Disclaimer: Penguins of Madagascar and all related characters are the property of Nickelodeon, DreamWorks, and any or all related affiliates. Characters of my own creation are my property and may not be used by others without express permission. This fiction was created for the purpose of having fun and being creative, no money is being made in any way from its creation and posting.
Hell Hath No Fury
Chapter 20
By
Wildgoose
(Yoshi has climbed up on top of a number of stacked boxes so that she can see over the multitude of squirrels. Beowulf's estimated number of willing bodies has swelled beyond the one hundred mark as those squirrels that were assumed to have headed for home have instead showed up at the bunker looking to play a part in saving the world.)
Yoshi: (still standing on the boxes she looks over the crowded room) Wow, …that's a lot of squirrels!
Loki: I think we may have exceeded the maximum occupancy of this room. (Pause) Just a little bit…
Beowulf: Hey don't look at me, …I thought they had all headed for home. I'm not even sure how word got out to them.
Yoshi: No matter, we can use them. (Raises her voice) Okay, …does everybody remember the plan as it was discussed? (Nods are seen throughout the crowd.) How about electronics? (A single squirrel speaks up from the crowd) Psy-ops are set to go, I climbed through an access panel in the ceiling and rigged the lighting in the room to work with the IPod.
Yoshi: What exactly did you do?
Squirrel: Let's just say I hope you like strobes and lasers.
Loki: (impressed) We had lasers?
Beowulf: No, but she makes all of her own stuff. She's down right handy most times.
Yoshi: (Looks at Beowulf) Who is she, …and where exactly does a squirrel learn to be an electrician?
Beowulf: Oh that's Gadget, she built her nest in the back of an Atlantic Electric® truck years ago and has been picking things up ever since.
Loki: Gadget…? Who names their kid Gadget?
Beowulf: Actually her name is Gidget but she likes the sound of Gadget better. (Shrugs) I can't say I blame her.
Yoshi: (Amused, gestures to Gadget) Uh huh, …okay when this is all done we're keeping that one. (Looks as Loki) Maybe she can shed a light of intelligence on Fred when we get back home.
Beowulf: Fred…? (Pause in thought) Would that be Fred from Central Park New York?
Loki: You've got to be kidding me, …you know that dimwit?
Beowulf: (Dry) He's my uncle. (Loki and Yoshi slowly turn to look at each other in the awkward moment and then look away)
Yoshi: (Cautious) Right, ….we'll we're still keeping that one for said purpose. (Pause) No offense…
Beowulf: (Dry) Uh huh…
Yoshi: (Moment still awkward) SO…. (Pause) Loki, …you know what you have to do right?
Loki: I'm good.
Yoshi: You recorded with the script I gave you and exactly as instructed?
Loki: Not exactly… (Yoshi gawks) What, …you're script totally SUCKED. Don't worry though, …with my version I still worked in those pauses you wanted to allow for response from the enemy.
Yoshi: (pinches her sinuses in aggravation and groans) Well whatever, …but they better be timed right. We'll lose the element of surprise if we're figured out before we're ready.
Loki: (Slightly smug) Hey, …I'm Loki! The trickster of legend, remember?
Yoshi: We'll see… (Pause) Alright, let's get ready to do this. Somebody check to make sure the hallway is clear. (A distant voice comes from the doorway a moment later giving the all clear.) Let's move into position people.
(Cut to the control room where Skipper and crew have been eventually overwhelmed by sheer numbers. Instead of being restrained as in previous encounters, the lobsters simply hold the penguins and puffin down with their claws.)
Blowhole: Well that was certainly interesting to watch, however futile. Did you really think the five of you were going to take on so many crustaceans?
Skipper: (Scoffs) We've done it in the past.
Blowhole: (irritated) You had HELP in the past you STUPID flightless bird! At Coney Island it was those idiotic lemurs, why I thought I could use a partner in crime is beyond me, but that's the past. In Camden you defeated my humans with the help of that psycho. (The camera turns to look about the room) Speaking of which, …where is she? I thought you'd made her a part of your team now.
