Disclaimer: Penguins of Madagascar and all related characters are the property of Nickelodeon, DreamWorks, and any or all related affiliates. Characters of my own creation are my property and may not be used by others without express permission. This fiction was created for the purpose of having fun and being creative, no money is being made in any way from its creation and posting.
Hell Hath No Fury
Chapter 3
By
Wildgoose
(Steve's truck barrels down I-95 having entered the state of Florida about two hours ago. Several empty cans of soda sit in a plastic shopping bag that is currently being used for trash. The penguins have occasionally been drifting to sleep and then waking up to annoy Steve with repeated questions.)
Private: (rubs his eyes as he sits up reaching for the speak and spell) Are we there yet?
Steve: (sighs) I'm tired, Private. If you ask me that question one more time I'm going to pull off into the everglades when we see them and feed you to the alligators.
Private: No need to be hostile, …I just wasn't aware of how long I'd been asleep.
Steve: Barring the need for a bathroom break or other personal emergency, …when the truck actually stops then we'll be there.
Private: Oh, …okay then. (Pause) Would you mind if I climbed into the front seat? It's gotten rather uncomfortable back here.
Steve: Why, what's the problem?
Private: I think something Rico ate has disagreed with him, …he keeps breaking wind.
Steve: (rolls his eyes and then rolls down the window.) I'm so tired I actually thought that was me needing a shower.
Private: Aren't you used to being up all night? (Climbs into the front seat and begins to look out the windows)
Steve: Yea, …but driving all night drains you a lot more than you would think. The lines on the road can have a hypnotic effect, …especially if they're dotted.
Private: Highway hypnosis?
Steve: Actually, …that's the term for it exactly.
Private: (turns to look out the window again and then waves his flipper in front of his bill as a reverberating report comes from Rico in the back once more.) I guess it's a good thing the others aren't awake to notice the smell.
Steve: (chuckles) Look in the glove compartment and see if there's an old bottle cork in there somewhere. We can shove it in Rico's rear to stop him up.
Private: Wouldn't the pressure build up until he explodes?
Steve: Only if I'm lucky.
Private: I see. (Pause) If you don't mind my asking, ..why would a cork be in your glove compartment.
Steve: (sighs and reflects for a moment) Well, …after Kitsune and I were married we couldn't take a honeymoon right away because the baby was only a few months off and likewise she couldn't drink. So after Keiko was born, maybe three months after, she started sleeping through the night so Kitsune and I arranged for a honeymoon in Hawaii and let Ayame babysit. You remember, …I was gone for two weeks.
Private: Oh yes, …how could I forget. Alice was placed on night shift and we couldn't do a thing until you got back. It drove the skipper mad.
Steve: (Smirks) I aim to please.
Private: Indeed, …so you were saying?
Steve: Oh, ..well after we got back we were in no rush to get home so we went to the beach and drove the truck onto the sand and sat there next to the surf under the moonlight drinking champagne until we were wasted.
Private: So what happened next? (Steve looks back and forth between Private and the road a few times)
Steve: (Smiles) That's personal, Private. (Clears his throat) Later I found the cork to the bottle in the truck bed and just, …held onto it I guess. Sentimental reasons and all… I guess it must have landed there when we popped the bottle open.
Private: (looks towards the road) I think that's the sort of thing Pepper is looking for, the romance part I mean, …but it just doesn't feel right.
Steve: You don't like her?
Private: Bite your tongue, …she's wonderful. It's just, ….it just seems like something's missing. That certain spark.
Steve: She's not the girl of your dreams, huh?
Private: My dreams include a wedding in Las Vegas and, ….well that's personal. Then maybe raising a family in Nova Scotia.
Steve: Okay, …sounds cold but it's your dream. (Pause) I don't know what to tell you, …when life hands you lemons then make lemonade.
Private: Um okay, …I'm not really sure where to go with that.
Steve: It means that dreams seldom come true and most times you just have to work with what life gives you.
Private: Um okay, ….I think I'm a bit confused now. Are you saying that I should make lemonade and give it to Pepper to make things better?
Steve: (Sighs as he rubs fatigue from his eyes) Yes, …yes that's exactly what I'm saying Private. You go ahead and give that a try and let me know how that works out for you. (Steve pulls off the interstate and as few as twenty minutes later pulls into an old airfield that looks like it's been abandoned for forty years. Surrounding the perimeter is scaffold like towers that are covered in rust.)
Steve: We're here, Private. Wake the others.
Private: (As he tries to wake the others) Are you sure, …I've been to universal studios before and this doesn't look anything like it.
