A/N-hey guys, sorry for the wait! did anyone else hate mr schue when he kicked santana out of glee? Just wondering, cause i was soo mad when that happened. Haha , and i miss sam ); but, anyways, enjoy the story!
By wednesday I was already done with school. Thankfully my parents went out of town for 2 weeks, so i could at least stay at my place. I called brittany as soon as i got home from school, anxious to hear her voice.
"Hey britts." I sighed over the phone, thinking about the previous day.
"um, hi san." She said back to me. I noticed the way she seemed distant but i ignored that and went on with what i was saying.
"Yesterday sucked. Like, hella bad. First Q, with the completely transforming from innocent religious kid and top cheerio, to a complete stoner. what's up with that? And Puck isn't talking to me, after what happened with him and quinn. then mr. schue decides to kick me out of glee club, and sue is thinking about leaving becky as the only captain since i failed at making the piano blow up without anyone knowing it was me."
"Im sorry san. Why'd you listen to sue? I thought you said we were done with being cheerios last year, until you told me we were going to do it again this year." She said it like a question.
"I just wanted to make our senior year memorable, thats all." I explained. I waited in silence for her to say something, when a thought occured to me. She was probably waiting for me to tell her how i was going to tell glee club about us since i was no longer a member. i couldnt just tell her that i didn't know, so instead i said,
"I gotta go, britts. See you tomorrow. I'll pick you up around 5."
"Bye san." And just like that she hung up the phone, which was probably our shortest phone call ever. I went to sleep that night, trying to figure out the best way to come out to glee club, or to anyone. I didn't even realize that i fell asleep until the next morning when i woke up. I jumped out of bed, images blaring through my mind. I had an idea, i knew what i had to do. I dug through some papers i still had from last year, looking for a blue one about drinking and driving. I recognized the phone number on the top of it. I dialed the number into my phone, checking it a few times to make sure i was calling the right person.
"Uh, Mr. schue? Its...It's Santana." I told him, shaking nervously, afraid he'd hang up. But since it was Thursday, i knew he'd be at school early, which meant he'd have no excuse to say he had to go. My voice was shaking, obvious that i was terrified.
"Are you okay?" Was the first thing he said to me.
"Yeah im fine. It's just, i know i dont deserve this after torching the piano and everything, but will you please do me a favor mr schue? I- just, tomorrow, before school, can you bring everybody in glee back behind the football field? I need to talk to you all, its important."
"Santana, i want to help you of course, but i dont think i can trust you. Not when your still working with sue. I cant bring my kids back there, not when i dont know if sue is gonna be waiting to drown them in slushies or something."
I felt the urge to cry, pushing the tears down my throat to make my voice even shakier.
"Please mr schue, i need you guys right now. I just, i can't do this on my own. How about you meet me in the gym instead? "
"well, okay. But santana, if this is all a set-up, i cant let you back in glee, ever. Just remember that."
"Thanks so much mr schue! see you in spanish today." I hung up the phone, excited but nervous that this might work. I got ready for school, pulling on my cheerios outfit and trying to make myself look like the usual hot bitch i always am. I pulled up to brittany's house, honking the horn to let her know that i arrived. Usually quinn would take us both to school, but since she decided to get her nose peirced, get a tattoo of ryan seacrest, start hanging with the smokers, and quit glee and the cheerios, we quit talking to her. or, well, more like she quit talking to us. So our unholy trinity became the unholy duo, which didnt really make any sense. Brittany climbed in the car, a far away look in her eyes.
"You okay, britts?" I asked her as soon as she looked at me. I expected her to either shake her head or immediately tell me what happened, but instead, she just looked at me, staring straight into my eyes. I looked into her blue eyes, my cheeks burning. I'd never see anything so beautiful in my life, yet she'd been with me since pre-school. I expected her to drift off, to her own little planet like usual, but she said something, just the fact that she chose that moment to talk, and say something that wasn't totally random, surprised me. What she did surprised me even more. As i turned me head away to start driving to school, she grabbed my wrist and said,
"Santana?" In a broken voice. I turned me head, my mouth open to answer her, when all the breath was taken from my lungs as she pressed her lips to mine. The sudden contact took me by surprise, but it didn't take me more than a few seconds to get back in the rythm of things. I pulled her closer to me, until there was no space left between us. I started to pull away as i felt tears roll down her cheeks, but she just grabbed me tighter. I remembered the last time we were this close, the last time we were really alone. Aftr finding her clothes she left my room crying and didn't talk to me for days. I couldn't take advantage of her like that again, no matter how badly i wanted to. Not if i was going to try to make this work. So as she started fiddling with my bra stap and pulling on my shirt, i pulled out of her embrace. She looked upset, but i took her hand and said,
"Not right now, okay?" She looked at me and nodded, before looking out of the window. My heart was still racing, even after 10 minutes. I couln't stop my hands from shaking or my face from burning red. the car ride was silent, but eventually britt half-whispered to me,
"I just didn't want you to be mad at me anymore." I stared at her, stunned. Pulling the car into the parking lot, and stopping to reasurre her that i was never mad at her.
