Everyone I need you to read the chapters She's Putting In Your Fatass Hands and Since When Were You A Damn Marshmallow? Over again! It's crucial! I totally fixed it all up, and I added a new little character that is sort of important. I hope you like my changes!
Edward POV (Platt)
Today's the day. Today is the last day my mother would be Esme Platt Evenson. Evenson for my dead father, Charles', last name. Today she would be Esme Cullen. Oh god I need a shot.
"Ok, everyone got their sunglasses? Everyone have their bouquets?" Aunt Liz asked. WE all nodded.
"Ok all clear! Let me go tell Esme and Carlisle the plan" She grinned. We all grinned back and I turned to my girl.
"Oh you don't need these" I said and took her shades off her face and threw them in the bush.
"Edward! Those were a gift!" She said angrily. Oh a gift, big whoop.
"From who?" I asked. She hesitated and I paled. She's got to be kidding.
"You serious? See, you know see why I have to throw them out! Besides, you know since I'm amazing and all, I got you new shades" I smiled. What boyfriend gets their girlfriends gifts? Only amazing ones!
"Really? Please enlighten me" She smiled sarcastically. I rolled my eyes and reached into my booby pocket and took out the shades.
"They're exactly like mine, but the map is a different mapping and the color is blue. I love blue on you" I smiled and handed them to her. She gasped and looked on the inside. She smiled and literally tackled me.
"Aw babe," I wined as I caught her. She wrapped her legs around my waist and gave me a big kiss. I stumbled backwards and she hopped off.
"Well hello there" I said stunned. She giggled and Carly walked in.
"Ok I got the plan. No wonder you guys wanted it to be a secret! We have three other numbers why did you not tell us about this one?" Carly asked.
"Because, I don't know" Aunt Liz shrugged. Oh the randomness.
"Alright, well go ahead and start we're a few minutes late" Carly said and checked his watch. We nodded.
The ceremony stuff was going to be outside and the aisle had white rose petals on the gravel floor. There were trees with lights wrapped on them and there were white wood trees. It was a five-thirty wedding and the alter we were making was a little stage thing with roses making a rectangle arch. It's super sad that I know this shit.
"Ok is everyone out there?" Sean asked and peeked out over this bush carved into this retarded shape and in this huge pot.
"Yeah they look pretty calm, they're just waiting for this thing to start" Jasper answered and looked out from behind him. I swallowed.
"I'm playing the music….now!" Aunt Liz smiled. She sent out Emmett and Trevor with their wedding flyers. It was like a playbill. But wedding style. I didn't get any of that.
The music started and we all got in place. The guests looked behind them and I could see a clump of my friends smirking at me. I glared and flipped them off. What'd they do? Flip me off. Such a wonderful brotherhood we have.
Trevor and Emmett threw their invites and did that stupid arm thingy while strutting down. Then Trevor hopped from side to side like a freaking penguin and Emmet spun. Like the goober he is. After they were done with that they strutted down and Emmett spun again. The guests clapped and Frankie and Cassidey went down the aisle.
They strutted down and stomped like little toddlers. Then they did the one foot in front of the other and did the hand motion. When they did the hip thrusting the guests blushed and m friends and the team busted out laughing and couldn't stop. They danced down the aisle and the guests were smiling. Yup, we were amazing! See I said it the right way too!
Now it was Ryan. He did the side to side thing in the beginning with his back facing them and then turned around and danced like hop danced thing and went from side to side. Then he strutted to the middle and then he bent down and his ciggy fell. I picked up yelling, "Shit!" and then his hand stand and walked like that. He then strutted down the aisle to his place. The girls and Emmett and Trevor were still dancing in their spots next to the alter thing.
Now Caitlin and Justin. Justin just spun around and danced and Caitlin did a stupid 80s, 70s thing and I wanted to yell, "Groovy!" at them so badly. It was so tempting. Like how a person on a diet sees a piece of carrot cake and won't eat it but so badly wants to. They got to the alter and danced in their spot.
It was James and Josh now. James did they squat and chicken wing dance yelling, "KFC!" and Josh strutted then did a funny robot thing. He did this techno dance going backwards and did this step-touch and then danced-sprint down the aisle.
Victoria and Sean went next with this bounce arms and toe-touch each step thingy. While Vic did that Sean pumped his arms and went side to side. Victoria switched to doing a fun bounce spinney thingy and they bounced down the aisle pumping their arms. The girls lost a lot of petals from their bouquets.
