Disclaimer: Penguins of Madagascar and all related characters are the property of Nickelodeon, DreamWorks, and any or all related affiliates. Characters of my own creation are my property and may not be used by others without express permission. This fiction was created for the purpose of having fun and being creative, no money is being made in any way from its creation and posting.
Hell Hath No Fury
Chapter 6
By
Wildgoose
(Hans sits in front of a console speaking into a satellite com unit in communication with Dr. Blowhole. In the background several squirrels and a single other puffin go about their duties. Several monitors display the locations of Danish security forces about the region and other monitors still show radar and the locations of all air traffic.)
Blowhole: (irritated tone) Skipper sure is taking his time, isn't he. Are you SURE you have his offspring? They are otters after all.
Hans: Well OBVIOUSLY they're not his biological children but he holds them dear none the less. (Chuckles) I trust my source…
Blowhole: (Groans) Ugh, …I hate double agents. (Pause) It's not a lemur is it? (Groans again) I can't believe I let that nutty little fur ball in on my plans the last time. (Pause) Well it won't happen again!
Hans: (Dry) Right… (Pause) It's not a lemur if it makes you feel any better. In fact I believe the two of you were once quite close.
Blowhole: Huh, …what are you talking about?
Hans: (rolls his eyes) I'll give you a hint, …she's a dolphin.
Blowhole: (confused) I've still got nothing here, …spill the beans already Hans.
Hans: (Sighs) Come on Doc., you're supposed to be smart. (Pause) Doris..?
Blowhole: (stuttered laugh) Oh Doris! How is my ex mate? (Pause) Hmm, …I haven't seen her since were both in the open sea.
Hans: She still speaks of you Dr., you must have made quite the mark on her heart.
Blowhole: Really, …what does she say about me?
Hans: Usually something about making a mark on yours.
Blowhole: (Sighs) Yea, ..that's Doris all right. She's still bitter after all of these years, huh?
Hans: It would seem so, …why is that by the way?
Blowhole: Oh it was just something stupid.
Hans: (leading) …And THAT was?
Blowhole: Nothing really, …when humans tried to capture us to be placed in their amusements I threw Doris at them so I could save myself. (Pause) She's hated me ever since. (Pause) Females, …right? (Pause) So how did you get her to work for us?
Hans: Not us Dr., just me. It was quid pro quo really, …she agreed to work for me if I agreed to do something for her. (Pause) So exactly WHERE are you again?
Blowhole: (stuttered laugh) You'll need to try a little harder than that Hans. (Pause) You'll find out soon enough. Just remember the plan, …getting what you want serves my purpose as well.
Hans: …And that concerns me, Dr. You have yet to tell me what exactly your plan IS.
Blowhole: Tsk, tsk, Hans. You'll spoil the surprise, …but have no fear. Everyone will get exactly what's coming to them. (Another voice is heard in the background over the radio.)
Voice: The equipment is all in place, boss.
Blowhole: Ugh, …excuse me Hans. (Voices in the background.) Fine, …I'll run my tests as soon as I'm done here. In the meantime have the others slap the prisoners around a little, ..the fat one looks like he might provide some entertainment.
Voice: Can't do it, boss. All the extra food around here has caused most of us to molt, …our shells are too soft to do anything right now.
Blowhole: (groans) Lobsters, …I just can't get a break with the help anymore. (Comes back to the radio) Anyway, …my plan is ready Hans. All I I'm waiting on is you, call me when you have the penguins. As soon as you do I'll put my plans into action and revenge shall be mine at last.
Hans: (annoyed) Ours Dr., You seem to have a habit of taking all of the credit.
Blowhole: What…? (Groans) Right, ..of course. Blowhole out. (The radio goes silent)
Hans: (fumes for a moment) I'm beginning to wonder if I should tell the Dr. that I have them already just to find out what he's up to. (Shakes his head as another puffin comes waddling over)
Heidi: Are you okay, Hans?
Hans: Doris was right, …it may have been a mistake to ally myself with Blowhole. (Pause) Whatever he's up to likely won't benefit anyone but himself.
Heidi: What can we do about it now?
