A.N: Yo! As you can see, the thing about starting to update twice a month wasn't an April fool's prank (but I was a little tempted to make it one.) I'm not sure how long I can keep up this pace, but at least May and June will have two chapters each as well.

Chapter 60

Sasha stood at the harbor, waiting for the Marleyan ship approaching from the horizon to dock again, sure that this time, Nikolo would be on board. She didn't take her eyes off of it as it advanced towards her, twisting her hands around in anticipation. Jean, standing by her side, was saying something, but she wasn't sure if it was to her or if he was giving orders to those around them. Not that she even cared; what mattered now was Nikolo, and him only.

The ship docked, and people started coming out. She kept her eyes locked on the ramp, looking for a familiar face, and gets surprised when she sees Grior walking it down with his brother. They weren't exactly her friends, but thinking they might be able to start fresh, she waives at them. The only answer, if it even counts as one, is a scowl before they start pretending that they didn't even see her. Sasha shrugs; she tried. Whatever.

Eyes open and fixed on a single spot, she sees the exact moment Nikolo steps on the ramp, his uniform spotless and his posture straight as a rod, his blond hair almost shining in the sun. Sasha had forgotten how handsome he was.

Blushing at her own thoughts, she started waiving at Nikolo, hoping that the man would notice. Halfway down the ramp, he finally did, and waved back before switching walking to running, all the way to Sasha, who was being held in place by Jean so that she wouldn't rush off in to a literal army of Marleyans and alarm them with her sudden approach. It was only when Nikolo reached them that Jean let go, and Sasha didn't waste any time as she closed what little distance was between them, wrapping her arms around his neck and bringing her lips to meet Nikolo's. And he didn't push her away, but pulled her closer instead.

When they break apart, Sasha knows she's gotten an answer to the questions she hasn't even asked yet. And she's sure Nikolo's gotten his answer, too. She hears whistling, and whips her head around to see Jean and now Connie too looking at them.

"See Jean, I told you this was how it would end!" Connie cheers, and Jean rolls his eyes, saying: "We both knew this was how it was going to end."

"You both doubted if he'd even come back!" was what Sasha wanted to point out, but she didn't want to ruin the moment. Plus, Nikolo didn't need to know, at least not yet.

"Oi! What are you three lazing around for? You're not brats anymore, so- "captain Levi, marching over fast despite having to use the cane, pauses midsentence when his eyes land on Nikolo, but he recovers quickly enough "You again."

"Yes, me again"

"Drop the sour face captain; this is a good thing!" Connie reasons, and the man looks at him "Sasha will have less time to pull pranks and raid food supplies when she's all focused on Nikolo!"

Levi ignores Sasha's protests of how she doesn't do those anymore, they all know it's not true anyway, even if she now does it far less than when she was young. Jean laughs and tells her: "Just be glad that at least someone is ready to stand you outside of working hours."

Sasha pouts.

"You guys know I would've too, if she'd given me a chance."

"Just accept your loss like a man and stop whining; I heard enough of that from Nikolo when they were apart."

Sasha turns around and sees her good friends Samuel and Jonas, with the later having an arm thrown around the former's shoulder, laughing at her good-naturedly, and for a small moment, everything is right in the world. And then reality hits her.

Samuel and Jonas couldn't be here; they were both dead.

This was a dream.

Sasha wakes up with a jolt, blinking away the tears that had started to gather in her eyes. The dream had been happy, so, so happy, that it could've possibly brought tears of happiness to her, but Sasha knew better; they weren't happy but bitter tears, the bitterness brought by the realization that the happiness right in front of her was nothing but a dream that could never be reached.

Sitting up, Sasha stretches before starting her morning routine, not that she was sure if it was morning yet, of pushups. While she does, she thinks back to the dream. It may not do any good to dwell on it, but with nothing to do, she knows she'll end up doing so sooner or later, so she might as well not fight it. She saw lots of dreams these days after all, and they were her only entertainment, for better or for worse. Probably worse though; the happy ones made her feel bitter once she realized she was just dreaming, and the nightmares haunted her thoughts in the bad way.

