"Alright, break it up people!"
"I'm sorry but you're going to have to clear out now."
"I don't care if you're not having sex. You can't be up here."
Nick traversed every stretch of the upstairs of the house, dutifully followed by Otis and Christian, who were dragging along an astonishingly drunk Sai behind them.
Oddly enough, Otis had been right about people listening to Nick. The realisation was strange to him though, he wasn't doing or saying anything Otis hadn't been yelling all evening.
"You are honestly a lifesaver, mate," said Otis as they approached the final bathroom.
Nick knocked on the door and cleared his throat. "Anyone in there?"
He tried the handle and found it unlocked. The room was empty.
"Excellent!" Sai slurred, stumbling inside.
"Woah, woah, mate! Shut the door first!" cried Christian.
Sai lifted the toilet seat lid at the exact moment he threw up, covering himself, the toilet and some of the floor in puke.
"Sai!" Otis yelled. "Ugh! Why couldn't you have just held it in for like three more seconds? Now I'm gonna have to…"
As Sai pouted, almost tearful at having disappointed his friend, Nick gave himself the umpteenth mental shake since agreeing to come upstairs and help them.
He had started feeling uneasy the moment he had parted from Charlie. He knew it was ridiculous and something he really needed to get over if they were ever going to have a normal life but -
Charlie was fine. He could look after himself. But could Nick?
"Is that all the rooms, then?" he asked hopefully.
"Yes - Hey!" Christian led the way back out into the hall. "You can't be up here! Come on, people, stay downstairs!"
"Nick!" It was Tara, an unsteady Darcy attached to her hand. "There you are!"
"Nicholassss!" Darcy cackled loudly. "We fooouuund hiiim! Chaaarlieee! We fooound your boooooyfriend!"
Tara swatted her arm, giggling. "Shhh! He can't hear you from here."
"Whaaat?" Darcy leant her head heavily onto Tara's shoulder to hear her better but then found it to be soft and comfortable and lovely.
"Um… what's going on?" Nick asked Tara.
Christian was watching Darcy with rapt fascination.
"I don't really know what's happening exactly," said Tara. "But I think Charlie might be having a panic attack."
"What?"
"He wasn't making much sense, but he kept asking for you. I don't know - he seemed really desperate and scared. I don't know if he's just drunk but -"
Nick led the way toward the stairs, Tara and Darcy following quickly behind him.
"Let's gooo!" Darcy supplied helpfully. "Bye, background rugby lad!"
Christian blinked after them stupidly. "Bye," he murmured.
The tiles beneath his cheek were pale blue and icy.
There was something wet on his lips. It was metallic and salty at the same time - and he thought he might be drowning. At least, his mind had gone eerily silent, all of his energy having left him, abandoned him, and he no longer cared whether his lungs were working properly or not.
Cool air cut through the fog slightly and Charlie became aware that his jeans had been pushed around his thighs. Bile rose in the back of his throat. He nearly choked on it as he tried to cry out - but the hand clamped around his mouth was still unyielding.
His mind was already retreating even as a hand shoved its way down the back of his underwear. Blunt nails dug into his flesh…
Knock knock knock.
"Charlie?"
Above the surface someone was shouting his name, but he was too weak to swim toward the sound.
"Charlie? Are you in there?"
But Charlie knew that voice - it was Elle.
At the urgent knocking on the door, Ben froze. He withdrew his hand from Charlie's pants and Charlie's mind cleared minutely. He tried to yell out, loud enough for his friend outside in the hall to hear - enough to know he was in trouble.
It was muffled but it was enough.
"Charlie?" Tao cried then. "Are you okay?"
The door handle rattled but remained firmly locked.
In a moment of stupidity, Charlie attempted to duck around Ben, to reach for the latch - but Ben caught him by the wrists again and shoved him back against the wall, into the corner this time.
"Tao!" Charlie yelled. "Hel-!"
Ben's erection stabbed against him as he threw his hand back over Charlie's mouth, pressing him harder against the wall.
"Shut the fuck up," Ben hissed.
Several flecks of split landed on Charlie's cheeks, but he couldn't move to wipe them away.
"Don't fucking move! Stay fucking still, you little shit!" Ben tightened his grip on Charlie's wrist as if to prove a point, to provide a warning.
All Charlie could do was dare to meet his eye and nod.
And finally, Ben released him -
Charlie sank into the corner by the wall. He watched Ben yank open the door, step out into the hall, then close it quickly behind him again.
Charlie thought about following him, thought about not letting him hide what he had just done, what he had just tried to do. But Charlie didn't want to move right now. He didn't want to do very much at all.
The whole of the downstairs hall, including the bottom of the stairs, was practically standing room only.
