Love is Pain
Part Three
"Hey. I'm thirsty."
"Hoh?~ And what do you want me to do about it?" asked Beatrice, the Golden Witch, sharply.
"Duhh, isn't it obvious? Get me some more tea. Oh, and make sure there's more than six sugar cubes in it- I need something really sweet to overcome the bitter taste of heartbreak."
"Pu ku ku~ Certainly, Lady Lambdadelta. I would be quite an incompetent butler if you died because I prepared your tea shoddily," said Ronove.
In a familiar haze of golden butterflies, Beato's butler summoned the willow-patterned teapot and began to refill Lambdadelta's cup for the umpteenth time. In a series of graceful movements, he dropped the required number of sugar cubes in the tea, and swirled the contents of the cup slowly, methodically, with a silver spoon.
It was a common courtesy for people to use silver spoons when stirring the tea of guests. It checked for poison. Lambdadelta was unpopular enough that some people might just try to slip her a bit of arsenic along with her sugar cubes in her tea.
Ronove was too respectable to do that, of course.
Under most situations, Lambdadelta would go as wide-eyed as the Stake of Gluttony, Beelzebub, whenever she saw- or even smelt- the smallest trace of sugar. However, this wasn't 'most situations', and she was miserable.
That was right- she was dying.
Maybe not even sugar-laced tea, or Ronove's excellent baking, could save her.
Dejectedly, Lambdadelta accepted her tea without even a thank you. She then proceeded to stare at it, eyes empty, but made no motion to drink.
Beatrice scowled.
"I let my butler prepare you my tea out of the goodness of my heart, and now you don't even accept my hospitality? Isn't that a little rude?"
"I think that might be a case of the pot calling the kettle black, Beato" Virgilia muttered under her breath. Like any mother figure who has seen a child grow up, she couldn't help but be amused at Beatrice's hypocrisy.
Unfortunately, the child she was talking about was seated right next to Virgilia, and she wasn't deaf.
"Teacher! This isn't about my manners, or polite… polite… polite-ness," said Beatrice sourly. She turned to give her mentor- her and her stupid, head-devouring hat hat!- a glare. "This is about Lady Lambdadelta! She's meant to be our guest, but she's being sorude! She's not even sitting up straight at the table, and you always bug me about that! Why is it okay for her to slouch like a hunchback but I have to sit up straight like a lady?"
"Because you are a lady, Beato, and when you are a host it is important to make a good impression."
"That's right," Ronove agreed. "Moreover, Lady Lambdadelta is your guest. We must treat her accordingly. It is not in my place to scold her; that would be terribly rude of me."
Beatrice puffed her cheeks out like a squirrel storing nuts, desperate to find some argument she could hit Ronove with. Beato was like that when she got into arguments. She didn't like losing.
"But, but… But-"
Virgilia's voice, gentle but firm, cut her off. "No 'buts', Beato. You have to learn to be more accommodating of other people's moods."
"Yeah, that's it ex~act~lyyyy," said Lambdadelta. "Remember, Beato. I'mthe one who gave you awesome powers so you could be a witch in the first place. It's all thanks to me you'll be able to show that pitiful man a lesson if he ever comes crawling back, rii~iiight?"
At the mention of 'that pitiful man', Beatrice's shoulders tensed slightly. Her cheeks turned red. She'd been trying not to think about him, or the impeding games she had planned.
Thinking about stuff like that was bad for her digestion. It made Ronove's cookies lose their flavor.
"Oh… It'll be alright, Beato. There, there."
Noting her pupil's distress, Virgilia placed a comforting hand on Beatrice's shoulder. Beatrice wanted to throw it off, but she didn't have enough willpower.
Whenever she thought about him, she wanted to be comforted.
Even after all these years, he was still her one weakness.
Beatrice might have acted like a spoilt little girl at the best of times, not all that different from Lambdadelta, but most of it was a front. Underneath that insane smirk and that petulant pout lurked the heart of small, lost, lonely child. Virgilia, being Beato's teacher, knew that only too well.
After all, she had been with Beatrice ever since she was a little child with big dreams on that tiny island.
"You should show me some respect," Lambdadelta continued haughtily, flipping strands of blonde hair behind her shoulder in a manner very similar to Bernkastel. "If you act so rude to me I might just go back on my word and undo all my magic. Then, all your pre-planning will come to nothing, and you'll never get to play any of your games with him, or have your revenge! How'd you like them apples, huh?"
Beatrice's eyes widened.
"T-that's not fair! We had a promise… Y-you wouldn't…"
"I'm in a bad mood at the moment. Try me."
Beatrice began to fidget nervously, her previous bravado gone. Would Lambdadelta really…?
B-but…?
