Jeez. I'm sorry for the delay on this. I've been focusing all of my time and energy on planning and writing 'What's Your Fantasy?', so these drabbles have kind of been put on the backburner. BUT I've got a few more song ideas after this one, so expect a few more funny ones soon! ;)

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine. But if I owned DSW, Victoria's Secret, or Sephora, I'd be a happy girl.

Girl Talk - Ultraviolet Sound

Derek heard Stiles' presence only after he smelled it. The acidic stench that accompanied his mate burned his sinuses as though he'd drank too much Coke too quickly; his eyes watered, his nose scrunched up, and what the fuck was that smell?

Was that…was that acetone?

"Hey boo!" Stiles exclaimed as he danced into the kitchen and over to where the wolf was standing, facing the counter. The kid wrapped his arms around Derek from behind, his acrid smell filling Derek's nose and making him choke.

And then Derek looked down at the hands on his stomach.

"Stiles? What's on your nails?" He asked slowly, trying to keep the small edge of revulsion from his tone.

The highschooler pulled away and Derek turned to face him. Stiles held his hand up to wiggle his fingers in the older man's face, a small smile on his—lip gloss slathered?—lips.

"Only the most beautiful French manicure! I swear, Cynthia outdid herself this time."

He was too busy studying his nails in awe to notice Derek's open-mouthed gaping.

"You…you got a manicure?"

Stiles looked at him as though this were nothing out of the ordinary. "Yeah, I went with the girls."

"…The girls."

"Allison and Lydia, silly!" Stiles giggled, swatting at Derek's arm playfully.

And what the fuck? Was Stiles playing a joke on him?

Derek laid his palm against the boy's forehead, "Stiles, I need you to tell me. Are you okay? Are you feeling sick?" He leaned close to peer into those chestnut eyes, "Are you on drugs?"

Stiles giggled again, batting at Derek's hand. "Of course I'm not on drugs. And I better not be sick… I have so much to do today!"

"…So much to do?" Derek prompted, though not entirely sure that he wanted to hear the response.

Stiles sighed excitedly, "Yeah, DSW and Victoria's Secret are both having sales today, and I wanted to go to Sephora and try out that new M.A.C. foundation. Oh, and then I have an appointment for a bikini wax at 3."

'Shock' wasn't a strong enough word, Derek was sure.

"And then," Stiles continued, "when I get home, maybe I'll model some things for you… my new shoes, new panties, new bikini wax," he finished with a wink and a light poke to Derek's chest, and Derek tried his damndest to not vomit.

Stiles was a fucking girl.

"Oh, my god, gross, don't even say 'panties' again," he breathed, pushing past the newly feminine boy to head up the stairs.

"Pumpkin?" Stiles called after him, "Der! Baby, where are you going?"

Stiles' shouts seemed to be following him.

"Derek? Derek."

They were getting closer, louder.

"DEREK!"

He opened his eyes. Stiles' face was unusually close to his own, and Derek jumped, the scenes from his nightmare still fresh in his mind.

Stiles sat back. "Dude, wake up. You were freaking out, making a shit-ton of noise," the younger man paused, considering the wolf, "bad dream?"

Derek didn't reply. He grabbed Stiles' hand, studying it. The nails were bare, unpainted. He lifted Stiles' fingers to his nose, relieved to find no trace of the biting stench of acetone.

Normal as ever.

He sighed, releasing the boy's hand and looking up. Stiles was staring at him like he'd grown another head.

"Dude?"

Derek rubbed his own hand across his face and up into his hair. "I dreamt you basically turned into a girl."

"A girl," Stiles deadpanned, looking skeptical.

The wolf's brow twitched in memory, "You wanted to go," he shuddered, "panty shopping. And you called me 'pumpkin'."

He ignored the kid's muffled laughter and dropped the bomb.

"You were going to get a bikini wax."

And Stiles hissed. "Well that's just stupid. I don't like you that much," he told the lycan with a shrug.

Derek only chuckled and reached over to take hold of Stiles wrist again, kissing the inside of it. The boy watched, a small smile lifting his features before he leaned down to press their lips together softly.

"Good thing I got back in time to wake you from that horrible nightmare," Stiles teased, moving to kiss the other's jaw once before standing back up.

"Where'd you go?" Derek asked, sitting up to watch the lacrosse player walk out of the room.

"I had coffee with Allison and Lydia."

The wolf swung his feet around to place them on the floor. He rested his elbows on his knees. "You had coffee with them?"

"Mmm, yep," Stiles called back. Derek could hear him rummaging through his bag in the hall and wondered what the kid was looking for. "We just talked."

Derek snorted, "What the hell did you guys talk about?"

"Our boyfriends," Stiles answered nonchalantly, "Apparently Scott loves doggystyle. Go figure. And Lydia said Jackson's actually very attentive."

And, okay. Derek didn't need to know that.

He waited for his mate to continue, but he never did. Derek sighed, afraid to ask for fear of hearing the worst. "What did you say about me?"

He could practically hear the smirk in Stiles' reply. "I told them you were into bondage."

Derek jerked his head up. He rubbed his hand across his jaw in confusion. "Stiles, we've never done anything like that before."

And then Stiles reappeared in the doorway, his eyebrow raised and a pair of the sheriff's handcuffs twirling easily around his finger. A smirk inched its way onto his face and he bit his lip coyly.

"Not yet."

I don't know if they have these stores in other countries, so if you weren't sure, DSW is a shoe store, Victoria's Secret is a ladies' lingerie store (though I'm sure most everyone knows that..), and Sephora is a makeup/beauty care store.

I love feminine!Stiles. Just you guys wait til' chapter 7 in 'Fantasy'! ;)

R/R, loveys.