Hans: Nothing but wait. (Looks at the screens) Where ARE you Skipper? You should have come to save your children by now. (Taps his wings together coldly in frustration)
Heidi: You're losing patience already?
Hans: My nemesis has NEVER taken this long to swim into action. (Smiles) He was a worthy adversary in Copenhagen, …it's doubtful that experience has weathered him as much as it has me since then.
Heidi: Are you sure he's coming? The otters aren't REALLY his children you know.
Hans: He's coming, Skipper has yet to ever back down from a challenge. (Pauses in thought as his expression turns slightly sad) Aren't they? (Pause as he drifts off in thought) Tend to the otters, …they've had nothing for days. (Pause) …And find out what Red is up to, …that freak has been very quiet lately and that can't be good. That squirrel is like a sadistic child, …the quieter he is the more trouble he's likely getting into.
Heidi: It will be done. (Pause) You're sudden concern for the pup's health suggests second thoughts, …has Menschen started getting through to you?
Hans: (Annoyed) Never you mind about that. (Grumbles) I will have my revenge on Skipper one way or another, Heidi. Just see to their needs for now and report back to me when you figure out what red has been up to.
Heidi: (sighs) As you wish. (She turns about and waddles out of the room. Once she has left Hans huffs and knocks a tablet off of a console onto the floor with the squirrels watching nearby)
Hans: (begins to pace) Blowhole is up to something, I'm working with a fire craving psychopath and Skipper is taking his sweet time. (Grumbles) The next time I decide to take revenge on somebody I think I'll fly solo. (Pause) Skipper's not coming by air or I would have detected his approach by now. If he followed by ship his landing would have been detected by the Danes (Sits back down on his chair and after a moment of staring at the screens begins to drift off in thought. As he does so the scene ripples to a moment in the past.)
(It is the early evening at the Hoboken zoo as a truck backs up to an aquatic exhibit featuring a lone puffin. The security measures are deactivated as several zookeepers enter the habitat and begin to off load a crate. While they do this the zoo's vet enters the habitat as well and grabs the puffin to administer antibiotic as well as vitamin shots.)
Hans: (gags/coughs) It's about time you filthy humans gave me something, …I've only been hacking day and night for a week straight. (Ruffles his feathers and looks at the crate as the zookeepers work to open it.) As if being stuck in this stagnant pit of pestilence isn't bad enough, …now it seems you've seen fit to crowd me with an incompatible roommate. (Eyes the crate once more) Hmm, …too large of a box to be a natural predator of mine. (Pause) Well whatever it is I'm sure the humans will be comforted to know that I must now worry about being eaten in my slumber.
Zookeeper1: Tell me again why we got another one of these birds?
Zookeeper2: The vet says the first one is lonely, …something about they live in social colonies.
Zookeeper1: I thought that was penguins.
Zookeeper2: Whatever, …personally I think they'd rather breed more of them than buy them for the exhibit. That's probably why they brought this one in. (The crate is finally opened and a single female puffin is pushed out into the habitat. As quickly as the zookeepers came they now depart leaving the two puffins with an awkward introduction.)
Female puffin: (looks about before finally speaking with a heavy German accent while walking past Hans in ignorance) What a dump! (Looks at the ground she is stepping on) Ugh, …what could I have done to deserve this? (Hans surprised at his new guest begins to approach to try to gather information. The female turns toward him and holds out a flipper.) Halt right there, ….come no closer than a space of two meters or I shall bite your feathers off. I heard what the humans suggested and I'll have no part of it. (Huffs) Just keep your wings and your words to yourself. I'll be getting back to my colony promptly, thank you very much. (She attempts to fly but gets no higher than a couple of feet off the ground before tumbling back to earth. In the background Hans chuckles. The female tries again and again and again before finally rubbing her tail and turning to Hans who still laughs at her. The female holds out her wings.) Achtung, what has been done to my wings?
Hans: (amused) Oh NOW you want to talk to me.
Female: It appears as if I have no choice.
Hans: So it seems. (Sighs) Well I must admit that the situation is better than I had feared, …I thought certainly the humans would stick me with something incompatible. Something I'd have to worry about being consumed by…
Female: (angry) My wings, …or I'll bite your eyes out!