It was going to be impossible to find Charlie in all of this, Nick thought as he pushed his way through the crowd.
"He was near the drinks table," Tara called from somewhere behind him. "I told him to stay where he was."
Darcy managed to elbow herself and Tara a clear path through to Nick's side.
"You left him alone?" Nick implored. "He was having a panic attack and you just left him?"
"I'm sorry!" Tara cried. "But I couldn't leave him with Darcy like this and we'd lost the others in the crowd. He needed you so I got you, Nick."
Nick sighed as the drinks table came into view across the packed living room. There was no sign of Charlie.
"It's okay. Thanks for helping."
"Nick!" He looked around, confused but then - "Nick!"
Sahar was waving at him from between a cluster of wildly dancing teens. She and Aled fought their way over to them.
"Oh my god, there you are," Sahar gasped. "Have you seen Charlie?"
Darcy cackled loudly, still hanging onto Tara. "Has he seen Charlie? Yeah, he has!"
"Shut up, Darce," said Tara, laughing.
"Shit." Nick scanned the room more intently now. This was not good.
"Hey, don't worry," said Sahar. "We'll find him. I'm sure he's fine."
"He's probably looking for us right now," said Aled.
Tara nodded. "How many people did Otis even invite? This place is crazy."
"Yeah, I dunno." Nick took a deep breath, but it was a struggle. "Yeah, you're probably right… it's just… things are a bit… difficult for us right now. With - with everything… I just need to find him."
"And we're going to," said Sahar, putting an arm around him. "Breathe, Nick."
"Let's split up and search," said Aled. "One of us is bound to bump into him at some point. This house isn't that big."
"Okay." Tara nodded. "Darcy and I'll look outside. You go that way, Aled, Nick and Sahar go that way. Message the group chat when you find him."
Nick was so grateful for his friends at that moment. He knew he was probably just being silly and overprotective but… Anyway, he didn't want to start having his own panic attack because that would not help Charlie once they did find him.
Nick let Sahar lead him by the hand back toward the hallway. He was glad Tara had allocated Aled to go alone and not him - he suspected she had done so on purpose.
The hall had cleared a little now and they could now see easier down along the corridor.
"Tao!" Sahar cried. "Elle!"
Nick looked around and saw Tao and Elle were indeed standing a little way down the corridor, outside the bathroom door. As he and Sahar approached, the door opened and they heard Tao say, "Oh, it's you."
"What were you doing in there?" Elle demanded.
Ben Hope ran a too-casual hand through his hair and scowled at them. "Taking a piss, what do you think?"
He shoved his way past Tao but then caught sight of Nick.
"Alright, mate?"
Something in the arsehole's eye made Nick stop dead. And then Ben winked at him, and a horrible sense of dread dropped itself into the pit of Nick's stomach. He wanted to punch him right there, but Ben had already disappeared into the party again.
Panic snapped Nick out of his shock, and he barrelled over to Tao and Elle. "Where's Charlie?"
"We don't know," said Elle. "We thought he was in there, but it was just that twat."
No. Please, no.
Nick knocked on the bathroom door softly, his heart hammering, not wanting his suspicion to be correct. "Charlie?" he called. "Are you in there? It's me! It's Nick!"
He listened as hard as he could at the closed door, aware of his three friends watching him anxiously. There was a small scuffle of movement from inside and then, very quietly - "Nick?"
Nick exhaled. "Can I come in?"
More, slightly louder scuffling and then - "Okay." Charlie's voice was alarmingly empty.
Nick tried the door handle and found it unlocked. He stepped inside quickly and shut the door behind him. He let out the rest of the breath he'd been holding all this time.
"Charlie, oh my god, I thought I'd never find you - this place is packed. Char?"
Charlie was standing with his back to him, hunched over the sink. His shoulders were shaking, and his hands were white against the porcelain.
"Baby, what happened?"
Nick's feet closed the distance between them. He placed a hand cautiously on Charlie's back and finally, Charlie looked up at him in the mirror.
"Charlie, you're bleeding!"
"I - I'm okay." Charlie swiped a sleeve across his bloody lip.
"Come here, baby," said Nick softly, ushering him over to the closed toilet seat. "Sit down, okay?"
Charlie's knees practically buckled as he sat. As Nick went to wet some loo roll, he noticed the slight puffiness of Charlie's eyes.
"Tara said you had a panic attack." He crouched beside him and started to mop up the bloody lip.
"Yeah," Charlie murmured. He was still pale, but the shaking had stopped. He swallowed thickly, fighting against the urge to keep everything bottled up. "It - it was really horrible, Nick. I was trying to find you in those woods, but I couldn't and then I think Ben brought me here and -" his voice broke sharply. "I'm so sorry, Nick."