Now Brianna and Victoria. Victoria jumped two steps and then took Bri's arm and spun her forward and Bri did that with Victoria and they did that down the aisle laughing and giggling. It was cute.
Jordynn and Sean did this step forward and this boxer move like 'Imma punch you in the face nigga!'. (A/N no offense to anyone! It was just for the comical reasons and for Edward's POV. I mean no harm or to offend anyone) They did that down the aisle.
Alice and Jasper were up now. Jasper took her by her waist and they spun around. He didn't fall-thank god- and hopefully I won't too when Bella and I go down.
Emmett and Rose went next and Rose shimmied her way down and Emmett did the thing there you take your ankle and pop it out while nodding your head up and down. It was funny.
Trevor and Rochelle did the moon walk and at the end they shimmied their hips. It was ok I guess. I couldn't wait to do my dance! I was so excited! We changed ours since we have two more couples going down the aisle this time. Terry, Aunt Liz, Ed, and Terry's husband, Peter.
Victoria and James were going sideways and did the sun is shining move. It was cute for thirteen year olds.
Josh did this greaser puff the collar out thingy mabobber and did this swimming move where you make the sun is shining move. Brianna did the Jump On It jump part. It was funny. I was laughing my ass off.
Carter and Cassidey went. They changed theirs. Carter ran and did a back flip-on the hard ground mind you- and Cassidey did a spit at the end with was difficult in her dress.
Sean and Jordynn went again. Sean did this karaoke step and Jordynn did the thing where you click your heels in the air.
Aunt Liz and her partner salsa danced down the aisle and she did a big dip at the end.
Terry and her husband just danced a little jive down the aisle and now it was Bella and me. I grinned. We changed ours.
Bella hopped on my back and we pumped our fists in the air like freaking Pauly D and JWOW. I also spun the whole way. I didn't fall, yay! I was dizzy though. My friends grinned and recorded with a Flip video or a camcorder or some shit. They all gave me thumbs up and other stupid gestures. I stuck my tongue out and did the thing where you bump your fists together twice and on the end of the second you make them go BOOM! It was a secret way of saying, 'Fuck you'.
Since we were the last couple we stopped at the end and we ran back. The girls and guys from their spots on the alter around the guests and to the back. We went to the front and everybody lined up in rows of two in single file. Everyone did this side to side toe-touch thing and at the middle of the aisle we broke apart and made out own aisle way. Carlisle did a somersault down our make-shift aisle and danced down the aisle. The guests and crowed of a billion people cheered.
I swear, did they invite all of Forks and Port Angeles put together? Anyway, once he got to the middle he fixed his tie. He danced back to us and then led to the way to the alter. The front and middle did a side to side toe-touch and the back did the sun is shining shit. Emmett was at the back hopping on foot to foot spinning around, pointing circles in the air like a little kid.
And that ladies and gentlemen, is my older brother. Once we got to the alter we all froze and did slow motion as she song got slower. We looked like little worms. Ew! The crowd hadn't stopped clapping yet. It was funny.
While we looked like worms, Terry's son, Eric, was our little ring bearer and Mom's best friend, Karyn, her daughter Kristin was our flower girl. It was adorable how Kristin chucked the petals at the ground and it was adorable how they skipped holding hands. Hey, I had a thing for kids. I grinned when I saw my little Kayla come down the aisle behind them and she put a few petals on the ground occasionally. She just smiled gummily. It was adorable.
Now my mommy came. I smiled at her and ran down the aisle. We held hands and bounced down the aisle as we fist pumped and her bouquet lost petals. Well that just sucks doesn't it? We did a spin and Carlisle met us halfway.
I grudgingly handed my mommy to him and danced down the aisle to stand by him next to the minister. They walked down and someone cut the music. Mom kissed my cheek and whispered, "Thank you so much" and I nodded and went back to my spot at the altar.
"Go Ed! Yeah boy yeah!" The boys rooted and the crowed clapped and smiled at us. We were all panting and smiling. Mom handed Bella her bouquet and this shin-dig got started. My siblings and I slid up our sunglasses and watched with bare eyes.