Kowalski: If by psycho you are referring to Kitsune, she is otherwise occupied with her family.
Blowhole: (Astonished) Wait what…? You mean she let a guy live long enough to procreate? (Disappointed) No beheadings? (Grumbles) Talk about depressing. (Pause) Ugh, …what is this world coming to when you can't even count on the nut jobs anymore to do what's expected of them? (Balls his flippers in fists) No that can't be right, I had a penguin double agent in her midst some time ago and the second he so much as touched her she freaked out and took his head off. (Long silent pause) This guy now, …what does he have that my agent didn't? (Pause) You know, …in the interest of intrusive curiosity. …Because I thought he was going to turn coat when he took a liking to her.
Private: Um, …I suppose it could be that he's human. (The room falls silent for several moments)
Blowhole: (Amazed) Seriously…? (Pause) WOW…she really broadened her horizons didn't she. (Pause) And they had an offspring? (Looks at Kowalski with a sly grin) Kowalski have you been playing mad scientist again?
Kowalski: NO, …well… not recently anyway. (Grumbles) I'm still trying to get past that giant green rage fueled monster I created and …subsequently lost track of.
Blowhole: (Curls flippers into fists as they begin to tremble in outrage) That was YOU! That thing destroyed an entire truckload of imported fish that I'd had brought in, I had to live on rations and go without any extra treats for a WEEK! (Throws his flippers up in frustration) GAH…!
Rico: (grunts) Really? Alright, …way to go Kowalski!
Hans: (Annoyed) Oh can we cut the chit chat already, I have a blowhole to find!
Rico: That shouldn't be hard; the world is full of them. Especially New York. (Hans grumbles)
Skipper: I don't think he meant that kind of Blowhole, Rico. (Upbeat) ...But thanks for trying.
Blowhole: (Dry) How amusing, …but Hans is right. Let's cut the chit chat and get down to business shall we? (Pause) Lobsters, …start plucking their feathers one at a time! …and when they start begging you to stop, then pluck SOME MORE. (As the lobsters are about to begin, the sound of something rolling across the floor is heard. Heads begin to turn looking for the origin of the sound but nothing is found. Heads turn again when a voice is heard behind the lobsters, the lobsters find Loki standing there looking at them.) What the, ….how did HE get in here?
Skipper: Loki, what are you doing? Get out of here now! (Loki doesn't respond but instead begins a prepared monologue as what sounds like light orchestra music fills the room.)
Loki: What's up? (Pause) Listen, I'm supposed to take this time to ask you to reconsider your plans for destroying the world as we know it, so here's your chance. (Pause as only a light chuckle comes from Blowhole)
Blowhole: Your kid is funny, Skipper. What…(He's cut off by Loki)
Loki: I honestly didn't expect you to take it so I think I'm going to reach down into my heart and choose some words of meaning that I think my brother Hannibal would say if he could be here to hand your rear end to you himself.
Blowhole: …And what would…(Cut off by Loki)
Loki: As my brother might say, "We have come here to chew bubble gum, and kick butt! …And we're AAAALLLL out of bubble gum."
Blowhole: (Laughs) What the heck is THAT….(Cut off by Loki)
Loki: Thanks for listening, and since there's no gum to be had then I'm afraid the butt kicking will have to begin now. (The image of Loki disappears leaving a device on the floor and the orchestra music suddenly transitions to the deafening sounds of heavy metal playing "Battery" by Metallica as performed with orchestra backing them. The lights in the room begin to pulse with high intensity coinciding with laser beams that shoot about at random. One beam actually hits the camera momentarily blinding Blowhole and as he reels to cover his eyes with his flippers the door to the room bursts open and the real Loki comes flying across the floor on a skateboard while weaving between crustacean bodies and tossing smoke grenades and flash-bangs as he goes. Amidst the commotion the lobsters lose hold of Skipper and crew allowing them to get up and begin beating on as many bodies as possible. At the same time a hoard of squirrels comes rushing in, the sounds of bodies colliding is almost as deafening as the music being played as lobsters or squirrels go flying everywhere. As many as twenty squirrels descend upon Kowalski and carry him to the communications terminal to get to work on cracking Blowhole's encryption codes. Once he is in position the squirrels quickly stand shoulder to shoulder forming a semi-circular shield to protect Kowalski as he works. Elsewhere in the fight Yoshi finds a lobster trying to pin her down but just as soon as the lobster came upon her Beowulf appeared from the crowd and jumped on the crustaceans back grabbing it by the antennae and proceeding to ride it about as if in a rodeo with the lobster bucking about trying to get him off.)