Hans: (grumbles) Then again, perhaps my fears were justified after all. (Sighs with a grumble) Very well, …the humans knocked you out and clipped your wings to prevent escape. (Grumbles) They do it to me on a regular basis. (Looks her in the eye) Welcome to stalag Hoboken. (Turns and waddles away as the female brushes off his comments and begins to attack the electrified fence. Eventually she flops to the ground with feathers smoldering one last time in defeat, she huffs and puffs a few times before turning to look at Hans who stands nearby watching in amusement.) Perhaps NOW is a good time for an introduction, …since it appears we're stuck together in this hole. (Pause as he extends a wing) I'm Hans.
Female: (grumbles with defeated tone before accepting his wing for a shake) Menschen, …so what's YOUR story? (The scene ripples back to the present as Hans continues to stare off into space with his frown having morphed into a slight smile.)
(Cut to the back bumper of a bus as it heads inland from a shore location. The NY group rides on the back with the passengers of the bus oblivious to the stowaways. The ride is bumpy and the penguins have to maintain a tight grip to prevent being tossed off onto the road beneath them.)
Skipper: Kowalski, …are you sure this ride will take us toward our destination?
Kowalski: Close Skipper, ..unfortunately this bus isn't going to Hans's hideout. It's going to the nearby city of Legoland.
Private: Couldn't you have found us something that would get us to Hans directly? Time is still a factor isn't it?
Kowalski: Actually Private, time is more of a relative and intangible measurement of existence rather than a physical polynomial representation. (Kowalski is slapped by Skipper)
Skipper: Who cares about the meaning of life details, Kowalski. The point is that we don't have ENOUGH of time.
Private: So then what's the plan once we get into town?
Skipper: We're still working on that. Kowalski, …options!
Kowalski: Assuming that we don't run into some form of resistance once we get to Legoland, remember that Hans IS expecting us and will likely have established some form of perimeter defense around his base of operations to prevent our approach. (Sighs) But then again his behavior does suggest that he WANTS us to get to his location to face whatever diabolical plans he has for us. In that case we may have no problem actually getting to Hans whatsoever. It's AFTER we get there that we'll have to worry about.
Skipper: Sweet mackerel, …just suggest an option already! We'll deal with the small stuff later.
Kowalski: (rolls his eyes) Fine, take the fun out of this for me why don't you. I suggest then that when we get into town we do our usual bit and grab a taxi to take us to Hans. (Pause) Or,….we could just cut out the middle man all together and steal a car. (Pause) It would be cheaper since we've brought no money.
Skipper: Don't be silly, …of course we brought money with us.
Kowalski: We did? That's news to me, …why didn't anybody tell me? I'm the options guy, …I NEED to KNOW these things! How can I be expected to present options if I don't know which ones we have available…(He is cut off by Skipper)
Skipper: Because it was need to know and frankly the fewer people who knew the better. (Turns to Rico) Show him what we've got for our spending needs, Rico. (Rico regurgitates a credit card)
Private: A plastic spending card! Wherever did you get this? (Private takes the card from Rico and looks at the name embossed on it.) Oh dear, …there's going to be hell to pay when we get back isn't there.
Skipper: Have no fear, Private. The zookeeper didn't notice when we picked his pocket and he won't notice when we put the thing back either. Besides, …he's thousands of miles away. How can he possibly know what we're using it for?
Private: I don't think you understand, Skipper. The name on the card isn't the zookeepers.
Skipper: Say what? (Takes the card back and looks at it. The name on the card reads Kitsune Sarah Rothermal.) Crap!
Kowalski: Oh I'm sure she'll understand in the grand scheme of things, …or she'll just kill us all and sell our carcasses to recoup the money.
Skipper: (sighs) Well, …we'll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.
Private: Will we be crossing many bridges on this potentially perilous little adventure of ours?
Skipper: (Gestures) Will you do the honors for us, Rico?
Rico: (nods with enthusiasm) (Grunts) Uh huh… (Slaps Private)
Skipper: (As Private rubs his cheek) Thank you for that, Rico.