Charlie's head fell forwards onto Nick's shoulder - he immediately wrapped his arms around him and cupped the back of his head with his hand.
"W-what did he do?" Nick asked quietly, already feeling nauseous.
Charlie dragged his head back up again to look at Nick directly. Charlie's eyes were glassy with unshed tears and Nick wanted to find Ben Hope and punch the shit out of him just for causing that look of devastation in Charlie's eyes.
Charlie swallowed and glanced down at the clump of pink tissues he had taken from Nick's hand.
"He kissed me." Charlie squeezed the tissue between his fingers and watched as bloody water trailed down his wrists. "Kind of… hard. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"Hey, shhh shhh, Charlie, no," Nick insisted. He tipped Charlie's chin gently back up. "Look at me, baby. Did you want Ben to kiss you?"
"Of course not, I -"
"Then stop apologising, love. You are not the one at fault here."
"Yeah… I know, I just… I hate that he did that - again. I tried to get away, I really did, I promise."
"You don't have to prove anything to me, Charlie." Nick stroked his cheek, sighing. "I should never have gone off with Otis and the others in the first place."
Charlie smiled weakly. "You're not at fault here either, Nick. We can't be by each other's sides every second, no matter how much we may want to be."
"Do you think you would have had a panic attack if I'd stayed?"
"Nick! We can't think like that, or we'll never get over it!"
"I know, I'm sorry. I just… when I couldn't find you… Well, let's just say you might not have been the only one of us to have a panic attack this evening…"
"Oh, Nick…" Charlie grabbed his hands and entwined their fingers together. "Are you okay?"
Nick nodded. "It didn't actually get started properly. It only felt like one was coming, but… you've really managed to find me some amazing friends. Without them, we'd both be a mess right now."
"Are you saying I'm a mess, Nicholas?" Charlie smirked.
Nick was momentarily horror-struck. "N-no. I mean… a hot mess?"
Charlie laughed and shoved at Nick's shoulders. Nick grinned back.
"Especially with that sexy cut lip."
"Is this really doing it for you, then?" Charlie mused, dabbing at his lip with his tissue again. He got up to scrutinise his injury in the mirror. "Eh. I hope it doesn't bruise."
Nick got up from his spot on the floor and moved to thread an arm around Charlie from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder. He was trying desperately not to think too hard about how exactly Charlie's lip had come to be cut.
"What do you want to do now?" Nick kissed his shoulder. "Do you want to go home?"
Charlie sighed as their eyes met via their reflections. There was a hint of a twinkle back in Charlie's eyes.
"No," said Charlie, realising as he said it. "I don't think I do. We'd been doing so well before. We were having a nice time, weren't we?"
"Yeah, we were," said Nick. "But if you're struggling - baby, we still have to take care of ourselves, take things slow if we need to."
"I don't want Ben or fucking Ryan Kane to ruin anything else, including tonight, but," Charlie chewed his lip guiltily. "If you wanted to go early then -"
"No, I'm fine. I want to stay, too, but only if you want to."
Charlie twisted around in Nick's arms and kissed him chastely. "Let's stay a bit longer?"
"Okay."
"And I really want to get all this Ben out of my mouth." Charlie laughed but it didn't quite reach his eyes.
Nick could tell Charlie was forcing himself into moving past what had happened, but it had obviously shaken him considerably. Nick only hoped that he would open up about it more at some point, if not to him, then to Geoff or Tori or anyone.
"Happy to help with that, my love."
Nick made sure Charlie was the one to initiate their kiss but responded enthusiastically as always. Then Nick found himself with his back to the bathroom door as Charlie fumbled blindly for the handle. He could taste metal beneath his tongue as he swept it over Charlie's bottom lip.
Charlie groaned into it, the vibration fogging his brain - in a warm, thrilling way - entirely opposite to the Ben-Hope-induced way. These tingles were warm and golden and slowly began to soothe the pain and the fear, until everything was Nick. His lemonade tongue, his strong but gentle hands, his little gasps between kisses.
A loud knock on the door behind them made them both jump.
"I don't care if you're shagging in there! I need to piss!"
Nick and Charlie looked at each other, wide-eyed. "Is that Harry Greene?" Charlie gasped.
Nick took a deep breath and braced himself as Charlie grabbed his hand. The knocking came more insistently now, and they could hear laughter beyond too. Before they could stand there any longer, Charlie yanked the door open.
It was indeed Harry Greene, standing there surrounded by his mates, including both Will and Kieran. As soon as they all caught sight of them, a chorus of jeers and wolf whistles started up and Nick knew he was bright red.
"Maybe you don't wanna use that loo, mate," said Will. "You might catch something."
