Juvi didn't so much as wake up as launch upright in her bed, gasping for breath.
The next she was being overwhelmed by her parents diving for her as they cried her name.
Only one eye was able to see over their shoulders, but it was enough to see the frumpy guy in black with eyebags down to his mouth and several layers of palm width ribbons piled around his neck like a scarf. He also had the weirdest yellow goggles on his head.
"Eraserhead?" she squawked.
The dead-eye duck stare of his blinked. "Huh," said a hidden mouth behind the 'scarf.'
"What was that, honey?" asked her mom.
But that was all she was able to get out from the force of their hugs.
Turns out, she'd been asleep for a week. Nothing had been able to wake her up this time. A quirk specialist from Tokyo had flown in with his team to examine her themselves and been able to discover that it was her quirk refusing to turn off that was keeping her asleep. Since they couldn't find any quirk suppressant strong or effective enough to turn off her quirk so she could wake up, the diagnosis had been partiularly grim.
Somehow, the specialist had managed to get in contact with a friend who then got in contact with Eraserhead, who had a rare quirk that could turn off quirks with just a look.
Said Eraserhead looked half asleep against the wall when her parents, and the three or so doctors in the room she hadn't noticed until now due to her relieved parent's blocking the view, had finished explaining. One of the doctors, an aging man with bottle-cap thick glasses that almost looked like googles, all but rammed his way in between her parents to start poking around the stuck on electrodes of the brain scanner on her head. His fingers on her felt like a man touching an especially high-tech computer.
"Can I go home now?" he asked.
"You saved our daughter's life," said her father, his voice shaking more than she'd ever heard it. "Please let us repay you, somehow."
"I'm a hero. It's my job."
Juvi was staring at him for a whole other reason. Once again, an anime character had become real life before her, and it hardly did the real thing any justice. Cosplayers made Eraserhead out to be a lot hotter and more feminine than he really was. He looked like he hadn't slept the entire time she had been asleep, his gristle of facial hair had spots missing where the hair just didn't grow in, and his hair was greasy, borderlining slimy dreads.
She found herself frowning at the most important fact of all.
Eraserhead was her all time favorite character…and he looked like he hadn't bothered to so much as look at a shower or take a nap in a month.
And because he was her favorite character, she knew he didn't even listen to his own friends, so why would he listen to some random teenager being prodded by a bald man in oversized glasses?
"Juvi? Sweety? What's wrong?"
Juvi instantly felt guilty for her thoughts. Here she was worrying about a complete stranger who was fully capable of not only keeping himself alive, but twenty or so student's a year, while ignoring her own mother who looked like she hadn't slept or eaten in a while either. Her mother, her only one, in both lives, who cared enough about her to be so worried.
She looked at her father, comparing his features to the glassy clear memories of the woman she had just killed. For some reason, they were clearer than every before, almost more than her own, and she could see now that Jubilee's father looked nothing like Juvi's. They had the same dark hair and similar height, but that was all.
She felt her eyes burn, but the tears had to push against a rubber wall.
"Nothing," she said. "I'm just…happy to see you again."
Her mother, no, Mom stroked her hair, even as the doctor had moved down to pinching her finger-tips for some reason.
"Were you dreaming?" she asked.
"Yeah." Juvi looked back over at Eraserhead, who was still waiting for some sort of excuse to leave.
"What about?" asked her father-no, Dad.
Juvi inwardly shook off the old fetters fogging her consciousness. She couldn't remember the last time she'd fully felt like Juvi while remembering being Jubilee. She probably never had. But she could remember now. When she'd been eleven, before she remembered her dreams, she'd liked Sailor Moon and getting ice cream with Izuku at that old diner. She'd liked sitting with Dad in the evenings as he folded laundry and watched the news or real crime documentaries. She'd liked cleaning dishes with Mom because she'd try to build the tallest soap tower or sing old, corny love songs in a way that would make Juvi laugh.
The tears pushed back the invisible rubber veil holding them back.
"Mom," she swallowed hard. "Dad…"
The doctor with the bottle-cap glasses interrupted her with an especially tight pull of the node, catching her hair. She winced, instinctively turning her head to glare at the source of the pain, and stopped.
The doctor looked familiar. Those weren't google like glasses, they were goggles, strapped to his head. He had a thick, white mustache as well.
"Who are you?" her voice squeaked, just a little.
"I'm sorry, I should have taken that off slower," said the doctor with a benign smile. "I'm Dr. Tsubasa. I'm the quirk specialist your parents mentioned, though saying I was flown in is a little much. I founded this hospital, so it's my, in a word, base of operations." A glint of heavy amusement flashed across his magnified eyes.
A sensation like hundreds of huge, marching ants crawled up Juvi's back. Her head went a little light.
"Dr. Tsubasa?" she asked.
"Are you feeling some pain anywhere?" he asked.
Juvi looked back over at Eraserhead, who wasn't even watching the scene. He had his arms crossed over his chest and his face half-nuzzled into his capture scarf.
Juvi opened her dry mouth. Then closed it and swallowed.
Now would not be a good time to say something.
