The Mockingjay feeds? Have you ever wondered how they affected me? I have spent my life healing people and you spent yours making flesh stop functioning. I do not judge that you did wrong for the good of society Katniss, but the things you are capable of are monstrous to my purpose. You didn't outgrow it after the games. You never put it away. What was it, eight years ago, that you threw a knife at Peeta's attacker and made headlines again? I am a healer and my daughter is a famous killer. You are fifty-seven years old and you have found another scrap. Perhaps I raised a monster?"
"I suppose you did." I say finally once and for all understanding the vast mountains she and I had placed between her and myself. "Did I disappoint you mother? You know I have never lost the wish that I had not been the victor of the 74th. If it were not for Haymitch, it wouldn't have been worth winning. Knowing you like to kill is not easy to live with," I state keeping my eyes on the floor.
"Did you know that I understand that? Nobody is a Doctor for long that they don't end up killing. Occasionally it is error. But usually is kindness. People think we are heartless, because we stay cool in the face of horror. Detached. Like you become when you kill? Preserving life to all costs is not my only purpose. To relieve suffering while preserving life as long as life exists. I like knowing I give peace to those who seek it. Just as you like knowing you save a thousand by ending one. Which of us is the monster?"
My eyes lock on her. "You are not a monster. You never have been. That leaves me."
"How do we set our rules to judge that? Should we go by numbers? If you look at the data, you would lose. By numbers alone, let me assure you, I win. Back to Rue, You slept with someone a long time ago, who should have never allowed you to continue any hope of the marriage you went on to enjoy. I have also been aware for some time that your second husband is not only the father of your youngest. You bore him three children. Did dear Haymitch know?"
"He set it up. He feared Peeta would be too great of a temptation as time went on. The day of our wedding, he made the offer of compromise, provided we followed his rules. Actually it was much more complex than that. Do you know what happened to Finn? What was done to him?"
"The sexual slavery? Of course. But that is not relevant to…"
"You detested Haymitch at first. Why?" I watch her give her attention to something on her monitor. I feel annoyed she feels the need to do other things to deal with this conversation.
"He was a little snot nosed jerk. Then he went to the games and let my friend die and when he came back, he and your father still remained friends. He was nothing but a party boy then. He and his capital women, nobody from home good enough. I hated that he had seduced you. I was not kidding about poisoning him, you know." She grinned.
"I warned him not to let you feed him so much as a cup of tea. Mom, He and Finn went through the same thing. Johanna, Annie, Chaff, all of them. Every one. For twenty five years, he was raped; beaten, humiliated, and not one person from home had any sympathy or understanding. He used to do this thing for the victors. He taught them to survive that life. He shared his experience and he loved them all. He loved Finn and Annie before me. Finn never thought of him as a rival, because he had been the very key to them having any life at all. He knew Finn was like that for me. He kept me alive and Haymitch, more than anyone maybe appreciated that Finn bothered with me at that time. Not many people saw more than that painted version of me. He and Johanna were the only ones who really knew what that whole fake persona had done to me. Haymitch and Annie never feared Finn and I because Finnick was basically a life raft for me. She and I promised to watch over each other's husbands, if we were not around. If I had died, I knew both Finn and Annie would love him enough to help him survive."
I went to my mother's bar and poured us both a drink of her brandy. It was too sweet for my liking, but it was all she had. She sipped hers and I slugged mine down and poured more.
"The only reason Peeta and I did not meet the same fate as they did, was because Haymitch risk all to prevent it. But it took Finnick to make him see that anyone could love him back. Finn knew what I was up to out there during the war. He was my reason to go on, just one more day. He wasn't yelling at President Snow when I got shot. He was yelling at Haymitch. For almost forty years we have been friends and never passed a stray look. But the ones we loved more than each other are gone now. There will be complications. I have no intent to be his wife, but he is mine and I am his. There is no debate. I may not have him long, but that isn't the question."
"If you have made your decision, then what do you need from me?"
"I need help with Rue. I won't be blackmailed by my own child."
"Good luck with that, you would be the first parent to avoid it."