"Shut up, Will," Harry snapped quietly. He turned back to Nick. "But seriously, mate, you can't be hogging the loo to screw your boyfriend."
Nick and Charlie both murmured their apologies and started trying to push their way past the group gathered around the door. Will pretty much jumped out of the way as they passed, as if their mere presence was contagious.
Charlie watched Nick physically shrink under the incessant cacophony of noise around them. Charlie was used to this, but Nick was not.
"Alright!" He yelled. "Just because Nick's getting some and you're not!"
The following stunned silence was punctured only by Nick's shocked, breathy laugh.
"Waaaaaay!" Kieran cried, lifting his beer.
The lads all joined in, except Will, who still looked very uncomfortable.
"He's got us all there, lads," said Harry. "Now, move before I piss myself."
Nick and Charlie hurried back along the corridor. "Oh my god, Charlie! I can't believe you just said that!"
"Well, it's true, isn't it?"
"You know what, I think it probably is." Nick grinned, laughing. "You just put down about a dozen of Harry's mates in one fell swoop - that's seriously impressive, Char."
"Charlie!" They both turned to find Tao, Elle, Sahar and Aled all waving at them from the living room.
"We're so glad you're okay," said Sahar when the boys went to greet them. "We were getting worried there."
"I'm okay, please don't worry," said Charlie, as Elle hugged him. "Thank you for looking after this one while I was having a crisis." He patted Nick's arm.
"No worries," said Aled.
"What happened to Tara and Darcy?" Nick asked, glancing around for them.
"Oh, I think they got distracted as soon as they went outside," said Sahar. "There's a fire pit and well, it's very romantic and cosy and there's marshmallows."
Nick and Charlie both nodded in understanding.
"Who wants to dance some more?" Elle exclaimed, sensing a lull in festivities. "I love this song. Charlie, come and dance with me!"
The six of them made it through about half a song before Charlie realised he really did not want to be trapped in the middle of the crowd any more. Nick, in his usual, attentive way, noticed this before Charlie did and yelled to the others, "We're just gonna go get a drink!"
He led Charlie towards the quieter end of the room, where the drinks table was, strategically ducking around the mass of dancing bodies until they were once again free.
"Thanks," Charlie exhaled, leaning against the table. "You're the best."
"No, you."
Charlie snorted as Nick handed him a cup. "What would you like?"
"Maybe just lemonade for now," said Charlie, scanning the selection. "Nothing alcoholic anyway. I'm not sure being drunk would do me any favours right now."
"Ooh, look, they have J2Os. Apple and mango?"
"Yes, please."
Bottles of juice in hand, they found a spare stretch of wall to lean against and chat and flirt and people watch.
Nick watched as Charlie talked, enamoured, knowing very well this was what he would prefer to do over almost anything else ever. Dancing with their friends had been nice, but he had been waiting for an excuse to ditch them in favour of this.
Charlie concentrated on enjoying the feeling of being with Nick like this, at a public event that wasn't school. Never in his life did he think he'd ever get to this point in a relationship and still feel as smitten as when they'd first met. He knew he was just a stone's throw away from his brain letting him work out what had almost happened to him in that bathroom, but he would not let it - not right now at least.
But then, as Charlie downed the last of his J2O, he saw him again.
Ben Hope had just slinked around the living room door, and Charlie couldn't help but stare as he leaned against the door frame, so casual, bantering away to some other lads Charlie didn't recognise.
"Nick!" Charlie gasped, batting at his boyfriend's arm, keeping his gaze firmly on Ben. "Nick -"
Nick looked up from checking the time on his phone. "Hm?"
"Push me."
"What?"
"Nick, push me against this wall and kiss me right now."
Charlie discarded both of their drinks onto a nearby windowsill and grabbed the front of Nick's shirt to pull himself closer to him.
Nick laughed, confused but happy to comply. He placed his hands on Charlie's shoulders and backed him ever so gently against the wall. "Why exactly am I doing this?"
Charlie merely glanced over Nick's shoulder again, toward the door. Nick looked around and saw Ben standing there.
"Quick, darling, he could look over at any moment. I need him to see me." Charlie looked up at Nick through his eyelashes. "I need you to kiss me like you'd rather be fucking me."
Nick's eyes went wide, brain short circuiting.
Charlie bit his lip sheepishly, doubting his own demands. "Please?"
Nick moved forward to catch Charlie up in his arms and kept moving until his back hit the living room wall - and then his arms were around him and he was kissing him frantically. Charlie dug his fingers into Nick's shoulders, and kissed him back, rougher than possibly ever before.
Nick was distantly aware of the people around them, some wolf whistling, several shouting "Get a room!" while others made to hastily move away, rolling their eyes.
Good, Charlie thought.
