A/N-OMG sorry for the longggg time with no updates my computer for a virus and yeah i just got it back last night soo with that, let's begin cause' i know you dont care about me (; so i know this doesnt follow the show very much but thats cause i started this before the show even happens sooo just go with it and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ill love you till death if you review this (: i cant get better if you dont tell me what im doing wrong! also, i had a chapter 8 that i SWEAR i uploaded but now i cant find it so i gotta re-do it and this might not be as good as the original /: Here you go anyways!-

"Santana, leave the boy alone..." Mr. Schue said cautiously, knowing I could snap at any moment.

"This little freshman bitch slushied me! I'ma go all Lima Heights on his ass!" I yelled pulling away from Puck.

"Language Santana! Calm down! Were doing something important, and I need your guy's full attention. So if you can't pay attention, get out of my class room right now."

"Whatever." I muttered, crossing my arms and taking a seat in the front row. I gave the blonde kid my death glare as he walked out of the class, attempting to look pleased with himself. I stuck my foot out and tripped him, wiping that smirk right off his annoying little face.

**2 weeks later**

"Okay guys, I was really inspired by what Santana told us all, and it got me thinking. There's something i'd like to share with you guys..." Mr. Schue started. I tried really hard not to laugh as I heard Finn mutter to Rachel,

"He better not turn gay too..."

Rachel rolled her eyes at him, obviously annoyed that he didn't understand that you don't "turn gay", even after she spent 20 minutes explaining that to him.

"I came up with an assignment, and I think that you guys might not like it very much until it's over. But that's how things usually are right? So, trust me with this." Mr. Schue continued.

"Mr. Schue, I know you like to teach us important life skills, which i find are very important attributes of a man, but don't you think we should be practicing for sectionals?" Berry interuppted him. I tensed as I felt Brittany's fingers intertwine with mine. I almost pulled away, afraid that the class would look, but i remembered that they already knew. It was still a habbit to be afraid. And even though I'd been holding hands with Britt down the hall, people still didn't get it. Did I need to make a public announcment? I turned to britt, smiling, and laced her fingers through mine, absorbed in my own world, the one that revolved around brittany, so i missed most of Berry and Mr. Schue's conversation.

"Rachel, I'm the teacher of this, and I'm doing things my way this year. Were going to do this lesson, and we're going to win sectionals. Okay?" He said a little forcefully.

Berry muttered something under her breath, probably something conceited, and surprised us all when she didnt go storming out of the door. she was probably too curious about what Mr. Schue was about to tell us.

"Alright guys, so, Santana's...announcement got me thinking. And i think that if she, of all the people in this club could tell us something so...personal, why cant we all? I know that was her choice, but we all know that Santana definitely isn't the most open person in the book, and she's a little rude sometimes, and kind of mean, and says things unecissary, and lies about almost everything, and-" He rambled on, probably lost in his thoughts.

"Uh, okay Mr. Scue, we get it...I'm right here..." I said annoyed, even though everything he mentioned was true.

"Yeah, sorry, well, okay, so if Santana, the most closed off person in here felt like she could trust us with her biggest secret, then we need to somehow return the favor. To let her know that we trust her too." He barely got the last word out before the class errupted with words.

"Mr. Schue! I mean, I'm proud of Santana just as much as the rest of you guys for feeling like she could open up a little to us, but i dont like where this is going, we all know that whatever we tell her, she'll tell the whole school!" Berry whined.

"Hell to the nah Mr. Schue, I'm not telling anyone in this class anything! except maybe kurt, but especially not Santna!" Mercedes yelled.

"Mr. Schue, you know how well i get along with her, this is not happening." Artie told him straight up.

"Guys! If santana trusts you, why cant you trust her? Except maybe Artie, i would be careful with that one...but you need to open up and try this! I think that this lesson is a good idea Mr. Schue, even if i'm not sure what it is exactly. maybe we'd all agree more if you would tell us where you are going with it...?" Puck came to the rescue, using alot more words than he usually does. I looked at him shocked, noticing quinn staring at him with the same reaction It kind of hurt to hear that the glee club, my friends, didn't trust me, but i knew that they had a good reason not too.

"Great, Puck. Well, your not JUST telling santana, your going to pick a song, sing it to the class, and tell us something your ashamed of that your singing about if its unclear from the song. It's a little different from the born this way lesson. that was about loving who you are, and telling us what you like least about you. This is more...trusting the only people in this school you can trust, knowing who your real friends are and creating tight bonds with eachother, and not being ashamed about your secret, alright?"

