Author Note: Although I am still sick after seven days, the reviews that GoddesofWrath has been making throughout the day has been giving me some laughs. Therefore, this story was updated a little quicker than usual.

Chapter 08

Thrive to Live

Now—

"Alright, your lunch is sitting in the microwave with instructions." The Strawberry stated as he fixed his coat for the morning snow outside of the apartment. "Leave the communicator alone until I get back."
"Don't take a bath without you here unless it's a shower, don't strain your body, don't sit upright for more than three hours." Turquoise hues rolled in annoyance. "Call you or summon Stark if I need something."
"Very funny, if you keep it up, I won't buy anymore watermelon just for you." He watched him shake his head as if he did not care, making Ichigo smirk. "I guess… I'll stop buying that candy that you like too."
'Damn you Kurosaki,' His cheeks reddened at the mention of the sweets he favored, but casually gave in to the tease with a shrug; used to this after the past month of living there. "Good, sweets are bad anyway."
"Whatever you say…" Ichigo patted his head. "Just be good and stay out of trouble while I'm in classes." He knew something was bothering him. "Hey." The captain looked. "Let me know if you want to talk…"

With that, his hand left his head gently, and reached for the door.

How he heard the last part in that familiar carefree gentle manner, it reminded him of how they had that fight when they returned from Soul Society. They did not talk the next day or the morning he was taken by those men, drugged, and taken to somewhere miles and cities away. Fearing that this incident would repeat itself if this man were to leave him alone by himself—fearing of how someone might break in to this apartment to take him and do unspeakable things… he snatched the man's coat. Color left his face as he realized that he covered five feet of ground and clung onto this coat before he could acknowledge what he did; earning the gaze of the much taller man.

The truth was, Toushirou's body had recovered from physical wounds, but it was internally scarred by anything that would come near it. What more—no matter how much the small captain tried to hide it, he was still very mentally wounded, and would take longer to heal. Despite all of this, both of them figured out that Ichigo was immune to the violent reactions that were given to people who stopped to talk. One day on their walk, a woman on her cell phone bumped into Toushirou—and even though she apologized, he almost went after her. If it had not been for Ichigo pulling him behind his large form and bowed to the woman apologetically, Toushirou did not know what he would have done to the human.

"I'm sorry…" the captain whispered—at first, he was apologizing in thought that he created another fight between them that would summon prowlers. It dawned on him that he was still clinging on the man who needed to go to his classes, so he removed his hands. "S-Sorry… I…" he paused. "I tripped and fell…"

Ichigo watched as the other became ashamed of the actions he committed right now, who tried to pretend he did not exist in front of his gaze. Something he said must have caused him to react like this, so he gave a brief exhale before setting his bag down and peeling his coat off. Toushirou looked at confusedly to try figuring out what he was doing—he needed that coat so he would not catch a cold going to class!

The man pulled out his cell phone. "Yes, it's Ichigo. I can't come to class, mind doing notes for me?" As soon as he said he was not going to class, Toushirou tried to reach for the phone. "You'll tell them for me too? Thanks, I appreciate it." He kept the phone out of his reach. "Call to let me know when you come."

After the phone was close, Toushirou yelled at him. "What are you doing! You're classes are important!"
"Not as important as you though," the little one settled down a little. "Besides, it's a Friday anyhow."
"I don't need you to watch over me, I said I tripped!" His face became red with fury now.

Ichigo simply took his hand and guided him to the couch. 'I'll just make this easy.' He sat down before letting go of Toushirou's hand as he stood there, both at equal height now. "Forget classes and anything else. Do you want me to stay home?" Turquoise hues quickly looked away. "Toushirou," he warned gently so he would not avoid the question. "Look at me, and answer honestly. Do you want me to stay here?"

His eyes closed as he began to feel like a child who nodded weakly.