Nick's lips and tongue traced a searing line along Charlie's jaw while he groaned in ecstasy. As Nick moved to nibble at Charlie's neck, Charlie stretched his head up, mostly to give Nick easier access but also to check on Ben.
He looked to the door and immediately, his and Ben's eyes met. Nick was sucking a mark onto Charlie's neck and Charlie made sure to moan extra loudly, in case Ben was under any illusion as to whether Charlie was enjoying himself or not.
Ben's expression turned from casual to dangerous, his face surpassing red and turning straight to a sickly greyish green. Charlie felt a horrible clench of fear deep inside him, but it was at once both terrifying and thrilling.
But then Charlie gasped, and it was not that of pleasure. Nick stopped his ministrations at once.
"What is it? Is he watching?"
"He has my phone." Charlie frowned, still watching Ben. "Why does he have my phone?"
"What?"
Charlie patted his pockets. They were indeed empty. When he looked up, Nick was already across the room.
"Give that here!" Nick yelled as he strode toward Ben, hand outstretched. "Now, you fucking arsehole!"
Ben snickered. "And why would I do that? Honestly," he dropped his voice to a murmur. "You and your little boyfriend really need to learn to share nicely -"
Nick saw red and then his fist connected with the side of Ben's face.
Charlie stood by the wall, frozen as he watched his phone fall to the floor. But he wasn't concerned about that right now - Nick had Ben by the scruff of his shirt and Charlie felt a shiver of dread mixed with satisfaction as Ben's head thunked against the door frame.
"If you so much as look at Charlie again, I swear to god, I will tell everyone exactly why I just punched you."
For a moment, Nick saw actual fear flicker in Ben Hope's dark eyes - and were those tears? Nick couldn't give a flying fuck. He shoved him away, then watched as Ben scampered off into the gawking crowd.
Nick tried to ignore the stares he was getting, tried to ignore Tao and Elle, Sahar and Aled all watching him too. He hated himself for letting his anger get the better of him, but it still thrummed through him as he grabbed Charlie's phone from the floor and strode back to his boyfriend by the wall.
"Nick," Charlie gasped, wide-eyed. His voice broke, words quavering unsteadily. "Are you okay?"
He handed Charlie his phone back and rubbed both hands over his face. "That was so stupid. I shouldn't have hit him, he just -"
"No, it's okay. He definitely deserved it. I'm just sorry you had to do that. Is your hand okay?"
They both glanced down at Nick's knuckles as Charlie took them in his hand.
"Only slightly bruised," said Nick. Charlie kissed them delicately. "Maybe we should call it a night? I really just want to go home and cuddle you."
Charlie smiled. "Okay, then. I'll text my dad."
He lifted his phone, looked down at the screen and froze.
Open on the screen was the text thread with Mr H.
Charlie blinked at it, horror-struck.
Had Nick seen? Charlie didn't think so. He would have said something if he had.
But Ben had seen, hadn't he?
He had clearly been reading his texts - because Charlie had not left that threat open when he'd last looked at his phone. It was much too big of a risk. But why was Ben even looking through Charlie's texts in the first place?
"Char?" Nick watched Charlie's face fall, then drain of colour, gazing down at his phone. "Charlie? What's up?"
"N-nothing," Charlie stammered. "I - I just - I need to go home. Nick… Nick…"
Nick caught him as he swayed slightly and fell forward. "Okay. Okay, baby. Let's get out of here. I'll text your dad. Come on, my love."
Charlie tried to take some deep breaths as he let Nick lead him by the hand through the packed house. The whole journey was more of a blur of colours and 'excuse mes', for his mind was swimming with the need to simultaneously tell Nick everything and to keep him safe.
The cool night air felt nice on his face as they stepped out into the front garden. There were still lots of people standing about, drinking and chatting, or else making out in the hedges.
Nick pocketed his phone once they made it to the front gate. With the noise of the house behind them, the stillness of the pavement both soothed Charlie's spiralling and set him shivering.
"Your dad'll be here in a bit," said Nick, rubbing Charlie's arms.
"Thanks," Charlie murmured.
Nick wrapped his arms around him, and they stood there at the side of the road like that, not speaking, just holding and warming. They only pulled apart again when a car horn sounded right next to them and they both jumped.
"Dad…" Charlie grumbled.
Julio chuckled at them heartily from behind the wheel of his car. "Sorry, boys," he laughed.
As Nick sat beside Charlie in the back seat, all the way home Nick watched out of the corner of his eye as Charlie continued to scroll up and down through something on his phone. Charlie's free hand was wrapped tightly into a fist, the other one gripping the phone fiercely.
From the distant look on Charlie's face, Nick knew he wasn't even aware he was doing it. He was biting his lip, worrying at the wound Ben had somehow inflicted upon him.