Since ending up here, her nightmares had usually been about a war breaking out and her friends killing each other, both those who were still alive for real and those who were already dead, but there had been two times when they'd been about titans, herself turning in to a titan in one of them. That had been scary, but she actually preferred the titan dreams over some of her more regular nightmares, especially the one where she'd killed Nikolo with her own-

"No no, not thinking about that one!" she yells out loud, forcing her thoughts focus on the most recent dream. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts! Everything else in it she could understand, everyone had acted as she'd expect to, or in Nikolo's case, how she'd at least hope to, but she did wonder what were Horst and Grior doing there. She missed the others, even trouble causing Samuel, but those two? She didn't miss them, so how come they ended up in her happy dream? Was it to make the dream more realistic and not too happy too soon?

The thought makes Sasha snort, but she supposes it's as good of a theory as any. Now, why weren't Mikasa and Hanji in her dream? Was it because she'd spent more time in the harbor with Levi, Connie and Jean, all present in the dream, than those two? …That sounded about right, yes. And so, she was out of things to theorize about when it came to that particular dream. Why couldn't it have been a little longer? Had it been longer and she just forgot? Maybe that was the case, maybe not. At least she'd remembered that much; sometimes she just woke up with the vague feeling of bitterness, knowing that she'd woken herself up from a happy dream, but not remembering what it was like.

She went through her morning workout routine of pushups, sit ups and squats before stretching. Then, she started going over the recipes Nikolo had taught her in her head, trying to remember every ingredient, including the spices. She tried to remember how those foods looked, smelled and tasted like, and she was good at that, better than at remembering the recipes, but it tended to make her hungry. That was the reason why she only did this before breakfast… or at least, so she tried, but she could never be completely sure if she woke up in the morning or in the middle of the night. But it seemed that this time, her inner clock was on her side; she could already hear the footsteps of someone nearing in… hm?

Sasha sits up straighter on her bed, focusing on the sounds coming from outside of her cell. She gives it a moment before she's convinced: there's more than one person. There's two of them, yet her food was only ever brought by one. She frowns. It was, of course, possible that the two people weren't coming to this direction for a reason related to her, it was possible this was something else, but she rarely heard footsteps all the way here unless someone was coming to her cell. She bites her lip and stands up, just in case. It was possible that something had changed. Maybe it was time to use her as a bargaining chip about something? The idea was a little unnerving, but if it meant a change in to these never-ending days of solitude…

The footsteps stop right in front of her cell, and she has only a small moment to steel herself further before the door opens for the first time in… she doesn't know, she has lost the track of time, but it has definitely been too long for her liking.

Sasha doesn't recognize either of the men that come to her cell, but when they tell her to turn around and put her hands behind her back, she follows the orders without questions. She knew the drill, and the faster she cooperated, the faster they would move on to whatever this was about and she'd get some answers.

They lead her through the familiar hallways, one soldier taking the lead and the other walking out of her sight, behind her back, and it doesn't take Sasha long to figure out they were heading to the same room she'd last talked with captain Frank in. Once they reach it, the two soldiers entering with her, it's the same as ever, with captain Frank sitting in the same chair as always. The familiarity of it all both calmed and unsettled Sasha; it made her feel less out of control, but at the same time, she started to wonder if her isolation had been just another interrogation tactic and she'd have to answer the same old questions all over again.

"Take a seat, miss Blouse" the captain tells her, and she obeys without question despite wanting to know what this was about as soon as possible, even though she knew she was definitely the one with more time in her hands "How have you been?"

"Good enough, considering the circumstances. What is this about?"

"Straight to the point, I see. Well, it's better that way, of course. I'm a busy man, and wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for… certain information we got not too long ago."

Despite just saying how busy he was, he remains silent for a while after that, clearly waiting for a reaction from Sasha. Inside, the woman was very curious, and more than a little nervous, to know what information the man had gotten, but she stayed quiet, partly because she feared her voice would betray her nervousness. Not that she wasn't sure her face already didn't, of course.

Eventually, it's captain Frank who speaks first, not seeming bothered by Sasha's lack of reaction at this point.

"There's been nothing notable going on with the island lately. However, a couple of days ago, a former member of our military came to the base I was stationed at, demanding to speak with me. As has been stated, I'm a busy man, so at first, I was planning to ignore it, but then I heard the man knew we had a prisoner from the island. That in itself wasn't so surprising, rumors go around after all, but he even knew your name. And once I heard him claim to know what it is you were hiding, I had to meet up with him in person." Captain Frank keeps eye contact with his piercing stare with Sasha as he says this all, and she's sure he can see her face go paler as well as she could feel it. This was no bluff, she was sure of it. Somehow, Nikolo had found out, and for a fleeting moment Sasha wondered if Grior had told him against her wishes, but quickly decides that it was irrelevant at the moment. What mattered was what she'd do now. Captain Frank was clearly waiting for something, perhaps for her to tell the truth now, but since Sasha didn't know how much he knew, she considered it better to keep quiet, trying to appear calm again despite knowing it was of no use. At least, with her hands stuck behind her back the way they were, he didn't see her palms sweat nor did she have a chance to nervously fidget with her hands. Small mercies.

