CHAPTER FIVE *******************************************

8/2/07 – The letter

Justin phoned Brian and asked to meet with him about something from his lawyer. They met at the loft after Brian's work day and sat on the couch to talk.

Justin said, "The lawyer that Stuart and I hired to handle our partnership phoned me the other day and told me that he was mailing me a letter. It's something that Stuart wrote. He asked for it to be delivered to me six months after his death, whenever that was. I got it today, registered mail."

"That's personal for you. Why show me?"

"Read the outside of the envelope."

Brian picked it up to read it. Justin – Please read when you are alone with Brian. He handed the envelope back to Justin. "So, open it."

Justin shook his head. "I … I can't. It's too painful."

Brian held his hand and looked intently into the blue eyes staring back at him. "You have to. He wanted you to."

"You do it." Justin pushed the envelope back.

Brian sighed and opened the envelope, removing the letter within. He began to read.

….Dearest Justin,

….If you're reading this, I must be gone. I'm sorry I left you alone.

….Hopefully, you're 90 years old and I died at 100. No such luck, eh?

….With all of the papers we signed for our corporation, I know that you'll be taken

…..care of financially, but I'm concerned about you emotionally. You need

….to be with someone. I hope that our child will be of comfort to you, but I

….know that you need loving companionship in your life, as we all do.

….I only met Brian that one time, but I could tell that he still cares about you.

….I know you loved me, but there was always a place in your heart for him.

….Go to him and try to be with him again.

….Your loving Stuart

Brian had to stop reading and turned away, leaving the note on the couch. He got up to get something to drink to clear his throat and gather himself. Justin had a tear running down his face. He picked up the paper and read the rest of the note.

….To Brian,

….Look after Justin. See to him. Hold him when he's feeling down.

….I don't know where you are at in your life and what you're willing to give or give up.

….You don't have to do "the play" with him. You know what I mean.

Brian smiled, remembering their conversation about gay marriage, until it was legal, being just a play.

….I just hope you find a place in your heart for our Justin. Yes … our Justin.

…. In some way I know I was only borrowing him from you.

…..Take care of yourself, and him.

….Stuart Weaver, CEO of Taylor-Weaver Incorporated

Justin broke down and cried. Brian held him and shed a tear that the blond never saw. They sat like that for quite a while. Eventually, Brian reclined on the couch and Justin, still in his arms, lay next to him. They fell asleep that way, never saying a word.

Justin's cell phone rang at 1 am. He read the caller I.D. "Yeah, Mom." He listened to her inquiries. "I'm at Brian's. Jesus, it's one o'clock. I'm sorry, I guess we fell asleep." He sat up and looked at Brian.

Brian whispered, "Just stay and sleep here."

"Listen, I'm going to stay here. I'm wiped out. Can you take care of Ava? Thanks. I'll see you in the morning. … Love you, too. G'nite."

"C'mon." Brian stood and pulled Justin to his feet. They went into the bedroom and Brian removed his jeans so he was just in his briefs and a t-shirt. Justin followed suit. They got into the bed and resumed the position they were in on the couch. They lay down and Brian pulled the covers up over them.

"I suppose we should talk about what he wrote." Justin said.

"Don't talk now. Just sleep. We'll talk in the morning." Brian gently kissed his young blond friend and they slept.

In the morning, Brian woke first and found Justin's arm still across his chest. He smiled and kissed the sleeping man's forehead. He snuck out of the bed so as not to wake his companion and headed off to the shower.

The sound of the shower woke Justin and he went into the kitchen to make coffee.

Brian emerged from the shower, dried off and slipped into his jeans. He could smell the coffee and walked over to Justin who was sitting at the dining table with a cup, staring at the letter. He was still wearing his briefs and t-shirt. "G'morning." They kissed.

"Good morning. There's coffee." Justin said.

"Yeah. Thanks."

"We need to talk."

"You know how I hate serious conversations." Brian poured himself some coffee.

"Brian, we have to discuss this letter."