Nick chided himself for joking about it back in the bathroom. How exactly had Charlie's lip come to be cut in the first place? Nick felt the rage he had managed to quell return, almost to full force.
Charlie's hand was trembling now, making his phone shake before him. Nick's heart stuttered painfully when he saw the tears in his eyes.
"Hey…" Nick whispered. "Hey, love…"
He reached across to take the phone from Charlie's hand but much to his surprise, Charlie clung to it, practically yanking it out of Nick's reach.
"Okay, I'm sorry. I was just trying to help."
Charlie just shook his head, causing a few tears to slip down his cheeks. He tried to stuff his phone into his jeans pocket, but his hands were shaking too hard.
"Here, let me take that for you, yeah?" Nick held out a hand. "I won't look at it, I promise."
Charlie stared at him, eyes so big and fearful Nick was very relieved when he finally acquiesced and handed the phone over. Nick pocketed it and took Charlie's hand, smoothing over the back of it with his thumb. The hand relaxed in his a little, but the tremor was still there.
Charlie leant over to rest his head on Nick's shoulder. He was still shivering - and that was when Nick realised it wasn't just from the cold.
"Err… Mr Spring?" Nick cleared his throat. "Would it be okay if you dropped us off at mine instead?"
"Hmm…" Julio smirked. "Is your mum home?"
"I think so." Nick knew she was not. She had gone out with David and Portia, and he knew the house would be empty all evening.
"Well, I don't see why not," said Julio. "And I don't need to tell you to be sensible, do I? I'm sure your mum doesn't want hanky panky in her house either - and we both know that's not just kissing."
"Yes, sir. Thank you."
The house was quiet.
Nick had already removed his shoes when he turned back to Charlie and found him just standing there in the hall, worrying at the sleeves of his shirt, as if he didn't know where he was or what to do.
"Come on," Nick breathed. "Let's take these shoes off, shall we?"
He managed to usher Charlie onto the bottom step of the stairs and, when it seemed like Charlie wasn't going to do it himself, undid his laces for him.
"Why do you still wear these, Char?" Nick sighed, amused as he chucked the converse onto the shoe wrack. "They're all stained pink."
Charlie shrugged and scrubbed at his eyes. Nick crouched down in front of him again to hold his face between his hands. Charlie was finding it difficult to meet Nick's eyes, his own darting about, unable to focus on one spot for too long.
"What do you need right now, baby?" Nick asked quietly. "Please, tell me what I can do to help. Please, Char…"
He stroked his hand through Charlie's curls. Then, Charlie flopped forward into his arms, like his strings had been cut. He was still shivering like crazy.
"You just can't get warm, can you?" Nick murmured. "Would you like me to run you a bath?"
Eventually, he felt Charlie nod against his shoulder.
Charlie had not realised up until that point that that was exactly what he wanted. Somehow Nick had looked deep inside him and found the answer even Charlie hadn't known.
"Okay. That's great, my love. We'll do that then."
Upstairs, Nick set the bath running, then grabbed some pyjamas for Charlie to change into. Charlie followed him as he went from room to room. He picked up the discarded green jumper from the bedroom floor and Nick nodded, adding it to the pile. He found the biggest, fluffiest towel he could in the airing cupboard and set everything down in the bathroom.
"Would you like bubbles?" Nick asked. "What am I saying? Of course you do. Who doesn't want bubbles?"
Charlie sank onto the closed toilet seat lid and watched Nick bustle about with the bubble bath. Charlie could feel the tears sliding down his face and wiped them away furiously. Nick was being so sweet and amazing, but he felt so far away…
Nick rolled his shirt sleeves up to his elbows to swish the bubble bath about in the warm water. "There," he smiled. "I'll wait outside if you like. Would you like a drink or a snack or -?"
As Nick started toward the door, Charlie grabbed his wrist to stop him. Nick watched him carefully, saw him look down at his lap, saw the cogs doing battle in his brain.
"You want me to stay?"
Charlie nodded, gaze still downwards.
"Oh… okay." Nick swallowed. Calm yourself, Nelson. This is not the time. "Of course I can do that. Of course. Whatever you need, my love. Can I - can I help you get undressed?"
And Charlie looked up to meet his eyes and Nick's heart broke into a million pieces.
Charlie nodded, his bottom lip quivering as he held out his arms. He had a feeling he would just sit there forever in these clothes if Nick did not remove them for him.
Nick knelt down to start on Charlie's shirt buttons. His heart began to pick it's pieces back up when Charlie smirked at him knowingly - it was under a thick layer of fear, but it was a smirk.