Loki: (After assisting Rico in slamming another lobster against a wall he comes rushing to Yoshi's aid) Now I guess that was something you don't see every day. (Beowulf can still be seen amongst the melee calling out with hoots and hollers as he rides the lobster around while bowling over others.) Come to think of it that's not a bad idea. (He calls out to Rico who currently has a lobster in a choke hold) Rico come here, I've got an idea! (Rico finishes the lobster off and rushes over) Do you have anything we can use for rope? (Rico rushes back to the lobster and breaks off both antennae, then brings them back to Loki and ties them together.)
Rico: (Grunts) Rope!
Loki: Wow, ..that was…NASTY Rico. (Loki points to Beowulf) Do you see that guy? (Rico nods) We're going to do the same thing but use this….rope…like a clothesline. Do you get it? (Rico nods with sadistic laughter and before anything else can be said he tackles a lobster and climbs on its back.)
Yoshi: Why do I get the feeling it won't be so easy for us? (Both Yoshi and Loki team up to tackle a lobster of their own and then manage to join up with Rico. Once they each have an end of the antennae they ride through the crowd clotheslining any who get in their path creating passageways in the crowd that quickly close up with moving bodies.)
(Snap to Skipper and Hans as they team up amidst the fight. Skipper is beating a lobster senseless while at the same time Hans grabs another by the tail and swings it against the wall creating a deep crunch sound as its shell fractures.)
Hans: You know Skipper; I must admit that this is deeply more satisfying than settling the matter with fish. What I wouldn't give to have been able to see the look on Liepschen's face at watching her old man in action. She was a charming girl Skipper, …you should have met her.
Skipper: Hey, save sentiment road for later. For now, less talk and more fists of fury!
Hans: I have an idea, Skipper. Do you remember Copenhagen?
Skipper: Do we have to fight about that NOW?
Hans: Not THAT Skipper, before that. I'm talking about that little maneuver we did to get out of the pub when we got into that scuffle with members of the Danish royal puffin honor guard.
Skipper: Back before you were a backstabbing evil puffin?
Hans: Oh for heaven's sake, I thought we'd managed to move past that.
Skipper: Maybe YOU did!
Hans: Oh very well Skipper, do you want to hear it after all of these years? I'm sorry for getting you banished from Denmark. Does that make you happy now?
Skipper: NO! You've said that before and it meant just as little. (Pause) Now are we going to do this or what?
Hans: Look I'm just saying, you'd already convicted me of playing the part so It's what I had going for me over the past years. Things are different now.
Skipper: (As he fends off another lobster) Let's do this already!
(Cut to Private elsewhere in the fight as he unleashes "the super cute" on a number of lobsters who are about to jump him. From that point he uses the tactic repeatedly until he is startled by the sound of Hans approaching him from the air. He looks across the room to see Hans flying with skipper hanging by his legs. As Hans flies just above everyone else, Skipper kicks in a bicycle fashion at the heads of every lobster he comes across knocking them to the floor. Once they have landed on the other side of the room a loud air horn is heard and the lighting in the room returns to normal. At hearing the loud noise all of the fighting stops and everyone turns to look at blowhole who is holding a portable air horn up to the microphone.)
Blowhole: Now THAT was definitely amusing, …I give commendations to whomever orchestrated that little fiasco but I'm afraid that all of your efforts are for naught. You could fight my lobsters all day long and you would still be faced with the same problems in the end. (Laughs)
Yoshi: …And what would those problems be?
