Sailors of Mercy
Chapter Four: Rules of Engagement
Legal Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters involved in this chapter, aside from Ayame. I do, however, maintain that my use of them is covered under Fair Use, as this story exists both as a way to show appreciation for the original work, and to make a commentary on it. Sailor Moon was a wonderful show full of positive messages about the power of love, friendship, forgiveness, and solidarity, as well as tons of PSA-style messages that helped me immensely growing up. But one thing I felt it never adequately explored was the implications of the various types of Monster of the Week being living, feeling beings, who sometimes showed signs of being redeemable. I wanted to explore what would happen if that changed.
Author's Note: Please don't take this one too seriously.
There they were. Usagi, Haruka, Michiru, and Ayame, the 35-year-old ex-military munitions expert the Inner Senshi had been travelling with ever since they realized that having someone with an assload of firearms proved useful exactly as many times as you'd think. The four of them stood shoulder to shoulder in the parking garage. They stared down Eudial. They stared down each other. Then they stared down Eudial again.
"It's over, we've caught up with you!" Usagi yelled.
"Fuck you!" Eudial yelled back.
"You couldn't afford it!" Ayame countered.
"What?" Eudial asked back.
"Fucking me," Ayame responded, "Don't worry though, I think we can work out a little friends and family discount."
"Family?" Eudial asked incredulously.
"Heard it as soon as I said it," Ayame admitted, "Okay, maybe just a friends discount. Friends and enemies? Sometimes a hate-fuck is as good as making love."
"You're disgusting!" Eudial spat.
"Look, I'm here to fight or fuck, and if fucking's off the table, that really just leaves us one option," Ayame proposed.
"Fine with me!" Eudial responded, "Doorknobder! Now!"
A pale Daimon with goblin ears and a giant doorknob on her head emerged from around the corner of the parking garage. "At your service, ma'am, what can I—Holy shit that is a big gun!" she said with a stunned expression on her face.
"Wait until you see what I can do with it!" Ayame responded.
"I… I really don't want to do that," Doorknobder admitted.
"The walls!" Eudial commanded.
"Right!" Doorknobder snapped to attention, before sealing all the exits, save one, that Eudial slipped past.
"Now take them out!" Eudial followed up.
"I can't do that!" Doorknobder protested.
"What do you mean?" Eudial asked.
"I seal doors and make walls, and I'm not very good at fighting!" Doorknobder admitted.
"Do it anyway, that's an order!" Eudial responded, closing the door behind her.
"I'm going to transform," Usagi whispered to Ayame.
"But then the two civilians will see you!" Ayame pointed out.
"I don't think I have a choice," Usagi countered, "I think it's my only chance to save Minako."
"If you think it's the right thing to do," Ayame said.
"Hey, what are you two whispering about?" Doorknobder asked nervously, "Is it a secret weapon? Oh god, it's a secret weapon, isn't it? I am so boned."
Just then, Usagi transformed into Sailor Moon.
"Oh fuck, Sailor Moon is here?" Doorknobder screamed in terror, "I'm fucked!"
"Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" Ayame muttered to Usagi.
"Our enemies are hilariously disorganized?" Usagi guessed.
"Deeper than that. The Daimon, she clearly doesn't want to be a part of this," Ayame answered.
"That should make it easy," Usagi laughed.
"Actually, it makes it way more complicated," Ayame sighed, "Because it makes her a civilian. Possibly even a Prisoner of War."
"She's a Daimon!" Usagi protested.
"She's being forced to fight against her will," Ayame insisted.
"So what do you want us to do?" Usagi asked incredulously.
"I… I think this just became a double rescue mission," Ayame answered.
"You can't be serious," Usagi sighed.
"Dead serious," Ayame insisted, "I saw this kind of thing in Uganda. You come up against child soldiers, it's your job to liberate them, not kill them. Same principle applies here."
"I'm not doing it," Usagi shrugged, "I see a Daimon, I kill a Daimon."
"Well then I'm cashing in Osaka," Ayame revealed.
"You're cashing in Osaka for this?" Usagi gasped.
"The fact that you don't think this is worth cashing in Osaka over is exactly why I'm cashing in Osaka," Ayame countered.
"Are we fucking going for this or not?" Haruka asked.
"No…" Usagi responded reluctantly, "We're not making a move on the Daimon."
"You're not?" Doorknobder beamed excitedly.
"We're not?" Michiru asked angrily.
"Ayame's cashing in Osaka," Usagi sighed.
"Yeah… I have no idea what that means," Haruka responded.
"It's big," Usagi answered, "My hands are kind of tied at this point."
"Well mine aren't, fuck it, I'm kicking this monster's ass," Haruka snapped back.
"I will absolutely shoot you," Ayame warned her.
"So what are we doing then?" Haruka sighed exasperatedly.
"Hey, Daimon!" Ayame called out, "Doorknobder was it?"
"That's me," Doorknobder responded.
"Look, we want to offer you a deal. Turn on your master right now and we'll make sure you get out of here safely," Ayame elaborated.
"I… I don't think I can do that," Doorknobder admitted.
"Why not, what will happen?" Ayame asked.
"Well, nothing, I just don't think I'm allowed to do that," Doorknobder answered.
"Okay, say that again, but slower, and really listen to yourself when you do," Ayame countered.
"I mean—" Doorknobder began.
"She's got a point," said Usagi, "You know how many Daimons I've fought? Same number that I've killed. If you don't want to be part of that number, I suggest you listen to her."
"Hey, come on, don't phrase it like that," Ayame protested, "We're here to be liberators, not just coerce her in the opposite direction."
"No, that's actually a really good point," Doorknobder acknowledged, "Okay, you win. I'm all yours now."
"Wait, that actually worked?" Usagi asked, confused.
"I think you'll find that offering a scared and desperate person a way out of their situation usually gets you pretty far with them," Doorknobder pointed out.
"Watch it," Usagi warned.
"You watch it!" Ayame lambasted, "Don't threaten the captive we're liberating."
"Right, sorry," Usagi conceded.
"Man, what the fuck happened in Osaka?" Michiru asked.
"Doorknobder, if you would, the doors?" Usagi asked.
"Right!" Doorknobder responded, before unsealing all the exits.
"I think Eudial went this way," Usagi proposed, pointing to the door that she had earlier slipped through.
"Wait, let's just get this out of the way first," Haruka noted, before she and Michiru transformed into Sailors Uranus and Neptune.
"Okay, I'm going to process that once this is over," Usagi muttered, mouth agape, "But first, saving Minako."
The five of them burst through the door to find Eudial hovering over Minako and her pure heart crystal.
"Back away," Haruka commanded.
"I'm not leaving here without that crystal," Eudial insisted.
"If you don't leave now, I'll make it so you can't leave ever," Doorknobder countered.
"Doorknobder, what the fuck are you doing?" Eudial asked.
"Turning on you, I think," Doorknobder responded.
"You can do that?" Eudial asked.
"Apparently," Doorknobder answered.
"Fuck!" snapped Eudial as she ran to her car, hopped in, and drove off.
"Well that was easy," Usagi observed, "None of us even had to fight."
"The lesson here is, sometimes an ounce of diplomacy is worth a pound of battle," Ayame smiled.
"That's a bit on the nose, don't you think?" Michiru asked rhetorically.
"No leaning on the fourth wall," Ayame retorted.