Chapter 07

Thrive to Live

Now—

"Kurosaki, why won't you let me contact Soul Society?" His voice interrupted their quiet breakfast time alone that earned him his caretaker's gaze easily. "I have to make sure that my squad is doing alright."

"If you have enough time to worry about your squad, spend more time focusing on your recovery."

It had been two weeks since his small form was rescued from that nightmare, and his host had been very tending to him ever since. Ichigo had been helping him on hand and foot to make sure he was not in any pain or anything else he could think of to make him comfortable. This was something that the captain did not like as he could feel himself depending more and more on this man to be at his side. In fact, he secretly hated him with passion for spoiling him with so much watermelon that he could eat and not have to share. Toushirou was allowed to decide if he wanted an actual meal, or a large helping of nice cool slices of watermelon instead. For an entire week, he ate nothing but watermelon as he began to heal and the bleeding stopped; Ichigo said eating fruit would help this.

"I'm fine, I've placed it all behind me." He placed his plate on the desk with the watermelon skins on it.
Ichigo frowned. "You know I've been checking in for you every other day, can't you wait a little longer?"
"I need to know that everything is alright." There was a pause. "I can't always rely on your words alone."
The tall one thought it over as he sipped his coffee. "Fine, after you get changed, I'll let you talk to them."
Watching him stand and grab the plate a little quicker than usual, he called out. "Did something happen?"
"What?" His attention went to him, surprised to be asked this. "No, I just have a lot of homework today."
Toushirou knew he had been trying to catch up like crazy. "I understand." He got up and stood slowly.

Ichigo left the room with dishes in hand to wash as the other got up to change his clothes so he could talk to his lieutenant. He noticed the captain had no reactions towards him for some reason; it was either he really trusted him, or he had actually put this behind him. His efforts of having him take it slow were in vain when he began asking for three days in a row to let him contact Soul Society. Toushirou was set on talking on the communicator, so what right did he have to deny him of his positional needs as a captain? The Strawberry washed the dishes and walked past the hall to see the guestroom empty, making him understand that the other was in his room.

He walked in, seeing the captain sit at the end of the bed waiting patiently. "A little impatient, huh?" As the captain stood on his feet, Ichigo turned the communicator on, and requested for Rangiku for the captain. "I'll right there if you need anything—" his shirt was grabbed, meaning to stay in place. "Okay then…"

After Toushirou let him go, Rangiku's face appeared largely on the screen. "TAICHOU IS THAT YOU!" Said male jumped at the loudness—almost falling over if not for Ichigo supporting his chest at that split moment to make it seem like he was slightly startled. "DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED I'VE BEEN EVER SINCE ICHIGO SAID YOU TWO WERE FIGHTING!" His heart was racing frantically in which he knew Ichigo felt it as he removed his hand from him. The woman began sobbing fake tears towards him.

"Rangiku-san," Ichigo spoke softly to ease the captain's panic. "Can you calm down please?"
"Kay!" She smiled happily, then looked towards her captain. "How are you doing taichou? I missed you!"
Toushirou stared at her before opening his mouth, "…" Nothing came out; the incident haunting him.
The carrot top was afraid this would happen, he bent down to whisper. "It's okay, just go to your room."

That was all he needed to hear before turning away and running out of the room; angry and embarrassed that he could not speak to his lieutenant. How did he manage to freeze up like that in front of her, now there was no way to not have her suspicious of his actions of retreat! He hated himself right now, but he would not succumb to burying himself beneath the covers of the bed to pretend to not exist. Too much has been given to him from Ichigo; especially given the reason not to have his pride and dignity tainted.

There was a gentle knock on the door, followed by a voice. "Are you okay?"
His head nodded slowly. "Why did I freeze?" He should have been fine.
"You've been adjusting to me, so the sudden change startled you."
Toushirou looked to the ground. "What did you tell her then."
"You're not feeling well, she accepted it and got going."

It took a moment, but he managed to look at. "You know that would happen, didn't you?" Turquoise hues watched the man nod once. "I see… that's why you wanted me to wait … sorry for not listening to you."
"Put on a coat so we can go for a walk around the park or something." Ichigo almost laughed when he saw the captain stare in disbelief when hearing this. "Come on, let's get going. I'll wait in the other room."
"You've kept me on lock-down for two weeks, I just froze in front of Matsumoto, and you're now letting me outside?" He received a casual nod as an answer. "What are you planning, are you trying to set me up?"
"Guilty is charged." His hands went in his pockets. "It's snowing outside, not many people will be out so it would be good to see what affects you." It was the truth. "You may have fallen silent, but stood strong."