"This person is called Nikolo, as I'm quite sure you've figured out already. Before going to the island, he'd done nothing outstanding, but he was a fine enough young soldier with a good background and a bright future ahead of him. Coming back after nine years, it first seemed like all that remained, but after some time, things went wrong, very wrong in his life. I assume you've already heard of that, haven't you?"

After a moment of nervous consideration, Sasha nods, hoping that her voice wouldn't fail her now.

"Yes" she admits out loud, and ends up telling the whole truth of that night she'd kept hidden for so long. She tells how Jonas had wanted to speak privately, how she'd foolishly but unknowingly led him to such a dangerous place, how he'd told her about their shared friend's dilemma, who until then she hadn't known Jonas knew, and how she'd asked him to stay and tell her more, resulting in to them talking outside in the dark for hours on end instead of going to sleep like proper soldiers should. Looking straight at the captain, who surprisingly hadn't interrupted her even once, she assures him that what she told now was all that she had been hiding.

"Is it really?" the captain asks simply "That hardly seems something worth hiding, especially with young Jonas already dead; it's not like he could get in trouble for playing friends with an Eldian anymore. So, tell me, what made you decide to keep this all a secret?"

Sasha considers trying to ask the captain if he had a theory about it, but abandons the idea as too risky; she doesn't want to annoy the man, and asking him questions when she was supposed to be answering his would be likely to do exactly that.

It seems that she takes too long to consider her answer because the captain speaks once more before she can.

"I would assume your silence is not about your dead friend, but about the one still alive, the one who came to seek me out. I assume you were trying to keep him from getting involved?"

Again, Sasha nods, but doesn't say anything. She's fully aware that Nikolo must already be in trouble, but if she made even the slightest of mistakes now, he would surely be even more so.

"I have to say that I don't understand why, nor did I understand why Nikolo, who recently got out of the hospital, bothered to seek me out and speak in your defense. So of course, I questioned him about it. Do you have any idea what he might've answered?"

She did, but saying what she had in mind wasn't a good idea.

"I helped him out from time to time when he was on the island, and he became my friend. I think he wants to… return the favor? We saw each other pretty often, and he could be kind of mean, so maybe he also feels a little guilty? Or maybe he doesn't want to owe anyone anything?" Sasha was rambling now, but maybe that was a good thing; maybe her clear nervousness made her seem like she really didn't know the real reason herself, and was in as much dark as the captain was. Besides, she wasn't lying; Nikolo had been mean at the beginning, and was surely regretting it now.

"That's not quite what he said" the captain says, and Sasha feels like his stare intensifies "Tell me, were you aware of his feelings towards you?"

Sasha's eyes widen, and she presses her lips together urgently to not say anything too thoughtless. Had Nikolo admitted something, or had his behavior been enough to give him away? Had someone, like Grior for example, she couldn't think who else it could've been, told Frank, or was the man taking a shot in the dark? And perhaps even more importantly, where was Nikolo right now? Was he alright!?

Swallowing, Sasha opens and closes her mouth a few times before carefully finding her voice again.

"What sort of feelings are we talking about? He told me often that I annoy him, but I don't think that's what you mean right now."

"That's right; it's not what I mean. But I think you know exactly what I do mean. What I would like to know is why are you faking obvious? What good do you think pretending to be clueless brings you?"

Sasha wonders if she's really that easy to read, even for someone who didn't know her, or if someone had told the captain something she didn't know about… was this silence of hers giving him more information even now? He was still watching her after all.

"I… I don't think I understand what you mean, sir" is an answer Sasha settles on, looking straight at the captain, hoping that it would make her seem honest enough despite the sweat she can feel dripping down her temple.

"Is that so?" he's not convinced, Sasha can tell "The thing is, after that young man told me what he did, I formed a theory that would help to explain your actions. Shall we make a deal? I tell you my theory, and if it's correct, all you have to do is admit it and we can finally move on from this."

