Bed rest felt like torture this evening. Keller had ordered him to get plenty of rest, but as soon as he lay down, his mind started running laps.

He was going mad, and nothing would help him relax. Teyla had given him herbal teas meant to calm and relax, but so far the strongest one only made him a little sluggish, not tired.

The night dragged on, and sleep evaded him. Every time he drifted off to sleep, a stray thought or emotion jolted him awake.

His mind behaved in a strange, unsettling way, probably having something to do with the aftermath of the hallucination device. It must have permanently altered his brain in a way that made this more likely to happen. He wanted to get some help, but the thought of being taken off of duty to deal with psychological issues terrified him. He would be carted back to Earth and that would be the end of his career. He would never see Ronon or Teyla again. He would never see Atlantis again.

He knew one thing for certain; he couldn't take this anymore.

Standing up from the bed, he punched the wall — hard. His whole body vibrated with the shock of the punch, and a shooting pain went through his hand to his shoulder.

He hit the wall with the other fist, then back again. The shock of each blow sent pain through his whole body, but he kept beating the wall, which made a muted clanging noise with each impact into the metallic structure.

He thought of Arret

Clang

He thought of Queen Ice

Clang

He thought of Naam, tears welling in his eyes.

clang, clang, clang.

He screamed, letting out a guttural expression of pain, and dropping to his knees in a heap of sobbing.

His fist dropped blood to the floor in a rhythmic drip, and with the pain, his energy left him. Taking makeshift bandages from his bathroom first aid kit, he wrapped his hand hurriedly with gauze.

"He's dead because of you," he said to himself, covering his face in shame. "You bastard."

In a panic, he dressed in his Atlantis uniform, and set out for a run. The jogging aspect didn't come easy since his leg hadn't fully healed, so he opted to just walk instead. It was a miracle that he could walk at all given the nature of his injury. After Aceso had done her thing, the scars and wounds on his body seemed to disappear quickly.

The city remained quiet at midnight, but people still went about their business. Sheppard's wandering mind brought him down to the lower levels of the city below the water line. The dim lighting down here and cooler atmosphere was a departure from the warm and airy tower near his quarters.

Sheppard came upon a large underwater window. This area was meant to be a sort of underwater hall. The Ancients designed the parts of the city below the water line for storage, machinery, and manufacturing. Still, the Ancients had seen fit to include a neutral space for observation, simply for the aesthetic.

"It's nice, isn't it?" A familiar voice to his right said.

Sheppard jumped a little to see Aceso sitting up on a raised sill near the window. His immediate reaction was to run, or to fight, but he remembered at the last moment that this was the real Aceso, not some hallucinated version intent on hurting him.

Aceso dropped down. "Why are you here at this time of night?"

"I could ask you the same thing?" Sheppard said. "Shouldn't you be asleep?"

"My body doesn't require very much sleep," Aceso said.

"Oh," Sheppard acknowledged. "I guess I'm tired of sleeping." He meant that as a bit of a joke, and thankfully, Aceso responded by smiling. Her smile faded as she saw his hand, which was hastily wrapped in bandages.

"What happened?" Aceso asked. "Your hand was not injured when we found you."

"Oh, uh," Sheppard stammered. He hadn't anticipated anyone running into him to call him out on this. "It's nothing, just a little accident.

Aceso eyed, him with suspicion. "I sense you're lying to me," she accused. "But why?"

Dammit, there was no way to lie to an empath.

"Okay, you're right," Sheppard admitted. "I punched the wall, and I got a little carried away — it happens."

Aceso shook her head. "You don't need to let yourself suffer like this," Aceso said. "There are ways to deal with these feelings."

Sheppard turned away. "I'm not broken," he insisted. "So don't try and fix me." What did he feel? Anger, resentment, fear?

"No," Aceso said. "You are not broken, but clearly you are not well either."

Sheppard started to walk away. His anger was getting the better of him, and he simply couldn't deal with confronting Aceso now. Her empathic abilities would only serve as a source of annoyance for him.

He moved a few paces before he lost the will to keep moving, and he just stood there, waiting in a cloud of indecision. The feeling multiplied, growing until it reached fever pitch. Fear began to overtake him as his body implied to him in many subtle ways that something was wrong. His heart beat quickly, his hands weakened, and his breathing picked up.

It was the wraith.

"Get out of my head!" he said, whipping around and pointing a finger at Aceso.

Aceso took a step backward, shocked at his accusation. "I am not intruding in your mind!" Aceso insisted. "I promised that I would never do that unless you gave permission!"

She said one thing, but his senses said another. He felt something in his head, a presence that caused doubt, indecision, and fear.

"Then what the hell is going on right now!" he said loudly, clutching his head with his hands. He knelt over, trying to get a grip with his heart racing.

"It is your own mind," Aceso said. "I promise that am only passively sensing, but I can tell something is not right."