Skipper: (rubbing his eyes) Where are we? This doesn't look anything like a theme park.
Kowalski: (looks about) Maybe it's something new, ..the wonderful world of corrosion perhaps.
Steve: This is an old NIKE missile base, …back during the cold war bases like this were erected to be able to shoot down enemy bombers if world war three ever started. (Steve steers the truck towards a lone woman of Native American descent standing on what looks like a metal platform marked with yellow lines.) And there's our contact. (Steve drives his truck onto the platform, shuts it down and then exits with the penguins following suit.)
Woman: Wingapo! (win-gah-po)
Steve: Forgive me, ..it's been such a long time I've forgotten the response. (Smiles) How are you, Nicketti?
Nicketti: Well, now that I'm working here. I never realized working with animals could be so different. (Looks him over) You've certainly changed since high school.
Steve: (amused) For better or worse? (Skipper kicks his shin) OW! (Sighs) Sorry, ..this is the unit under my direct command. (Points them out as he names them) Skipper, Kowalski, Rico, and Private. They're the NY special operations unit. (The penguins continue to use the speak and spell)
Skipper: So what are we doing here?
Nicketti: You've still got them using a children's toy? (Laughs)
Steve: It's Kowalski's ego, …he doesn't feel something is worth using if he didn't invent it. (Pause) He took the thing apart and increased its vocabulary amongst other things before putting it back together.
Nicketti: What's inventive about THAT?
Steve: If you hit specific keys in a certain sequence it will achieve fusion in ten point three seconds vaporizing everything within a mile radius.
Nicketti: (smiles with concern) I see. (Pause) All right then, …since this is your first time here I'll give you the tour. (She pulls out a remote and hits a button. The entire platform begins to lower beneath the surface into a huge hangar like room. Once at the bottom the penguins begin to look about. A one third scale MH-53 sits not far from the platform and a number of blue penguins can be seen working on its engines.)
Skipper: Impressive, …they've got their own underground complex. …And here I thought that we were the only ones…
Nicketti: What did he say? (Steve kicks Skipper to remind him to use the speak and spell. Skipper mumbles to himself and then uses the device to translate and is used from here on out.) Oh, …actually the complex was already here. We just cleaned it up, a few repairs here and there and of course a few modifications, …and here we are. (Pause) Of course we have Steve to thank for the heavy equipment.
Steve: Eh, …it was far easier to get the appropriations committee to scale down an already proven piece of technology. I wanted them to get your guys a V-22 osprey but it was like pulling my own teeth with a pair of tweezers. However the look on their faces when I told them I wanted to train penguins to fly it was priceless and well worth the effort afterward.
Nicketti: I can imagine, …thanks for recruiting me to do it by the way.
Steve: Well I figured by now you would have had enough of working for the coast guard.
Nicketti: Yea, …now I just work WITH them instead. The blues routinely go on night ops to locate boaters in distress and the like.
Kowalski: What the, ….this isn't fair! Where's OUR equipment? Do you have any idea what we could do with this kind of stuff?
Steve: Like I said before, Kowalski. You're ego… (Pause) Besides, ..it would be a lot harder to hide a helicopter parked in the zoo. Here, …well it's Florida. Lots of space and most of the people down here are either hyped up tourists or retired old farts, …none of which would be considered credible if they saw these guys in action. There's also the triangle about a hundred miles off the coast to explain it away. People will blame anything on THAT.
Skipper: I though you said there's nothing supernatural about the triangle.
Steve: There isn't, ..it's been scientifically proven. But the general public would rather blame the supernatural for the strange and unusual so we might as well go with it.
Kowalski: (grumbles) I want a helicopter…
Skipper: Calm down Kowalski, ..maybe Santa will bring you one for Kidsmas. (Kowalski grumbles some more)
Nicketti: Allow me to introduce you guys to Blue Squadron, (The penguins stop what they're doing and salute as they're introduced) Their C/O Digger, pilot Babs, recovery specialist Toby, copilot Nigel, weapons and countermeasures officer Mel, and recovery specialist Don. (Skipper and crew waddle over to inspect the equipment)
Steve: Nice group. So any word?
Nicketti: (Leads Steve away from the two groups and begins to speak in a lower tone) My team touched down inside the exhibit last night and were able to recover four otters, …three were dead. The survivor is at a nearby animal hospital. (Steve rubs his face and looks away for a moment)
Steve: Was the survivor female? (Nicketti nods) Well, …Hannibal will be happy to hear that at least. Where are they?