Eyes large, desperate, she looked between Ronove and Virgilia for help.
Virgilia sighed. She knew Lady Lambdadelta was a fickle person, but she doubted Beato's status as a witch was in any immediate danger. Beato's game with that child hadn't even started yet, so Lambdadelta hadn't derived any satisfaction from the tales Beatrice hoped to weave. She wouldn't deny Beatrice's magic now.
Even so, Beatrice could try and learn from this experience.
"Just apologize, Beato," said Virgilia, voice soft and motherly. "That's what you should do when you upset somebody."
"B-but I don't wanna!" Despite her initial flutterings of fear, Beato still had a stubborn side, and it refused to back down. Stabbing a finger across the tea and cookie laden table at Lambdadelta, Beatrice cried, "She started it!"
"It doesn't matter who started it. Be the mature person and finish it."
"People who can swallow their pride and apologize are the most mature, after all," Ronove added.
"Muu… Most mature, huh…?"
"That's right, pu ku ku~"
Beatrice tipped her head to one side, wondering. Was there a hidden insult masked in Ronove's words? Maybe, he was… calling Lambdadelta immature?
Well, that would explain his small smile.
Hmn.
Maybe he was right.
Beatrice would apologize first, and then she would be the better person! She would be amazing and incredible, and Lambdadelta would have to glorify her name because she was so kind and wonderful! It was ingenious, really!
A small smile creeping across her face, Beatrice said regally, "Ah, I see, I see!~ I'm soooo sorry for upsetting you, Lady Lambdadelta."
Virgilia tutted. "Beato, don't be facetious."
"Face-what, now?"
Ronove had been trying to stifle his laughter behind his hands. However, at Beatrice's narrowed eyes and confused comment, he couldn't help but let a few laughs escape.
Lambdadelta blinked at Beatrice coolly from underneath her long lashes. Then, suddenly- so suddenly Beatrice wondered whether she was going to slap her across the face- Lambdadelta lifted her hand from the table…
And, grabbing hold of her cup of tea, drained it in one.
"Haa!~ Delicious!~"
Sighing in satisfaction, Lambdadelta put her cup of tea back down on the saucer, and wiped her mouth with her arm. Then, she glared at Beatrice.
"You're a terrible liar, and I wouldn't accept that apology at all, and your butler was being totally rude to me! I should turn you all into newts right now! But…" She paused. "Ronove makes really good tea, so maybe I can forgive you for being insolent… just this once. Besides…" She sighed, lacing her fingers together and resting her head atop of them. "I don't have the energy to be angry. I haven't seen my beloved Bern in days; I'm going crazy!"
"Ooh!~ That's so romantic!"
Lambdadelta turned her head in surprise at the sound of that new voice.
It came from the youngest of the Stakes of Purgatory, Asmodeus. The twin-tailed demon was standing with her hands clasped, and Lambdadelta swore if she had been a manga character hearts would have flitted drunkenly about her head.
Asmodeus wasn't alone, though. Standing next to her was the second youngest stake, Beelzebub.
Urgh. Young children like that weren't even worth her time. The only stakes Lambdadelta liked were Lucifer, who was mature and fun to tease because she blushed, Leviathan, who was really easy to make cry, and Mammon, who was fun to play cards and Cluedo with.
Asmodeus and Beelzebub were like ants compared to a great witch like Lambdadelta- and they weren't particularly interesting, either.
The Witch of Miracles pouted her cherry blossom lips.
"What are you pipsqueaks doing here?"
"Well, I'm here because I could smell something tasty!" said Beelzebub, hovering near the plate of cookies on the table.
"You could smell the cookies all the way from wherever?" asked Beatrice, brow raised. "I'm impressed."
"And I'm rather flattered," said Ronove.
"Geez. What were you, a police dog in a past life?" asked Lambdadelta.
"Nah. I'm just hungry. Like, all the time."
"No surprises there, then." Lambdadelta turned to Asmodeus, stabbing the spoon Ronove had used to stir her tea at her general direction. "And why are you here, shorty?"
Virgilia looked at Lambdadelta with half-lidded eyes, smiling softly.
My, my. Between Beatrice and Lambdadelta, she really wassurrounded by hypocrites.
"U-um… I came here… because I heard about your relationship with Lady Bernkastel, Lady Lambdadelta…"
"Oh. Are we thatfamous?"
"Y-yes, I think so!" Asmodeus giggled shyly, twisting a pigtail round one finger. "And… Aaah, the idea of being in love with somebody like that… I-I want to experience it some day, too. U-um…" She blushed. "N-not with another girl, but maybe with a nice, handsome prince…"
"There is a shortage of them around here," said Lambdadelta dryly.
