The summer passed and Bellatrix was surlier than usual, scaring and intimidating every eligible prospect away. Her mother was horrified and she was indifferent.
She found the prospect of being a spinster rather appealing and she even thought about getting a job. She was talented enough as a witch to succeed in many professions. And she would surely need one if she couldn't find someone to marry. She didn't expect her mother would let father give her enough of an allowance to support her spinster lifestyle.
She spent the days with her sisters, who became her only confidants and she plotted the best way to convince her father to let her go travelling.
"Mum wouldn't let it happen Bella unless you were already engaged. She's terrified of you being a spinster." Andromeda said as they hiked through a nearby woodland.
"But why? Why must I tie my life to a man before I can do anything." She moaned, picking up a rock and throwing it into a nearby stream.
Andromeda shrugged, it was Narcissa who brought up the rear who commented on it, "it's our way, you know that. We have to protect the pure bloodline and ensure the estate stays in good hands."
Both Bellatrix and Andromeda scoffed. "Sometimes I think our ways are wrong." Andromeda said quietly. Bellatrix shot her a sharp look but remained silent. She couldn't fault the girl, not since she agreed.
They made it to a little clearing and Bellatrix expanded the lunch the elves had packed as the three sat.
They were going to Hogwarts soon, and Bellatrix was looking forward to being away from her mother's meddling for a little bit.
"You just need to get yourself a pushover Bella, some dim witted idiot you can boss around." Andromeda said.
"No- she'd murder a man like that- she wants one of his followers, someone close to the action." Narcissa said, smirking at her sister over her sandwich.
"I want to be one of his followers, Cissy," she said longingly.
The two girls were quiet as they looked at her. "But he doesn't have any women followers," Andromeda said the obvious.
"I would be the first." She said matter of factly.
"You're mad Bella," Narcissa said quietly.
"Maybe a little," she agreed. "I saw him, weeks after that dinner. He taught me spells then, such wicked spells- it was a dream." She sighed, remembering how it felt to have him so close.
"What did he teach you?" It was Andromeda who spoke, her eyes shining bright with curiousity.
"The Cruciatus," she whispered.
Narcissa gasped and Andromeda's eyes widened. "But that's illegal!" The younger girl exclaimed.
Bellatrix shrugged, leaning back casually. "Don't be such a child Cissy. What does legality mean anyways? Magic is magic, it's meant to be cast."
"What-what was it like Bella?" Andromeda spoke so quietly, Bellatrix only heard her because she sat next to her.
"It was.. Wonderful. Bliss Andy- to have such power-" She sighed and sat back on the picnic blanket, looking wistfully at the sky. "It's cruel, in a way- to have a taste of such power, and to be told that taste is all I'll ever have. I want more Andy- I need more."
Andromeda nodded, picking at her sandwich quietly, thinking about her sister's adventure. "I think it would be nice to show them that women are powerful too- that we have our own minds and opinions." She finally said.
Narcissa stared between the two girls looking unnerved at their subversive conversation. She did what she did best when she was uncomfortable- she changed the conversation- "So Bella, do you think poor Abbot will even dare to look your way at school after that disastrous dinner?"
The mood lightened as the sisters laughed at the poor Abbot boy who foolishly accepted a suitor invitation with Bellatrix. It had not been a good night for the boy and he left in near tears by the time she was done with him.
Xxx
Her father had said no and it was his final decision.
Under no circumstances would Bellatrix be allowed on her own to conduct a grand tour. Not while she was a part of this family and not while he was alive. It was unseeming and improper for a woman to be on her own for so long, without an escort.
She first tried to reason with him- perhaps one of her male cousins could accompany her on her tour?
Out of the question, she was the eldest of the grandchildren and the eldest son was Sirius Black- and he didn't need to explain why that would be improper- between their age difference and his house allegiance.
A house elf then. It was not unheard of for house elves to act as chaperones for the pure blooded women.