Nicketti: Your otters? We haven't seen them, ….the team went back later and did a sweep of the area but we didn't locate them.
Steve: They would have been here by now, ..they left hours before us.
Nicketti: I don't think they made it this far, Steve. This was faxed to us a couple of hours ago. (Hands Steve a faxed photo. The fax shows three otters bound, blindfolded, and gagged)
Steve: (looks away in frustration) That's them, …do we know who sent the fax?
Nicketti: Not yet, …but if you'll look at the bottom there's handwriting stating that we should monitor our communications systems for a coming transmission. (Steve sighs and crumples the paper)
Steve: I'll go tell the guys. (Walks towards the helicopter)
(Cut to a small dimly lit room, the otters are beginning to wake and notice that they are still bound but no longer blindfolded and gagged. Their grunts as they struggle to get free echo off of the metal walls and floor. The scirtch of a flint is heard and a corner of the room is suddenly illuminated by the flicker of a small flame. A metallic clap is heard as the flame is suddenly extinguished and then the pattern repeats several more times before someone steps out of that corner and turns up the lights. When the room is bright enough the otters find a squirrel wearing an eye patch staring at them while repeating the previous pattern with a zippo lighter.)
Squirrel: (Russian accent) So glad to see you all awake again, …Chloroform can render one unconscious for quite a while. I hope you are not suffering any ill effects.
Loki: (grunts trying to get free) My head is pounding, …I could use an aspirin. (The squirrel slowly walks over to look him in the eye)
Squirrel: We don't HAVE any! (Chuckles evilly) Is there anything ELSE I can't get you? A warm blanket perhaps?
Yoshi: Who ARE you?
Squirrel: Call me Red. (Looks at Hannibal and starts playing with the lighter again) I'm the one who roasted your girl. (Hannibal's eyes go wide) I must admit, …I was pleasantly surprised with my own work. The flames spread so quickly. (Smiles and inhales as if he could smell the smoke.) It was almost intoxicating. (Hannibal grits his teeth and frantically struggles to get free as he begins to mumble rage fueled obscenities at Red.)
Yoshi: I don't understand, …WHY? (Pause) Why are you doing this to us? What do you want?
Red: (Chuckles) Me? (Pause) Why, …it's not what I want. (Pause) It's what HE wants. The three of you are just pawns in a larger game, …tools if you will. To be used to his advantage at a later time. (Chuckles again as he continues to play with the lighter) I must admit, working for him is a chore. ..But JUST occasionally, it can be a real pleasure. (Begins to walk towards the door and then stops) I'll have someone come to put you in proper chains, …those ropes can begin to chafe so badly after a while. (Walks to the door again and collides with it.) Stupid eye patch! (Grumbles some more as he leaves the room and seals the metal door. After which Hannibal has stopped struggling and allowed his head to rest on the floor having reduced himself to tears. The scene fades to a POV outside of the room and farther back still until a cargo ship is revealed steaming east into the distance as the sun sets behind it.)
(Cut to a control center in an unknown location. A Puffin stands before a console while having a conversation with a high pitched voice through the radio.)
High pitched voice: Have you had any trouble, Hans?
Hans: Nothing I couldn't handle, Blowhole. But I find myself faced with a pressing question. The help, …seriously, where did you get this guy?
Blowhole: You'll need to be more specific, Hans. I recruit a lot of animals.
Hans: The squirrel with the fire fetish, …did you know he was a pyro? I mean he went pretty far above and beyond the call of duty on his assignment. He killed twenty four animals to bait the trap.
Blowhole: (groans) Look, …I don't have time to look at every microscopic detail on somebodies resume. He promised he could get the job done and his price was a lighter and all the lighter fluid he could use. (Pause) You can't find somebody else who will work that cheap. (Sighs) So are we on schedule?
Hans: You'll need to be more specific Dr. ,we have more than one.
Blowhole: What..? (Pause) Oh right, …the first one. (Silent pause followed by agitation) …And don't mock me through the radio. (Hans snickers) I have lobsters there too, …I can reach out and get you Hans. They'll sneak up on you with their claws and make you a eunuch.
Hans: Oh don't get so uptight Dr. , so far the plan is going accordingly. (Pause) Now about the other schedule…?
Blowhole: You leave that to me, …you'll get what's coming to you. Revenge, …shall be MINE!. (Stuttering laugh) After all these years, …finally!
Hans. Ours…
Blowhole: What?
Hans: Revenge will be ours, Dr.