"I wasn't mad at you britt!"
"But, i told you to tell your parents about you-about us. and you did, and then you got beat up by your dad. then i try to make you tell glee club, and you get kicked out. I thought you'd be mad at me, i thought you still were mad at me for all of it. So i was trying to tell you that i'm sorry, and i wanted you to forgive me."
"Britt, i dont care if you were the one who did all of that. I wouldnt care if you got me kicked out of glee and the cheerios, or if you made me lose all my friends or if it was you that wouldnt except me for who i am. I could never be mad at you. All those times i acted like i was, it was because i was mad at myself for not being able to have the courage that you do. I could never be mad at you britts, okay? And next time, don't try and prove anything to me, not like that. I dont want you to feel like you have to. But im not saying that i didnt enjoy it." And with that, i got out of the car, feeling brittany's eyes on me. Even without looking i could tell she was smiling. And i knew right then that i would do anything to make sure she never felt that upset again. We walked into school, heading to the gym for our before school cheerio practice. I saw Finn run past me. The football players and cheerios all had to do a few laps before school to warm up.
"Frankenteen!" I smiled at him. He looked at me ashamed and ran faster. I realized that everyone in glee club, with the execption of britt, probably hated me right now. But that wasnt going to stop me for doing what i needed to do. I pushed myself harder, running faster so that i was the second cheerio finished. We all learned quickly that nobody could outrun Q or Britt. But now that Quinn wasnt here, i finished second place. After practice, we went to class. I walked britt to first period, but told her that i had something to do so i couldnt come in. she walked into class, and it hurt me to see her go sit by an empty desk, but i needed to go find mr. schue, and that little blonde bratt that screwed up quinn and pucks life.
"Mr. Schue," I said, strolling into the classroom. "sue needs to speak with him." I pointed at Noah, lying. Mr schue nodded, beleiving me. Sue would of course send her head cheerio to pull people out of class for her, and there was no way he was going ot argue with sue right then. as soon as we walked out of the classroom, noah hit me with a bunch of questions.
"Why does sue want me? Isnt she the cheer coach? Does she want me to be a cheerio? Im not a good dancer. How come-" I cut if off.
"She doesnt, yes , hell no, and i bet. Also, i dont care. I just needed to talk to you."
"Again? You already did this!"
"No, this time, sue is going to talk to you."
"You said she didn't want me..."
"she will after i tell her your the reason her top cheerio quit the team." He gulped. Every kid in this school feared sue sylvester. Even most of her cheerios.
"Coach, i got something for you." I knocked on her office door.
She let me in, drinking her protein shake.
"Coach, this little thing here, he's the reason you lost your top cheerio." I told her, staring the little boy down. He smiled a weak smile, probably trying to tell us that we didn't scare him. It was obvious he was terrified just by the look in his eyes.
"He told Quinn that Puck cheated on her with me, which this time was not true. She beleived him, dumped puck, and now...well you know what she's doing now."
" Your why im stuck with tweedle mcfake boobs?" She turned to me.
"S, i'd like a word alone with him if you dont mind." Noah looked at me with pleading eyes, but i just smirked, walking out of the office. He came out a few minutes later, crying. I tried not to laugh.
"I told you kid, NOBODY messes with santana lopez, or my friends. Got it?" He nodded his head, walking to spanish. I headed to my first period, taking my seat next to britt. She smiled at me, and i took her hand under the table. I felt like everyone in the class was staring at me, but i knew no one could see our entangled hands anyway. My face turned bright red as she stroked my leg, but thankfully you couldn't tell how bad i was blushing because of my dark skin. Being hispanic sure had its up sides. And that's when the idea came to me.