Private: You didn't have to slap me so hard, Rico.
Rico: (grunts) Um, …yea I did.
Skipper: (Ignoring their comments) Anyway, I wonder why the zookeeper would have something in his possession that belonged to Kitsune.
Kowalski: No doubt there's a logical explanation, …I HAVE noticed a significant trust factor between them so it's likely nothing out of the ordinary.
Skipper: Hmm, ..well that's very interesting Kowalski but the only thing that's popping into my mind right now is WHO CARES! I meant the question to be rhetorical. What matters is that we have it and can use it if necessary. We'll worry about setting the record straight when we get home.
Rico: (chuckles as he recalls his relationship with her)(grunts) Before or after we have to run for our lives.
Skipper: What was that soldier?
Rico: (grunts and looks the other way) Nothing.
Skipper: I didn't think so. (Pause) Rico, …anything on the com from the blues? (Rico touches his flipper to his earpiece and then shakes his head)
Private: Skipper are you sure leaving the shortwave with the blues was a good idea? What if we get word from home or the zoo keeper?
Skipper: That unit was loud and non-covert, …it could have given us away in a tight situation. If anything comes over then the blues will relay the Intel directly to us through the com. (The bus passes a female puffin sitting on a nest a dozen yards off of the side of the road. Once the bus has passed the puffin looks on at the penguins sitting on the back bumper before reaching into the nest to pull out a radio unit.)
(Cut to the closed room where the pups are being kept. The metallic screech of a lock is heard and the door to the room opens. A moment later a light is turned on waking the pups from their boredom induced slumber. Yoshi is the first to lift her head to see a puffin standing in the doorway. A moment later the other two lift their heads to notice the same thing. The puffin waddles forward followed by squirrels rolling a cart into the room and closing the door behind them locking all inside. The puffin gestures one of the squirrels to begin to set out food and water for the otters. With another gesture the other squirrels take positions about the room with Taser weapons at the ready.)
Yoshi: Are you Hans? (The puffin shakes her head)
Puffin: My name is Heidi, …and I've been requested to tend to your needs. (Looks back and forth between the otters briefly) You WILL be cooperative or you will go without AND you will suffer further consequences. (Gestures towards the armed squirrels) I don't care HOW good you think you are, …you can't get to all of them and I myself am a force to be reckoned with. (Smirks) I stowed the confiscated weapons myself so I know that at least one of you can handle him or herself. (Pause to look at Loki noticing his burns. Heidi gestures to him) This one clearly needs medical attention and all of you MUST be hungry, …so I trust we have an understanding. (Looks back and forth between the pups as they slowly nod) I'm glad. (Gestures for some of the squirrels to untie the otters.) Don't rub the rope rash, it will only increase the pain and you will lose some fur in those areas. (She gestures for them to eat after which the pups waste no time. Moments later a metallic screech is heard again and the door opens. Heidi turns to notice as Sarah pops her head through the door, the squirrel freezes in fright with the knowledge that she'd been caught.) What are YOU doing in here? (Stares at Sarah for a moment to make her sweat and then glances down at the supplies in hand. Heidi decides to break the ice before the squirrel soils herself) You're here already, …come in. (Pause as she points to Loki) You're definitely prepared, …this one needs medical attention.
Sarah: Um, ..I uh…(Heidi holds up a wing to silence Sarah and then gestures to Loki again. Sarah enters the room further to tend to Loki.)
Heidi: The fact that they hadn't died from dehydration meant that SOMEONE had to be looking after them, …I'm not stupid you know. (Sarah says nothing as Loki whimpers in the background while his burns are cleaned.) You've done this before, …I can tell.
Sarah: (Without turning to look) When you work for Red you need to know these things.
Heidi: (takes Sarah by the chin and lifts her head to look at her face. Sarah has a black eye and a fat lip.) I guess SO… (Pause) Red did this to you? (Sarah nods as Heidi grumbles as she points to Loki) …And we all know who did THIS. (Heidi shakes her head in disgust) I'll have a chat with him, continue your work. (Sarah begins to coat Loki's burns in silver sulfadiazine as he groans in pain)
Hannibal: What do you intend to do with us? First you try to starve us to death, …now your feeding us and giving us care.
