Faking my semi-best friend's death is just too easy. The roads happen to be extra icy this morning when I drive her truck off the cliff. Even the guardrail had previously been damaged and the city is in the works of getting it fixed. The stars align for me.

I skip out of town right after. It's not like I am worried I am going to get caught, but I just have a lot of shopping to do. I mean a lot. It isn't an excuse. I swear. Bella needs everything. Being the friend that I am, I need to make sure she is taken care of.

I haven't been able to really go this crazy for a long time. I usually only get to update our wardrobes here and there. I am in heaven.

At least, I was until reality came crashing down. It's day two and I am chin deep in purple and blue silk. I am trying to choose which color would look best on her, when I feel I should check to see how she is doing… and maybe cheat and see which color would look best on her.

My visions alter from a sleeping Bella lying on a cushion top bed to Edward exposing himself to a bunch of Italians. What. The. Fuck.

Needless to say, I go into full panic mode. The clothes and bags are left discarded like cheap magazines and I hall ass back to my family. If anyone knows how to reach Edward, they will. I try calling his cell, but it goes straight to voicemail. I text while driving. What? I'm a vampire. Kids, don't try this at ho- I mean while driving.

As I pull into the driveway I am met with a disheveled mess. I've never seen Jasper so frantic. So scruffy. I kind of like this dirty-hippy-cowboy-thing he has going on. Nice. He is usually the epitome of cool though. Before I can even turn off my car, he is throwing open my door and ripping me out.

His hands brace my arms and his face is in my face as he whimpers, "Don't ever leave me like that again!"

Sigh.

"I thought you left me… are you still mad… I. Am. So… sorry." He continues to apologize and I can't hide the grin on my face.

Oh right, Edward. Shit!

"Um, Jasper, baby, I love and miss you too, but um, we have a situation."

I am aware I am coming off as a Mega-Bitch 2000 as I brush him off and head inside the house. I leave him standing in the driveway by my open car.

"Attention, Everyone!" I yell as soon as I step foot inside.

"Alice, what is it?" Esme asks, seriously interested. Everyone else comes to join us, including my poor, dejected Jasper. He looks like someone just kicked his puppy.

"Edward is planning on getting himself killed!" I screech.

I am met with a chorus of mixed feelings.

"Pffft, Alice!" Emmett says as he rolls his eyes.

Rosalie chimes in with, "Oh, please."

All Jasper can say is, "Huh?"

Carlisle asks, puzzled, "Is this a joke?"

Esme looks at me with a worried expression and asks, "Alice, are you feeling okay?"

"Seriously, I just had a vision and I drove straight here. Edward is planning on pulling a stunt Kanye would be proud of. Pure diva. He's going to expose himself so the Volturi will rip him apart. Literally."

There is another chorus of questions and remarks. Carlisle holds up his hand to silence everyone.

"Why?" he asks. Well, all hail Caesar for taking charge.

"I just want to say that this experience has really made me realize I need to take a project management course. This never would have happened if I would have factored Edward in as an action item."

"Alice?" Rosalie seethes. Can't she ever take it down a notch?

"He thinks Bella is dead." I huff.

"Why?" Carlisle asks again. This time he narrows his eyes at me. Uh, oh.

"I may have bitten Bella, faked her death, and left her in Alaska. I really didn't think Edward would find out about this so soon, because he's supposed to be cutoff from civilization down in the heart of Brazil. So, I didn't check to see what his future was like in the effects of Bella's murder by my hands… which really isn't good planning… and I realize this… so like I said, I plan to really take that class…"

They don't let me finish. It's a shit storm of epic proportions. I did plan this at least.

Action Item - An action item is any task or activity, assignable to a resource, that needs to take place within the context of a project.

Jess doesn't text while driving because she does no wrong.