After school, i ran to the football feild until i found Karofsky.
"Karofsky, were over now. Got it?" He stared at me shocked, along with Finn. But i noticed Puck holding back a small smile, and i knew he didn't really hate me. with that, I ran out of the school, over to my car. Britt stopped me a few feet away from the door.
"Sue's going to be mad if you miss practice. You're our captain."
"Oh, shit. Uh, be creative make up something beleivable! Ill be back in like an hour!" I yelled, already in my car driving home. I had two very important things to do.
I ran up my stairs, searching through my closet for a certain white shirt. I never had the guts to throw it away. I noticed it under a pile of old clothes, burried. I shoved the shirt in my cheer bag and ran over to my dresser to get my phone.
"C'mon Q, pick up pick up.." I muttered as the phone rang over and over. I called 6 times before she finally answered.
"What the hell do you want Santana?"
"Quinn, I need you." I mentally punched myself for how dumb that sounded.
"Just will you do one thing for me? That's all I'm asking. Just one thing. "
"Why would i do that?" Her words slurred, and i figured she was high.
"I didn't steal your fucking boyfriend Q! So stop smoking that shit, and talk to me. Just please, this is really important. All you have to do is show up in the gym tomorrow before school, right after cheerio's practice gets out. I know you still know the times."
"Im not going. I got better things to do."
"Dont pull this shit with me Quinn, get your ass over there, just do it!"
"Whatever." She hung up the phone. I really wanted Quinn there, even though she wasnt the same Quinn that i always knew. The one that i never realized that I needed until she was gone. Quinn really was somebody close to me, important in my life, even though we spent our lives trying to destroy eachother. Not having her anymore felt like i'd lost a family member or something. As much as i hated to admit, I really did need Quinn, and i didnt know if i could come out to glee club with her and puck there. It just wouldnt feel right.
I rushed back to school, pulling into the parking lot only 30 minutes after cheerios practice started. Apparently, i was late because i'd been 'kidnapped by Puckerman and Azimio, taken to the boys locker room and questioned by Coach Beiste for the stealing of Brittany's cat, Lord Tubbington.' Britt even went as far as to tell Coach Beiste to tell Sue that I stole her cat and she was questioning me. Next time, i shouldnt tell britt to be that creative. but sue knew better than to argue with Britt, so she just made me go out and run an extra 4 laps before we got started. I got home, showered, and prepared my speech for the next morning. I tried to sleep that night, but i just couldn't. I was too scared for the next day. Everything would change so much. I texted ms. holliday, to see if she'd come. I know she already knew about me and britt, but i wanted her to be there for my first...public anouncment about me and britt. I walked into cheerio's practice, shaking too hard to even get the cheers down right, and eventually running out of the field, completely breaking down inside the locker room. sue came in to yell at me, but i think it surprised her to see me, santana lopez, leaning up against the lockers crying. Sue taught me mostly everything i knew about being decieving and corruptive, so seeing me like this, so vulnerable, was probably really strange for her. I looked at her with tears running down my face, expecting to get in trouble for ditching practice and showing up late yesterday, but she just turned around and walked out of the locker room, leaving me laying across the benches, crying until i had no more tears left. At least that meant i probably wouldnt have another break down while im trying to talk to glee club. Everyone filed out of the locker room, including britt (probably going to the mandatory before school meeting the mr schue called yesterday, to make sure they were all there for me when i needed them to be) so i just stared at my locker, trying to get my body to resond to me. I changed my clothes, taking off the cheerio outfit, even though i'd probably get in even more trouble for not wearing it. I slipped on that white shirt i shoved in my cheer bag, and zipped up a jacket around it so you couldn't see the big black word written across the chest of the shirt. I was too disoriented ot even notice that i forgot to take off my cheerio skirt. I walked into the gym, noticing a bunch of confused looking glee members sitting in the bleachers. My schue gave me a questioning smile, most of the kids glared at me, berry shot me death glances, and puck stared at me expressionless. I looked around for Quinn, but my heart dropped when i didn't see her. I found britt sitting in the back, by herself, staring at me, with questioning hope in her eyes.
"Uh, guys, santana has something she'd like to say to you today." Mr. schue said, standing up. I heard a few of them groan. I noticed Berry open her mouth to probably start talking a mile a minute like usual, but mr. schue cut her off.