"Okay…"

Toushirou had forgotten how beautiful the world could be outside without a roof, the snow coated the Earth in a layer of white. It motivated him to go on their walk even more after going down the stairs, but he contained his emotions so the man would not see. Though hiding it was useless as he could tell that this man knew that he was pleased to be in his element after being kept inside for almost three weeks. As he watched the carrot top casually coming down the stairs, following him wherever he would go; meaning he could make the decisions. This satisfied him as he began to walk away with the man to follow; never aware that this was also to help him heal from what happened.

"Don't walk too fast." Ichigo reminded.

He knew the idea of what happened to him, they broke him down to get rid of that stubborn pride by doing things to humiliate him. Evidently, this caused the captain to respect himself less, and obey to anything as soon as he was told something; he had no stability thinking that he was no longer a man. This did not surprise Ichigo—having his guest believe that he was no longer a man, but he was letting him get into the feeling of being in charge. Hence, the reason why he was letting Toushirou choose wherever he decided to walk so that he could gain his confidence back slowly. Ichigo told himself that it would not be necessary for him to tell Toushirou about all of his motives since they were all to help him recover.

"Toushirou," he called out as they were nearing the large park. "There's something I want to tell you."
Judging by the sound of his voice, it was not something good. "What is it Kurosaki? Is something wrong?"
"Not exactly, I'm having you take a break from your duties until further notice." Ichigo had to be straight.
"You can't do that," if this was told to the Commanding-General, everything could be revealed. "He c—"

"It has nothing to do with Jii-san, this is simply my order to you. I'll be on my best behavior so extra Hollow won't appear. I'll have one of the others handle any wanderers near you." The man saw the worry and fear in the turquoise hues. "If Jii-san catches on, then I'll tell him upfront that I gave you a new task for a while, which would be to keep me calm." He brought a hand up to scratch his nape. "I've had to control my temper at home with you around now, so I wouldn't be lying to anyone. Do you understand a little bit?"

"You haven't told him… about what happened to me?" Toushirou was relieved, but a little confused.
"No," he answered softly, continuing to walk passed him. "So for now, rest at ease, without worry."
His attention went to the ground, trying to think things through some. "You're hiding something…"
"Give it some time Toushirou, I'm working very hard to do something for you." The man smiled.
"I don't like surprises," he walked after him, trying to keep up. "Besides that, I don't think I can—"

Laughter was heard in the distance, causing him to stop and look to see children laughing as they chased one another near the snowless child's park. It reminded him of that stage he would be brought to every day, hearing the large quantity of people looking as his expose body, giggling and laughing at him. Ichigo felt him falling behind in which stopped him to look at him before looking at the children he was staring at. There was another small group that decided they were going to play jump rope, and as they started, the captain's brows flinched each time it smacked the concrete. Those men would use ropes when they were not using drugs… that whipping noise… the impact… the pain… the sensation of Hell that—

Some tall figure then stood in front of him to divert his attention by earning his attention. "Do you want to keep going, or would you like to go home now?" He placed his hand on his head. "What's it going to be?"
Toushirou removed his hand gently, "I'm fine, stop trying to baby me." He immediately walked away.
'That wasn't my intention,' the man sighed softly before following after him again, not minding that he was trying to be strong, still… "I'm sorry it seems that I'm babying you, I'm only looking after you, Toushirou."
His small form stopped in place when hearing this. "…I didn't mean it." He wanted to be helped this time.
Ichigo also understood the fact that Toushirou was trying to do his best to lean on him. "I know, but if you would like me to back off some, tell me." Brown hues watched the small figure turn pleadingly at this.

"N-No. I don't want that at all." His right hand came up to hold his hair. "The fact that I can't even talk to Matsumoto, the fact that you know what happened." He shut his eyes tightly. "No matter what I say… be if out of embarrassment or anger. I…" The captain swallowed what little pride he had. "I want you to help." Toushirou looked at him. "Please do whatever you think is necessary Kurosaki… please… I beg of you…"

"You don't need to beg." Ichigo stated, nudging the small one to keep walking. "I would help anyway."