Blowhole: Oh right, …I'm so used to working alone I guess I got ahead of myself. (Pause) Have no fear, ...revenge will be ours. Just make sure you do your part and everything will come together as it should. (A disoriented man's voice is heard in the background.) Ugh…(Pause) Excuse me, Hans. (Talking between blowhole and his lobsters is heard in the background over the radio.) I told you to keep him quiet, …can't you guys do something that simple?
Lobster: (over the radio) Sorry boss. ( A loud whap is heard followed by something heavy hitting the floor)
Blowhole: (Comes back to the radio) Now where were we…?
Hans: Puzzle pieces…
Blowhole: Right, …just do your job. Blowhole out… (Static comes over the radio)
Hans: (smiles evilly and acts as if calling a pet.) Here Skipper, Skipper, Skipper…. (Turns to a female puffin at another console) Where is the bait now?
Puffin: On its way sir. It's due in port in three days.
Hans: Wonderful. (Sighs) Assuming Red doesn't sabotage the plan by setting fire to the ship. (Imagines explaining that to Blowhole.) You don't understand, …it wasn't me. It was the one eyed squirrel!
(Cut to the NIKE base in Florida. Blue squadron is busy showing the NY crew around.)
Skipper: Listen, ..this is a great place and all. …But shouldn't we be busy doing something? Like finding my kids?
Digger: Look chum, ..I want to wallop whoever did this as bad as you do. …But until we get this communication we're waiting on the only thing we CAN do is wait. So you might as well keep yourself occupied. (Pause) Listen, …Toby is the best. When we hear from the bad guys he'll be able to get a fix on them right quick. When we know where they are then we can make plans, …haul tail feathers to the ends of the earth if need be and lay those buggers flat out like a lizard drinking.
Skipper: Um, …right. Listen I don't know how you guys do things down under but here we like to use good old fashioned brute force.
Digger: That's about what I was getting at, mate.
Skipper: Well good, ..as long as we're on the same page. Just don't forget the explosives, …we Americans like those too.
Digger: (Shakes his head) Yanks… (Babs belly slides in from the next room) We've got something, Digger! (The three make for the control room where the others are waiting and find a large screen active displaying a please stand by statement. A moment later the image of Hans appears)
Skipper: HANS!
Hans; Skipper, ..my old friend. So good to see you again.
Skipper: (scowls) Ditto, ..so how's the Hoboken zoo treating you?
Hans: Oh Skipper, …it was every bit the disease ridden cess pool you probably imagined it would be when you sent me there. Please do accept my gratitude. (Pause) Now shall we get down to business?
Skipper: My thoughts exactly! Now where are my kids?
Hans: Oh they're fine, Skipper. I must admit they make for such pleasant company, especially when they're tied up. (Pause) They went down quite easily you know, …I was concerned that the one wielding the weapons might prove a challenge but as it turns out he proved to be every bit your son. (Smiles) A posturing pushover. (Skipper growls and picks up a glass from a nearby console and hurls it at the screen. The impact cracks the screen and distorts the image but the transmission continues.)
Skipper: (growls) I want my kids!
Kowalski: (hushed tone) Skipper I realize your frustration but damaging our own equipment won't help them. (Skipper huffs)
Rico: (approaches the screen and when close enough to touch it he growls like a dog and then points to Hans) Kaboom!
Private: Rico's got the right idea, Hans. ..And we'll make sure that happens right where it hurts.
Hans: (Mocking private) Ooh, …that sounds serious. (Pause) …But really, Skipper. If you want them back all you'll have to do is come and get them. (Laughs evilly) If you can… (Pause) I'm certain that by now you know precisely where I am, …come and get me. (The transmission ends and the screen goes black)
Mel: Um, …I know this is bad timing but you owe us for a new tele, mate.
Digger: Not now, Mel.
Mel: I'm just saying… (Babs whaps Mel in the back of the head to shut him up)
Digger: (Looks over at Toby who was monitoring the transmission) What's the word, Toby?
Toby: Well, …the bird wasn't lying. The transmission was just long enough to get a fix. You yanks will love this, …he's in Denmark.
Skipper: (puts a flipper to his forehead) Of all the places, It had to be Denmark.
Toby: What's wrong with Denmark?
Private: Skipper can't go there, …he's considered an enemy of the state.
Babs: I don't suppose you'd fancy a story, Skipper?
Skipper: No Babs, ..I don't fancy that. That's my own burden to bear. (Sighs) This smells like a trail of breadcrumbs people.
Kowalski: Skipper's right, …there's no doubt that Hans expects us to come after him.