"Then I'll stay home with you." He then leaned back against the couch cozily. "Now that my schedule is extremely empty, what do you want to do?" Ichigo tried to think on it. "A nap sounds great right now."
"I want to talk." The captain stated quietly in a whisper. "I want to, but, I don' t know what to say."
"You can talk about whatever you want." He patted the couch cushions with a hand. "It might help if you were a little more comfortable sitting down." The other sat next to him. "Is everything alright Toushirou?"
"Leaving the way you were… made me believe someone would barge in to take me back to that place."
"They would be dead before they even touched you." Ichigo stated firmly with a hint of hostility. "Anyway, everyone who has even touched you no longer exists in this world. I went a little overboard, protectively."

Toushirou accepted the fact that Ichigo had killed humans; if humans did this to Momo, he would want them all dead as well. Still, this had nothing to do with his feelings right now that were overflowing and pounding against his head as if to kill him from inside. A large callused hand came up and perched itself on top of his head, the pain was melting away in which meant that he was using kidou. It turned out that during the many years of studying to become a doctor, he would learn Shinigami medical work as well.

"Why am I not affected by you?" He whispered quietly, almost embarrassed even. "I can't even talk to Matsumoto, let alone Hinamori or Soutaichou, so why can I talk to you?" It really confused him a lot.

"I can't answer that for you, it could be a lot of reasons. It could be because I came to take you away from them, that you trust me with this, there's all sorts of reason, but only you would know the answers to that." Ichigo's hand gently caressed through his hair as the small one nodded his head, understanding this. "Do you think you know why you feel comfortable around me?" The other shook his head softly to this.

"I don't know why, or understand why. Knowing that you've seen all of me…" His body shivered, placing his arms around himself. "I don't like it knowing that you know everything about me." He closed his eyes.
"I don't know anything about you other than you love watermelon, you're picky about candy, and you're ticklish." The man withdrew his hand to make sure he still felt comfortable. "Toushirou is Toushirou."
"You don't understand, you've seen ever centimeter of my body." His feet came up on the couch and curled himself up while sitting next to him. "You've looked at my body enough times to memorize—"

"I memorized the bruises and cuts, but I have also memorized human anatomy long before this." He did not want him to get the wrong idea. "When I took care of your wounds, that was exactly what I saw."
"Liar," Toushirou mumbled under his breath, earning a vexed heavy sigh. "How could you not see?"
"See what Toushirou? I would never take advantage of you or anyone else in that situation." The man was upset that the other would say such things to him. "I was focused on making sure you were okay."
Yeah, he believed him now. "Perhaps… knowing you won't judge me or laugh at me, is why I trust you."
"You forget the fact that I'm the only one who knows what happened to you." Turquoise hues shot at him in horror, thinking he would reveal that nightmare to others. "Only you can tell others, I won't say a word."

His head nodded softly with gratitude for repeating that statement each time telling others was brought up in their conversation. It all began to lead him towards his other conflicting thoughts that swarmed his mind endlessly; if he had started talking about the things that were troubling him, why not continue. He stared at the television that was not on as he tried to muster all the courage needed for his next question to him.

"What's my orientation?" Toushirou felt Ichigo's confusion. "Both men and women used my body…"
"Whatever orientation you had before is what it is now. These attacks don't define your orientation."
"Then why is it that every time I—!" He froze when snapping at this man, and coward. "I-I'm sorry…"
An arm spread out against the back of the couch. "You're okay. Every time, what?" He coaxed gently.
His face buried into his knees, shaking his head. "I don't want to talk anymore." It was too embarrassing.
"Alright, how about you go take an early nap?" Ichigo stretched out on the couch. "I'll take one too now."
The captain looked at him for the moment. "…okay." He scooted over, and leaned against his chest.

Ever since the day of Toushirou's return, ever since he was given the opportunity to sit in his lap to eat his meals, he took an interest to his beating heart. Unfortunately, the louder heartbeats were on the other side of his chest—which Ichigo seemed to know it was what he wanted. The man carefully lifted his guest to take to his room, and set him down before sitting up against the headboard to rest for a while. It was a bit obvious that Ichigo was becoming used to it; enough to understand what he wanted without words. As Toushirou began to head for the man's lap, he was lightly rejected by the attempt, making him a bit lost.