Sasha frowns.

"And if you're wrong?"

"Then we'll continue going in circles, like we have been. Of course, I have no time to interrogate you continuously like I did before, so in practice, you'll be stuck in your cell until I have time for you again, which I know not to be soon."

Sasha had no time to think about it before the captain already presented his theory.

"Here is what I think: you both fell in love with each other. I don't know how, nor do I know who fell first, not that those things are relevant in the first place. Nikolo fell hard enough to come and admit it to the military in order to speak on your behalf and help you after finding out you weren't in the best of situations. And you fell hard enough that you refused to say or do anything that had even the slightest of chance of affecting his life negatively, which escalated in to you hiding information from us and making yourself look suspicious, landing you right here in to this very room in the end. Am I correct?"

He was, at least as far as Sasha knew, but what would happen if she admitted that? She knew she herself would be safe for now if she denied it, but what about Nikolo? Would admitting that the captain was right do the former soldier more harm or good?

"I see I'm right"

"What!?" Sasha yells, jumping up from her seat in surprise, shocked by the man's sudden claim. She yelps when one of the soldiers behind her, she'd forgotten they were still in the room, roughly pushes her back on to her seat by her shoulders. Captain Frank holds up a hand, and the soldier lets go, but Sasha sees it better to remain seated. She takes a moment to gather her composure, which is something the captain seems to be waiting for as well, and asks again: "What? I said nothing of the sort!"

"Verbally, no, but your other reactions told me all that I needed to know" the captain shakes his head "I can tell when you attempt a poker face; you're not very good at it. You put too much strength in to keeping your mouth shut when you wonder what you say, you make an unnatural amount of eye contact at times, and your eyes in general tend to betray you with their widening and nervous shifting. And while it's not all that obvious from behind the table, you shift and switch a lot in your seat, especially before speaking. So, quit wasting my time."

As Sasha listens, she realizes that one thing doesn't add up. Frowning, she asks: "If you're so sure of your theory, why do you want my confirmation?"

"I am sure of it, but others, not as much. They can somewhat understand a young and naïve soldier falling for an enemy, especially in Nikolo's case as he probably saw you as someone who could protect him, but for that love to remain this long? Of course, in this case, it's somewhat understandable; left with a deep trauma from the island, it's not that farfetched for him to become obsessed with someone who kept him safe, regardless of the motives for it. But you, now a grown, high ranked soldier? Even if you had some feelings for an enemy soldier, be they pity or even sincerely considering him a friend, would that be enough of a reason to risk everything? I think not. But if you, for some unexplainable reason, were also in love with him, that would explain your actions."

As aware as Sasha is of how she presses her lips together and frowns, she doesn't even bother to try hiding it at this point. If she admitted everything, could she get captain Frank to protect Nikolo? He'd never seemed to be the type to enjoy hurting others, even Eldians like her, so he shouldn't have any reason to go out of his way to harm Nikolo… but what about the other two behind her? If she told the captain something now, those two would hear it, too, and she didn't know what kind of people they were, aside from their ranks having to be lower than a captain's.

Realizing that she wasn't smart enough to figure this out on her own, Sasha lets out a heavy sigh.

"If I admitted it, would that help or worsen Nikolo's current position?"

"That's pretty much an admission in itself" Frank says, and Sasha glares. The man simply raises an eyebrow before motioning something to the men behind Sasha, who tenses but doesn't resist when she feels one of them pulling her up from her chair. To her surprise, he unlocks her cuffs before backing off again "Do sit down, Ms. Blouse."

Sasha obeys, rubbing her wrists to distract her mind from the growing confusion.

"It's nice to get somewhere, isn't it?" the captain asks with a rare smile on his face, but it makes Sasha more weary than relaxed; she may not be the best at reading people, but there was definitely something off about that smile "As for an answer to your question, what your feelings towards him are is mostly irrelevant considering his future. It's already clear with his own admission that he's not as alright as we, or his family or even he himself I'm sure, had hoped, but it isn't like it alone would put him in any danger. His mind is sick, not traitorous."

Sasha can't help the angry look she gives the captain for the comment, but she's able to hold her tongue. If he said Nikolo wasn't in danger, she'd believe him. That was enough for now, so she could try to focus on her own situation.

"That aside, I'd be curious to know what made you fall so hard. Care to share?"

She did not, especially since she wasn't sure herself. She supposed it was a combination of many small things.