"Are we good here?" Eraserhead asked again.
"Her quirk is indeed off," said one of the other doctors, a woman with short turquoise hair and strange, diamond like irises that probably had to do with her quirk. "But it will probably turn back on when she falls asleep again. If it doesn't turn off, we'll have to call you again." She looked back to Dr. Tsubasa, who had seemingly satisfied his curiosity about my head nodes and was watching with that same benign smile.
"I'd have to agree," he said. "I'm afraid we'll have to call you back if that's the case, if for nothing else than for followup on how we can make an effective quirk canceler for her. Do you have Mr. Eraserhead number on file?"
"Yes," said the third doctor, which Juvi recognized was actually a nurse. Wow, had she always been this unobservant about her surroundings? Actually, now that she thought about it, she was noticing a lot more than usual. It must definitely be because her head felt clearer than it had in years. Was this what it was like to only have one life in your head?
"Then you may go, with many thanks, Eraserhead."
"Yes, thank you, thank you so much," said Mom with a fervent bow from Dad.
Eraserhead nodded his greasy, tired head and swung out, hands moving to his pockets.
Juvi watched him go, the tension in her chest only growing tighter.
Izuku came in with Bakugou, though it was obvious they hadn't intended it that way. Izuku had his shoulders up to his ears and elbows tucked in tight, while Bakugou had the scowl that was five degrees south of his natural resting bitch face.
She instantly reached out to accept Izuku's hug, though gave Bakugou her full confusion over his shoulder.
"Why are you here?" she asked.
Bakugou clicked his teeth and threw his nose in the air.
"Thought I might be able to see a real dead body, what's it to you?"
"Kacchan!" Izuku let her go to turn on him. "What is wrong with you?"
"I ain't taken that from you, dweeb!"
Juvi was not amused. "Bakugou, go away."
"Tch, it was just a joke." He tugged a folder out of his bag and tossed it onto her bed. "Homework from school. Your welcome."
"He got to it before I did," Izuku muttered in a tone meant for an apology.
"Stop making it sound like it isn't, Deku, the teacher shoved it on me."
"Why would she ask you to give it to her? You're not even friends."
"How the hell should I know?"
Juvi sighed. "Look, if you're that determined not to leave, would you mind getting me some chocolate milk? Being tube fed while you're comatose for a week makes you crave carbs and fat like nobody's business."
"I ain't your gofer." But he did leave, which was a relief in that part.
Izuku slumped onto her bed besides her. "Sorry about that. I did try to stop him."
"There's no stopping Bakugou," she said. "But besides that, are you okay?"
Izuku cocked his head. "What do you mean? Of course I'm fine."
She looked at him until he started to fidget.
"Well, I was worried about you and I might have done poorly on the test this week, and Bakugou was worse than usual without you around, but I'm fine! Really! See," he pulled up his sleeves as though that were proof enough. "No burns. No bruises."
She wasn't talking physically and he knew it, but she could catch the hint. Honestly, she was just happy to seem him clearly for the first time in a long time. She'd missed his freckly face.
"Izuku," she took one of his hands to squeeze. "Thank you."
"F-for what?"
"Caring for a zombie like me for the longest time. You really are my hero, you know that?"
His high-strung shoulders wilted. "No. I-I'm not that."
"Yes, you are. You stuck around with a girl who could hardly concentrate on a conversation long enough let alone on being a good friend for over two years. Bakugou may have gotten me out of that frozen river, but you pulled me out of the path of dozens, maybe hundreds of cars, stopped me from stepping into who knows what and breaking my neck, and just…just being there. And that theory you had on my quirk? The thing about the skyscraper and the city? I saw it."
He perked up, finally acting like he was listening. "What?"
She went on to describe the Tron-like city and skyscraper with its many denizens of lights, as well as the reflection of twenty-six-year-old Jubilee besides her.
His eyes practically popped and his hands fidgeted for something to write.
"Do you know what brought about this change?" he asked. "Or was it random? Could it be my suggestion caused it?"
She hesitated. She didn't want to lie to him. Izuku had been the first she'd told about her double life dreams. He'd been the first she'd complain to about the mugginess of having no rest from two lives and all the ins and outs of Jubilee's life.
Was it necessary for her to keep the truth from her best friend.
"Juchan?" Izuku turned his hand in her grip so he could squeeze hers.
The door snapped open then, rather violently, and Bakugou stepped in, a bottled drink in each hand.
"Here," he chucked the bottle of whole chocolate milk on her bed, where it rolled to a stop against her crossed legs. Then he made a show of twisting open his own Coke and daring Izuku to say something about not getting him one with his eyes.
Izuku hardly paid him a glance however, his attention back to Juvi. "Did something happen to Jubilee?"
Bakugou took a swig of Coke. His attention was on her.
Sometimes she really hated how perceptive Izuku was. He could always tell when her head was stuffed up the most with memories or when focusing on math became a curse she wanted away from rather than a gift.
"She's dead."
Izuku blanched.
Bakugou licked Coke off his lips. "Who the hell is that?"
In a flash, Izuku expression turned feral.