"Who's going first?" Quinn asked.

"Well, since Santana gave me the idea, i think we should let her go first. If you want to..." He turned to me. I smiled, dropped brittany's hand and walked past the other students. I turned to the class, still nervous, even though i'd already come out. It just felt like Mr. Schue was trying to make me do it all over again.

"Okay, well you guys all know my secret already, so i guess i'll just go straight to the song. My hands were shaking as I ran through a list of songs in my head trying to find the right one. I must've looked like an idiot, just staring at my feet. But Brad seemed to pick a song for me. He started playing the piano, to a song i recognized. I thought about the words, and decided i could change them a little as i went along, so they fit better. I opened up my mouth, singing, and hoping i didn't forget the words half way through.

"Please allow me to try and explain, I'm living proof that woman can change. I knew what I thought I wanted, and I knew how to get it. It didn't make it happy so I started again, What I thought I wanted was to be with a man. But nature had some alternative plans. So I did without the lot put emotion on hold, and hoped my instincts would do what they were told...I wanna know yeah. I wanna know. But every now and then, often at night, a particular feeling would surface in spite, of what I told myself and tried to, deny, I kept on asking the question: why? I wanna know yeah. I wanna know. You grow up and experience this, a total metamorphosis. It's all about change. It's a metamorphosis. With time and age I had to change 'cause my thoughts were getting strange. Ladies on the street caught my eye, and I began to think I might be their kind of girl. The long-term suppression of an adolescent urge, was in retreat, and I was on the verge of falling in love or having fun, Time was running out. Something had to be done. I wanna know, yeah I wanna know, I wanna know yeah, Tell me what's the reason? Where was I? Laying down the law, dancing with others out on the floor. Music and smoke. What did it mean Somebody spoke and I went into a dream. I had what I wanted, madly in love, Nothing else mattered. This was enough. Questions were answered, which used to perplex, in particular those about the big s.e.x." Puck and Brittany were obviously holding back a cheesy smile, knowing that I could probably answer any question about any time of sex, considering I've done almost everything you can imagine. Britt gave me an encouraging smile to keep going.

" I wanna know yeah, I wanna know. I wanna know yeah, Tell me what's the reason? You grow up and experience this? A total metamorphosis. It's all about love. It's a metamorphosis. Dreaming is easy, life is tough. I got the picture. The most important thing is not to end up bitter. 'cause when you start to feel increasingly forlorner woomph! love comes right around the corner. It may not last,
but here I am, once a caterpillar now a butterfly." I made a weird face as i realized how old this song really was, and how i really just sang to all the glee kids that i'm a butterfly. This was weird, and definitely not me. But i went on with the song anyways.

"It can seem strange but when you reminisce, It's all about change. It's a metamorphosis, I wanna know yeah , I wanna know I wanna know It's all about love
It's a metamorphosis. You grow up and experience this, A total metamorphosis. It's all about change It's a metamorphosis. I wanna know yeah, I wanna know. I wanna know yeah, I wanna know. It's all about change, It's a metamorphosis. I wanna know yeah I wanna know, It's all about love. It's a metamorphosis..." I turned around quickly and went back to my seat wondering where Brad came up with that song. They all clapped and then looked at Mr. Schue expectantly. Rachel opened her oversized mouth instead.

"Brava Santana. I would say you did perfect but you were a little flat on one of the notes, but thats just because you don't have as much training as...some of the kids in here, really good job though." Berry started. I stared at her shocked, unsure if that was a compliment or an insult. Both? I just nodded my head confused, not enough energy to be mad. Something was really off today, but I just couldn't figure out what. Why was I acting like, well, like not me?

"Great example santana. Just, can you tell us how you can relate to the song?" Mr. Schue asked me. He said my name and it pulled me out of my train of thought.

"Um, well it says that a woman can change, and i changed...not who i was, just how i saw myself. and i changed it to say that i thought i wanted to be with a man, cause' i convinced myself that i did and then theres the part about sex but i dont think you want to hear my stories about sex so i'll skip that." Puck and Brittany laughed, probably because they were the only ones there for most of my 'sex stories'. Quinn slapped puck and he stopped laughing right away, but I could tell he still wanted to.