"I don't think I do"

"Well, it doesn't really matter. What matters is how we'll deal with this mess. I don't know what your superiors and family would think if they knew about your involvement with one of our men, but I do know that his involvement with you won't be taken well by our military nor his family."

"You said he wasn't in any danger"

"I said his feelings for you alone don't put him in danger. His family doesn't know, and as long as it isn't necessary, we don't intend to cause him more trouble by telling them. He's already been discharged from the army, so we can't punish him by affecting his career, and since he is considered to be sick of mind, his involvement with you isn't seen as an attempt to harm Marley. So, had he simply told us the truth and spoken in your behalf, he would not be in any danger. The problem is, that isn't all he did."

Sasha knows she needs to hear what had happened, but she also knows she's not going to like what she'll hear. Swallowing, she places her hands on her lap so that the captain wouldn't see her nervously move them around or squeezing in to fists, something that would surely happen once she heard. Then, since the man wasn't elaborating like she'd expected, she asks him to tell her more. And he does.

Once Nikolo had come to the captain, he had first tried to keep out the details of exactly how well he knew Sasha, simply telling that he'd come to know her well during his time as a war prisoner and a chef, of how she'd spoken in the behalf of him and some other Marleyans to keep them safe, and that she probably considered him a friend and had likely been talking about a shared friend with Jonas on the night he died, which would explain why the two had been out so late with each other. When the captain had asked why Sasha hadn't just told them so, Nikolo had visibly hesitated, and thus the soldier had immediately realized he was hiding something, too.

Empty words went back and forth for quite a while, Nikolo trying to assure the captain that Sasha was a person with a good heart and who wished no one harm, but had probably panicked and forgotten some details. He'd also mentioned that she wasn't the smartest person around, a fact that made Sasha huff when she heard it, but she didn't argue or interrupt. The captain had said, calmly, that one man's words, even those of a former soldier, didn't have enough weight in this case. That was when Nikolo had changed tactics, mentioning how Sasha was an old friend of the queen herself, and of the founding titan as well, not to mention close with the strongest soldiers of the island, so causing her harm like this would put an unnecessary strain between the two countries. He'd assured that more islanders would approve of Marley if they let a citizen of Eldia return home without seeming to get anything out of it, making doing business on the island easier for Marley.

Captain Frank didn't bother asking Sasha if the information about her, the queen and the others was true or not, but since he kept his eyes locked on Sasha as he spoke, she was convinced he already got his answer from her reactions despite her trying to keep a poker face. That, or he already knew, Jean and Hanji possibly having tried to use that information to their advantage. Of course, if they'd done so, it clearly hadn't worked, so it was no wonder it hadn't worked when Nikolo tried it, either. That was when the captain had started to clearly see Nikolo's frustration and anxiety, and had asked what he'd held off to wait for the right moment for a while already: what was it that Nikolo wasn't telling him?

Of course, Nikolo had hesitated at first, fully aware of the possible consequences, but when the captain had been ready to send him off, to Sasha the man admitted it had been a bluff, the former soldier had told the truth. About his feelings, ones that he thought might be mutual but wasn't sure, about how they were definitely friends even if she didn't return his feelings. About how he'd seen, with time, that she and many others weren't the monsters he had been taught they were. About how he was sure that, despite some rebels clearly thinking differently, the majority of Paradis Island's population and military genuinely wished for peace and getting to know the world. The captain let him talk without interrupting until Nikolo himself stopped, speaking only when the man clearly expected some kind of answer. That was when Captain Frank had asked of the man's sanity, falling in love with an Eldian of all things, and told him to leave, making a mental note to check the man's personal records and take whatever action seemed appropriate.

Nikolo had then changed his goal from getting Sasha freed to at least let him see her. If Frank hadn't been convinced the man was serious when he said the word "love", he had quickly become so, sure that the desperate pleading he heard could only come from a man in love, as foolish as it was. But naturally, that wasn't enough of a reason to grant him his wish. He'd told the young man as much, and the look of fury he'd gotten from him had gotten captain Frank to subtly reach for his gun, feeling like he was going to need it. Fortunately, despite his visibly clear anger, Nikolo had self-control, and he'd excused himself. The captain had let him walk away without interruption, thinking that it'd be best to let the man go calm himself down and not to give any orders regarding him until he'd given what he'd just heard some deep thought.