Charlie shrugged the shirt off his shoulders and went to stand up when Nick let out a sharp gasp. Charlie stopped, blinking in muffled alarm. Everything was so muffled.
"Charlie," Nick gasped. "Why didn't you say anything?"
Charlie followed Nick's gaze, frowning down at his own hip.
Over the hip bone was a large, purpling bruise. He remembered the burning sensation as his hip had collided with the heated towel rail in Otis' bathroom, but apparently, he'd managed to block out the residual pain up until now.
Nick watched Charlie inspect the mark in surprise. He poked at it experimentally. It only seemed to hurt him when he put pressure on it.
Charlie undid his jeans himself and slid them off. When he stood up again, Nick saw the other, fainter marks across his waist and hips. On his wrists and forearms.
It would have taken more than a bit of kissing to create those kinds of marks.
Charlie saw Nick noticing and turned around to assess the damage in the mirror. Distantly, he traced the marks with his fingertips. They were faint but they were quite clearly the shape and size of hands.
Charlie sucked in a breath - a heat zipped through the fog - a streak of anger. The effect cleared his head enough for him to strip down the rest of the way and step into the bath. He curled himself around his knees, head down, breathing in the calming lavender scented bubbles.
Nick busied himself with finding a jug and sank down beside the bath beside his beautiful, brave boyfriend. Nick didn't know what else to do, didn't want to break down like he wanted to, didn't want to make Charlie feel guilty for making him upset too - because Nick was upset, for god's sake, he was fucking fuming.
Instead, he tasked himself with filling and refilling the jug and pouring warm soapy water over Charlie's back and shoulders. The repetitive motion helped calm him considerably, especially when the tension in Charlie's shoulders began to dissipate.
But it started with no warning at all.
The water Nick was pouring felt so lovely and Charlie was feeling so cosy and cared for that his first sob startled even him. But then he was sobbing - full, horrible, heart-wrenching sobs.
Nick was going to murder Ben Hope.
"Oh, baby… Oh, Charlie, I'm so sorry…" Nick set the jug aside. He wanted to reach out, to bring Charlie into his arms but stopped himself at the last moment. "Can I - can I hug you?"
Charlie lifted his head enough to nod, then buried it again, this time in Nick's shoulder. Nick could feel his shirt getting soaked through, but he couldn't care less right now. His knees were starting to go numb on the tiled floor, but he would kneel there forever if Charlie wanted him to.
He rocked him gently, hand cupping the back of his head, letting himself cry quietly while Charlie sobbed and sobbed.
An echo of those marks on his body flickered through Nick's head and he wanted to be sick. Be sick, and then throw it at Ben Hope. He hoped Ben's face was really hurting him. He hoped he was at home right now, crying his eyes out and hating himself - hoped he was all alone while he was doing it, unlike Charlie.
Steadily, Charlie seemed to cry himself out. He withdrew himself from Nick's arms and started to edge himself forward toward the middle of the bath. His eyes were red and puffy as he looked at Nick directly, asking something without words, yet again. Nick thought he understood but…
"Do you want me to… join you?"
Charlie retained eye contact as he nodded this time. Nick leant forward to make sure he had not been mistaken.
"I need you to tell me with your words, baby. Yes or no."
Charlie swallowed. He was shivering again. "Y-yes."
He scooted forward a little further as Nick undressed too. He stepped into the bath behind Charlie and then attempted to sit down without splashing too much over the side. He stifled a laugh as he tried to find a comfortable position for his legs.
"This always looks so romantic in films," he said. "It's kind of uncomfortable…"
Charlie forced a weak chuckle, then settled himself with his back against Nick's chest. His arms wrapped around him, his knees on either side - it felt good, anchoring, to be so surrounded by him.
Charlie took a deep breath. "Nick… I have to tell you something."
"What is it?"
Charlie shifted so he was lying as sideways as possible, his head on Nick's shoulder, facing inwards towards the heat of Nick's neck. "I lied to you… before… at Otis'."
"Char…"
"Ben did k-kiss me… but I think he wanted - he was going to - If… if Elle hadn't…" Charlie swallowed.
Nick's heart sunk to the bottom of the bath and headed down the plughole. "You don't have to say it."
"No," Charlie said firmly. He was surprised at his own conviction. "I have to. I need to… to say it." He shut his eyes and felt Nick's arms around him tighten. The pressure helped keep him afloat while he spoke his whole, new truth. "He wanted to rape me. He didn't. But he really, almost did."
In saying the words, it was as if some of the burden had left him. Unfortunately, however, that burden only transferred onto Nick. But maybe, together, they would be able to carry it easier.
Charlie thought he'd run out of tears but more came now, especially when he heard Nick's poorly stifled cry. His arms shook around him as he held him tight. Nick buried his face in those curls as Charlie buried himself further into the crook of his neck.