Blowhole: (Looks Yoshi over) Ah, …a new leader in the making eh Skipper? Or you would have been anyway. Your problems are that you can't crack my encryption codes to shut down the heat devices and even if you could you can't get to ME! (Laughs maniacally) Face reality people, …I've finally won! (Pause) All land mammals will drown and without land to procreate all sea birds will die out leaving sea mammals to rule the earth!
Skipper: Don't pat yourself on the back just yet, Blowhole! The ice at the south pole is over a mile thick, it will take some time to melt it all leaving us time to get to you.
Blowhole: Oh really, Skipper? (Blowhole hits a button on a nearby control panel causing a booming voice to be heard.)
Voice: Hoop of heat now at maximum output! (Blowhole laughs)
Blowhole: It may not take nearly as long as you might think. (The building Blowhole is sitting in shudders violently for a moment and then subsides. A minute later a lobster comes skitting up to Blowhole.)
Lobster: Boss, a section of Santa's workshop just fell through the ice. Was that supposed to happen?
Blowhole: (Grabs the lobster and throws it against the wall.) Of COURSE that was supposed to happen you idiot! Part of the plan is to deep six this whole place! (He looks back into the camera) …And if you think this is exciting just you wait until your home nest is flooded. I hope you don't have any offspring that can't swim or fly yet, otherwise you're just going to have to lose another one Hans. (Hans clutches his head with his wings and begins to grumble and pace about in anger.) Ooops, …did I just strike a nerve?
Hans: (Approaches the squirrels guarding Kowalski) Let me in here, …I can call Menschen and warn her to move the nest to the top of the lighthouse. (The squirrels part, allowing Hans to approach the console. Once there Hans begins to enter a password only to have it rejected.) My password has been deleted?
Blowhole: Remote control, Hans! You have to love it. (Pause) Besides, …how do you think I fixed the lights from here? (Pause) Anyway, you may not have my encryption codes but I can't risk letting anyone have access to the system, you understand don't you? (Hans lets out an agonizing yell)
Hans: Tell me you can break his codes, Kowalski!
Kowalski: I'm WORKING on it but it's a poly-algorithmic fractal encryption code, I could spend my entire lifetime trying to crack this.
Hans: There has to be a way to reach that maniac. (Turns to Skipper) That helicopter you rode in on, where is it?
Skipper: It doesn't have the range to get to the North Pole, we piggy backed on a coast guard cutter to get here. (Hans kicks a Lobster out of the way in frustration)
Blowhole: You sound like you're getting a little frustrated, Hans. Maybe you should just sit down and relax while you still have the chance.
Hans: (Gestures to the screen) You shut your hole, Blowhole! I'm going to find a way to GET you and when I do I'm going to….(Balls his flippers into fists and growls) Inventions! (Grabs Kowalski by the chest feathers and lifts him out of the seat.) Tell me you have inventions, man! Tell me you have something crazy in the works that we can use to get that dolphin! (Lets Kowalski go and begins to pace in frustration) (Defeated tone) He's going to get my son too…
Skipper: (Sighs) I may hate you Hans, but I'm not going to let an innocent kid die because of it. (Pause) Kowalski, …report! (Kowalski moves to cover the microphone on another console)
Blowhole: (chuckles) Oh come on, that was just rude!
Kowalski: The situation is unchanged, Skipper. I can't even imagine how Blowhole came up with such a complex encryption code. It's highly unlikely I'll be able to break it in time.
Skipper: Would it be possible to reach blowhole with the blues helicopter if we plan refueling stops along the way?
Kowalski: (Shakes his head) The chopper would need to be refitted for operation in such temperature extremes.
Skipper: Come on man, any ideas at all?
Kowalski: The passcodes to Hans's computer itself are using a far less complex level of encryption, it's possible that I could hack THOSE and uplink to a US military satellite concealing top secret orbital weapons technology.
Private: Is it possible to target a single individual with weapons like that?
Kowalski: Um, ….no. Such weapons would target entire areas, however they WOULD be effective in destroying the heat devices. (Rubs his flippers together) I've heard rumors about orbital seismic weapons, …can you imagine what an ICE QUAKE would be like?