"Just listen guys, please. I knew you guys have your differences, but she was a part of our family, and once a part of the family, you always are. I know you guys still care about her even if you are mad. Just listen to what she has to say, okay?" I saw ms holliday smile, as she realized what i was about to do. Britt looked like she was holding back excitment, afraid to let herself beleive what i was about to do, but i could see the hope in her. I smiled directly at brittany, without caring that the rest of the glee club was even there.
"First of all, im sorry about torching the piano. I know you dont want excuses, but for what its worth, sue made me choose. She told all of the cheerios to destroy the purple pianos for glee club. I didn't want to, but she made me chose between her and you guys. I thought things could go back to normal, before Glee. I thought i was happy then, but ever since you kicked me out, i havent had a chance to be happy, to be able to be me. With you guys, i felt like a real family. Choosing Sue over Glee club was the 2nd biggest mistake of my life. I never should have done that. But thank you all so much for taking the time to come here and listen to what im about to tell you, i know after i made your lives hell, i don't deserve it. But i still appreciate it. So, with my past of dating almost every guy in this school, and sleeping with all of them, except maybe Kurt, obviously, Karofsky, cause' well, yeah whatever I'm still a bitch, he's gay." Kurt stared at me with his mouth open, but everybody else just murmered to themselves.
"A few of the nerdy kids, and Artie cause you call know i hate him with a passion. But you're about to find out why. I knew Quinn's not here right now," Puck's eyes watered a little with the mention of her name, "but I want her to know that i really am sorry for how much it seems like I'm stealing her guys. And no offense to any of you, but i never really liked any of you guys. Not Finn, not puck, at least not like that anyway, not even Sam. Or any one of the other guys i've dated. They were all just for show, since i knew i couldnt have what i really wanted. I guess i've always known in the back of my mind, but I never realized what it meant until last year. I only dated all of those guys because, 1 it boosted my rep. and 2, the only person that i ever truly had feelings for, was someone that goes against everything i've ever learned."
"Where are you going with this?" Rachel interupted. "No one wants to hear your guy history." Rachel spit at me, ovbiously still pissed about the whole piano thing. Puck spoke up for me,
"Just let her finish Rach. This is important." She frowned and settled back into her seat. I noticed the rest of the class looking at me confused, with the exception of Mr. Schue who seemed to understand where this was going. Britt was on the edge of her seat, smiling at me, giving me encouragement to continue. Ms. Holliday was sofly singing landslide, so quiet i only recognized it from reading her lips.
"You all know that i dont like labels, especially "Girlfriend", which is why i mostly lived off one night stands. I thought it was because i didnt like being tied down. But i realized it was because i didnt want to be their girlfriend. I didnt want them to be my boyfriend. I just wanted a certain person, but none of them could be quite what i was looking for. I still dont like labels, but it's now i don't care as much. Label me what you want, but dont think it matters who you're attracted to. What matters is who you fall in love with." I looked at ms holliday, letting her know that that really got to me when she told me that last year."
"Remember when we did born this way?" I asked. Kurts face lit up, but the rest of them just nodded.
"I really was planning to show up for that. I had a shirt that said "BITCH" and i was dead set on wearing it. Brittany came up to me, and showed me a shirt that was more...personal. It was something i was more ashamed of about myself. I didn't want to wear it, because i knew that it would mean telling you guys something that i couldnt stand for anyone to know. Britt and ms holliday were the only ones that knew, and i just wasnt ready to tell the rest of the class yet."
Kurt seemed to realize what was going on, but the rest of the class just didnt understand where i was going with this.
"I really wanted to do that song with you guys, but i couldnt bring myself to lie and wear the bitch shirt, but i wasnt ready to wear the shirt that was really what i was most ashamed of. Over the summer, alot changed me. And I realized that i dont want to change who i am or how i feel, that would stop me from being in love at all. So, even though born this way is over, I'm finally ready to wear my shirt."
I unzipped my jacket, letting a white shirt that said "Lebanese" in black letters show. I waited to see if anyone other than Kurt and Blaine would get it.
"I thought you were hispanic?" Berry said.
"You shouldn't lie about your ethnicity..." Tina told me.
"Why are you so ashamed of being Lebanese, its-" And as soon as Finn said the word "Lebanese" out loud he seemed to get it, and shut up. For the first time, Finn understood something long before some of the other kids. It looked like a few of them, Kurt, Blaine, Puck of course, Britt (duh) Finn, and Artie understood, but the rest of them just looked confused.