"And then it says that nature had other plans, and that i thought i knew what i wanted and i knew how to get it. which i thought i wanted guys, and i knew how to get them, but nature had other plans, and i really wanted something else..." I tried to answer his question. Usually i just would have said 'i dont know.' or 'i dont care.' or something like that, what was up with me today? That answer made it seem like I actually cared. I just wanteed to get home and-home. that was it. My mom and dad got back from vacation today. Shit, i had no where to go. I pounded my head thinking, but not succeeding. Britts fingers were tracing patters up and down my legs, and it was just too hard to focus on anything other than her by that point.

"Okay kids, so just like that. Come in next time with a song and tell us how that song relates to your secret. Next time i would like to see..." He looked around the classroom, "Artie and Kurt. I'll go before you two to give you guys another example." We all got up and left. I told brittany to go ahead in front of me, i'd meet her at my car. I needed to ask Mr. Schue something.

"Uh, Mr schue, i have a question." I told him, once everyone left besides us and brad.

"Is everything okay Santana?" He sounded concerned. Truth was, i was not okay. People probably noticed from how off my behavior was, and I knew it. My parents would be back in about 2 hours and honestly, i didnt have anywhere to go. I know this is really un-santana like, but I really was afraid of what my mom would say to me and what my dad would do if they caught me back at home. And something told me that I shouldn't tell anyone about what happened with my dad. If that got around, he could lose his reputation. My whole family's like that, caring so much about their rep., hating labels, and loving titles. You see where I get it from. But I just couldn't force myself back in that house with them, and i knew brittany's parents were kind shaky about letting me stay at there house again for a while. They didnt have an extra bedroom, so i had to stay in Britts room the 2 nights I was there before my parents left. Her parents took the news of us alot better than my parents did, but i knew they didn't really want us sleeping together if it wasnt absolutely necissary. They told her she wasnt allowed to have her boyfriends sleep over, so why should i be allowed to? She tried to say that i was there for lord tubbington, but her mom didnt really buy it. I know her mom would say yes if i asked to stay there a few more nights again, but she wouldnt be happy about it and i didnt want to upset her mom. I'd ask quinn, but her parents are really religious so i dont feel like taking another chance, pucks mom doesnt like the idea of him having girls sleep over, mercedes hates me, and i'd rather sleep on the streets than stay at Berry's house. Finn sort of doesntlike me, something about the whole "taking his virginity" thing, and i know kurt would keep me up all night talking about the various girly things he's obsessed with. Artie, no way in hell, i'd end up killing him, i barely know Mike, I'm pretty sure Tina doesn't like me, and kurt would probably be to jealous if i went to blaine because, even though im gay, he'd still think i'd end up doing something with blaine. which isn't true, i'd never cheat on britt like that, even though we weren't really together, but still. I had a commitment to her. I'd been at my house while they went out of town, but know that they're coming back, i need somewhere to go.

"You know how i told you guys in glee club about me and Britt?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, before that, i told my parents. and they didn't really agree with that. My mom was yelling and my dad was...upset." I covered, i wanted to tell him what really happened, but i had a feeling that it'd turn out badly.

"okay..." He didnt get where i was going with this.

" I know this is alot to ask, and you could probably get in trouble for it, but could i please stay at your house for just a few days? I'm 18 now so you couldnt get in trouble for kidnapping or whatever.."

"I understand santana, but you need to go home. Your parents are never going to accept this if you dont talk about it with them."

"We tried talking, it didn't work." I started to get a little panicky.

"You need to go home to your mom and dad, besides im sure they miss you, even if they are upset."

"Please Mr. Schue, don't make me go back there..." My voice was shaky, and it broke with tears as i thought about having to go back into my house, see that look of dissapointment in my moms eyes and hear my dad shouting things at me, calling me names, and hitting me agian. i didn't want to get hurt like that again, the phsychological pain they put me through. I'd always felt like I wasn't good enough, but usually at home I felt accepted because my parents mostly cared about looks. They got a pretty daughter and they were happy, till they found out that their pretty girl actually liked pretty girls. I couldn't go back there with my own parents thinking im some kind of disguisting freak. I didn't want to cry, it wasn't like me at all, but i just didn't seem like i was able to hold back the tears.

"Santana, I've seen you cry more in the last week than i have in the other 3 years you've gone here combined. Not counting when your drunk, cause' that's a mess. What really happened? You want me to call and talk to your mom? Your dad?" My face went white (or at least it felt like it did) when he asked to call my dad.