Heidi: (Smirks) I'm actually not sure what Hans's intentions are anymore. He's become difficult to read lately. (Looks thoughtful) He's frustrated, …very angry, …and other things.
Yoshi: Wait, …you're working for him so why are you telling us that?
Heidi: If you didn't think I'd tell you then why did you bother to ask? (Silent pause as the pups exchange glances) I don't work for him, ..I'm working WITH him. There's a difference.
Hannibal: Her question still stands.
Heidi: Because I want you to realize that despite all things apparent, ….he's no monster. (Pause) I know him, and there are those who are trying to help him work through his emotions…
Loki: My dad didn't kill anybody! (The other pups turn to look at him in surprise)
Heidi: (surprised as well) What do you know about that?
Loki: Hans thinks my dad killed his kids, …he DIDN'T!
Heidi: (looks thoughtful) That's a matter of perspective, …in Hans's eyes he did.
Loki: He DIDN'T! (Groans in pain as Sarah dresses the burns)
Heidi: Well, …that can be debated later. (Turns to Sarah) Finish with this and tend to their other needs until I return. The guards will remain so don't let the otters get any ideas. (Places a wing on Sarah's shoulder prompting her to shiver and shy away. Heidi pulls back a little and stares at Sarah for a moment) I'm definitely going to have a chat with Red.
Hannibal: (barks) Don't kill him!
Heidi: (laughs) Suddenly you're in a position to give orders?
Hannibal: (growls) Our dad will come for us, and one way or another we WILL be freed. When that happens, … Red is mine!
Heidi: Interesting… (Gestures to the other squirrels) Watch them, ….if they do anything suspicious at all… (The squirrels nod and Heidi leaves the room)
Loki: (Turns to Sarah) Thank you…
Sarah: (Looks down) Actually, …I need to thank YOU. (Pause) If you had told red the whole truth…
Loki: (Surprised) He believed me? I thought he didn't, …then why did he beat you?
Sarah: He didn't at first but I heard that Hans had mentioned something to him about your parents ability to escape. I guess he assumed that translated to you. (Pause) He beat me because I didn't want anything to do with him when … (She turns away)
Loki: Did he….? (Sarah shakes her head)
Sarah: He really likes me, …taking it by force would take something away from what he wants.
Yoshi: That's disgusting! (Sarah nods)
Sarah: (looks at Loki) I owe you an apology, …when you made the jokes after we were shoved in the closet...(Pause) I didn't realize you were just making light, it didn't occur to me until later. I actually caught myself laughing. (Pause) At the time I'd figured you were taking advantage of the moment and just being, …you know, ..a guy.
Loki: No apologies necessary, …It's just what I do and my timing can be pretty bad sometimes. (Pause) It helps me relieve stress, ..you know?
Sarah: (Nods) I think I understand. (Hesitant pause) To respond to your earlier jest, …no that wasn't my first time in a dark closet. (Helps Loki up off the floor) …And all things considered I think I owe you this as well… (She plants a lengthy kiss on Loki's lips and then pulls back putting her paw to her fat lip from the pain) Thanks for covering for me,…you, …you saved my life. (She turns and leaves the room)
Loki: (Calls after her) Thanks for helping us…
Hannibal: (Beside himself) Dude, …hooking up with the enemy? (Loki looks bewildered about what just happened and doesn't respond)
Yoshi: (Laughs) A squirrel, …I can't wait to see mom's face when we tell her the story.
Loki: (Snaps out of it) So you think our chances are good on getting out of here?
Hannibal: I don't plan on us dying anytime soon that's for sure. This Heidi can take her monster theory and shove it up her rear, …that guy plans to kill us if Red doesn't first. (Pause) How's that plan, Yoshi?
Yoshi: (looks about at the guards) I'm still working on it. (Pause as she gets to her feet) You know, …I don't think these guys even care about us or they would have done something as soon as we started talking about getting out of here. (Takes steps towards the squirrel guards and screams as she is stunned)
Loki: (After Yoshi has fallen unconscious to the floor) You know there aren't many times where Yoshi is dead wrong, …so you'll have to forgive me if I savor the moment out of context.