No, it couldn't be. There had to be something else. Maybe it was the mind reading implant. Perhaps some remnant of that remained in his brain. The world spun and his legs felt weak. The ground rose up to meet him and he crumpled to the floor in a small heap.

Aceso knelt over him, a nightmare just like in his visions. He tried to bat her hands away, but she only meant to reach for his radio, and she managed to swipe it quickly.

"I need help at level five, section A, Colonel Sheppard is having a medical emergency."

Sheppard struggled to keep oriented. "What the hell is happening to me?"

"I don't know," Aceso said. "I'm worried it may be a residual effect from the device, so lay still for now."

Sheppard did as he was told, gradually getting over the fear of the city's resident wraith, and becoming conversely more afraid of whatever was happening to him. He was beginning to realize that whatever was going on was inside his head. He was barely breathing from his chest becoming so constricted.

This was like what happened last time when his heart stopped. Thinking that just made him panic more.

His mind went through cycles of fear, regret, and grief, each emotion the most intense he'd ever felt them. They were cycling through like some morbid version of the wheel of fortune, the pointer flipping through each terrible emotion in quick succession.

Eventually, he couldn't take it anymore, and he started sobbing, his chest heaving with each stilted breath. These feelings weren't normal, not organic at all. Something in his mind was very wrong.

"I can sense what you're going through," Aceso said. "I'm sorry that it is wraith who have done this to you."

She was confronting her own regrets on behalf of her people.

Sheppard tried to regulate his breathing, and trying to keep his mind from going off in a loop through emotions. It was beyond difficult just to try to stay grounded. "N…Not your fault." Sheppard stammered.

They stayed like that for a minute, his head spinning the entire time.

"What happened?" Keller called out. Keller was arriving with two EMT's and a stretcher.

"He collapsed," Aceso explained. "I'm not sure, but I think it has something to do with the device."

Keller knelt over him with the medical scanner. "Colonel, can you hear me?"

"I can," Sheppard said, looking at her in fear. "Something is happening to me."

(0)

Keller examined the readout from the medical scanner. When the scanner reached his brain, Keller paused. "Brain activity looks normal, however dopamine and serotonin levels are slightly below average. I want to get him to the infirmary just to be sure."

The EMT's rolled Sheppard over onto the stretcher, and he watched the hallways pass by with eyes that failed to focus on anything.

They brought him to the Lantean medical scanner, and scanned him at least three times with different sensors. As he waited, his body began to feel like it was getting over whatever caused his episode. His heart rate slowed down, and the spinning sensation stopped. It took around twenty minutes of just lying there under the scanner, but he felt basically normal.

As he observed the room, he noticed Keller in the partitioned room discussing something with Teyla. He saw that McKay, and Ronon also walked in, meaning that somehow his entire team had been notified of his little incident.

About fifteen minutes later, Keller came out to meet him with Teyla and Aceso in tow. McKay and Ronon came out just behind them.

"What's going on?" Sheppard asked. He sat up on the bed, resting on his hands.

"Well, I can't find anything physically wrong," Keller said, "But Aceso has an interesting insight to share."

Aceso timidly stepped forward to the head of the group. "I recalled something about technology similar to what you were implanted with. Our scientists used a similar device for transferring memories to make learning easier.

"That earlier version she saw apparently had some side effects." Keller explained.

Aceso took charge in explaining the device. "It caused what we referred to as a positive feedback, where fear and anxiety got caught in a loop that was reinforced by the device until it caused a mental breakdown. Among wraith, the technology was never widely adopted, and eventually abandoned."

"So what, I'm going nuts?" Sheppard asked, his nonchalant attitude betraying his fear.

"No," Keller said pensively. "If I had to describe what you just experienced medically, I would say you had an anxiety attack."

"An anxiety attack?" Sheppard scoffed. "That's ridiculous. I've never been prone to that."

"It is true." Aceso said. "I saw test subjects experiencing exactly what you did."

"Okay, so how do we fix it?" Sheppard demanded.

"Well," Keller started. "You would have to see a psychologist, but they may prescribe medications, and therapy."

Sheppard shook his head. "Come on doc, with all I've been through, I've never needed that before. There must be a way to fix whatever this device did. We have all the technology of the Ancients at our disposal."

Keller seemed concerned. "Well, physically there's nothing wrong with you. The problem lies in your mind. We have to treat it like we would ordinary anxiety."

"There is one other thing we could try," Aceso said.

Keller scowled at Aceso, her latent mistrust coming to the surface. "I don't think he needs what you're offering."

McKay raised his hand. "I second that. Whatever this mental voodoo is, it can't possibly be as effective as actual medicine."

Teyla shot McKay an annoyed glance. "I happen to agree with Aceso," Teyla said. "The procedure may have some merit."

"What procedure?" Sheppard asked.

Keller's skepticism rolled off her words like thick smoke. "Aceso thinks you may benefit from a procedure in which she breaks the harmful feedback loops the device created."