"Kurosaki-sama!" A woman called. They turned to see the group of women Ichigo dealt with everyday.
Hearing them giggling and laughing had Toushirou tried to back up to get away—a hand gently motioned him to slip behind the carrot top. "K-Kurosaki?" There was no reply, and he grasp his shirt tightly now.
"I'm sorry ladies, but I don't have time to play with you." Ichigo stated calmly. They giggled, Toushirou clung to him even tighter. 'So they laughed at him.' He took a step. "Now then, please excuse us."
"Oh come on Senpai! We just want to play with you some!" Another girl laughed, reaching to grab—

"Leave," Ichigo demanded firmly, startling the women, "now."

Scared by his attitude, they fled.

He growled in frustration now that they were gone, "how about we head on home, it was a good walk."
"No," Toushirou released him, and they looked at one another. "I can keep going Kurosaki, let's go—"
"You made good progress today." The man rustled his hair softly. "Don't throw it away to be brave."
"I'm not trying to be brave, I just want to keep walking, that's all." Truthfully, he was trying to be.
"I pulled an all-nighter doing an essay, and I have more work to do." It was good enough.
That was true, but Toushirou knew he what he wanted to say. "You want me to rest."

"It wouldn't hurt." Ichigo then started to walk off for the other to catch up. "You catch on fast."
"Not like it takes much to know what goes on in your head." He began to walk in front of him.
This irritated him a little. "You have no idea what goes on through my head, Toushirou…"

Said captain turned to look at him, knowing he was serious…

When they arrived to the apartment, Ichigo did as he said he would by going to the kitchen table and doing his paperwork. There was nothing else better to do for the little captain, so he decided to take a bath in order to steal what warm water there was. It used to be a little different; Toushirou would have to be carefully washed before he could soak in the tub for the first few days until he could sit and walk on his own. The next few following days were of the captain telling him that he was going to take a bath, until Ichigo told him just to take it.

Once the bath was half filled with warm water, he slowly peeled off his clothes before washing his body while sitting on the stool. It was hard ignoring everything around him as he poured the water over himself before having to slip into the bath without shifting around too much, but he succeeded. He sat there to soak for a few minutes as his mind came across the many things that it would during this vulnerable time of his. The fact that his small damaged body had been undoubtedly memorized by the man in the other room who was doing his work. His head hurt each time he thought of how those chocolate brown hues had seen every centimeter of his body, and more on a few separate occasions. It was necessary for him to lie flatly on his back against the bed with his legs bent, his entire being shown as a display to this man. Toushirou would not admit to him that the bastards would do this to him too; trying to peek inside his rear-end to laugh at the amusement. Shaking them out of his mind to bring his thoughts back to his caretaker, and how his attention towards him was not like those pigs…

'He doesn't look at me like I'm a meal.' Instead, it was always with a straight professional gaze as if not thinking of whom he was treating. 'He doesn't touch me like I'm a toy.' His touches were always slow and gentle to make sure he did not startle him. Toushirou then frowned. 'He doesn't see me as he used to…'

The thought of Ichigo looking at him and touching him caused a strain to his lower region in which he had to mentally curse at instantly. He had to tend to his problem as quickly as possible with distaste so that his host would not be disgusted and complain to him about it. There was no reason why his body should be acting this way because no one was touching him, no one was looking at him. His mind returned to the brutes that would for an arousal from his not yet matured male organ, causing unbearable pain to him.

"Kurosaki!" Toushirou felt insecure now that those beasts were in his head.
Seconds later, there was a knock on the door. "Is everything okay inside?"
He wanted to be safe. "Y-Yes…" he quietly added. "C-Can you stay there?"
"Of course," shifting was heard; he sat down on the floor. "Are you okay?"

He did not know to answer this without lying or being judged, so he remained silent as he washed his hair body before finishing off his condition. Not knowing that he had been in the bath for an hour, he dried his body careful and slightly rough—he could not be as gentle to himself as Ichigo was to him. After wrapping the large towel around his chest that fell to his ankles, and another towel around his shoulder, he opened the door. There sitting against the wall next to the door was a sleeping carrot top; this man knew nothing about taking care of himself… only of others.