Hannibal: Do your thing, ….but I'm going to slap you for it when we get home.
Loki: I can live with that.
Hannibal: I'm just saying…
Loki: Yea, yea. (Pause) So what do you make of Heidi?
Hannibal: I think that for someone who was supposed to be helping Hans to kill us she seemed to be making a lot of effort to improve our situation a bit. (Yoshi begins to recover in the background) are you alright, Yoshi?
Yoshi: (wobbly) I think I taste metal. (Shakes her head to clear it) I don't advise an encore of that. (Looks at Loki's bandages) How is your tail, Loki?
Loki: It hurts, …but not quite as bad now.
Yoshi: This has got to be the most bizarre situation we've ever been in . We've got a mystery captor named Hans who can't seem to decide what to do with us, a psycho pyromaniac squirrel who as far as I can tell would rather stick the world on a spit and roast it over an open fire, and an apparent angel of mercy squirrel who risks her safety to bring us food and aid out of the goodness of her heart yet she's afraid to free us. ..And who also seems to have a thing for Loki.
Loki: It's not what you think, ..we got locked in a closet together.
Hannibal: ..And that's how it all starts isn't it? First it's a kiss and the next thing you know she'll want you're pudgy body.
Yoshi: (scoffs) Who'd have thought pudge could be sexy?
Loki: HEY! Can we get back to the matter at hand, please? Yoshi how about now? Do you have any kind of a plan yet?
Yoshi: (smirks) Yes, …It involves you and liposuction. I don't think I can handle the idea of you being considered sexy. (Pause) I'm sure Jr. could whip something up using parts from an old vacuum cleaner or something once we get home.
Loki: Pudge is not the same as fat! Now do you have a plan or not?
Yoshi: Yes, …but I'd rather discuss it when the goof troop isn't watching our every move. (Gestures to the squirrels)
Loki: They haven't said a thing or moved a muscle since they stunned you. Like you said before, maybe they don't care about us. Maybe they don't care what we say, just as long as we don't try to leave. Maybe persuasion would work to get them to change their minds. (Pause with a smirk) Maybe you should try flirting with them to get them to let us out of here.
Yoshi: Yea, …I don't know if you've noticed but shaking my butt to get what I want isn't my forte'.
Hannibal: Actually, …have you ever even tried? (Looks Yoshi over) I mean you DO seem to have moms curves.
Yoshi: I am NOT going to reduce myself to exploiting my body to get my way no matter how dark the situation!
Loki: Well we have to try SOMETHING. (Turns to the squirrels) Hey guys, …who here thinks my sister is hot? (No reaction from the squirrels) Wow, …tough room. (Looks them over) Which of you thinks my BROTHER is hot? (No reaction as Loki Shrugs) Eh, …that last one was worth a try anyway.
Hannibal: (pats Loki on the shoulder) I think you should quit before they stun you. (Looks concerned) …Or they decide to take that last part seriously.
Loki: It can't be worse than being set on fire. (Pause) Let me try one more, …hypothetical situation guys. Assuming that Red no longer had his little remote that torches your forests,…who here would like to see him embalmed with napalm and given a Viking funeral? (Turns to Hannibal without waiting for a reaction) Okay, …I'm spent. (Hannibal gestures for Loki to turn around. When he does he notices that every squirrel has a paw raised to shoulder level)
Hannibal: (Slowly smiles) So if we can get the remote his own forces would likely turn on him. (Approaches the squirrels) Listen guys, I have a suggestion….(He is stunned by one of the squirrels and falls to the floor)
Yoshi: ..And that would be easier said than done. (The door is heard and Heidi comes waddling into the room again. She notices Hannibal on the floor.)
Heidi: You three have been having a good time I see. (Shakes her head) I warned you…(She gestures for the pups to be tied back up and the squirrels comply)
(Cut to a bus station on the outskirts of Legoland as the passengers of a bus disembark and head off in various directions. Some into an adjacent building, some sit on benches waiting to catch the next bus to another location and some remain nearby chatting with others. Unnoticed by anyone else four penguins somersault off the of the rear bumper onto the ground.)