"Please don't talk to them Mr. Schue, just, don't make me go back home. Please. I'll go find somewhere to stay tonight, just don't talk to them, okay?"

"Santana, what going on? What happened?"

"N-nothing, ill see you tomorrow. Bye Mr. Schue." I got up and began to leave, but he grabbed my wrist.

"Let's make a deal, you tell me what really happened between you and your parents, and you can stay at my place as long as you need, just don't tell anyone because if Sue finds out, she could find a way to make this something it's not. You know how she makes things that they aren't, and considering your...history, she could get me in alot of trouble for this. But deal?"

"Okay, fine. I think it's supposed to rain tonight and i don't want to mess up my hair." I lied, the truth was, i really wanted to tell someone, an adult, about what happened, i knew i shouldn't but it just slipped out of me. So i told him everything, what my mom said, what i said, what my dad did. He didn't make any comments, except occasionally he'd mutter "language, santana." but other than that, nothing. he hugged me, which felt weird, since he was a teacher, but good at the same time, to know that someone loved me. I know I act closed off, but that's because I learned at a very young age that you can't let yourself love anyone in any kind of way, because all they'll do is break your heart. I told him that i needed to drop Brittany off at her house, grab my stuff, and then I'd go over to his house. He told me to just call before, and he'd make sure someone was home (either him or Ms. Pillsbury). We went our seperate ways, when i heard something behind me.

"Lopez!" I turned around, to see Sue staring at me, fire in her eyes. I realized I was late to cheer practice, again, which meant that i made britt late, again. I almost came up with an excuse that convientenltly blamed it all on Mr. Schue, but i decided if i was going to change me, it needed to start now. I marched over to Sue, my head held high, and said,

"I'm not late to Practice. I'm not even on the Cheerios anymore. I quit, hope Becky is a good captain all by herself. Oh, and Britt is out too."

"Wait, Lopez, I'll cut you a deal." She said as i started walking away. I turned, just curious what her deal was.

"I care about you," I laughed as she said that. She didn't care about me, she just knew with Quinn off the squad, they'd have a hard time winning nationsals, but with me and Britt gone too, they'd never win. That's why they lost last year, cause the three of us quit. There was no way she could without her top three cheerios. I smirked, knowing she was vulnerable right now and would do almost anything to keep me and Britt on the team.

"Wait sue, How about this? I have a deal for you. Me and Britt stay on the team AND we get Q to come back, and you let the three of us be late whenever it involves glee, and our glee club rehearsals come first. So if we miss cheerios practice because of glee, its excused, you stop making us destroy glee club, and we get an extra ten minutes in the locker room."

"No way, that's too much. It's like a young George Washington once said-" I cut her off so i wouldn't have to hear one of her many crazy irrational theories that she believes that the presidents said. I mean really? Everyone knows that Abraham Lincoln was not our first gay president. He was married...right? I sleep in history class, how should I know.

"Then none of us are coming back." I took about three steps before i heard her shout,

"Fine, it's a deal!" Without turning around, while i still had her vulnerable and knowing i'd never have the guts to do it later, i yelled,

"Also, sue, I'm a lesbian." I smirked as i heard the sound of her dropping her protein shake. I knew sue wasnt a homophobe, she just knew that this would make a big change for the other girls on the team to know that their captain was gay. I walked down the hall heading towards my car, and to the beautiful face of the woman i love. I saw it, blue...Wait, my car isn't blue? I didn't have time to put the peices together before i realized the blue was a slushie, dripping down my face. I wrapped my hands around the persons neck, slamming them to the wall, before wiping the slushie off out of my eyes so i could see who slushied me. I wanted to murder the kid as i realized it was the little blonde bitch, that freshman kid, noah. AGAIN? was this like a weekly thing? Blue slushy from him? Its time i taught that kid that no one messes with me. He looked scared as i held him to the wall, about two seconds away from 'using the razor blades hidden in my hair'. they weren't really there, but everyone believed that i really did have razor blades in there so i used that to my advantage.

"You wanna know why people don't do this shit to me? Im Santana Fucking Lopez. That's why. I'll go all Lima Heights on your ass and-" The kid interuppted my sentence.

"He made me do it." The kid whimpered.

"Who?" I said, pressing him to the wall harder.

"That big guy, the football player. Umm, kofsky? Karfy? I don't know, he's your ex-boyfriend."

A/N- thanksss for reading PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review! probably only one or two chapters left so yeaah, thanks for readdingg! REVIEW!