Digger: It's a trap then.
Skipper: You can bet on it. (Sighs) Digger, …you and your team have done enough. This is our problem from here on out. (Laughter comes from the blue penguins) What's so funny?
Digger: Not one of us likes to shy away from a fight, …and we're none too afraid of a little adventure either. (Speaks up) I'll need volunteers for a dangerous mission. (In unison the other blues step forward)
Private: They certainly are dedicated aren't they, Skipper.
Skipper: (sighs) That they are, Private. It reminds me of the girls back home.
Private: You really think the girls are that much of an asset? How wonderful of you to say…
Skipper: No, I mean they're an annoying pain in the butt but it turned out that we needed them. Just like the blues.
Don: Hey, ..we're right here mate! (Skipper looks Don in the eye)
Skipper: (Motions with his flippers) You didn't hear anything….
Don: (Mesmerized by Skipper's flipper action) I didn't hear anything…
Skipper: The conversation wasn't about you….
Don: (eyes vacant) The conversation wasn't about me…
Skipper: You have more important things to do, ..move along…
Don: I have more important things to do… (He walks out of the room. After which Skipper stops)
Kowalski: (astounded) That was crazy, Skipper! How did you do that?
Skipper: It's all in the flippers, Kowalski. (Pause as he looks about) Now let's get our humans in here with us so we can formulate a plan.
(Cut to an hour later. Steve and Nicketti have joined the penguins in the control room.)
Steve: That doesn't make sense, …the pups were only just grabbed last night. They can't be in Denmark already for the same reasons we had to drive down here.
Nicketti: You think this Hans is in Denmark waiting for the pups to arrive so we'll try to follow them or head them off. (Pause) Leading us right to his doorstep. (Groans) Skipper was right, ..that's a trap if I ever saw one.
Digger: (using a cutting edge touch screen text to speech qwerty board strapped to his flipper. Each blue penguin has one.) So what can we do about it?
Kowalski: Gah, …I don't believe this. They've got THOSE TOO? (Pulls a few feathers from his head) Why does everybody else always get the GOOD stuff?
Rico: (grunts) Uh, …I think he may be suffering a conflict of ego…
Skipper: (sighs) FINE, …if it will make him happy. Nicketti, ..can we get some of those so we can shut the baby up?
Nicketti: (tries not laugh) I'll see if we have some more. (Walks off)
Steve: You realize that Kowalski will take the thing apart, modify it, and then claim he invented it when we get back.
Skipper: Yes, ..we all know that. Just give the baby his bottle already.
Kowalski: (crosses his flippers about his chest) I am NOT a baby! (Nicketti comes walking back and hands the devices to Skippers crew. Kowalski jumps up and down.) Ooh, ….technology!
Skipper: (As he straps on the new tech) So what do we do with the old one?
Rico: (laughs with sinister intent) Kaboom!
Skipper: I like where your head is at soldier! Once we have the kids back we can send it to Hans with our compliments. (The NY crew begins to use the new devices to communicate)
Steve: Alright, ….now how about this plan?
Nicketti: I think I might know somebody who can help us but we'll have to go through channels to get it done. That's where you come in, Steve.
Steve: So happy to be useful….
(The scene cuts to a day later on the bridge of a US coast guard cutter positioned fifty miles off the Florida coast. The captain of the vessel is looking out the windows toward the aft section of the ship as a one third scale MH-53 sets down on the helipad with ship's crew directing it. The XO stands nearby watching as well)
XO: (Watching as penguins begin to exit the craft) You've GOT to be kidding me! Has somebody lost their mind?
Captain: My thoughts exactly, …but we've got orders from the DOD. This is a classified special ops team and we are to assist in any way possible. Besides, there HAS to be more to this than meets the eye. When was the last time you saw flightless waterfowl land a helicopter?
XO: We're the Coast Guard, …since when do WE run special ops?
Captain: Apparently since now. (Sighs with a groan) Just make sure the crew doesn't say anything to anybody outside of the ship or we'll bring a hornet's nest down on us from the media. (Pause) I'll go welcome them aboard… (Leaves the bridge and the scene fades out)
Chapter 4 coming soon.
DOD: Department of Defense
NIKE: A surface to air missile system used in the United States during the fifties and sixties for the intended purpose of shooting down invading bombers should world war III ever occur.
Coast Guard: During recent years the US coast guard has been sent beyond the borders of US waters to protect maritime interests in a region where the US military is operating after a conflict.
Comments and suggestions are always welcome.