Private: But, ….the North Pole? …Santa….? The world's children…? (Pause) Does all of that mean nothing?
Skipper: Get to work on that, Kowalski. (Turns to Private) If we don't stop blowhole, there won't be a North Pole anyway to say nothing of children to deliver to. (Private fidgets uneasily and turns away. Skipper looks about the room.) I'm open to other options people, what else have we got? (Skipper spies a bag that Yoshi dropped earlier on the floor and moves to pick it up) What is this stuff Kowalski?
Kowalski: (Approaches to examine the contents of the bag.) These are from my lab, Skipper. Amnesia dust, …truth serum…(Cut off by Hans)
Hans: What's the yellow glowing one?
Kowalski: That's extremely dangerous is what it is.
Hans: But what IS it?
Kowalski: I call it liquid force. It's experimental and untested but hypothetically it would allow a person to harness all of the kinetic action potential within a confined area and manipulate it to their will. Kind of like using the force, …hence the name.
Hans: You said it was dangerous, what are the side effects?
Kowalski: Just one, there's a seventy eight percent chance that it won't work and instead you would explode with force of a hydrogen bomb.
Hans: I can see why you've been reluctant to test it. (Kowalski nods. Hans looks thoughtful for several moments and then walks to the console and removes the cover from the microphone.)
Blowhole: Oh you're back, …I hope you didn't say anything mean about me.
Hans: I've come to a decision, Dr.
Blowhole: (Upbeat) Do tell….
Hans: (Scoffs) The Penguins have found the means to defeat you. (Blowhole looks perplexed and then cocks his head in interest) However I fear it would accomplish part of your plan for you and it would deny me the satisfaction of killing you myself. (Pause) …But there's another option, …I can play the Guiana pig and hope Kowalski has done things right for a change. (Walks back to Skipper and takes the yellow vial)
Skipper: (Grabs Hans's wing) Whoa, …hold on man! Didn't you hear what Kowalski said? You could blow up and kill us all.
Hans: (Glares at Kowalski) Are you confident that you can get into the computer and hack those satellites?
Kowalski: Um, …get into the computer, yes. Hack the satellites, ...maybe but it will take time.
Hans: My son doesn't have time. Blowhole will succeed by then, …if I go out with a bang then at least I'll die knowing I did everything possible.
Skipper: …But you'll be taking US with you!
Hans: (Smirks sarcastically) It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make, Skipper. (Places a wing on Skipper shoulder and then removes it to pop the cork on the vial.) Here's to Kowalski, …let's hope he did things right for a change. (Hans downs the vial and for several moments nothing happens.)
Blowhole: (Laughs) Chalk up another failure for Kowalski! What else do you penguins have to amuse me with? (After another moment Hans yells out in pain and begins to tremble and double over. The trembling begins to become more intense as a yellow luminescence begins to spread through his veins showing through his feathers.)
Rico: (Looks nervous and Grunts) Kaboom?
Private: (Gulp's in fear) I think so, …yes. (Pause) Does anybody know if that old duck and cover routine really works?
Kowalski: (Defeated tone) Private, at times like this there's only one proven technique. Bend over, place your head between your legs, and kiss your butt goodbye.
Private: But I don't want to kiss my bum goodbye, …I haven't washed it yet!
Kowalski: Then I suggest that you go find Babs as quickly as possible and go out with a smile. Don't think that no one has noticed you.
Private: What, …what exactly is THAT supposed to mean?
Skipper: (looks over at the pups) Yoshi, Loki, …I love you both with all my heart. You guys are the best things to ever happen to me. (Turns to the penguins) Men, …it's been an honor serving with you. (Hans let's out an excruciating yell as the pain becomes unbearable and without warning forcefully stands upright and thrusts his wings outward. The result is a yellow luminescent shockwave that spreads through the room picking up any and all lobsters and slamming them against the walls with such force that their innards are ejected through newly formed fractures in their shells. Everyone else who had ducked down in fear begins to recover and look about themselves in amazement that only lobsters were affected. Focus turns to Hans who quietly stands in place where he had been before, all signs of pain or unnatural light have subsided with the exception of a yellow flame like flickering light in his eyes.)