Skipper: Okay Kowalski, ….where to from here?
Kowalski: (pulls out a GPS unit) Our original intelligence suggests that Hans's hideout is located approximately two miles to the north of here. Assuming that we can obtain the proper transportation then we should be there in no time.
Private: I can't believe how easy this has all been so far.
Skipper: Mind your tongue, man. Do you want to jinx this whole operation? (An alarm sounds and strobe lights flicker on nearby building walls causing people to look about in surprise and then head away from the buildings into a nearby open area out of sight of the bus.) What the deuce? Kowalski, ..report!
Kowalski: (Looks about) It appears that something has set off the fire alarms, Skipper. (Sniffs the air) Although there doesn't appear to be any obvious signs of fire anywhere. (A voice seems to emanate from nowhere once all humans are out of sight)
Voice: (callous) You were warned about what would happen if you ever returned to Denmark, Skipper. It appears now that you may have taken that warning a bit lightly.
Skipper: (Gasps) The Danes! (Pulls himself together) Identify yourself, man! No self-respecting soldier scolds an adversary from the shadows.
Voice: Call me Simon. (A puffin steps out from behind a bush) It's doubtful you'd remember me, Skipper. After all I was but a young bird when we last saw each other, …I however remember you. (Pause) Coming back here after what you did was a very foolish thing indeed, Skipper. So I feel compelled to ask why, …especially since you've gone to the trouble of telling such a sordid tale to your comrades and convincing them to come with you.
Private: (speaks up) Actually, …he's never told us.
Simon: Really? Never, …he's NEVER even mentioned a word to you? (Surprised) …And yet you came with him anyway. (Pause) Well that's got to be the bravest display of loyalty I've ever seen, …or the most brazen act of stupidity.
Private: Actually, we came because….
Skipper: (Cuts Private off) Because of reasons that are none of his concern, …now let us pass and we'll be out of your merry little country in a jiffy and nobody else ever needs to know that we were here. Now look, ..it's important that we be allowed to move out of here. There are lives at stake…
Simon: There always are, Skipper. So I really wouldn't care even if you were about to tell me that your offspring had been abducted and you were racing to save them. (Pause as the penguins exchange glances) …And as much as I absolutely would love to hear the details behind your being here I'm afraid that I do have my orders which means that everybody else already knows that you're here.
Skipper: And those orders are?
Simon: Why, ..to present you to my superiors so that you might face the consequences of your return of course. (Smirks evilly) You DO remember what those consequences were, don't you?
Skipper: (shivers) How could I forget. (Shakes it off) …But none of that matters now. (Looks Simon over) We have a mission to accomplish, …now we can do this the easy way. (Pause as he glances at Rico who wipes his beak with his flipper) …And then there's that OTHER way.
Simon: Hmm, …such a tough decision. Now give me a moment to think it over, …hold on now. (Pretends to look deep in thought)
Skipper: The clock is ticking man, ..we don't have all day. Rico, …show him the clock! (Rico regurgitates a large ticking clock to show to Simon.) See…? It's quarter past three already.
Simon: (Rolls his eyes) Oh very well, …since you're in a rush. (Pulls out a hand held radio and barks commands into it. A moment later scores of puffins fly in from seemingly nowhere and take positions around the NY group.) I think we'll be trying "that OTHER way".
Kowalski: (Looks around him) That's a lot of puffins, Skipper.
Rico: (grunts) Uh oh….
Skipper: (looks around him) Is THAT all you've got, Simon? We take on this many opponents during breakfast, …while reading the Sunday paper AND sitting on the john!
Kowalski: Uh Skipper, …I think you may be going a bit heavy on the machismo today.
Skipper: That's just the way I like it, Kowalski. (Pause) Show me your stuff, Simon!
(Cut to the control room inside of Han's bunker. A squirrel comes walking over from the communications console to Hans as he paces about.)
Squirrel: Sir, …we've intercepted a transmission over the Danish guard frequency. Special security forces have located Skipper and are preparing to engage him.