He didn't like where this was going. "How would you do that?"

Aceso shifted a little, discomfort showing on her face. "I do not remember exactly what they did, but the scientists who were adversely affected by the device were healed by a mental connection with other wraith. They broke the cycling thought patterns by confronting the things their minds were fixated on."

Sheppard recoiled at the suggestion. "Oh no. I'm not doing that again."

"Please John," Teyla said. "I really think this plan could work."

"I hate having my head messed with. I'm not going to do it on purpose."

"Very well," Aceso said. "The decision must be up to you."

True to her word, Aceso didn't' push him toward this.

"Well, while you decide what to do," Keller said. "I'm afraid I have to delay you going onto active status."

"Oh no," Sheppard said. "It was nothing. I'll be okay."

"No," Keller said sternly. "Listen to me. That is not okay. You can't just have an episode where you collapse randomly, and then think I'm going to let you go on a mission."

Sheppard knew that this meant being sent back to Earth, but he couldn't let that happen — too much was at stake.

"There are people relying on me," Sheppard said. "They are going to die if I don't go on this mission."

Keller hesitated, clearly not wanting to cause any collateral deaths. Sheppard put a lot of unfair pressure on himself, and on her by extension. "Look," Keller said. "Give it twenty four hours. If nothing happens in that time, then I'll let you stay on active status."

"That's too long." Sheppard said.

"That's what you've got," Keller said. "I'm not going to compromise on your health."

While he felt panic rising again, he kept ahold of it by directing it to anger. "Fine," Sheppard said tersely. "I'll prove that I'm okay."

He stood up and stormed toward the door.

"Wait, I have to…" Keller's voice faded as he walked out of there.

(0)

If he had trouble sleeping before, it felt impossible now. At this point, Sheppard just resigned himself to watching the sun rise.

He was stupid to storm out of the infirmary. It wouldn't change anything, and Keller was right. He couldn't go on a mission where he might randomly collapse. It was a cold, hard fact that he'd been damaged, and now he would have to cope with it. Anger at Ice was the current thought he ruminated on, and that feeling now swapped back and forth with grief about Naam.

Only Keller's graciousness kept him from being carted back to Earth. She knew the stakes, but he put too much pressure on her to keep him on duty.

Woolsey wasn't thrilled about the situation either, fearing that it could cost them time on their rescue mission, or having to cancel it altogether. People died in the mine frequently, and he wondered how many would be lost this day due to his weakness and inability to keep a handle on his emotions.

A knock on the door sent him walking toward it.

"Come in," he called tersely, mentally commanding the door to open.

The door opened to Teyla. He felt a twinge of anxiousness at her approach.

"May I come in?" she asked.

Sheppard stumbled over his words, cycling through the urge to tell her to go away, while still wanting some company. "Uh, yeah, I guess."

She entered and sat down on the chair across from his bed. "You need help," she stated flatly.

Nodding in recognition, Sheppard agreed. "I do, but I'm not sure how to fix this. If I let Keller do her thing, I'm never going on the mission, and I'll get sent to Earth.

Teyla exhaled worriedly. "You already know what can be done."

He rubbed his eyes and face. "No," he said, anger building.

Teyla gave him a pointed look. "Then you will suffer, needlessly. The people who are counting on you will be let down, and eventually, you will return to Earth, a shadow of your former self."

His annoyance rose at Teyla's brutally honest assessment.

"I can't go through with it," Sheppard said, shaking his head back and forth. "I hate the wraith —more than words can express."

"As do many of us, but let Aceso help you," Teyla admonished.

"No!" he shouted. "I can't let her invade my mind again! I hate it, and I hate her and the rest of her bastard species!"

The outburst stunned Teyla into a moment of silence. Sheppard felt shame at his words, knowing they were not totally true. It bothered him that on some level, he felt that way about someone he considered an ally, and perhaps even a friend.

"I do not believe you hate her," Teyla said.

"No," Sheppard said. "You're right, but I'm so messed up in the head, I can't think straight."

"What she is proposing is not like having your mind invaded, it's more like sharing thoughts."

"Look," Sheppard said, pacing lightly. "I can respect that you and her have a connection, but I don't have that."

"You won't need a wraith connection," Teyla said. "You only need to be willing to try."

Sheppard sat down, his mind in a swirl of confusion and doubt.

"I do not want to see Ice's torture succeed, and I do not want to see your rescue mission fail" Teyla said. "You are vital to its success. Your people's medicine may heal your mind eventually, but Aceso offers the only way to deal with this within a day."

He knew that Teyla spoke truly. Without a doubt, confronting this problem head on was the only way forward. That meant that he had to proceed with something that he felt deeply unsettled by.

With a dejected sigh, Sheppard sat down on his bedside. He was shivering from the fear of moving forward with this, which in turn made him feel annoyed at being so fearful. "What do I need to do?"

"Call the team here together," she instructed. "We will need their help."