Another short chappy, just wanted to clarify though, it isn't the story people are hating on, it's everyone in my real life hating on me, but thank you so much for all your support! I'm feeling much better after all of the kind reviews and have decided to throw vending machines at the next person who ticks me off!

Shit, not now! I squeeze my eyes shut as the first wave of pain rolls through me, one hand resting on my now properly swollen abdomen, the other suddenly squeezing the life out of Shizuo's hand. He blinks and looks at me now.
"Kanra?" He asks and I manage to bite the pain back and smile.
"Ah hah! No, it's nothing…I um…need the bathroom," I lie as best I can, looking for somewhere…ANYWHERE away from prying eyes.

I stumble into a nearby women's room, hurrying to the last stall and sit down to let the pain consume me. I have to bite down on my own arm to keep myself making noise, and clench my eyes shut so tight I can feel the contacts I'm wearing. Stupid, STUPID! I knew there would be an attack today and still I agreed to this? I'm a fucking fool!

I try to breathe my way through like Shinra suggested but it's not working as well as I'd hoped it would. Five months of these insufferable attacks though and I'm beginning to manage the pain better. Being able to see Shizuo whenever it strikes my fancy is helping too. I know he cares about me…well, okay he cares about Kanra, but I know he doesn't love me…er…her. Not yet. I know I should end this before he does, much as I want him to feel my pain. I've been so happy lately, but I know he would crush me if he knew who I really was.

Even now if he hears my real name his head turns to that direction, his perfect golden eyes flashing. I gasp lightly, releasing my arm as the pain starts fading. Huh, that was faster than usual. It wasn't as bad either, and I feel a small kick inside my abdomen.

"Ne, I'm okay baby," I say softly before getting up, grimacing at the throbbing pain in my arm. I look quickly. Good, didn't break the skin. Shinra says it's a boy, but I'm not sure I believe him. I just…know. I move the sleeve back down to cover my teeth marks, flush the unused toilet and wash my hands. I make my way out to Shizuo who smiles when he sees me.

"See? I'm fine~" I say happily taking his hand. I'm anything but.

"Honestly, you must be masochistic or…or something!"
"Ne~, Shinra-san, I just can't help it," I shrug but he's still berating me.
"You have you're attack days marked on a fucking calendar! SERIOUSLY! And you STILL decide to go out today?"
"Shut up Shinra, I want strawberries, my feet hurt, and your giving me a head ache," I grumble now and he shakes his head in mild frustration.

"What do strawberries have to do with anything?" He grumbles.
"I'm craving Shizu-chan's foods you know," I say it softly and I swear when tears bead in my eyes again. At least I'm in my own damn clothing right now, but this shirt is completely ruined. Stretched to fucking oblivion. Shinra frowns a little and goes into my refrigerator to get me my fruit. I sniffle and eat the red berries, but it does little to calm me.

"H-how do y-you stand it?" Fuck I hate these hormones and I hiccup a little.
"Stand what?"
"Love? By GOD I hate this! I h-hate b-b-b-being s-so f-f-f-FUCKING i-in l-l-love wi-with him!" I can't help it. I'm crying properly now and Shinra doesn't know what to do.
"W-well, um…Celty does l-love me back so…" He stammers. I know he wants to leave. This is uncomfortable for him.

"G-go," I hiccup.
"What?"
"GO! GET OUT OF H-HERE!" I scream, throwing the now empty carton at him and he squeaks, fleeing. I curl up with nothing but my misery on the couch and sob openly now. Why? Why couldn't that stupid oaf love me? ME? Not Kanra! ME? A hefty kick from my abdomen jolts me suddenly and one hand flies to it.

"S-sorry," I mumble and sniffle, a small smile forming. Another kick comes and I wipe the last of the tears away. Ah yes, baby loves me. She'll love me, and she's half of him. Even if he hates me for eternity, I'll always have her. I love her too now, properly. I saw her on the ultrasound Shinra did last week and my heart melted for her. She was going to be beautiful, I just knew it.

"Ah baby~, you'll be pretty like your mommy ne~?" A small kick and I giggle now. Shinra wasn't kidding when he warned me of mood swings. I pick my phone up and stare at it for a moment, sighing softly.
"Ne, did you know that when you sigh, you lose a piece of your soul baby? That's what they used to think you know~" I smile at the small kick.

"And when you sneeze it falls out, that's why people say bless you. So the devil can't possess you while your soul is climbing back in," Talking to my baby feels good. I wonder if she will be more like me or more like him. I smile at the thought. My piece will arrive soon…just four more months…and then I leave my Shizu-chan for good. I should end this beforehand, he's already wondering why I won't tell him my address, and he's really wondering why I don't let him do me...though he hasn't really pressed the issue either. I don't want to break it off, not when he makes me so happy, but I know this can't last forever either.

Why did I let myself do this? Why am I such a fucking fool?

Seliphra *Huggles Izaya* It'll be okay~!
Izaya: Shizu-chan, you're such a meany~!
Shizuo: What the hell did I do? You brought this on yourself flea!
Izaya: Ehhh...heh heh *sweat drops then acts innocent*
Seliphra: Need yer reviews folks, you really have no idea how much they help me! And remember, when baby comes the story IS NOT OVER, this will likely be my longest story in terms of chapters...