He shot down that argument- he would not burden her mother and his household for a whim of hers to go travelling. And house elves were appropriate only for short affairs, it was unheard of for one to act as a chaperone for so long.
Bellatrix swung between cold distress at her dreams being so perfectly crushed to pure rage- yelling and crying at her father at the unfairness of it all.
"What if I leave then father- get a job after school and fund my own expedition- what then?" she had cried desperately.
It appeared not even Bellatrix was immune to her father's anger- because when she brought up her ultimatum his face darkened and he told her, in no uncertain words, that if she were to do such a thing- she would no longer be a Black because no Black would ever so openly defy their elders. She would bring shame on them in her insolence and would tarnish the good name of the family.
The only suitable chaperone would be a husband. Once she was married- it was up to her husband to make that decision and decide to grant her this indulgence. Until then- while he was responsible for her future- he would not approve it and she would do well to remember that and to cease bringing it up.
Betrayal and anger lanced through Bellatrix as she looked at her father in shock- seeing him clearly for the first time she felt. How dare he stand in her way? How dare he deny her this one wish? How dare he?
She screamed and she raged, seeing red in her frustration and she was sure she broke a few things in her father's office in her anger.
And then she left, slamming the door behind her, ignoring her father's bellowing voice for her to return this instance and her mothers screaming. She just grabbed her wand, and left into the cold night.
If they wanted to cut her off, fine. She was Bellatrix Fucking Black. She was smart and she was powerful. She could take care of herself.
She repeated this to herself as she apparated to London. She walked for what felt like hours- ignorant of the cold and the drizzle. Her anger turned from white hot to a simmering rage as she stewed in it, the unfairness of her circumstances. She seethed at how different her life would be if she had a cock between her legs. At how something so insignificant can alter the world so fundamentally.
She found a bar and ordered whatever ale was on tap- feeling reckless in her anger. She gulped the beer in a decidedly unladylike manner- smirking viciously at the thought of her mothers horror at her drinking such a beverage.
"My, my, do your parents know where you are, Miss black?" She felt her stomach lurch as she turned to the shadowy figure beside her.
"I can do as I please." She spat, taking another drink of her ale.
The man chuckled darkly, "Come join me if you're feeling brave." He motioned her over to a booth in the back of a busy pub. A booth she was certain had not been free before the wizard looked at it.
She jutted her chin out and narrowed her eyes- annoyed at how easily he moved through the world. At how everyone jumped at his word- before reluctantly following him, refusing to be cowed by this wizard.
The booth was dirty but empty- the previous occupants had spilled their drinks in their haste to clear away for him.
"Look at me," the man said almost lazily, amused by this girl.
She glared down at the table, her face twisting into a sneer as she disobeyed him. He was not her master- he had refused that offer.
"Look. At. Me." his voice was a cold whisper then, a warning that caused her eyes to snap up to his, almost against her will.
She gasped, her mouth falling open as she felt him boring into her mind, examining her soul. Memories flashed across her eyes and she knew with great certainty that he had seen them. Every. Single. One.
"So angry Miss Black," he murmured, his amusement back in his demeanour as he leaned forward to examine her closely.
"Tell me what enrages you, Miss Black."
She scowled darkly then, wasn't it obvious? She knew he had seen her fight, had seen her frustrations in her head.
"I want you to say it Miss Black. I want to hear it. And I will not repeat myself again, little girl." His voice was low again, dangerous.
"I hate pure blooded society. I hate the obsession for women to marry and have children. I hate being a second class citizen because I don't have a prick dangling between my legs." She took an angry drink of her beer, sloshing it around her mouth before swallowing.
"That's not all is it?" He moved closer to her pushing her hair away from her neck, his fingers toying with her curls.
"I hate men. Men like you who devalue women and write them off. I hate your privilege, your freedom, your ability to move through the world like you own it. I hate that men squander that privilege because if I had it- well- things would be different."
He chuckled lowly, cruelly as he moved even closer. "You envy men and your envy has turned to spite little girl." He whispered in her ear.