"You can lay next to me with you head against my chest, but not on my lap anymore, okay?" Ichigo saw the puzzlement in the turquoise hues. "You'll have to go back to Soul Society and play out your role, I won't be there to be your pillow." There was a flicker of doubt in Toushirou's eyes after he had said this.

"I'm no longer fit to be a taichou."

"You have no choice in that matter, you can only be promoted or confined." He saw the answer he was willing to choose. "Things could repeat itself if you choose confinement. That's why… let me help you."
Toushirou nodded weakly before moving away to sleep. "I'm trying to let you." A hand caressed his hair.
"I'll stay until you fall asleep, I need to go to Hueco Mundo later to replenish my reiatsu or else I would have to summon someone here." Ichigo brought his other hand up to cover an exhausted yawn from him.
"You didn't go to bed last night, and if you're not here after I wake, I don't know what I'll do." He could go crazy in a panic attack, or actually remain calm and collected, "just summon one of them here, it's fine."
"I can't exactly do that. The only one not focused on a serious task is Ulquiorra, and it can scar you too." His hand moved away from the captain's head. "The last thing I want is for your recovery to worsen…"

"Stay here…" Toushirou began to fall asleep. "That's… an order…"

"How far are you willing to go?"

The cold voice twitched Toushirou's body with a chill, causing him to stir awake unhappily with what he saw—rather, it was what he did not see that made him unhappy. His hand reached out to touch the spot where this host was during the last time he had his eyes open before falling deep into a peaceful sleep. Now that he was wide-awake due to Ichigo not being present, and the sound of a foreign ringing in his ears had caused him to panic immediately towards his situations. He was going to yell something though he did not know what, but he began to mildly calm down when sensing that Ichigo was still very close by.

"You're going to kill yourself by trying to make that Shinigami happy." The voice spoke again. "Though I never fully understood your protectiveness towards others, I have the slightest imagination towards it." Whoever this male tone belonged to, did not seem nice. "You need to properly vent now that you've had your immense amount of reiatsu given." There was a pause. "I shall watch over the Shinigami for now."

"I was going to go to Hueco Mundo to do just that. Thinking of my every move here with Toushirou around causes me to hesitate on everything and anything." There, that was Ichigo's voice, but he did not sound too happy either. "Until we place that into motion, I can't be reckless and give him a setback, Ulquiorra."
"Telling you this will not make you happy, however, this needs to be said, Kurosaki-sama." He started, not caring about what would happen. "We have noticed that your sole focus has been nothing but for that of a victimized Shinigami that will not fight to live. Why do you think it is necessary to defy your basic instincts and do what it is that you must? As for myself and the others, I believe the term is that we are worried."
"I'm aware that I have been neglecting the lot of you, especially you, but Toushirou's needs are far more greater than those desiring my attention." Ichigo sighed in a gruff manner. "When he begins to recover from his wounds a little more, I can return to my ways." He paused. "You should go, I think he's awake."

"Yes, Kurosaki-sama." Ulquiorra left as told.

"Am I doing something that I shouldn't be?

Ichigo turned to look at the small captain standing in the doorway of the bedroom he was sleeping in with a gentle frown before bringing his hand up to pat his head. The captain shifted away with a bit of fear and confusion—he had obviously overheard the conversation and was taking everything the wrong way. Still, he was not going to force his hand upon Toushirou's head, so he lowered his hand and walked into his own bedroom to lie down in thought. It did not take long for the other to suck in all his might before coming in the bedroom unannounced, but he was worried that he was going to be betrayed.

"What am I not allowing you to do?" Toushirou came closer to the bed. "What can't you do Kurosaki?"
There was a long wait before the man actually decided to answer him. "Kill Hollow." He whispered softly.
His eyes rolled; he thought it was something serious. "Why would I be affected by you striking a Hollow?"
"Weren't you struck?" Ichigo did not want to say that, but had to. "What if it brought back bad memories?"
"Hollow are Hollow, they need to be taken care of. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest, I assure you."
"You were confident about talking to Rangiku-san, and look at what happened." He needed to be harder.

This made the captain flinch when hearing the harsh statement. "Why are you saying this?"