"I'm really glad you punched him, but please don't do it again."
"I should have done more than punch him," Nick spat through gritted teeth. "I'll try to promise not to but… maybe it'd be best if neither of us were in the same room as him ever again."
"Yeah," Charlie exhaled. "Yeah. That sounds nice."
He looked up at Nick as best he could, and Nick stroked his cheek. Charlie reached up to kiss him softly, pouring into it all the unending gratitude, all the love and trust he knew he could not put into words.
Nick shifted to respond in kind, hands tentative at Charlie's hips. While trying to dodge the sore bruise, Nick slid completely downwards and nearly went under. Charlie gasped a laugh as he was carried along with the sudden movement.
After a lot of grumbling and groaning from both of them, Charlie found himself grinning. "This really is very uncomfortable. We are too tall for this."
Half an hour later, they were settled comfortably in Nick's bed together.
Charlie lay back against the covers, feeling unbelievably warm and very much in love with Nick Nelson right now. What had he ever done to deserve this boy beside him? Maybe he was a consolation prize for all the shitty things that had happened to him in his life. Maybe it was all worth it then…
Charlie smiled between kisses. They had alternated between getting out of the bath, getting ready for bed and continuing their make out session. They were both angry and hurting but kissing made at least some of that fade away. Charlie wanted to forget everything, forget Ben Hope ever existed, and replace it all, every possible sensation with Nick Nelson.
He broke their kiss to smooth his hands over the perfect swell of Nick's shoulders and rubbed down his back, making him shiver (in a good way this time).
"You take such good care of me, darling," he murmured. "Take me apart and put me back together again?"
Nick's throat bobbed as he swallowed, that delightful pink tinge rising in his cheeks. He pecked Charlie's lips gently. "Are you sure?"
"Absolutely."
Nick reached to break into his own stash of supplies in his own sock drawer and slowly, they helped re-undress each other.
When they were bare once again, and Nick started the slow, delicate, loving process of prep, he made it his mission to cover every inch of skin marred by malicious hands with tender kisses.
At three fingers, Charlie wrapped his arms around Nick entirely. He could feel Nick's weight against him, their erections brushing against each other, and everything was perfect.
This is what he had wanted, wasn't it? So then why was he suddenly feeling so suffocated?
Nick broke their kiss and removed his working fingers at the subtle change. The break in their kiss also broke through the heat and Charlie gasped, "I think - could I…?"
Charlie bit his lip. Nick stayed hovering over him, still in kissing distance.
"What is it?" There was so much respectful attention in his big brown eyes.
"Could I be on top?" Charlie asked quietly. "Just for now?"
"What?" Nick blinked. "I don't think… I'm not - I don't think I'm ready for that yet -"
Charlie shook his head. "No, no, that's not what I meant." He placed his hands back on Nick's shoulders. "I still want you inside me, darling. Do you trust me?"
The colour came at once back into Nick's cheeks and Charlie stifled a giggle. Nick laughed too. "Of course I do."
Charlie patted his shoulder. "I'm going to flip us over if that's alright."
"Okay." Nick's fringe flopped adorably as he nodded, intrigued.
Charlie managed to flip them over so that Nick was lying comfortably against the pillows and Charlie came to land, straddling his waist. The whole movement was so smooth, so synchronised and perfect - and when they settled again, Nick had to physically stop his jaw from dropping at his new view.
"Is this okay?" Charlie asked so innocently, so shyly… Did he have any idea how incredible he looked right now?"
"Jesus, Charlie…"
Charlie reached behind him to guide himself into position with one hand. Nick knew what he was going to do before it happened, but he still couldn't quite believe it.
He watched as Charlie closed his eyes, chin up, head back slightly, bathed beautifully in the dim light, so so gorgeous as he sank down around him, slowly, and then all at once.
They gasped as one and Charlie opened his eyes to meet Nick's.
"You are so beautiful," Nick breathed. "Oh my god… fuck…"
And Charlie started to move, bracing himself with his hands over Nick's chest. Nick's fingers found purchase around Charlie's bottom and a thrill of triumph spurred Charlie on at the feeling. The reclaiming of that land - he wanted this. He would always want this. He would always want him. And his eyes were shimmering with unshed tears.
Charlie leant down and Nick rose to meet him in another spine-tingling kiss. They moved and fitted together, both seeking maximum closeness, even when their limbs were already wrapped around each other, Charlie cradled in the circle of Nick as he buried his face against his neck once again.
Charlie's cries of pleasure mingled with Nick's as both their bodies stuttered, and their breaths caught. Nick's lips were hard against Charlie's collarbone as they both came undone, and everything was this and him and right.