She snarled, feeling her rage bubble over as she sent her hand flying towards him in rage. Her anger turned to cold horror when he caught her hand, his grip iron as he ground the bones against each other painfully. His face was dangerous as he looked at her captured arm and her eyes and she saw, perhaps for the first time how deadly he could be. "I have killed all of those who have dared raise their hand against me," he squeezed harder and she whimpered, her eyes filling with tears from the pain.
"I should punish you, remind you just whom you are speaking to. But then I must remind myself that you are a foolish little girl with illusions of grandeur."
He dropped her wrist in warning but did not move away.
"You are naive to think women do not hold power of their own Miss Black. Women can hide in plain sight, unassuming and unseen but they can listen, gain valuable information because the men do not see them as threats. Women can seduce men, distract them and entrance them with their femininity- turning them to fools with naught but a flutter of eyelashes. Women hold power but you are too thick to see that." He hissed.
She pushed herself closer to him, challenging even as her heart raced in fear. "Then show me, teach me. You say I'm a foolish child yet twice now you have entertained my company. You are not a man who does things for pleasure- you have an agenda and I want you to know that the answer is yes, to whatever you want.
I have already told you what I would give to stand in your shadow, I have prostrated myself to you and called you master. I am yours, willingly and completely." She spoke lowly, urgently as she looked him directly in the eyes.
His face was blank as he observed her and he was unnaturally still. Finally he leaned forward. "Follow me." It was an order and one she hurried to comply with.
She followed him through Knockturn Alley, watching as he transfigured his features into a very plain looking man as they went. She remained silent however, feeling his goodwill was at its end.
They paused outside another pub and he pulled her aside, up against the wall as if they were lovers in a heated embrace.
"There is a man in there, a young fellow, named Linus Prewett. He is the second youngest of four children, and he has been thinking of joining his brothers in the fight against me." He whispered, hiding his face in her hair.
She nodded, she knew him. His sister was the year ahead of her in school and he had been three years ahead.
"What do you command, master?" She asked quietly.
The Dark Lord's hands found hers as he placed a key with a large round keychain on it in her palm.
"I want you to bring him to this hotel room at the Ravens Head just down the way."
She swallowed, pocketing the key.
"Don't let me down Miss Black. I'll be waiting," with that he pushed away from her, wandering down the alley past other drunken revellers.
She let out a shaky breath, her head spinning from how her night had turned so quickly and went inside the pub.
She saw Linus straight away, surrounded with a few mates, laughing at some joke.
She perched at the bar, ordering another beer as she thought.
She kept glancing at him, trying to find a smooth way to grab his attention. For once Bellatrix felt uncertain in this situation. She had never tried to initiate conversation like this before.
She was surprised when Linus came to her, looking uncertain as he threw a quick glance at all his mates who were watching him with grins.
"Er hi," he said. "Mind if I sit here?" He asked, pointing to the empty stool beside her.
She smiled at him, off balance but relieved at the turn of events. "Course," she said. The two fell into an uneasy silence.
"Uh, I'm Linus by the way," he stuck his hand out before cringing a little at the formality. She shook his hand, laughing a little. "Trixie," she said, changing her name at the last minute.
"Cool. So er, are you having a good night Trixie?" He asked, his face turning red.
"I am now," she responded, taking another drink from her beer.
Linus Prewett was an awkward young man, clearly uncomfortable with hitting on women but confident enough to try. She kept him in drink, ensuring his glass was never empty and slowly he relaxed, feeling bold enough to rest his hand against her lower back and push closer against her.
He waved his friends off as they left and he followed her to the dance floor. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close, and he responded eagerly, wrapping his arm around her waist.
She placed her face against his neck and started slowly with a few kisses, feeling awkward as she did. She grew emboldened when he gasped and tilted his neck further. Soon their lips met and they were snogging relentlessly, his hands in her hair as he pulled her even closer.