"I never blackmailed you?"
"Didn't you? You blackmailed me into living again. You blackmailed me into not poisoning dear Haymitch. Her actions are abhorrent, but you have yet to even hear her side…." She lifted the ear piece of her flashing phone, holding up her hand to me.
"Yes. I know. Actually they are here, he is in surgery. It is very serious; I have been monitoring it for the last twenty minutes actually. He has several issues, three of which could lead to his immediate expiration. Do you have your medical card with you? Here I am linking you. They are doing all they can. She is sitting here now. Do I ever make jokes?"
"Prim, she is fine. Her minor injuries seem to have been sustained from her propensity to fisticuff rather than from accident. Well, put two victors on a boat and what do you suppose will occur. Yes. Here she is."
She hands me the phone. "Katniss are you ok? Really?"
I closed my eyes at her voice. "Prim. I am fine sweetie, just worried about Finn-o."
"You're on TV again."
Well I can't clip my toenails that there isn't a fuss, nothing new. Where are you?"
"I am at the hotel. I am headed over there. Do you need anything?" I can think of a list of things I need and not one of them can be handed to me. She waits for me to reply.
"Yes, bring me something to wear and face cake. My frosting is a bit wilted" I finally think of something tangible to ask for.
"Well, I hope you don't look as bad as him. I doubt they can save his feet at all."
"He does look a mess. What do you mean they may not be able to save his feet?"
"Well it isn't the only issue Katniss. His head injury is life threatening, he has fluid in his lungs and his has lost blood volume to the point of no pressure. Every moment is touch and go. They had to get enough fluid into him to even try surgery and I see spinal damage on this monitor. His feet are not even a concern, yet, but basically they are going to have to make a decision quickly. His skin was pulled down like a sock Katniss, tissue death is occurring as we speak."
"Is your husband here?" I don't want him to wake up with no feet. I mean it isn't vanity, he could lose one, but he could never fish again if he lost both. "If he loses his feet they may as well let him go Prim. If he can't fish, he won't live. He will find a way to escape. Trust me."
"Do you want Rory to scrub in?" She asks.
" Of course he should. Please." I will hold it together. I will not focus on him permanently damaged.
"You know he can't make any guarantees. Have mom send him Op clearance, and I will link him up. He was on his card just an hour ago. Katniss I am so sorry about Johanna, you know I thought the world of her. You are sure you are ok?"
"I know. Thanks, I loved her too. Finn will be devastated. If he doesn't take off with her. Yes. Ok see you in a few." I hand my mother back her earpiece.
"You have been watching his surgery? Why didn't you tell me?" Now I know what has been stealing her attention and I don't mind it so much.
"Because you don't do well watching things be put back together. If there had been anything of consequence I would have let you know. I am also monitoring you, my dear," She said sweetly.
"I think I will live." I say walking around to see what she's looking at. I wish I hadn't. She is sending the medical link to Dr. Rory Hawthorn, somewhere in this hospital. Finn is a mess of drapes and gore. He doesn't look human.
"Ok. Rory will be there in a few minutes."
"Thanks." I can't watch any more. I take my place back on the couch and close my eyes. "So what do I do about Rue?"
"I would do nothing this moment. If Captain Fantastic does not survive, you have no need to explain anything to each other."
"How do I forgive her, either way? I am so angry at her for hurting him."
"You said he forgave her? It isn't your place to do more than love her. You will have to let her lead the way. I hope it doesn't take her forty years to come to you."
I laughed. "It might. She is as stubborn as Hay ever was."
"Then you have hope. I just hope she isn't as stubborn as you." She is smiling, but her words are hurtfully true.
I didn't realize I was asleep until Prim was stroking my face. I woke up like I always do, fighting the urge to kill something when startled. "What the hell… Oh Prim." I relax and smile. "Tuck your shirt in."
"It's my lab coat, and I never tuck it in. Katniss. He made it through surgery. Finn is alive for the moment. The next three days will be critical, but he's still here for the moment."
"How long did I sleep?" I sit up groggy but wrapping my arms around Prim.
