AN: sorry for the short chapter, I plan on doing them often, say, 2-3 a week. Please enjoy, review and recomend. Cake if you do!
Dreams
I don't know, I don't think I can live without Prim.
I have a recurring dream, where the parachutes drop, and they just keep falling. Then they morph into mutts, any of the ones I've seen, but sometimes ones I haven't. That makes me scared, if I can create lethal, twisted monsters just like the Capitol's, then I am just as bad as them, just as ruthless, just as evil. Then I run from the mutts, not caring for anyone else but myself. I lead them from district to district and they devour anything and everything. I eventually lead them to district thirteen. My home. My family. I don't stop. I just keep on running, hoping that the ruins and the people make them slower, but it doesn't. It never works. Then out in the woods, with nothing else of interest to the mutts, the dream ends.
After the dream, I am always left with a horrible feeling that I lead the world to this, that no one could have changed it except for me, and I didn't. I feel like I have stuffed up the world. This is always the time when I contemplate the pill in my Mockingjay suit, when I contemplate suicide. I feel as if there is nothing left to live for, but I know that there is. Knowing isn't always enough though, sometimes you have to follow your heart. And, and at this specific point in time, my heart is with Prim, up in the clouds. So I reach for my Mockingjay suit, going as inconspicuously as I can, find the nightlock. I place the tablet in my mouth, going through the same motions as in the arena. Gale bursts into the room, along with a team of doctors and nurses. The only nurse I want is Prim. I must have been too slow reaching for the tablet. I swallow in fright, then have just enough time to see them all crowding around me as drop onto the bed, into unconsciousness.