Blowhole: (Impressed as he turns the camera to look about the room) Holy crap! It looks like you finally got one right Kowalski, …and none too soon. It would have been a shame to end your life with only a list of your failures in your mind.
Kowalski: (Oblivious) It Worked…? (Pause) YES! I finally invented something that works! (Does a little dance) In your FACE Jr. …!
Hans: (Oblivious to the banter between Blowhole and Kowalski he turns his attention directly on Blowhole) You killed my daughter you jackoff! You ended her sweet little life just to serve your own sadistic purpose, …and now I think it's time she saw vengeance.
Blowhole: (Chuckles) I hate to break this to you Hans, but contrary to science fiction, you can't kill somebody through a television monitor. You're still struck in the same…. (Hans gestures as if wrapping his wing tip around something and squeezing. At the same instant Blowhole is cut off and begins to gag as if unable to breathe.)
Skipper: (Impressed) Okay, chalk one up for science fiction because it looks like you CAN. (Turns to Kowalski) How long is this stuff going to last, Kowalski?
Kowalski: His body WILL metabolize the serum but to be honest Skipper, I have no idea how long it will take.
Skipper: Wonderful, let's hope he doesn't turn his attention to us when he's done here.
Kowalski: So, ….we're just going to let him kill Blowhole? Wouldn't it be better to use Hans's new abilities to try to shut down the heat devices?
Skipper: Yes it would Kowalski, ….and if you want to try to talk some sense into him while he's like that then be my guest. I'm going to stay right here and keep my guts on the inside.
Kowalski: Right, …I suppose we'll just have to hope he has enough juice left in him afterward I guess.
Skipper: Or you could start working on that satellite idea you had, …just to have a plan B.
Kowalski: (Annoyed) I suppose, …since you obviously can't let me enjoy my moment of triumph here. I guess I'll get right on that. (Kowalski walks over to the communications terminal and begins to work. In the background on the monitor Blowhole has begun to turn shades other than grey and continues to flail about trying desperately to breathe. )
Private: (Turns around to face away) I'm not sure if I can watch this, Skipper. (Hans growls in anger as he continues his efforts when suddenly the glow in his eyes rapidly fades and Blowhole finally gasps flopping onto the table before him in relief that he can breathe again.)
Hans: (Realizes what has happened) What, …..NO! I HAD him! (Begins to cry) Kowalski, you must have another?
Kowalski: (turns from the console) I'm sorry, …it was a prototype. …But at least I know it works now.
Hans: (Frustrated) How wonderful for YOU! (Sits down on his rump) I had him! (Pause) I had him and I let him slip away, ….I'm so sorry Liepschen! (Begins to shed additional tears)
Skipper: How's that plan B coming, Kowalski?
Kowalski: It's going to take some time Skipper, …I'm afraid I can't go any faster. (Looks back at the monitor as Blowhole is still catching his breath.) On the plus side though, perhaps Hans bought us some time as the Dr. appears deeply phased from his experience.
Skipper: Fine, …I suppose I'll have to pat him on the back later after we get out of this mess. (In the background on the monitor the building Blowhole is in shudders violently again and moments after a lobster comes to report as before.)
Lobster: (Looks at the other lobster Blowhole had thrown against a wall as it lies unconscious on the floor) Boss, …another section of the workshop just fell through the ice. (Blowhole makes a just a minute gesture as he continues to try to catch his breath.) (Unaware of the previous moment's occurrence) Are you okay, boss? (Blowhole smacks him away because he can)
Skipper: (Turns his attention away from the monitor and back to Kowalski) Hurry man, …things are going south quickly!
Kowalski: Skipper I cannot go any faster, I just don't have the power!
Skipper: (Paces away) Do everything you can, ….it's our last shot!
Kowalski: You realize Skipper that if we succeed then we're going to lose the North Pole and everyone there. Christmas will cease to be worldwide.