That had been a mistake. Or to be exact, his second mistake, first one being not ordering someone to accompany Nikolo out, for unlike leaving like the captain thought he would, the young man had instead started sneaking around in the building, looking for Sasha. He actually managed to get to the underground cells undetected, but got unlucky as he snuck in to the ones on the opposite side of the building of the building where Sasha was held in. And that was where his luck had ended, for he'd been spotted, and instead of doing the smart thing of quietly surrendering, he'd put up a fight in order to continue his search, injuring some soldiers in the process before eventually getting restrained. Fortunately, no one got hurt seriously, but Sasha understood without being told that things were looking bad for Nikolo. Really bad.

Squeezing her hands in to fists, on her lap under the table of course, Sasha curses the man's stupidity in her mind, trying to ignore the little voice that pointed out how she was also touched by his actions. That voice just made her feel more guilty, like she didn't already have enough of that going on.

"Is there anything I can do for him? To somehow help him?"

Sasha was not good at reading people, but the way Frank's posture relaxed at her question told her that was exactly what he'd been wanting to hear, and she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

"We'll be getting Nikolo the help he needs, but I'm afraid he won't truly get better as long as he knows you're here, technically within his reach. Of course, we can't send you back to your island for that, even if that'd be an easy solution to this particular problem. Fortunately, I have another plan for keeping him out of trouble."

"Are we going to pretend I'm going back to have him calm down?" Sasha asks. It seemed like a logical plan to her, and it'd be harmless. If they let her assure Nikolo face to face that she was going, she hoped she'd able to act well enough, he should believe it.

"I don't think he'd fall for that" captain Frank denied "And I'd like this thing solved for good, so I thought up a more foolproof solution."

Sasha watches as the captain uncrosses his arms and reaches out somewhere under the table, pulling out a gun. Immediately, she tenses, but she suppresses the instinct for a fight or flight reaction, for she knows neither would succeed. So instead, she just keeps her eyes on the gun as her nails dig in to her palms so hard that it hurts.

"I don't plan to shoot if that's what you're wondering" he says before leaning forward and setting the gun down on the table, closer to her than himself, much to Sasha's surprise. She could easily reach it, and as she glances at the man, seeing him leaning back in his chair again, she's convinced she'd get it before he could if she tried. But of course, she hasn't forgotten the two men behind her, and even if she did manage to take them down before they could do the same to her, she was still in Marley, surrounded by their comrades. He put the gun down because he knew she wouldn't take it- "The one to shoot will be you."

Sasha blinked, most of the fear she'd been feeling replaced by confusion at once.

"I… what? At what?"

The captain sighs, massaging the bridge of his nose. Sasha notes that he looks tired.

"A Marleyan falling in love with an Eldian has been forbidden for well over a century, and something like that happening is a nightmare, which turns in to a disaster if the word gets out. So, we need to make sure it doesn't. I can make sure all my subordinates keep it to themselves, but your comrades? At least some of them must've caught on over the years, even if they didn't admit that to you. Once you go back, it'll be your job to make sure they don't spread the word, or better yet, somehow convince they were wrong all along. And then no one will speak about this ridiculousness again, and the order will remain."

That sounded good, it sounded like she'd get to go home, yet Sasha didn't feel at ease as she wondered what the gun was for. She was afraid to ask, but after the silence dragged on, it became clear the man wanted her to do just that. And so, she did.

"Why, that's simple, really. You'll tie up the loose end that brought this mess to our attention in the first place: you'll get rid of Nikolo for us."

Sasha's stomach sunk, face going pale. They wanted her to kill Nikolo? She wouldn't, that was obvious, but if they really wanted him dead, they'd just get someone else to kill him. She had to do something, she had to stop it!

"No! There has to be another way!" she yelled out, jumping up from her seat and slamming her hands on the table. Right after, she could hear the guns being readied behind her, but she saw captain Frank holding out a hand, telling the soldiers to stand back. He was no longer leaning back, but remained seated, seeming mostly unfazed by her outburst, making Sasha think that he must've expected it.

"No? This is your chance to go back home and continue your life, possibly your only one. Definitely the only one I see in the near future. Do you want to reconsider your answer?"

"No" Sasha says immediately, but this time she makes sure not to move; better not to rile up the guards. Glaring at the captain, she says: "Do you really want one of your own to die just because he fell in love? Did you even try to think of other options!? There has to be something!"