"Ok on a serious note now. But that was the most amazing wedding entrance I've seen. Well, dearly beloved we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony. Now who gives this woman to this man?" Minister Webber, Bella's best friend, Angela's dad, asked with a smile. I cleared my throat and jumped off the altar block landing next to Emmett.
"I do, her son" I said and didn't have it in me to smile. As much I don't want to admit, this wasn't easy for me. I stepped back up onto the altar and the Minister Webber began. He said some pretty confusing stuff, and I didn't get any of it. The girls were getting teary, and passing around tissues. My bros and I didn't get any of it, and didn't know why they were crying but oh well.
"Now the bride and groom will say their vows. The vows you exchange are the verbal representation of your love" Minister Webber smiled. Oh god.
"Carlisle, you make sure there's a smile on my face, food in my tummy, and love in my heart. You're my best friend, my first love, and I can't imagine anyone else giving me the love, laughter, and kindness like you. I know there are some things you wish I wouldn't do, do differently, or try-even though there isn't something out there I haven't- and you're the one who makes sure I keep my promises. I promise not to go to bed upset, I promise I like watching sports with you, and I promise buying that new car was a great idea. I promise to cheer for your baseball team, and cheering for your favorite super bowl team-even if it means cheering for the Packers. I promise to not re-do dishes after someone washes them, and I promise to not let my OCD get out of control. I promise to always keep humor in our wonderful memories, and I promise to never let you go. I will always be there for you and love you with all my heart. I love you my little Carly" Mom smiled. Someone gag me with a fork! This is a little too mushy for me. Even for me! Bleh.
"Esme, I will always love and support you. You were my love in high school, and will be my love now. I can't imagine my life without you. I do the things you don't appreciate to protect and cherish you. I promise to love and cherish you, as I do our children. I promise to always love you as much as I love my debit card and not hold your expensive and nice fashion sense against you. I promise to always put the toilet seat down. I promise to always make it to your art festival competitions. I promise to always be there for you. I love you my little Essie" He smiled. Ok, someone was obviously trying to hard to be funny.
"Esme, place this ring on Carlisle's finger" Webber said. Esme got the ring from Eric, and slid it onto Carly's finger.
" Now please repeat after me" Webs said, "I Esme"
"I Esme" Mom repeated.
"Take you Carlisle to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, and in sickness and in health to love and to cherish as love as we both shall live" Mom smiled and repeated all the things Webber said. Mom started crying. Aw, Mom!
"Now Carlisle, repeat after me" Webs said, "I Carlisle"
"Wait, one moment" Carly said. I saw red. Is he fucking kidding me? He waved his arm to me and my bros and I was just staring, pretty pissed off.
"What?" I asked pissed off, but also sort of lost. What the fuck does he want? We all went to huddle by him and he asked us one stupid question.
"Am I ready to make this commitment? I mean, this is permanent" He asked. I punched his gut. Our guests laughed and Carlisle asked again. He winked at me so I knew he was joking. Duh!
"Well, Carly-" I said in a masculine tone but Mom cut me off.
"He does" She butted in, "Carlisle, sweetheart, please repeat the minister's words" She giggled. Carly sent us off and we got back in our places and he just laughed at Mom. Poor Ma can't catch a break!
"Carlisle, repeat after me" Web chuckled. Yeah I'll show you something to chuckle about buddy!
"I Carlisle, take you Esme to be wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickeness and in health, to love and to cherish as we both shall live" Carly smiled and repeated Minister Webber. There you go.
"I now pronounce you husband and wife. Carlisle, you may kiss your bride" Minister Webber chuckled. Carlisle kissed Mom and they got a little hanky panky going on. I wolf whistled.
"Dr. Cullen, are you really making us watch you make out with my best friend's mom?" Jacob called form the audience. Thank you lord!
"Thank you lord! Oh thank you! I will never have to see that again!" I yelled in a cry and knelt down to the floor in happiness. That was plain out nasty! I mean they were tonguing in front of me! Ewe!
"Oh shut up" Mom giggled and hit me with her bouquet. Ok, can somebody say, owe?
Mom and Carly ran down the aisle and the music started. We were going to dance our way down the aisle. Trevor and Emmett did their move they did in the beginning of the wedding and then the crowd clapped again.
Frankie and Cassidey strut down the aisle and spun then did that thrust motion and then kicked super high in that dress. How the fucks do they do that shit? Then they ballet twirled and did the thrusting again.