It hurt Ichigo to be like this, but it was somewhat needed. "Come here, it's okay." The captain came over as told, and Ichigo sighed tiredly with stress before sitting up. "Close your eyes and think back to the last day you were in Soul Society." He obeyed. "I pestered you when you found out I was resting in your office, and then the guys began to crowd in to harass me, angering you more." Toushirou was about to apologize, but was gently hushed. "Now open up your eyes and think about right now, you're submissive."

"I'm entitled to change, that's what I read on your—" his eyes shot open, wishing he did not say that.
Ichigo's head dipped, shaking in disbelief. "I know you were on my laptop, I saw the pages you looked at."
He looked at him guiltily. "You left it on while you were taking a shower, I—" he was hushed gently again.
"I'm not mad, but you can't compare yourself to everything you read. You are much stronger than others."
"The thing is, I have fallen faster than anyone." The captain whispered. "Harribel had beaten it into me."

"You, do not, submit to anyone." He received his attention. "Not to me, or anyone else."
"Soutaichou." Everyone has to submit to him… well, everyone but Ichigo it seemed.
"Toushirou, you can't…" Ichigo paused, shaking his head. "Alright, come on."
"W-What?" Watching the man place the gikongan in his hand. "Why?

"Come on… no questions…" He came out of his human body, opened the balcony, and jumped out.

Toushirou swallowed the gikongan and followed him confusedly.

"Kurosaki, will you please tell me where we're going?" They had been playing a silent game of chase for an hour as they left Karakura Town, but he was surprised they were not attacked. "How much longer?"

"We're almost there, you'll love it, trust me!" Ichigo laughed, keeping him curious.
His eyes rolled in disbelief as he then came to his side. "Where are we going?"
"A place where you'll be safe, and wash away all your fears if for the moment."
He sighed at this. "There's no such place Kurosaki, you're wasting your time."
"Too bad, because we're here." He landed, as did Toushirou. "Look at me."

"Kurosaki, what's the point in all of this?" The captain did not want to play games right now. Waking up to find Ichigo not in his spot and a Menos in the apartment did not make him happy. "Can we go back now?"

"Close your eyes and turn around, I'll put my hands on your shoulders, and lead you a few steps, okay?"

Toushirou sighed once more, this time due to irritation before turning around with his eyes closed as the man had requested from him. Two hands touched his shoulders before guiding him a few steps forward, there was a settling pause as the large hands came down the arms to place two smaller hands against a rail. The captain was not worried about his eyes closed or his body being touched, or even the fact that there was a man behind him, because that man was Kurosaki Ichigo. Both hands left the small ones figure just before he heard footstep getting farther away—was that man planning on leaving him there?

"When you look ahead, I want you to remember what is worth living for. Your reasons can be your very own secret." Ichigo stated quietly about five feet away from him. "They may have taken your body, they may have broken you down, but you are still very much you." He watched Toushirou shaking; possibly believing that he was going to be abandoned. "When you open your eyes, I want you to move forward."

Ichigo walked over, his chest ever so slightly grazing Toushirou's backside, and placed his hands on his.

"I know you believe that you can never go back to the way things were, and it's true. You cannot change the past—what's done is done," the captain stopped shaking, relaxing a little, "and you have to remember something very important." Ichigo bent down to whisper. "You, Toushirou, are a survivor."

Said male held the railing a little tightly, eyes still closed, awaiting to be told to open them.

"If you turn around and face my chest, we'll go home and keep hiding as much as you want." Ichigo said softly to comfort him. "If you open your eyes, you're making a promise to me that you'll move forward."

Toushirou thought it over and just wanted to crawl away, but answered. "I want to see… Kurosaki."

"Then open your eyes." He watched him open them, and he stared in awe. "They can't take this away."

It was the sun setting at just the right angle over the ocean far away in the distance after the land covered with forest trees layered with snow. Toushirou had only expected to see—no, he shoved that far away from his present thoughts as he watched the sun going down. Memories of watching the sunset with Momo refreshed his mind completely, temporarily flushing out everything bad that had happened. Ichigo moved one of his hands from the rail to rustle the white strands of hair in front of him as if praising the captain for doing a good job. To his surprise however, the small one turned to look at him with tear-filled eyes before embracing the man weakly as he whispered quietly,

"Thank you."