"Long enough to need a shower. You smell. Get a shower and I will take you to him. I brought you some things." She says.
I fly. His head is covered in gauze, there are tubes wound into every orifice and out some new ones. Machines pump his lungs in and out with a strange offbeat pulse. His eyelashes and his fingers are the only part of him that confirms he is Finnick Odair. He's as beautiful as ever. I sit down and everyone else fades. I lift his hand and I begin to talk to him.
"He probably won't hear you," Prim says after a while.
"Thank you Prim, but he will hear me. He may not hear it all, but he will hear me," I say softly.
"Ok well, I have a few things to do. How long will you be?" she asks sweetly.
"Until he decides," I say softly.
"You can't try to stay here Katniss. It could be weeks before he opens his eyes," Prim says cautiously.
"Then you will have no trouble keeping track of me," I say bending to him and kissing his fingers.
"Johanna's funeral is tomorrow. They have asked that you speak?"
"Then I will speak. But this is my place for now. I don't have anything to wear. Tell my daughter to bring me something."
"Which one? Everyone is here, Katniss."
"Rue. Tell her to come."
"Do you mind me asking? When did you suddenly fall in love with him?" She asks hugging me from behind.
"Which time?" I say with a smile. "In love means different things to different people. He fell into my heart early this morning. But the first time I loved him a little was when he decided not to let Peeta die in the Quell. He just grew on me. He's been doing it for forty years. Not exactly sudden."
"I remember him in the hospital. I had such a crush on him then." She smiles.
"I never did. Not ever. He was always deep water for me."
Prim finally decides she won't be able to talk me into reason. I speak calm and soft to him. I tell Finnick Odair that he's free to go if he wants. I tell him how hard his road will be if he stays. The only reason I have for him to fight is that I need him. I tell him about our week, the good and the bad. I tell him that I am only worth staying for, if he thinks I am.
Late in the evening, another visitor walks in. I don't turn, I know who it is. She carefully sets the suitcase she's brought down.
"Hello, sweetheart," I say casually.
"I hope he dies," She says coolly.
I sigh. "No you don't."
"Oh mother. Don't pretend to think you know anything about me," She dismisses.
"It's a deal. But, don't pretend that I am foolish either."
"Then stop acting like a fool. He's not worth it, trust me," She says in a snobby huff.
I stand and I face her. "You better hope he lives. I love you no matter where the truth settles, but only he can forgive you."
"If you think his forgiveness means anything to me, you are a fool. He doesn't have anything to live for. I hope he rots in hell," She says to the figure in the bed. She turns to look at me and her eyes narrow. "He deserves to."
"You don't mean that," I say tilting my head and smiling a little.
"Then you underestimate me." She smiles back.
"Do I? Or do you underestimate yourself?"
She glares. "See you at the funeral tomorrow. Too bad we can't make it a double." She doesn't even look around as she clacks her high heels up the hall.
Finnick spent the night breathing. I don't know if he did any more, but that alone was all I asked for. They checked him constantly. There was a great deal of blood in his urine, but they said it was expected. Prim brought me breakfast.
"You know the press is going wild. You really should make an appearance. They are drumming up all sorts of wild stories," She says.
"I will be appearing. At the funeral."
"Have you written down what you will say? About Johanna?"
"I don't have to write it down. She was crazy."
Crazy.
I thought back to the day I came back from capturing Snow. Johanna had washed out for squad 451. I felt naked without her. She was a better fighter than me. She was supposed to have my back. Jo was the one I trusted. I came back and had to face her. Haymitch offered to tell her for me. Finnick wanted to go with me. But I had to do it.
I walked in the door and she yelled at me. "You got one of them killed didn't you? Which one. Gale or Finnick."
"Gale. I'm sorry."
"Should have left you on that tarmac. Some Mockingjay. How?" she demanded.
"He landed on a pod as we dropped in. There were little exploding robots that attached themselves then detonated. It was bad luck. Boggs too."
"It's all over television how you ended the war. Not fucking fair. Everybody get their happy ending but me. You were stupid to give him up. He was worth ten of you, Brainless," Johanna says.