"Get out."
Bakugou lips curled back from his teeth. "Excuse me?"
"I said GET OUT!"
Izuku rarely yelled, even at Bakugou. And whenever someone quiet and generally too nice for their own good suddenly shrieks at you with that much fury, it's terrifying for everyone.
Bakugou, to his credit, stared for longer than Juvi could have. Then, with an eerie calm and flat expression, he twisted his cap back onto his Coke.
"Fine. See you in school, Baiyoso."
Juvi flinched, really feeling the hit of her last name for the first time. Two life. Just like how Midoriya mean green and Izuku and his mom had green eyes and hair.
This world was weird.
Izuku waited a full minute after the door closed behind Bakugou before turning his full attention back to Juvi.
"What happened?"
Juvi bit her lips together and slipped her hand out from his to clench her fingers through one another. His eyes flickered to them for a split second and she didn't doubt he read more into them then she knew of herself.
"If it's really bad, it's best to talk about it and get it out, it will help you to process it. Trauma can be like that."
"It's not like that," Juvi said. "It's-I wasn't traumatized."
"You died, how can that not be traumatic?"
"Because," she faltered, pulling hard on her fingers. The hand Izuku had been holding felt much warmer than the other. "Because I…I wanted it."
He didn't act surprised. She didn't want to know about what that meant; what he had seen of her while she'd been disconnected.
"Juvi, did you kill yourself?"
Her insides quaked. She thought of her brother, her sister, both who would never see her again. She thought of the horrible blanket that had come over her when she'd realized she had made a mistake, that there wasn't any way she could stop the bleeding that far in. She thought of the blank look of her glowing, colorless reflection start back at her.
Izuku must be so disappointed in her.
"I'm sorry." It came out more a gasp than she had intended. "I'm sorry, I'm-I didn't-I was just so tired, I know that's not a-a-an excuse, I s-s-should have tried h-harder-"
"Juchan-"
But she wasn't looking, she couldn't. She didn't want to see. "I regretted it once I saw all the blood, I know I shouldn't-that I was weak-"
"Juvi!" His hands were on hers again, so wonderfully warm, squeezing hers. "It's okay, I'm not mad, how could I ever-Juvi, it's okay."
"No it's not!" she wailed. "I killed myself! Right when Bakugou gave me way I could practice to rest my head, I gave up! I broke!"
"And you had every right to!" Izuku was in front of her on the bed now, gripping her shoulders, his own eyes already leaking out tears.
She stared.
"It's not a crime to be broken or spent beyond your limits," he continued, his voice warbling even worse than hers. "I'm not-I don't think any less of you." He bit his lip for a second. Then squeezed his eyes shut, a new wave of tears dripping from his chin. "I'm just so, so, so sorry I couldn't…that I couldn't do more. That I couldn't…" He pulled his hands away to press them to his face. "God, I shouldn't be crying, what the hell…"
And this had been the other thing she'd been afraid of. Not disappointment, but guilt. If Izuku was like this just hearing about it, and with her still around, think of how broken her brother would be.
Seeing her brothers messy, dark brown hair and broad shoulders for a minute, she reached out to wrap her arms about Izuku's neck, not caring that they hand to almost sit in each other's laps to reach properly. He'd grown a lot in the past few months.
"I'm so sorry," he croaked. "I was right there by your side, all this time, and I couldn't do anything. I spend so much time on quirks, I even called my dead beat dad, and yet I couldn't-Bakugou hardly sees you and he was able to do more for you than me, and I'm just…Juchan."
"You did more than anyone would have," said Juvi.
"But-but if I can't even save my best friend…how can I save anyone? I-I can't be a h-hero. I can't."
"I'm sorry."
"And now you might-now you might not be able to-to wake up on your own, you could sleep until you die and-and I was the one you talked to about your quirk I sh-should have-I should have been able to do something."
"You did everything."
He was shaking by now, his voice growing even more indistinguishable between his sobs.
"I was right there," he managed to get out.
They held each other long after their tears ran out.
To BefuddledFan: Oh...I got reviews...OH! Good reviews! Hi! I don't get email notifications for when I get a review for some reason, I think my spam filter just freaked out that I was getting a lot of action, so that's why I have a late reply. Also, it doesn't give me the option to respond back to you since you left a review as a guest. Thank you so much for letting me know the links were broken on my site, . I really need to dive in an overhaul update the site big time, but it's like pulling teeth for me to do computer work that isn't writing or reading. I don't even have social media. I'm so lame. And you left such flattering remarks too! :D Calling my story unique and a breath of fresh air for the fandom, haaaaaah. I feel so special. Thank you so much. ^.^ It was a joy reading your reviews.
As for Godless, it's in my 'rewrite' pile to turn into a stand-alone novel. ^.^ Right now I'm working on doing that with 'Blood Chains.' I'm always both writing a new story and rewriting/editing another one for publishing, so Godless will have its turn. Then I will post it up on Wattpad as well as put it in my 'Work in Progress' page on my site. *sigh* I really need to update that site. Maybe even I get myself a good snack? Hmmm...