Hans: (Chuckles evilly as his face lights up) FINALLY! (Pause) When they're through with him they'll no doubt transport him to Copenhagen to face the music. Inform Red, …have him prepare his forces to intercept them and bring Skipper to me. ALIVE, ….and un-burnt! Do I make myself clear? (The squirrel nods and heads off to carry out his orders. Hans sits in a chair and leans back with a grin) A little longer leipschen, and then you can finally rest.
(Cut to Red's quarters as he carries out some personal business. "Master of Puppets" by Metallica plays at a low volume from a stereo in the background. A knock comes at the door and a moment later Red opens it to see Heidi standing there.)
Red: (dry) I was not expecting you.
Heidi: (pushes past Red into his quarters) Who were you expecting, one of the girls that work for you?
Red: (annoyed) What is it that you want, …I'm busy here.
Heidi: (Looks about the tidy room) Yea, ..I can see that. What I want is to have a chat with you, Red. From what I can tell you've been going a bit rough on your help lately.
Red: (annoyed) They are my workers and I will do as I please with them.
Heidi: So you own them now?
Red: IS there any other way to command obedience?
Heidi: ….And I suppose I couldn't appeal to your better nature to get you to stop torturing those kids?
Red: They are to die anyway, …I see no reason I shouldn't get to enjoy their demise.
Heidi: (looks irritated as obviously talking to him is useless) Look, …Menschen and I are trying to turn this all around and you are NOT helping us. Try to understand this, WE don't want them to die, death is bad, to most people anyway. Hans thinks that retribution will in some way abate his grief, ….but those of us, with a clear head anyway, know that is the furthest from the truth. It will only serve to increase the size of the hole in his heart by adding guilt.
Red: (fumes)THAT is Hans's problem, not mine. I am NOT here to help you, ….get that clear! I am here at the request of Dr. Blowhole to see that the plan is carried out and I'll be a rotten acorn if I'm not going to enjoy myself along the way! (Pause as he huffs) Now if there is nothing else….
Heidi: (sighs) Okay, …I think we got off on the wrong foot here. Can we start this conversation over with just the three of us?
Red: (Looks about the room for the mystery third person) The three of us?
Heidi: (Smiles) Yes Red, ..the three of us. You, …me, …(regurgitates a baseball bat) and little slugger here. (Swings and whacks Red upside the head sending him across the room. Heidi quickly waddles over to Red before he loses consciousness and grabs him by the chest fur.) Now get this straight you sadistic parasite infested rodent, ….if you touch another one of the females working for you in any way, if you burn one more person especially those kids, …I promise you that your brains will see the light of day. (Releases Red and lets him slump to the floor. As she makes her way out she encounters the squirrel that had been sent with Red's orders.) You might want to come back later, ..he's got a skull splitting headache.
(Cut to hours later as Red sits in his quarters nursing his head with a bag of ice. He is flipping channels on the satellite TV system as Sarah enters the room carrying a bottle.)
Sarah: I have the aspirin you asked for… (Pause as she watches him flip channels) What is it that you're looking for?
Red: (growls) The news, …preferably something airing in a wooded area. I don't care where… (Grumbles) I'm in a REALLY foul mood and I need a pick me up before I head out to work.
Sarah: A pick me up..? (Red glances at her and then back to the TV. He continues to flip until he pauses on a channel airing the news in the US. The topic is covering the heightened fire hazard in the Arizona national forests.)
Red: Nice and dry kindling, and I get to watch. (Chuckles) It's perfect… (Pulls out his remote and time seems to slow to a crawl as Sarah watches him begin to punch in a series of digits.)
Sarah: (Voice flutters as his finger descends on the enter key) Wait…. (Red stops to look at her with is finger still hovering over the enter key) You, … (a tear drops from her eye) You've repeatedly mentioned your interest in me, …please, …don't.
Red: (Glances at the news and then back at Sarah as he smirks evilly) if you're suggesting what I think you are, …it's too late for that. You've already made your position VERY clear. (Red turns his attention back to the remote and his finger falls onto the enter key.)
Chapter 7 coming soon….
Silver sulfadiazine: A topical antibiotic cream used to treat serious burns.
Comments and suggestions are always welcome.