It's seven when Justin finally leaves the Russo apartment.

Dim lights from the patio door cast a shadow on the stairs as Justin descends them, taking them slowly, tiredly. This has been an unreal day, he thinks, and if it weren't for the journal weighing heavy in his left hand, then he wouldn't believe it.

Alex is dead, that he knows. His sister does not reside in this apartment anymore, yet he can see her everywhere. Sitting on the kitchen counter, eating ice cream and calling him a loser; flipping through tv channels, announcing to whoever's around that everything that's on is lame. He misses her fiercly, desperately. But then he remembers the mystery that she kept on the inside, and he looks back in his memories, searches for something, anything that could've been a sign.

He remembers that sometimes, she'd get this weird look in her eyes. Like she was lost, a little girl all alone. And just when he'd identify it, see the weakness that she always kept hidden, the look would dissapear, and she was back again. And he would forget about it. Alex was weird; Alex was strange; Alex was okay.

Except she wasn't.

Alex wasn't okay, and that's something Justin can never forgive himself for overlooking.

---

Later that night, in his hotel room, Justin opens the journal.

He's been trying to sleep for an hour and a half, but rest won't come, so he decides to read another letter. He hesitates as he flips a page, wondering what, exactly, this one will hold. (He's terrified.)

I miss the magic, Justin.

God, I miss it so much. I miss the way it felt on my fingertips, the way it thrummed in my blood. I miss how it left that burnt cookies smell in a room long after it was gone. I miss the way it sparkled and I miss the glow from my wand. I miss how it made me feel; special, important.

And I don't blame you, Justin. I don't blame you for winning, because you deserve it, and I always knew it would be you. This was your thing, but it was mine, too. But you're so much smarter, and I should've prepared myself for losing it but... I couldn't, and I feel so alone without it. It was like a friend, like someone who could comfort me when I felt sad, or a warm blanket that kept me from freezing at night.

Max doesn't really care. He doesn't care that it's all over and that you're the family wizard and that he's normal now, he'll never be special again. Max doesn't care, but I do. And I have dreams about it, about feeling the power again, my head rushing with the sheer magnitude of it, like that time in the Carribean. Is that how you feel, Justin? Like you're invincible, and no one can take that away from you.

I can feel shimmers of it, sometimes. There's a little bit in my blood still and I get flashes of it when I'm really angry, or sad. It's not enough, and having a taste of it just makes me hurt.

---

Justin wakes up that next morning to the sound of his phone blaring.

Susan, the screen reads.

"Hello?" Justin answers, and his agent immediatley starts squawking into his ear.

"How are you? Everything all good on the homefront? When can you come back? You should be promoting! I know this is a hard time and all but... we have a book to sell!"

He closes his eyes and breathes slowly, "I'm a little caught up at the moment." He says slowly.

Susan sighs, "Listen, Justin. The funeral was a week ago. And I know that your sister was important to you and that you're sad. It sucks. She was young and bright and beautiful and the situation just sucks. But moping around in New York isn't going to do you any good."

Justin just shakes his head.

"We need you back here as soon as possible."

"Okay, Susan. I'll... try to speed things up."

"That a boy. See you soon, my handsome prodigy."

Justin hangs up and climbs into bed.

He'll go back to LA when he damn well pleases.

---

When Justin first left home for Columbia, he missed Alex like crazy.

It was something that he never told her; how could he? She would have teased him for it mercilessly. But he did miss her, all the same. It's like he didn't realize how much time they really spent together until she wasn't there anymore.

Justin came home for Christmas that year to find everything at home basically the same. Max was still weird, Alex was still careless. Nothing was different. It saddened him, to be honest. Justin's whole life was new, a jumbled mess of classes and books and a roomate and endless time to himself, and, back on Waverly Place, nothing had changed.

One day during the break, he coersed Alex into going to the Statue of Liberty with him; they'd lived in New York City their whole lives but had never been. She whined about the abundance of tourists with annoying children the entire time, but Justin knew that she was having fun because she smiled when she didn't think he was looking. That's probably one of the best memories he has of her; standing in front of that huge building, grinning in spite of herself.

Justin misses Alex's smile the most, he thinks. It was so rare to catch one that wasn't arrogant, or mischevious, or mean. A real smile was something only certain people could produce, and Justin prided himself on being one of the select few.

---

There's a knock on Justin's door after he gets out of the shower.

Justin peers through the peep hole to see his younger brother's red rimmed eyes and slumped shoulders waiting for him.

"Max," Justin says as a greeting, Max swallows, nods his head, walks into Justin's room and sits down on his bed.

"What's up?" Justin asks.

Max runs a hand through his hair, leans his elbows on his knees.

"I miss her so much, Justin, and she's only been gone a week. How am I supposed to go on forever without her, if I can barely stand this long?" He says weakly, his fingers locking together, bridging the gap between his legs.

"I... I don't know, Max."

"Why would she do this? I'm so mad at her! I shouldn't be this angry at her, I know, but I am, because she left us here, Justin. She took the easy way out!"

Max is on his feet now, pacing the short distance of Justin's room.

"I don't want her to be dead but she is and I can't do anything about it. I can't change anything and it kills me. She could've talked to me, we could've figured it out but she just threw it all away!"

Justin throws his arms around his shaking brother, hugs him tight to his chest.

"I know, Maxy. I know it hurts. But... Alex is happy now, okay? She's... she's so much happier now. And she has her magic back, too. In Heaven, she got her magic back. And we'll see her again one day, and she'll be just the same."

Max sobs, clutches Justin's shirt in his hands, "She was never the same after you left, Justin. Something was off, and I couldn't fix her. I couldn't fix her and now she's dead."

Justin lets his tears fall freely, hates the world as he and Max cry for their lost sister.

ugh kill me. i took way too long to update and this chapter sucks. review anyway? and go sub itsleannadarling on youtube pleaseeee :)