Ichigo smiled before turning around and kneeling, "come on, it's time to go home, Toushirou."
"You idiot," he climbed up on his back to be carried to the apartment, "it's Hitsugaya-taichou."
His lips curled as he heard the words that have been silent for a month. "Yeah… sure it is…"
"I'm… going… to rest… a little longer…" After the last word was said, he was already asleep.

"Go ahead and sleep as long as you want." He whispered softly. "You deserve it."

Something quietly and constantly tapped on the window in a shushing noise, it was almost as if his host was taking a shower right now. That was a not possible, they were… wait… where were they? Toushirou shot up to find himself in his room all alone as it was raining heavily outside, wondering what had last happened. He looked over to the side where the desk was to see his dinner and cold ice tea sitting there for him for when he woke up. The captain ate the small meal that was given to him along with drinking the ice tea, and thunder roared overhead in which made him shutter. How did it rain heavily in the winter.

Toushirou climbed out of bed and went to the next room, which was open, and came to the man's side.

"Kurosaki?"

Ichigo jolted awake at the voice right next to him due to not hearing him come into the room with the rain.

"Oh… Toushirou… what is it, something wrong?" He rubbed his face, trying to wake up. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," the captain answered quietly. "I thought, I could lay in here as well, to keep the day good."
"You want to make sure that your entire day stays good, huh?" Ichigo received a nod. "Alright…"
His host scooted over, and then he joined under the covers. "I assure you this will be the only time."
"Yeah, well… you better not get used to it either. You and Momo really enjoy giving me puppy eyes…"

It did not take long to figure out as to why Momo would come into this man's room to sleep in when the mattress was perfect. He felt his body drifting back to sleep before he knew it, but it would seem that mother nature was against him as thunder roared loudly once again. His body shook at the sudden loud noise, it would remind him of that dungeon look-alike door that would lead to his cell—his eyes widened immediately. An arm wrapped around his shoulder to reel his form against a strong muscled chest, his head leaned against it, and felt the heartbeat throbbing in a calm rhythm.

"Just think of it as Hyourinmaru manipulating the weather." Ichigo whispered tiredly. "I'm right here, so no one anywhere from Heaven or Hell—this world even, can even touch you. You're safe, Toushirou."
"Shut up Kurosaki," he grumbled, turning to lie on his side to curl up against Ichigo to hear his heartbeat. "I told you that I'm here to make sure my good day doesn't turn bad, that's all there is to it, remember it."
"And the fact that the thunder startled you has nothing to do with anything?" The man chuckled. "We'll work on that too." He paused to think of something to himself, and diverted the thought. "Are you happy?"

Toushirou tried to think about the question a little; trying to figure out how he should answer this. "I don't know what to exactly say." His eyes closed as thunder struck, but did not budge. "Hearing what you said, telling me to make a choice, and to stick with it. But," he pushed away to sit up. "I have something to say."

Hearing the serious—despite utterly exhausted tone in his voice, Ichigo sat up and looked at him quietly to hear whatever he had to say to him. They ended up sitting there in silence for almost an hour though; the man did not try to force him to say whatever needed to be said. This was when tears began to form in Toushirou's eyes, and this was all Ichigo needed to see in order to know what the little captain was going to say to him. It was the one big step that he would have to make before he could even try to move on with his life—and he wanted to start now.

"I am… a victim… that survived… sexual assault." The tears then descended hotly down his cheeks.

Ichigo wrapped his arms around him and leaned back so they would lie back down again as the captain choked on his tears because he did not want to sob. It was not an easy task to admit being assaulted by someone—especially sexually, no matter what gender the victim was. He knew that this small man was completely ashamed by the acts that were forced upon him, but it seemed like he was ready to get on with his life again. If this was truly going to be the case, Ichigo would do everything in his power to help him deal with this, but first he had to deal with his classes.

Once again, Toushirou fell asleep.