Sorry I kept you all waiting. Vacation time and no access to internet. Poor Rodney been bleeding all this time.

Chapter 19

'Control Room, override McKay's door!' Sheppard shouted in his headset. Rodney was not reacting. What if Ronon had been right? But why would McKay want to die?

The door opened in front of him. It was dark.

'Lights' Sheppard ordered.

'Oh Crap!'

Sheppard's eyes were immediately pulled to the blood running far too fast out of Rodney's leg.

'Medical Emergency – McKay's quarter!' He shouted, rushing to Rodney's side.

He grabbed the sheet on the bed and pushed it hard against the leg, both hands blocking the wound, trying to prevent more blood from running out.

'Rodney! Rodney!' Sheppard shouted. But there was no reaction. McKay was turning very pale and unresponsive.

Jennifer and a medical team ran into the room. For a second she stopped, stunned by the scene in front of her.

'Keep your hands on that wound.' She just told Sheppard while checking Rodney's vital signs. He was still alive but seeing the amount of blood spilled she didn't know how long for.

Applying a tourniquet, John was able to move out of the way and Rodney was wheeled back to the infirmary.

Sheppard stood lost in the room, unable to believe what had just happened. He hadn't noticed Teyla walking towards him.

'John.' She carefully tried to get his attention.

'He tried to kill himself. Rodney.' He was still stunned.

'Dr. Keller will save him. Then we will find a way to help him.' She gently touched his arm. He looked at her.

'I failed him. And I failed Ronon.' Sheppard shook his head and made for the door.

'John, wait.'

Sheppard turned towards her.

'Perhaps it is wise to first wash the blood of your hands. We do not want the others to scare of your appearance.'

John looked down at his blood stained hands. He had only held Rodney for like 5 minutes. How could there have been so much blood in such a short time. Dazed he walked to Rodney's bathroom and washed his hands.

oooOOOooo

Ronon waited anxiously for Sheppard to return, hoping he had been wrong and Rodney would be annoyed at him for sending Sheppard to check on the scientist.

But as soon as people started running about, he knew his worst fears were coming through. He saw the gurney pass by on the way to the OR.

Sheppard and Teyla walked in a little later.

'He's still alive.' Sheppard answered the unspoken question in Ronon's eyes.

'I'm sorry I didn't listen.' John averted his eyes.

'You couldn't have known.' Ronon simply stated. He was boiling inside but also knew if McKay wanted to die, he would have found a way to do it. At the same time he could see Sheppard wasn't convinced.

'I should have said more.' Ronon tried again.

Sheppard just sat down shaking his head.

'No, I should have kept my promise. You knew. Is that what happened on the pier?'

Ronon nodded his head.

'You can hear again!' Sheppard suddenly seemed to realise.

'Yeah, it was McKay. I could hear him say something, not a lot, just a few words. Then I saw the blood as he left. I followed him.'

'Ronon, do you know why Rodney would want to take his own life?' Teyla asked THE questions.

Sheppard looked up.

'Don't tell me it's my fault.' Sheppard said worriedly.

Ronon shook his head.

'It's the cuts.' Sheppard could not follow.

'The ceremony he went through. . . . it did something to him. Now, each time he feels good or is happy, he has the unstoppable urge to feel pain. He needs to cut himself. He said he could not live like that. He'd rather die.'

Sheppard was slowly boiling inside. The man had only sneezed! Was that reason enough to condemn him for the rest of his life!

TBC