"What's to discuss? Your boyfriend is giving you permission to date. Specifically, date me, I guess."

"How do you feel about that?"

"I'm not in touch with my feelings, we both know that." Brian sat next to Justin at the table.

The younger man looked incredulously at his friend. "Try."

Brian shrugged. "If you want to date, we can date. I won't make any promises I can't keep."

Justin sighed. "I don't know what I'm ready for."

"When you figure it out, you've got my number."

Justin got up and looked out the window. "We never really discussed it, but when I left…"

"I was being an asshole. I know that."

"Do you still pursue the same, um, lifestyle that I'd objected to?"

"Do I fuck around? Yeah. Not as much as I used to. A younger guy named Brandon started coming to Babylon and scoring guys I couldn't. We had a friendly wager and competed for our ten hottest guys. I won the bet by a slim margin, but I beat him. My prize could have been topping him, and he was willing to pay up, but I declined."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I didn't want him, really, I just wanted to win the bet. He still comes to the club. After I'd proved a point with him, my interest in being the top stud of Liberty Avenue waned." He paused and smiled. "I did actually date a guy twice a few months ago."

Justin chuckled. "Two whole dates?"

"Yeah, but he didn't hold my interest." Brian shrugged.

"Do you think I could?" Justin walked closer to Brian and leaned up against the support beam in the kitchen.

Brian turned to Justin and put his hand on the beam. "You're the one that I broke my rules for, remember? Fucked you more than once. Lived with you. Hell, you're the only guy I ever let take a shower here."

"So, is that a yes?"

"Yes."

"Then maybe we can start over again."

Brian leaned his head back and smiled. "Let's see if we can remember…"

Justin grinned at him.

Brian asked, "How's it goin'?"

"OK. Just checking out the bars."

"Where ya headed?"

"No place special."

"I can change all that."

They both smiled, recalling their first meeting. Then Brian got a more serious look on his face. He put his hand on the side of Justin's face and ran his thumb along his cheek. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too." Justin leaned forward for a kiss. At first they paused, and then their lips met. The kiss began tenderly and then Brian's tongue approached Justin's mouth for entrance. He was delighted to gain access and the kiss became deep and passionate. Justin slid his hands around Brian's bare back and stroked the back of his neck. It was the first time they'd kissed this way since Justin had returned from New York.

Justin put his hands on Brian's chest as he pulled back slightly. "I would like to continue this, but, I don't think I'm ready for it yet."

Brian looked him up and down. "It seems that part of you is." noting the bulge in the blonds' briefs.

"Stop it Brian." Justin said as he pushed down on his erection, trying to make it go away. He turned to get his jeans from the bedroom. "I'm sorry, but I need more time."

Brian flopped on the bed and his legs dangled so that his feet were on the floor. He put his hands on his crotch and groaned.

"What's wrong?"

"It seems that someone gave me a raging hard on and now isn't going to do anything about it."

"I'm sure you can find some guy at a bar somewhere that can help you with that." Justin was sitting on the edge of the bed putting on his socks and shoes.

"I don't want just some guy." He sat up and reached for the young man's hand. "I want you."

Justin could see the sincerity in Brian's face. He was being uncharacteristically vulnerable. Justin pushed him over onto his back again. He leaned over to stare Brian in the face. "Just me? Hard for me to believe. If we're going to date, we're going to have to set up some rules again, like we did years ago."

"I'm not going to like this." Brian said, wincing.

"You think about what kind of rules you can live with. Keep in mind that I maintained a monogamous relationship for months with Stuart and liked it. A lot."

"I figured you guys were exclusive to each other."

"Maybe it's too much to hope for with you, but… work out what kind of compromise you'd be willing to have."

"Can't we just fuck now and make up rules some other time?"

"I've got to know what I'm getting into with you and I'm not just going to jump in your bed until we've had that talk. So, call me in a few days?"

"I'll see you around."

They kissed briefly. Justin smiled, turned toward the door and left the loft.