"Kurosaki…" he whispered, causing the man to jolt awake. "Can you do me a favor?"
Ichigo looked up at him with a hint of surprise, "yeah, sure. What do you need?"
"I want it off…" his leg raised, revealing the bracelet that was on his ankle.
The man nodded. "Yeah…" he held his foot—Toushirou retreated. "Did I hurt you?"
"N-No…" Cheeks reddened by accident. "It didn't hurt… it just… I don't know… sorry."

Ichigo hummed curiously before placing his foot on his lap to remove the bracelet. "Could it be that…" he lifted his foot delicately after removing it, "that the Hitsugaya Toushirou is ticklish?" His fingernails grazed the sole of the captain's foot, causing him to fidget as he retrieved his foot instantly. "Wow… you are…" The man covered his mouth while dipping his head… trying his best not to laugh in front of him. "P-Please excuse me." Getting up as fast as possible, he hurried out of the apartment to laugh at the discovery.

It took a few minutes for him to settle down from the entertainment he found in this, and came back inside to see Toushirou standing there, dressed. A slight hurt in his eyes he saw was most likely caused by his running away to laugh at the fact that he was ticklish in some places. Ichigo came over and gently caress the strands of white hair that were flimsy due to the hour-long bath, and gently pressed him into his chest.

"I'm not laughing at you, honestly." He resisted a smile. "I didn't know you were tickling, I didn't expect it."
Toushirou pulled away slowly, "I know." He looked away, "I just didn't want anyone to know I'm ticklish."
"Oh? Are you admitting that you have more tickle spots?" The man grinned. "How interesting that is…"
"Don't you dare Kurosaki!" Just to make sure he would not search for the other ones, he stepped back.
His lips tugged into an innocent smiling—not being able to hold it back anymore. "No, I won't touch you."
"Liar, you just touched me a second ago!" He could not believe how he was lying right through his teeth—

"What I mean is, I won't do something that would make you angry." He patted his head. "Go take a nap."

Toushirou decided that he wanted to eat together with Ichigo in the kitchen, and he wanted to eat a meal that would not involve watermelon. It was obliged to, leading to his host to make a meal fit for a king after he heard the captain's stomach growling greedily for food. They ate in their usual silence; mainly because Ichigo was eating his dinner and doing his work for his classes at the same time. Unfortunately, this eerie silence caused Toushirou to feel a little uncomfortable and think of things that he should not think of.

"Am I dirty?"

Ichigo's brows twitched when he heard this, and looked at Toushirou slowly as he knew what he had meant by being 'dirty.' He was trying to debate on whether he wanted to try to lighten the mood or give him the straight answer that he wanted to hear. His eyes lowered briefly to stack his papers and place them on the laptop's keypad before closing the laptop in order to give him his full attention.

"No, you're not." Everything was placed aside for the conversation. "Those assholes were."
"So then I am dirty, since they defiled me… countless times…" He could feel it on himself.
"Toushirou, you've gone through a rough time, but that does not make you dirty, alright?"
The captain did not believe him when he said that. "You know nothing of what happened."

"You're right, I don't." Toushirou's attention returned to him, surprised. "You won't tell me what happened, and that's the choice you've made. All I can do is stay at your side in case I'm needed." He grabbed some food with his chopsticks, but he lost his appetite, and set them down. "Please excuse me, I'm going to bed." His form stood up slowly in a sharp manner, leaving the plate and work on the table, and began to storm out of the kitchen—but paused. "Momo called when you were asleep," Ichigo tried to think about it. "If you want, I can turn on the communicator for you. She'll be satisfied just by seeing your face."

"No thank you, I'm not ready, I understand that." Toushirou whispered. "You're angry at me, aren't you?"
"I'm not mad at you, don't worry about it." He patted his head. "Don't worry about the dishes either."
As he began to leave, his hand reached out, "no wait—" he froze… he did not mean to grab his arm.
His eyes closed softly at the captain's touch. "You want me to stay in here to keep you company then?"
"It isn't good to waste food." The captain stated. "You said you would stay at my side… if needed, so…"

Ichigo looked at him, watching as he tried to avoid his gaze, so he sighed tiredly as he gave in. "Alright."

Turquoise hues watched as the man sat back in his seat while simmering down to scarf his food as to not disappoint his guest. He kept an eye on him a little longer as if it would give him the answers to the many instant questions that he had; starting with what got Ichigo upset. Perhaps it was his own fault for having snapped at him when all this man was doing was trying to help him in his time of need. His intentions were unknown though; he knew that this man wanted to help, but it was hard after what had happened.