Emmett went backwards and looked like a freaking monkey. He spun and then jumped like a secret agent on Club Penguin. He jumped from one side of the aisle to the next and the guests were laughing, and clapping and cheering. It was ahamzing! He then at the end jumped onto his hands like a hand stand but no! He jumped onto his feet back and forth and it looked so cool! He shimmied his shoulders down at the end and ran off towards the gardens like the others.
James and Josh spun down the aisle like Victoria and Brianna did and at the end and then Bella jumped onto me and we did our little number down the aisle and into the garden. I saw my siblings and aunts and my fucked up godfather dance down the aisle like they did in the beginning but with no slow motion. Minister Webber even did a little boogie. Look out Forks, here comes the dancing minister!
Bella and I were last. Ok Edward you prepared for this! I theatrically cracked my knuckles and neck. Everyone made an aisle way like we did for Carly, and I somersaulted down. I stood up and cart wheeled and everyone rooted for me. After my cartwheel I did a double back flip and Bella threw off her heels and tossed me them. I caught them and she did a round off and held her skirt to do a back flip and landed it. Everyone cheered and Leah screamed in happiness. We all ran after Mom and Carly and we arrived just in time. The guests were hot on our tails and we all smiled and waved.
"Oh my god Edward they did it!" Bella squealed and hugged the life out of me. I laughed and agreed as I spun her around, still pumped from the dancing. We gave each other a big kiss and smiled.
"Thank god that wedding shit is over. I mean, I think almost turned a tranny!" I gasped. (A/N Also no offense to the transgendered out there! AS I said before this is for the comedic side, and for Edward's POV. I have a friend who is a transgender and I would never want to offend them like how I would never want to offend you!)
"Oh Edward quit over exaggerating! You're offending the transgendered" She teased. What? I'm hot enough!
"Well babe, I am hot enough" I smiled. She rolled her eyes.
"Yes, smokin' " She said sarcastically.
"Bella, quit filling the boys head with lies" Jake teased as he and Leah came forward with Kayla.
"Oh shut up asshole" I said annoyed. I mean people keep teasing me, and it hurts my feelings.
"I'm sorry Eddie" Leah giggled. I rolled my eyes at her. Must they always do this to me?
"Go away, no one likes you" I told them and turned my head and did the humph thing. They rolled their eyes and we watched the bride and groom and we also chased after them to watch them leave.
Mom and Carly ran to their getaway car and waved behind us. My siblings and I waved to them and the limo that was going to take us to the reception pulled up. I turned to my best friends next to me and made a pleading face. C'mon, I'm even on my freaking knees!
"Jake, Lee, I'll see you guys at the reception. Can I take my little goddaughter with me? It's picture time and Gavin wants a few of the flower girls." I begged. They hesitated but Leah handed Kayla over. She giggled as I planted a sloppy kiss on her chubby cheek. I got back up and kissed Lee on her cheek. She whined and slapped me when I licked her cheek. Kayla put her little arms around my neck and I had my arms under her little diaper covered ass.
"Take care of her Uncle Edward" Jake said seriously. I rolled my eyes and nodded; why does he have such lack of faith in me? My siblings and I ran into the limo and Bella sat with her sisters. The guys were talking to themselves at how 'Sick we were at the ceremony'. Yeah totally!
"I guess it's just you and me huh?" I asked her. She made her baby noises and I nodded. I spotted Bella who looked at me then Kayla and smiled. She blew me a kiss and I blushed as I caught it and put it down my shirt. She rolled her eyes but smiled as she talked to her sisters. Fine, be that way. Kayla and I played patty cake the whole way to the open garden area. It was nice. f
"C'mon you kiddies! It's picture time!" Cassidey giggled and shot out of the car, almost tripping. Ha! That's embarrassing. I looked to Kayla and sighed. She sighed too and her little shoulders relaxed. I used to get nervous to hold Kayla because she was so freaking tiny but now it's easy. I'm used to having her in my arms.
"Well, Kay let's go take pictures!" I smiled at her. She just made her baby noises and I nodded.
"Yes Kayla, I totally agree with you"
Ok, I went through so many document pages writing it piece by piece, and editing it, and I loved this! It was stressful to write, but I hope you all like it!
P.S. DON'T FORGET TO READ THE AUTHORS NOTE AT THE TOP!
XOXO, Lizzy