A/N: I want to thank you all for your kind words of encouragement, and your shares of I'm sorry. I want to let you know that I did not tell you all of that to gain your sympathy, I just…December is a hard month, actually every month is hard for me, for my family. We've had to pick up, move on, forget petty arguments of who did the dishes last Thanksgiving, or who bought the fucking pies last Christmas. In 5 days, it will be the one year anniversary of my Uncle killing himself. In 7 days, it will be 2 years since I lost my Layla, a baby that was so cherished and so loved and she hadn't even been born yet. Hell, we didn't even know if she was a girl or not yet. Funny how live works out, that I now have a 15 year old daughter, who happens to be my sister. We don't all get to create families the conventional way. It's been 7 months since I lost my grandmother to cancer, and years since I lost my aunt and two uncles to cancer. I'm writing this story for those of you out there who believe there is a reason to give up, who think that they have hit rock bottom and will never succeed. YOU WILL. I promise. It may take all of your strength, courage, and energy to just stand up, but with each passing day it gets easier. I promise you that.

I sit here and sip my glass of red wine, and contemplate how many drinks it will take me to become an alcoholic, or if in high school, had I sniffed that cocaine in the first floor bathroom would I be typing this today. Life is all about choices. i chose to not give up, to stand tall with my baggage behind me, but never dragging me down. I chose to let my past influence me, not guide me. I beg you all to do the same. Take it from me, each day is a gift given to you, a gift you should never waste. So stay in bed all day watching cartoons with your younger siblings. Accept that date. Call your ex if he or she makes you happy. Forgive your parents for grounding you. Forgive yourself for hurting those you love. Fight for LOVE :). Sing in the shower to Lady Gaga because it drives your fiance crazy. Listen to Rihanna on repeat while you drive to nowhere and back. And most of all, watch PLL on 1/2/2012. Seriously.

22 years ago in August, I was born. I had a shitty mother, but she was replaced by a wonderful woman who is my mom. I've been through hell and back. I'm fat, but I still rock stilettos. It's all about the confidence baby, go out and live your dreams, YOU are the only one holding yourself back.

And on that note, I will give you what you have all been waiting for.

Baby Girl,

Your snores in the cradle next to me sound like music to my ears. Your mother is curled up next to me, also snoring, but don't tell her I said that! I've been sitting here thinking of all the things I'm going to miss: Birthdays, Christmases, Graduation, your first date…but the not that brought tears to my eyes each and every time my mind wandered to it…is your wedding day. I won't get to walk you down the aisle and it's breaking my heart.

I hope your wedding is elegant, classy, and a genuine fairy tale. There is a bank account with $10,000.00 in it. I want your wedding day to be special to you in everyday. I suppose I should have mentioned the account in another letter but; let's not worry about that.

I imagine you in a ball gown very much like the one your mother wore, if not the same one. Aunt Hanna will have done your hair and make up. Spencer will have planned the whole thing and Emily will have baked the cake - stop me if I'm wrong. Your mother will be crying in the front row your aunts clutching her close to keep her from falling to her knees and breaking down.

I'm so very sorry I won't be able to walk you down the aisle, or to give you away to the person standing at the end of it. Your wedding day was something I gushed over with your mother for hours on end. In the end, I know no matter how much I rested on how many rounds of Chemo I went through, it would never be enough. I stopped after one, but told your mother I went for three. There come a time when you have to stop prolonging the inevitable and push forward. I walked gracefully into death. my darling. I welcomed the end of my life.

Sure it hurt for a while, and even may hurt as you read this letter but I left for you and your mother, Layla. If I stayed your mother would have fallen deeper into the bottle: and we would have lost her. I love you with all my heart and soul Layla, but I had to go. Life got easier, I am sure and the pain dulled after a while. I want you to always remember that you are special to me; to your mother; to the world. You are special. I love you. Go walk down that aisle towards your prince charming, or princess, and live your life. Leave your grief on the Kleenex I am sure you are grasping, and damning me for ruining your makeup. Tell Aunt Hanna I said to take a chill pill, it will be okay. Like I told your mother a long time ago…."You must give up the life you had planned, for the one that is waiting for you."

Love me forever;

Forget me not;

But let me go.

Daddy