"He was worth twenty of you and I combined on a good day. I didn't give him up you stupid twit. He fell in love with you and never looked at me again. He believed I was with Haymitch because he wanted to believe it. He wanted you."
"You don't believe that. I don't need your mocking Jaybird. Everyone else might buy your sweet little innocent routine, but not me. You're no better than me. You're a drunk just like your mentor. You let people down. Peeta then Haymitch and now you let down Gale. You let down everyone."
I stood there and looked at her. "No. I just let down you. I failed you." I feel the tears that just keep demanding my vision, take over.
"Are you crying you little selfish ditz? You don't get to fucking cry. You don't have any right to cry. You broke his heart and then let him die. I get to cry. It's my fucking turn. I hate you. It's always about you." She rares back and punches me. It made me bite my tongue. My mouth filled with blood. I spit it out.
She watches me. I just look at her. "What's the matter with you?" She screams and hits me again. It spins me around but I stand again.
She doesn't wait. She hits me over and over and I keep standing up for more. "Fight Back, Brainless!"
"No. Do your worst. Feels good and I deserve it," I say just like this happens every day.
"You are crazy. Bat shit crazy." She looks at me; she's so lost and alone.
"Been said." I swallow and look up at her. " He loved you." I don't know why I feel the need to tell her this.
"Did he say that?" She demands.
"Didn't have to." I look at the ceiling trying not to cry. "Man's last words tell me. He said 'Tell Jo…' He didn't say what. He couldn't, but I don't think it was to tell you thanks for a fun ride. Last words Jo. What do you think?"
She slams into me again, only this time she is pulling me down to the floor, crying. I sink to the floor with her and I hold her sitting cross-legged and rocking her. She blew her nose on my shirt. Jo shoves me away and says, "Get out of here, brainless. You ever tell anyone I cried, I will kick your ass. Again."
I stand up too. I think she broke a rib. I winked my good eye at her. "Good luck with that twit. Next time, I'll be hitting back."
"Finn's Ok?"
"He's good. I'm getting married. I think I'm pregnant." I blurt.
Her eyes widen. "Any idea who the father is? Are we going to hear the pitter-thumps of little alcoholics?"
I shrug. "Not a clue. Don't worry, I'll narrow it down. Least it isn't you."
"Yeah, I don't remember being that drunk." Johanna raises one eyebrow.
I shake my head and smile, "I meant at least you're not knocked-up. Getting hitched in two weeks. You got my back?"
"I messed up your face for your wedding," she says and smirks.
"I messed up your whole life. We still good?"
"You let me blow my nose on you." She smirks wider.
"You let me bleed on you. Snot washes out better than blood."
She shrugs and she looks at me with sympathy, a little. "Guess I'll be there then. Are you ok? About Gale I mean?"
I put on my perfect Haymitch mask. "Do I look ok, sweetheart."
I got back to our room and Haymitch bursts out laughing. "I see you and Johanna had a nice visit?"
"She's my friend. I think she could use some company, Hay."
He blinked at me. "What are you trying to say, Katniss?"
I only looked at him for a second. "Exactly what you think I am trying to say."
"We are going to be married," he says face darkening.
"Yes. But we aren't right this minute. She's my friend. She saved Finn and I. Time somebody saves her a little," I say, heading to the shower.
"Katniss. There is nothing on this earth I love more than you. Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. Of both things." I turned on the hot water and crawled in the tiny tub. I cried.
My Gale would never hunt again. Johanna would never see him again and neither of us could be completely sane without him. I stared at the wall, no tears, no ability to understand where he is right now. I wasn't sure it was all worth it. I killed him. He loved me and I broke his heart and killed him. He loved me. He loved her. He loved. Past.
He had loved us both, just like I could love Haymitch, Peeta and Finnick and still be heartbroken over Gale. I even love Johanna more than I can explain. Each is different. Each meant life is worth something, and each one of them gave me my life in some way.
Love is not a thing to withhold or remove just because you find more. Johanna couldn't play in her storm anymore and I might not surf, but love is bigger if it is true. Love is tsunami. It will rage.