She felt him grow hard against her and she stilled in surprise.
He backed away a little, his face flaming as he realised what happened. "I'm sorry er- I just uhm really like you, oh Merlin."
She started to smirk before softening it to a smile. Trixie didn't smirk. She took a step closer to him, wrapping her arms around his waist as she gazed up at the young man. "I don't mind it one bit," she murmured, biting her lip as she squeezed him once more.
"O-oh. Ok then," she reached up and ran her hand against his cheek and brought his face to hers.
They kissed for a little longer and soon the barmen rang the bell for last calls. She pulled away, amused as his lips tried to follow hers.
"I uh I have a room you know, not far from here. If you want to uhm continue this in a little more private place."
He was nodding before she even finished, his hands wandering over her body and his eyes half closed with lust. "Only if you're sure," he said, returning her smile.
It was a short walk that took longer than it should have because he kept wrapping his arms around her and kissing her relentlessly. When they weren't snogging he was squeezing her gently. She turned away from him, unlocking the door and rolling her eyes as he pressed up behind her, his lips sucking her neck and his hand finding its way under her shirt to massage her stomach, his fingertips dipping beneath her trousers.
He moaned when he felt the door open, pushing her through and spinning her around so her back was against the wall.
She rolled her eyes as the boy fondled her, one hand moving up her shirt and the other snaking around to wrap her leg around his, his hands squeezing the backs of her thighs. His mouth was busy attacking her throat, moaning the whole time.
She peered into the darkness of the room, her eyes sharp as she searched for the Dark Lord.
"My my, how indecent." She sighed when she heard his voice, going hard beneath Linus. She heard the door lock beside them.
"Wh-wut?" The boy looked around stupidly, jumping in surprise when he saw the room's other occupant. He stood in front of Bellatrix shielding her from the perceived danger. "Who are you, what are you doing here?" He asked. Bellatrix could help but to giggle at the ridiculousness of the situation.
"So brave," she murmured, stepping around him. "He must've been a Gryffindor my Lord," she bowed her head at the dark wizard before turning to examine the boy she had been kissing moments before.
His clothes were dishevelled and his face was red. She smirked at the very prominent bulge at the front of his robes. He blinked in confusion-"Trixie?" He asked uncertainly.
"Not trixie no, Bellatrix Black," she said with a smirk. "What will you do with him?" She asked curiously, turning to the Dark Lord.
"Torture him then kill him. I'll make sure his brothers find him." The Dark Lord was blunt as he spoke, cold.
Linus started to cry and raised his hands, "Please no- I-I'll do anything you want."
"Would you like to watch Miss Black?" She could feel his eyes on her, watching and waiting. He was testing her.
"If you would permit me to master," she said softly, her stomach turning at the thought.
In a blink they were somewhere else, underground she thought from the musk of the place.
The Dark Lord made good on his promise, he had been thorough in his torture, and he extracted useful information about the boy's family.
Bellatrix was pleased that she made it through the interrogation and murder of Linus Prewett with a mostly straight face.
She found it shocking at first, amazed at how loud a human could be while in agony. But she also found it fascinating, there was an art form to it, and a certain allure. This was complete power she realised. To hold someone's fate so clearly in their hands. He decided the terms of the boy's life and when it was going to end.
His death had been anticlimactic after his interrogation. He had been reduced to a shell of a human being, muttering and laughing and crying. His mind had cracked under the pressure. She tried to remember the moment it happened and she was curious if a person had tells, if there was a way to control their pain so they hovered on the edge of insanity.
She had been dismissed when the last spell was cast. Waved away with barely a glance.
She let herself into the Black manor as the first rays of light peaked over the horizon, the memories of the fight with her father were distant- her rage replaced with the awe of the Dark Lord. How lucky to have stumbled upon him that night, and to have helped in his plans. At least something good had come from her parents' backwards ways. She crept up to her room, careful not to wake her parents up and fell into an exhausted sleep.