"What about Ronove? He makes delectabubble food!~" said Beelzebub, latching onto Ronove's side like a limpet. "I couldn't do without 'im!~ Tehehe~ Om nom nom~"
"I'm sure he's charmed, but Ronove doesn't like girls," shot back Lambdadelta. "It's so obvious."
"Oh, that's okay! I don't like guys, either! I just like food!"
"U-um… I-I think, maybe… I-I'm a little jealous of you, Lady Lambdadelta," said Asmodeus, smiling. "I-it sounds so lovely, to care for somebody so much you can't stand to be without them…"
"It'snot."
Strangely enough… Beatrice and Lambdadelta had said that together, in perfect synchrony.
They looked at each other, surprised.
Did they have that much in common…?
It was Beatrice who turned away first, face flushed pink once more.
Ahaha~ She must have been thinking about him again.
It was partially because of Beatrice's lovesick state Lambdadelta had chosen to spend time with the Golden Witch. Furfur had told her she should stay away from Bernkastel- but that was really, really difficult. It was almost impossible. So, to make herself feel better, Lambdadelta had been having regular tea parties with Beatrice and her furniture. Looking at Beatrice's sad little face as she pined over her prince charming made Lambdadelta feel less stupid for feeling so strongly for Bern.
Still, Lambdadelta wasn't sure if she 'loved' Bernkastel. Her feelings certainly weren't based on pure, fairytale images like Beatrice's were, and Asmodeus' innocent dreams.
Lambdadelta didn't expect Bernkastel to rescue her from those cold, dark, endless nightmares of logic errors. That would be beyond selfish. Bernkastel had enough problems of her own. She might have broken if Lambdadelta heaped her own problems onto of Bernkastel's already hefty pile.
But Lambdadelta didknow she felt miserable when Bernkastel wasn't around.
It was almost as if somebody had ripped her heart out and kicked it several times, before dumping it into a trash can.
Even when Bernkastel was cruel, or spurned her advances, Lambdadelta still liked being with her.
Maybe, then, it would have been fair to say… that foolishness like that was really 'love'.
"I just miss my Bern."
Lambdadelta's voice had none of its childish cheer. Instead, she sounded sad; truly sad.
Her head fell against the table top with a dull thump.
"If you miss her such a great deal, perhaps you should talk to her?" suggested Virgilia warmly.
Even though Lambdadelta was a cruel, sadistic witch, she still looked like a young child, so it was difficult for Virgilia not to sympathize with her.
"I would, usually, but Furfur said I should stay away. And, it's not like I trust that demon or anything, but… haha. Maybe, I'll wait a little longer. And see what happens."
"And if nothing happens?" asked Beelzebub thoughtlessly.
Beatrice, a fellow girl in love, shot Beelzebub a cold look for her cruel comment. Beatrice and Lambdadelta didn't get along on many counts, but Beatrice would gladly jump in to defend anybody who felt as terrible as she did for the exact same reason.
"If nothing changes then I go back to Bern and keep following her for the rest of eternity. I know I'll wear her down eventually. I have faith in my cute face. It'll see me through!"
"Ooh… Not giving up for the sake of love… T-that's so romantic!" said Asmodeus happily.
"Or it's called stalking," said Beelzebub cheerfully.
Lambdadelta scowled.
"Beato, your furniture is so rude! Then again…" Lambdadelta smirked, looking Beatrice up and down. "I would expect that from them, given they've been raised by an unruly little kid like you."
Beatrice's face flushed. "M-my furniture are perfectly well behaved, they're just-"
"I-I can't believe you ate all of Ronove's cookies, Beelze, you greedy pig! I-I'm going to get you for that! I'll smash your head from your shoulders, you see if I don't!"
"U-uwaaaah! Satan! Where did you come from? D-don't kill me- Mammon ate some, too!"
"Mammon's not even here, you liar!"
"K-kyaaaaah! Asmo, Asmo- give your life for me! Be a human shield!"
"E-eh? Why me?"
"Because you're the youngest!"
Beatrice's words were left unsaid.
She sighed, and placed a hand to her temple.
Maybe Lambdadelta was right.
When Bernkastel awoke that day she found herself all alone, in a bed that felt far too large. Was that because she'd been sharing it with Lambda far too often, for candy and cake filled sleepovers with idle story telling and hair braiding?
The thought was so sickening Bernkastel felt like laughing at herself. How on earth had she become so roped up in Lambdadelta's little games, anyway? She didn't need anybody; she didn't rely on anyone. She was like an alley cat, slinking in between the shadows.
She didn't want to become domesticated. She didn't want to curl up besides Lambdadelta, or purr when she was fed cake from the prongs of a fork.