"Guys! I'm not lebanese, i really am hispanic. This shirt was supposed to say something else, but well, britt isn't the best speller in the world. It was meant to say...lesbian." They all stared at me shocked. I wanted to run and hide, but thankfully, something saved me from my embarassment. I didn't notice Quinn hiding in the shadows, listening to every word i said. I didn't know she came at all, until she appeared in front of me, wrapping her arms around me. I could still smell the smoke on her, but it meant alot that she came. I stood there, stunned, until i slowly reached up to put my arms around Quinn too.
"I love you Santana. You should have told me." Quinn whispered to me.
"I was scared." I told her, starting to cry. She told me everything would be okay, and that I didn't have to worry about anything. I felt safe in her arms, even though they werent britts. As she let go of me, one by one the glee kids started to get up. Puck came over next to me, wrapping me up, holding me together. In his arms i felt like everything would be okay. Kurt and Blaine hugged me, smiling at me and telling me that they had a feeling. Eventually, everyone in the club, minus britt had come up and said one thing or another to me, even if all Artie did was say that he wouldnt judge me, just continue hating me, which i was totally okay with. Finally, i looked over at brittany, who just stared at me, still glued to her seat, tears spilling down her face. I walked up the bleachers, took her hand and pulled her down the steps. She seemed shocked.
"I love you Britt." I told her. That seemed to break her out of her trance. She smiled at me,
"I love you too San." And then she kissed me. Right there, right in front of all of the Glee kids. I smiled into the kiss as I heard Quinn mutter something to Puck, forgetting that she was even mad at him. For the first time that we were around other people, and not drunk, i kissed her back. Ms holliday approached me, telling me how proud of me she was that i was finally able to do this. Finn still looked confused at Berry sat there trying to explain that I didnt 'turn gay' i always was but i didnt know what it meant. Sometimes i worry about that boy. I walked up to Mr. Schue, holding hands with Brittany.
"Mr. Schue, i'd like very much to rejoin glee club." I said it more like a command but he got the message.
"You're in, as long as you quit torching the pianos." He smiled at me. I realized how excepting they all were, and promised myself next time i'd chose glee over cheerios. They were my real family, the ones who excepted me for the person i am and the person i love.
"um, mr schue?" I heard quinn say as i walked away from him.
"yes, quinn?" He answered.
"I know that, with everything that happened, i kind of dropped out of glee and everything, but , can i come back? I want to feel like i have something important in my life again."
"Of course. You werent the one who blew up the piano." He joked.
"um, yeah..." She walked away, before he found out that it was her cigarette that caused the piano to explode. Britt was trying to talk to Artie, to get him to not be so upset, while i talked to puck and quinn, explaining to her what really happened when i was at his house. They ended up getting back together, and both were now talking to me again. Once the bell rang, i walked out of the gym, waiting for britt by the door. She walked out, pointing out to me that i still had my lebanese shirt on.
"I know." I told her. I took hold of her hand and pushed my way through the crowd of people. She seemed shocked at my change of attitude, but i knew if i didnt come out all the way right now, i'd never be able to. Karofsky stopped in the hallway. His face went paste white as he stared at britt and i, looking at our entanged hands. He knew what this meant. The only thing keeping me from telling people that he's gay. If i came out, there was nothing keeping me from telling everyone about him. And he knew that too. I smirked as we walked past him.
"Your not gonna..." He started
"Only straight i am is straight up bitch." I said without looking back, loud enough for half the people in the hallway to hear. Everyone stared as i walked down the hallway, holding hands with britt. They all made faces and said some pretty mean things. But as long as they didnt hurt britt, i didnt care what they thought. Im better than all of them anyways. I made my way to glee club after school, happier than i had been in years. Everyone smiled as we walked inside the club, especially quinn and puck. Why was i so scared in the first place? Something cold and blue hit me in the face. I turned around to see that little blonde bitch holding an empty slushie cup. I pushed him into the wall, about to go all Lima Heights on him when Puck and Quinn grabbed my arms and pulled me away, so i wouldnt hit him. Finn grabbed him by the arm, dragging him over to his seat and held him there till mr schue walked in. All he saw was a terrified looking 9th grader, an empty cup, and a completely pissed off looking blue Santana.
A/N-Hope you enjoyed it! pleaaaaaaase review i'll love you forever, even though i have noooo idea who you are. ;D