I am so lucky. I don't have to suffer through a huge yellathon, because, well, Edward's life is in danger. They have to stop yelling at me in order to figure out what to do to save him.

You know how natural disasters really suck and can totally fuck up your day? I want to hug this natural disaster.

"Shut up! Everyone, just shut up!" I yell.

Every hairy eyeball in the room is trained on me.

"Some volcano is erupting, causing flight delays and cancellations all over the place. Edward is on the way to the airport now, but he won't be going anywhere for awhile. He's stuck like every other pissed off human," I explain.

I feel alive. I feel like a leader. Everyone is looking to me for guidance. I feel like Madonna on a Kabbalah tour!

"Esme… Carlisle…" I continue, pointing in their direction, "if you two jump in the car now you can catch him in time. If you want, you can just tell him Bella is fine, not dead, and bring him back. That it was just a misunderstanding. You don't have to dive into the whole Alice turned Bella spiel yet.

Rose, Emmett, and Jasper, you should come with me. Bella will be waking up soon and I know a few extra hands wouldn't hurt. I was depending on the Denali sisters, but thinking about that now… it doesn't seem like such a good idea. They aren't really that reliable."

I only planned things this way because I want Esme and Carlisle as far away from me as possible. They can be so annoying. The others will be easy to win over once Bella wakes up. You know how I know? I've seen it. Esme and Carlisle will just moan and complain.

I rattle off the details to everyone. Apparently Edward plans on running to Texas where he will catch an international flight. He is picky about his airlines. Don't look at me; he's the prissy one.

The stars really have aligned for me.

Jasper's eyes are all bright and happy. I think he is just glad I included him in accompanying me to Alaska. Sigh.

"Alice, you aren't off the hook. We'll discuss this when we get back," Carlisle warns. Then he and Esme disappear out the front door. All I see are streaks of white, and then you hear a car peel out of the driveway. I'm just glad it's not my Porsche.

Rosalie still looks pissed, but I just shrug. Honestly, when isn't she pissed?

"Come on gang, we have a sister to greet!" I cheer.

"Are you fucking serious right now?" Rosalie fumes.

"Rose, I swear if I didn't know any better I'd say you were PMS-ing, but it's impossible because you are dead and you are like this every day," I retort.

I think she's about to attack me because Emmett is holding her back… with Jasper's help. I am so sick of her attitude. I kind of wish they would let her go. With my hands on my hips, I make sure I glare all fierce like.

"Guess what? Bella is gonna wake up and freak out. Jasper is gonna have to use his hippy vibrational energy to calm her down. Once she is all mellow and groovy again, we are going to teach her how to hunt. Once fed, we are gonna have a little Q and A. She'll be covered in blood. We'll all sit down under a canopy of trees. Then, for some reason we all start singing Billy Joel's Piano Man. I wanted that part to be a surprise, but your attitude made me spoil it. Happy now? You ruined Bella's vampire Birthday! But that is what is gonna happen. Everything is gonna be okay. Okay?" I rant.

Emmett lets go of Rosalie and claps his hands together. "This is fantastic! I'm going to make Bells eat a bear."

I stop and check things out. "Yeah, she's cool with that."

There are grins now. Rosalie is fighting hers.

"Piano Man? Really?" Rosalie asks.

"Yep," I say, popping the p because it annoys her.

Jess completes me.