She certainly didn't want to wear a collar.
Maybe, if her bed had been smaller, she wouldn't have felt the need to have somebody to share it with.
Bernkastel shuddered, curling up on herself in a tight ball. She felt cold; horribly cold. The covers of her bed were warm, but that warmth wouldn't penetrate through into the icy chill that settled, like frost, inside her.
It didn't help.
Curling into the foetal position only heightened her sense of being alone. It didn't make her feel any warmer, either.
She couldn't stop shivering.
Why… couldn't she stop shivering… …?
She wasn't used to being alone anymore. Lambdadelta had ensured that. Despite Bernkastel's wishes, that irritating girl, with her large smile and sharp, sharks' teeth, had wormed her way into her life as a maggot buries its fleshly body into a cold corpse.
Bernkastel had been content to exist in a state of self-imposed solidarity for the rest of her life. Or, rather, she hadn't been content, per say, but…
But she had felt safer by herself.
A lot, lot safer.
People lied to you, and they built up your expectations, and they then disappointed you at each and every turn.
Even people you trusted.
It was even worse if you trusted somebody.
That made the betrayal sting even more.
Bernkastel knew, she knew from experience. She could still remember Auaurora, she could still remember thatplace; she could still remember being trapped.
Repeating an endless cycle for one thousand years.
Hopeless; it was all… hopeless… …
Bernkastel knew miracles did not exist, but even so, it was a real miracle that she had survived at all. Or, at least, her bodyhad.
The moment she escaped from that hellish nightmare Auaurora had constructed about her she vowed she would never become entangled with other people ever again. She would only get hurt- and the thought of being hurt that badly once more was enough to make her whole body spasm.
Sometimes Bernkastel wanted to tear out her own eyes so she didn't have to look at the ugly world she lived in.
Spoons were all fine for drinking soup, but you could also use them for gouging eyeballs, couldn't you?
Disillusioned, disturbed, and- yes, admittedly, pathetically scared, Bernkastel had retreated into herself. She had hoped to drift aimlessly through the sea of kakera forever. She wanted to lose herself in that black sea studded with shimmering crystals; lose herself amongst an endless abyss of humanity's collective hopes and dreams.
She didn't need other people.
She didn't want other people.
And then Lambdadelta had found her.
Lambdadelta had followed her. She had chased at the heels of her shoes from world to world like a second shadow, sticking to her like glue- or, as Lambdadelta would say, 'super paper'.
She refused to leave.
"I'll never let you go, Bern~ Not now, not ever. You're mine."
At first, Bernkastel feared Lambdadelta.
The fear wore away quite quickly.
After that, she hated her.
She didn't know what she felt about Lambdadelta now.
It was too confusing. Pondering her feelings and picking through the trash heap disorganized thoughts took far too long, and Bernkastel didn't want to dirty her hands on thoughts and feelings of Lambdadelta any longer.
Bernkastel didn't want to think about how she felt too much.
So she didn't.
And then, without realizing it, Lambdadelta's company became almost… natural.
It felt rightwhen Lambdadelta was by her side. That persistent witch had hounded her for so long that Bernkastel couldn't even imagine a world without Lambdadelta in it now.
She couldn't imagine sipping tea by without being serenaded by the sound of Lambda's cries as she claimed there wasn't enough sugar in it.
She couldn't imagine sitting down in a corner and reading a book without Lambda's fingers idly coiling through her blue hair the whole while.
She couldn't imagine sleeping without Lambda's arms wrapped around her, keeping her safe.
Suffocating her.
Lambdadelta's presence kept Bernkastel grounded. It let her know she was still alive, she still existed, and that she was still wanted. Lambdadelta's company was strange and unsettling, she always lied and she made Bernkastel feel uncomfortable, she wasn't sincere in her words and her speech dripped with enough honey to catch an army of flies, and Bernkastel didn't like her, she swore she didn't.
But, at the same time, she…
She…
Bernkastel knew she might have been bent and broken, undeniably twisted; deriving pleasure from harming others and watching as the fairytales of young maids spiralled out of their control into terrible tragedies and murder mysteries-
But somebody still loved her.
Or, at least, somebody claimed they did.
And… …
Was that enough?
Was it enough… to make her happy?
Bernkastel's lip curled. That was all wrong. She should have been happy that Lambdadelta wasn't there. She should have been happy that the stupid (but Lambda wasn't stupid; not at all), childish (but that was only an act), irritating (yes, she was most of the time, but…) witch had finally decided to leave her alone.
And yet, all the same…
The bed really was empty without somebody else beside her.
And, at the end of that painful internal monologue, that was the only solid conclusion Bernkastel was able to draw.
Everything else was still a mystery shrouded in fog.