"What is it, Lilinette." Ichigo spoke, and a garganta opened.
She appeared and hugged him happily. "We found all but one!"
"If you're not done, why are you here?" A brow rose with curiosity.
"He's sneaky!" The short female pouted. "And you won't let us kill him!"
"Are you having a hard time resisting?" He offered his food. "Here, brat."
She opened her mouth as he demanded. "Ah…" She took a bite and ate it.
"Now then, you can go and keep them fed, alright? We need them for later."

Her head nodded, but gave him an innocent look. "Can I?" Lilinette watched him sigh and look away so she would know that he would allow it. "Yay!" She lunged herself over him, wrapping her arms around his neck to give him a bone crushing hug before kissing him on the left eyelid in which Ichigo flinched faintly towards for some reason. "You know…" The small Adjuchas leveled Menos pulled away after a minute.

"What's wrong?" He asked softly, and she started to look towards Toushirou— "Ah, no. You can tell me."
"Ever since you finished your hunt, you've been tending to that Shinigami…" Her voice sound ashamed.
Ichigo tapped her nose, "he needs me more than you right now. Be a good girl and be a little patient."
"I-I-It's not me that's lonely! It's all Stark—OW!" Someone from behind smacked her, it was Stark…
"We're leaving." Stark grabbed her by the head. "Forgive our intrusion, Kurosaki-sama."

"No problem." He waved to them, and they left. "In the end, they all want attention."

Toushirou just sat there, stunned to see that display in front of him; to witness the sight of bitter enemies touch each other without blood spill. A former Espada wrapped their arms around Kurosaki Ichigo without complaints—it was almost as if they were friends or family. It did not go unnoticed that the man did the same thing with her as he did with him; trying to have them talk to him, but only one of them listened. Was the affection something you could receive from this Strawberry if you were honest and said your mind—why would this matter? The last thing that the captain wanted was to receive someone's affection that the other male just showed with someone of the opposite gender. Ichigo suddenly slumped his body against the kitchen table as if all of his anger that simmered down had instantly drained him of his energy.

"She took too much," he groaned exhaustively. "Not like I had much on me anyway…"
The captain, who just finished his meal, asked quietly. "Kurosaki… are you alright?"
"Yeah… she just sucked out my reiatsu for herself, I'm fine." He muttered tiredly.
"W-What?" Toushirou seemed a little panicked at this. "And you let her do it?"

The man looked at him confusedly, "I have to take care of them as they take care of me and everyone else. Why are you so surprised?" Ichigo thought that it was obvious to do this. "Don't worry, I take theirs too sometimes, mainly from Stark or Ulquiorra, but not with Shinigami." He saw that he was still a little bit confused at this. "Adjuchas, Vasto Lorde , and Espada have the ability to take the reiatsu of others. For one whose inexperienced or extremely weak at the time, resort to their lips to take the reiatsu needed as a basic instincts. The rest of us who are used to it can easily place a hand on someone to take it instead."

"Then take some of mine, I have plenty to spare from not doing anything." If this was all he needed, then Toushirou would not mind paying him back for everything he has done for him. "It's the least I can do."
"Sorry, I'm a little too weak to simply touch your shoulder to take your reiatsu," He smiled weakly before standing up to grab their plates in order to wash them. "And I'm not going to place my lips on you either."
Thankfully, he did not have to endure too much of kissing from all of those that took advantage of him. "Does it have to be on the left eyelid?" This made Ichigo pause when washing dishes, caught by surprise.
"No, that's Lilinette's mark." The man continued doing the dishes. "Some of us carry a desired spot that's imprinted into our minds if it's sharing a lot of reiatsu. For just enough to stand right, it can be anywhere."
"Then here," Toushirou left his seat and offered the palm of his hand. "Take it as rent for my staying here, as a freeloader, as Abarai calls it. You've done too much for me that you've strained your reiatsu enough."

He sighed softly as he turned off the faucet and dried his hands. "You really can be stubborn, but I'm glad that you're recovering well." His hand came out to hold the back of Toushirou's offered palm and placed his lips against his palm—only to kiss it. "Don't offer your reiatsu to me, I don't know if I can resist again." Ichigo did not take his reiatsu in fear of what would happen if he took if from a Shinigami of his level.