He stares at her, long and hard, and if Sasha wasn't so used to being stared down by captain Levi whenever she fooled around too much, she would've probably looked away, but now, she held her ground. Eventually, captain Frank closes his eyes briefly before opening them again.

"Well, there is one other way, but it would make dealing with the island a little harder. But if it's to save a comrade, well, a former one since he's already been fired, but the point stands, I suppose we can all put in some extra work. But that'll include you, too."

"Of course. I'll do anything!" Sasha assures, relief washing over her as she sits back down in a hurry, wanting to prevent her legs from giving out from under her first "Just tell me what to do."

"Take the gun and shoot, then. Yourself, that is."

Despite never taking the man as the joking type, at first, Sasha really thought it was a joke, a bad one, but as the silence dragged on, she realized that he was serious. Swallowing, she manages to stutter out: "What… how is that supposed to help?"

"As long as both you and Nikolo live, I'm convinced he'll try to get to you and cause more trouble as he does. So, that means one of you needs to die, and if it won't be him, then it has to be you. As long as we show him your dead body, it'll surely make him stop, even if there'll be an outburst immediately after, but we'll be prepared for that one. Of course, you dying can cause us trouble with the island, but we'll maneuver around that, one or the other." Captain Frank leans back in his chair again, crossing his arms once more "Unless you didn't truly mean the "anything" -part, of course. The offer for you to kill Nikolo and go back home to clean your own mess still stands."

Sasha felt like she couldn't breathe. She couldn't take that offer, that was still a given, and she couldn't let anyone else kill Nikolo, either, but… killing herself to save him? Obviously, she didn't want that any more than she wanted Nikolo dead, but if those were the only choices she had, then… then…

"I… I'm often considered a self-centered person, and that's probably true" Sasha speaks out, eyes on the gun "Logically thinking, my death would probably be a bigger blow to everyone's safety than Nikolo's would; it could really anger my friends and my people, which could put many people in danger. Even a war might start out, if things really escalate."

"Indeed. Guess that settles it, then" Captain Frank says, about to stand from his chair, but Sasha's shaky voice gives him a pause.

"But-! But like I said, people consider me a selfish person. And they- they aren't entirely wrong. Even though I know all that, I- "she hiccups, fighting to keep the tears back behind her unsteady gaze "I can't kill him. And even with the knowledge that my death could put lots of people at risk, I can't let anyone else kill him, either, so I… I…"

Despite having tried to stop it, Sasha was crying now. She was still looking at the gun, but she was sure captain Frank could see her tears anyway. The two behind her could probably tell that she was crying, too. Trying to get that out of her mind, what did it even matter at this point, she reaches for the gun, telling herself that it was for the best. Her friends were good, capable people, so they should be able to get everything under control, even if the wrong people found out she'd died in Marley and got themselves more supporters due to that. Jean and the others would protect their island and the world, but only she could protect Nikolo. And she would.

Determined, Sasha managed to steady her hand as it reached for the gun, but once she grabbed it, she couldn't keep it from shaking. The gun was of a familiar kind, yet it felt heavier than she remembered. Was it a different model after all, or did it just feel heavier? Or had she just gotten weaker during imprisonment despite her work outs?

Pulling the gun closer, Sasha puts off the safety, just staring at the gun for a moment. Then, she raised her unsteady gaze up to Frank, still half off his seat and now staring at her wearily, like he wasn't sure of what she was about to do. Had he not believed that she'd actually choose this?

"You won't tell Nikolo I did this for his sake, right? It would… it would just cause unnecessary pain for him." Sasha got that out clearer than she thought she would with her hiccups, but despite that, captain Frank takes a while to react.

"I won't, no one will" he assures after a moment "…That's really the choice you're making? You can still choose differently."

Sasha shook her head, no longer trusting her voice. Closing her eyes, she brings the gun to her temple with a shaky hand. She takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm down despite not understanding what was the point of it when she'd be dead in the next few seconds. She thinks of her friends, of how Jean, Hanji and the others would probably continue the useless effort to get her back for a while before finding out the truth. They'd be devastated, but just like after every other loss, they'd keep going. She thinks of her family, glad that despite being the only child her mother ever bore, her parents would still have their hands full with Kaya and the others and wouldn't be lonely. And she thinks of Nikolo, hoping that he'll be happy, eventually, even if it takes time. And then she pulls the trigger.

But nothing happens.

A.N: Because everybody loves cliffhangers, no?