Skipper: …But the world won't flood and life will go on, Kowalski. When life hands you lemons sometimes you have no choice but to make lemonade. (Kowalski reluctantly turns back to his work)
(Cut to Ming as she watches what has been happening through Skipper's POV. She begins to cry in frustration as it seems that no matter what anyone does there just does not seem to be a way to win. No matter what happens it appears all but certain that people will die. Feeling enveloped by helplessness she curls her tail over her shoulder and holds it tight as if a security blanket, then sits down in defeat.)
Ming: (Shedding tears) I don't know what to do anymore…. (Moments pass as Ming sits silently. The silence is broken by something almost inaudible in Ming's own mind, something barely a whisper but enough to get her attention. In curiosity Ming repeats the words to herself.) "The gifts you are born with are always given with a purpose." (Ming drifts in thought for a moment) I don't understand what that's supposed to mean. (Grasps for a handle on the moment) Does that mean I'm supposed to DO something? (Frustrated pause) WHAT purpose, …I need more than that! (Clutches her head) Gah, …why would that just appear in my head! That makes no sense, I need something more to understand that, …I need SOMETHING, …I need…(suddenly recalls her father watching blowhole knock one of his lobsters unconscious on the monitor.) …a CONTEXT! (Begins to chew her claws in thought for a moment.) There would have to be somebody there who could help…. (Ming thinks for another moment and then tries to use what she could remember to connect with the lobster. A moment later the POV goes black prompting Ming to test the barrier. Sure enough she is able to pass through, once there the light begins to come up as the lobster opens its eyes. The image that Ming sees is like looking through a multitude of lenses.) Oh there is no way I'm going to be able to get used to this!
(Cut to Santa's workshop as Blowhole continues to recover. In the background one of the lobsters that had been thrown against the wall slowly gets up and looks around. There is enough water covering the floor to almost submerge the lobster with even more water flowing down a nearby set of stairs. The building shudders for a moment and then subsides. After looking about the lobster discretely leaves the room and heads up the stairs against the flow of water.)
Ming: (Still trying to get used to the lobster's POV Ming comes to the top of the stairs. This level is flooding as well but not nearly as much as gravity is pulling most of the water into the lower level. She wanders about through a series of rooms until she finally comes across a room with several restrained occupants. All are conscious and looking as Ming with the assumption that the lobster has come to check on them. Without thinking of her appearance Ming speaks) How can we stop Blowhole? (The only human in the room struggles to turn about so that he might look at her. He looks confused as to why a lobster would suddenly speak to him. (After a moment he rolls his eyes and glances down at the lobster's claws and then glances at their gags.) What? (Looks down at the lobster's claws) OH! (Ming moves forward and cuts the gag from the human's mouth.)
Human: Cut the ropes my dear, we'll do the rest. (Ming nods and begins to use the lobster claws to cut the man free, after which he quickly begins to untie all of the reindeer. Once free one of the deer pounces on Ming and holds her down)
Reindeer: (Hispanic accent) One good deed will not redeem you of so much treachery!
Ming: Please don't hurt me! (The human calls to the deer in a hushed tone)
Human: Donner, …let the child go! Cupid will watch her…
Donner: (Hispanic accent) Child..? This is one of the evil dolphins soldiers, Santa!
Santa: You just let me worry about the details. (Huffs for a moment) I know it's considered unethical to use dolphins like tuna but I think we're having fish tonight! (Turns to the other deer) Dasher, Dancer, you go check on everyone else and get them to the departure room ready to evacuate. This place hasn't been shaking for its health. (Pause) The rest of you come with me, …I'll be damned if a bunch of sushi is going to conquer Christmas! Everyone but Cupid is about to leave the room when Santa stops and turns to address Ming) Thanks kid, …I'm not God but I'll see what I can do about your wish list.
Donner: (Annoyed) Santa why do you keep addressing that minion crustacean like a child! (Santa doesn't answer but instead gestures for everyone to leave the room quietly.)
Ming: (As cupid watches her begin to act excited) I can't believe this, ….I'm at the North Pole!
Cupid: (Hispanic accent, confused tone) Who are you…?
