Can we skip this part of the fic? -.-

Everyone: NO. -.-

Fine, I don't own FMA. I only own myself.

We were all sitting in Mustang's office. "We" being the Elrics, myself, Mustang's Gang, and the Major. I sat by the window, Ed and Al were sitting on the floor with their pride (along with their bodies) in pieces. We officially decided we were gonna see Winry, but there was one issue left...

"A BODYGUARD?!?!" Edward asked.

"WHAT THE HELL, COLONEL?! THEY GOT ME!" I shouted.

I swear I saw an anime angry mark on his head. "As I recall, you let Edward's arm get broken."

"Says the one who didn't do crap, useless." I replied. Then we had a glaring contest. Then Hawkeye stepped in and broke us up. We'll call it a draw. For now.

"Why do we need a bodyguard?"

"Because without your arm, you're just a-"

"Angry cripple?" said Falman.

"Whiny brat?" Breda said.

"Foul-mouthed midget?" Havoc said.

"Grouchy little crippled potty-mouthed munchkin!" I cheered.

"I AM NOT!!!" Ed roared.

"So who's going to do it?" Al asked.

"I have tons of work to do, so I have to go back to Central soon." Hughes explained.

"Liar!" I accused.

"I can't leave HQ." said Mustang.

"Then what about this morning, huh?!"

"It's very hectic to watch over the Colonel." Hawkeye stated.

"...I'll allow that to slide since it's very very true."

"I have 0 confidence in protecting when it's this dangerous." Havoc admitted.

"JEAN!!!"

"Yeah, what he said." everyone else agreed.

"What kind of men are you?!"

"I'll do it." said a random voice outside the window.

"What?" A face suddenly appeared behind the window. "AAH!" BAM. Face, meet floor. Floor, meet face. Now that that's settled, WHO IS THIS RANDOM PERSON AT THE WINDOW?!

It was a girl with long black hair with a side bang that covered one of her dark green eyes. She smirked at me landing face-first on the very mean floor.

"What do you want, Alura?" Mustang sighed.

"Can't I be their body guard since everyone else is busy?" she asked.

"No. As I recall, you have business to do in the west and this is the EAST HQ."

"Aww." Then she disappeared from the window again.

I was just about to ask "WTF?" when we all remembered about a certain crying sparkly mustached mountain.

He glomped Edward and shouted "I've heard all about you, Edward Elric!"

"Major! Don't kill Eddie!" I attempted to pull Armstrong off the half-dead Elric.

"And how could I forget about the brave girl who stood up against Scar!"

"OH S-!!!" Glomped by Major Alex Louis Armstrong. There's only one way to describe it. IT HURTS LIKE HELL.

"Major Armstong... It doesn't look like she can breath," Havoc pointed out.

"THAT'S CUZ I CAN'T!!!" Then the Major let go and I remembered how to breath. THAT GUY WOULD MAKE A CRAPPY PILLOW!

"I've come here to be your escort."

"NOOO!!!" I screamed as everyone gave me a WTF stare. "Um... I mean... OK."

"Why does it have to be him?!" Edward roared.

They repeated their reasons. I repeated my commentary.

"Then it's decided." Armstrong announced as he put a hand on me and Edward's heads. There were pink sparkles everywhere.

"You can't decide things for me!" Edward protested.

"Children should listen to what adults say."

"Don't treat me like a child!!" Edward yelled. "Al, Mischief, say something!"

"Oh, Ed! This is the first time I've been treated like a kid since I became armor!" Al was having his moment.

"Mischief..."

I was also having a moment. "This is the first time I've been treated like a kid since I turned 11! ^_^" (I'm almost 15 now so... more or less the same time-frame as Alphonse.)

"It's hopeless..."

One train ride and packing of a suit of armor later...

I was asleep for most of the trip, when I woke up, I was in Resembol with the Elrics and Major Sparkles nowhere in sight.

"They. Are. So. Dead." They let me sleep my way all the way to Resembol while they get to see Marcoh's philosopher's stone. Not that I was particularly fond of him, but still!

The second Edward stepped off the next train, I tried to strangle him. "EDWARD ELRIC, HOW DARE YOU DITCH ME ON A TRAIN ALONE!!!"

"AAH!!!"

Armstrong pulled me off of Ed. "Now a young lady of your caliber shouldn't attack a cripple." He said this with several sparkles around his head. Seriously, where did those come from? O_o

"DON'T CALL ME A CRIPPLE!!"

"But you are." Me and the Major pointed out bluntly.

As Edward led the way to Granny Pinako's house, I couldn't help but look at the scenery. It looked like those old time paintings of the countryside. Plus, the fact that you don't see this kinda of stuff in New York. Orlando. West Palm Beach. Atlanta. I wasn't used to the country, barely five minutes and I ask, "WHERE IS EVERYTHING?!"

"This is everything."

"Are you kidding me?! There's no buildings! No roads! No cars! No muffins!"

"What?"

"Never mind..."

The chappie's done. ^_^ Next you get to see how well I get along with Winry.

Edward: Did you make this chapter JUST to annoy me? =_=

YUP! ^_^ And no. It was to compensate for me not meeting Marco. (Homunculi can't see him without a death-threat)

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