(Cut to Han's bunker as everyone watches the absolute unexpected occur on the monitor as reindeer have begun to overpower the lobsters in the room with Blowhole as Blowhole himself is being confronted by Santa wearing classic red shirt but also a pair of jeans.)
Blowhole: YOU! How did you get out?
Santa: Merry Christmas, …that's how! (He is knocked off his Segway into the water as Santa punches him square in the bottlenose. Blowhole rubs his nose in pain.) What the, …Santa doesn't hit people! It's NOT very christmasy, …and how do you understand me?
Santa: Elf magic! (Pause) I wasn't always Santa you idiot, haven't you ever seen "The Santa Clause"? Well that's not far from how it works, …I used to be a biker up until I mistook the old Santa for my now ex-wife's lover sneaking in for some holiday cheer. Nothing ruins Christmas like two barrels of twelve gauge buckshot, so I was roped into the job. At least this way though I stay out of jail and I get to bring the ex all of the coal I want! Not to mention the job has brought out a love for children I never knew I had in me. (Sighs contently) …And since you were trying to ruin all of that for me… (Santa crouches over Blowhole as he lay on the floor and begins to lay into him with right after left.) I haven't beaten the crap out of somebody in years, …GOD how I've missed it! (The scene pulls back to everyone in the bunker watching the monitor as they stand beside themselves. The words Hoop of heat shutting down echo from the monitor's speakers as a reindeer repeatedly kicks at a control panel until it begins to spark and smoke.)
Private: (Dumbfounded) I will never look at Santa the same way again!
Skipper: Kowalski, ….analysis!
Kowalski: Um, …well… the evidence at hand seems to suggest that the world has just been saved…..by Biker Santa!
Rico: (Grunts) I didn't see that one coming that's for sure! (Snap back to the North Pole as the building begins to shudder again. Once it stops a now freed elf comes running into the room)
Elf: Santa, half of the departure room just fell through the ice and into the sea below.
Santa: (Groans) I think it's time to go, is everyone else ready to go?
Elf: (Nods) All are safe and waiting in the magic sack, we hadn't loaded it into the sleigh yet.
Santa: What happened to the sleigh?
Elf: It was on the side that fell through, boss. It's gone!
Santa: (Rubs his face and scratches his beard) Alright, …have somebody tie that dolphin up real tight. I know just what to do with him. (Pause) …And have some star dust mixed into the gas on my Harley, then load the sack on the back with this dolphin tied on top. (The elf nods and a moment later other elves enter the room to help tie up a bludgeoned Dr. Blowhole. The scene snaps to the departure room as the last of the elf's disappear into the magic sack on the back of the bike. Santa comes jogging in with Cupid out in front and the lobster in hand. Cupid takes position with the other reindeer and Santa puts the lobster down.)
Santa: (Looks at the lobster) I was about to take you with me but then I realized that you're not really here are you?
Ming: (Amazed) I, ….how did you know?
Santa: (Belly laugh) …Because I'm Santa, kid. (Makes a shoo gesture) Now get on home, …we'll be fine from here. (Ming smiles for a moment and then leaves allowing the lobster to slump to the ground. Once gone Santa hit the ignition button and the bike starts up with a throaty growl. On the rear fender just under the sack and next to a little black flag saying "MIA, POW, You are not forgotten" is a sticker that says "Loud pipes save lives." With the deer departing just ahead Santa accelerates and with the stardust mixed into the gas he soon takes to the air. Looking over his shoulder he witness the last of the workshop descend beneath the ice into the sea.)
(Snap back to Hans's Bunker as everyone there witnesses the destruction of the workshop on the monitor until it goes dark. Everyone exchanges glances searching for a handle on the moment.)
Skipper: (Choking back a tear) I'm uh, …. I'm going to go check on my son. (Places a flipper on Hans's shoulder as he continues to try to take in recent events.) It looks like your kid is safe, Hans. Congratulations again by the way. (Everyone else remains in the room trying to come to grips with the fact that the North Pole has been destroyed. Skipper looks back at Hans for a moment and then leaves the room.)
Chapter 21 coming soon.
Comments and suggestions are always welcome.