Chapter 12

Thrive to Live

Now—

Toushirou had chosen to isolate himself and turn mute for the week after what he did to his host; it was almost as if he raped him despite no penetration. When the man was taking a shower the next day, he slipped onto the computer to find out that it was called oral rape in which threw him into shame. He would constantly try to apologize to his victim, though, none of the words ever left his mouth as he desperately tried. Today was going to make it one exact week of silence, and Toushirou was keeping himself closed up in the guestroom since he disappointed the man. They did not go to a bathhouse as planned, did not go to the shrine together as planned, everything but eating meals did not go as planned.

Ichigo, on the other hand, was tired of his sulking.

He knocked on the door, "I'm coming in," the door opened, and he saw Toushirou huddled under the covers. "Alright Toushirou," the man came over after closing the door quietly, "come on, it's time to talk." His form came over and sat next to him on the bed. "Does isolating yourself have anything to do with it?"

"I raped you…" Toushirou finally spoke, "I orally raped you…"

Things became quieter than it already was, but the captain was taken aback when his small form was picked up and placed on his lap. He tried to squirm away so that he would not get the man angry, but he knew that resisting would, in fact, make him angrier. Arms wrapped around him to keep him calm as a head lowered down on his shoulder to assure the captain that everything was okay. Deep turquoise hues looked up to see that the man was not angry with him in the slightest, making him settle down a bit.

"I'm not angry with you, but I am slightly disappointed." Ichigo stated quietly. "Despite that, I understand."
"How can you understand when even I don't know why I did that?" He tore his gaze away, to not get sucked into his grasp. "I never seen another man's body, I thought I could see yours, and then…"
"Next time, ask me when I'm awake, okay?" The man received a nod. "Is sleeping with someone still something that you want?" He earned his full attention. "We can go base by base if that's what you want."
"I-If this is about what I did, I didn't mean to bite you. You yelled, and it startled me… I would never—"

"I know," his hand came up, caressing the captain's face, "but I can't continue babying you with only a few weeks left until you return to Soul Society." The captain turned around to face him as he put two small hands on his muscular chest. "Do you still want to do it with me, to reclaim your body?" He received a slow nod. "Will you promise to tell me when to stop when you want me to?" Again, a slow nod of a head.

"I will…"

A thumb caressed pale lips before carefully leaning in to steal the captain's first real kiss before waiting to see Toushirou's reaction. Turquoise hues hid under eyelids as he sat there waiting for more, which was obliged to as the captain began to understand the rhythm. If Toushirou did not catch on to how to kiss, then the entire thing would blow up in his face, but he started to get into it after adjusting. Small arms wrapped around the man's neck to bring him closer as he feels the constriction in his pants that caused some discomfort. A hand came down to help the slightly whining captain with the problem by unzipping his pants and unbuttoning it so that it could breathe.

Toushirou closed the gap between their chests to keep the hand there against his quickly hardening member, but felt the hand shift to undo the other pair of pants. He squirmed away lightly so he could look at the large length beneath the pair of boxers, but heard Ichigo tell him he could touch if he wanted. This distracted him almost, but he knew that he wanted to continue with what they started with, and kissed the man with care. His shirt was being lifted slowly as they still kissed one another, but his body somehow automatically allowed the shirt to be taken away from him. Ichigo wanted to be fair, so he removed his shirt as well before small arms returned to his neck, but his plans were changed.

"Let me know me know if it's too much."

The captain was too breathless to ask what he had meant, but soon found himself overwhelmed as the man began trailing butterfly kisses down his jaw, to his neck. He felt hands softly crawl up his sides to play with his nipples as they were once going to do before when Ichigo stopped himself. His hands then grasped strands of hair as he felt a tongue swarm one of his erected nipples, and felt himself spill inside his garments. Toushirou wanted to stop to take a breather, but it felt good since he was experiencing a kinder side of what sex could be like, so he wanted to keep going.

A hand slipped Toushirou's lower clothing to his knees before feeling the hand shift over to lower the man's boxers to reveal his stiff erection. Ichigo leaned back a little more before rubbing their pelvises against one another—causing Toushirou to moan loudly in bliss as his cheeks reddened. The mixture of confusion and ecstasy was more than he could take, and he once again ejaculated, but this time it spread over the man's chest. As much as he tried to apologize, nothing but moans escaped from his throat as that devil of a hand caressed both of the lengths with the motion of the already making friction. There was a loud buzz going on in his mind, the difference between the monsters and Kurosaki Ichigo was beyond what he could have imagined. Touches were caring, gentle, and accurately arousing to no end—and it was just as he predicted, the incident was behind him as his felt himself coated with Ichigo's presence.

"K-Kuro—" Toushirou tried to find his voice, "w-wait—" The man stopped to look at him, concerned that he did something wrong. "I-It feels… too good…" His face was entirely flushed. "T-This… it's like nothing, nothing I experienced, with those monsters…" He closed his eyes as he received a kiss on his forehead.

"What they did to you, was sexually assault you." Ichigo whispered. "What I'm simply doing, is loving you."

This had the small captain look at him in confusion, trying to understand what he meant by this, but found himself leaning against him to receive another kiss. He tried to rock himself against the muscular man, but his attempts failed even though he heard a deep growl from his partner. It did not take long for Toushirou to spill a third time, adding to the white liquid mess that was already spreading against his torso. All of the fluids that were being released felt good instead of painful; why could he not have been through this?

"You surprisingly have a lot of stamina," Ichigo whispered softly into his ear. "Are you ready for me to stretch you out?" He earned a shaken nod. "You have to lay down on the bed for it." The man watched as he obediently let go of him to lay back against the bed with legs propped by Ichigo's own. "Toushirou…"
"I want you to look at me…" The captain knew that he spread his legs wide enough to expose himself to this man while blushing deeply. "You've never made an indication of what you think about it. You always said that it was professional." Despite this, he grabbed the shirt next to him, and covered his face shyly.
'You're very cute Toushirou,' he could not help but smile at his reaction of what he wanted. "Let's get these off you." Ichigo removed what clothing the captain had left before bringing out the lube that was supposed to be for Renji. "This will be a little cold, but I'll stop when you want me to, alright?"

"I-I know that already!" The captain yelled into the shirt, embarrassed. "Stop saying that to me!"

'There's that spark.'

A finger carefully slipped inside, gently pushing and pulling while the captain tried to keep his voice muffled with the shirt over his face. Toushirou could feel himself going in rhythm with it as if they were in unison, however, it was just one single finger teasing him and not the real deal. Another slid in careful as he noted that Ichigo was trying careful about striking any memories that would make him relive any shred of Hell he encountered. The more he tried to remember, the more difficult it became as Ichigo's touch had already engulfed him to a new level that trumped the bad feelings. As a third finger entered, something gently removed the shirt away; revealing a little captain with his eyes shut tightly as if to hide.

"I like seeing my partner's face, Toushirou," his voice stated quietly, teasingly even. "I want to hear you say that you want this." He was looked at, as if he was crazy. "It's not that hard at all, you can do it."

Toushirou turned his embarrassed gaze to a different direction."…I want this…" His faced reddened.
He smiled at this. "You really are cute," he grabbed a condom package from his back pocket. "Really."
"D-Don't say things like that," his eyes shut tightly again. "T-This is already embarrassing enough!"
"I'm not lying," Ichigo stated tauntingly as he slipped the condom on. "You are cute, Toushirou."
The captain felt himself picked up and set in the man's lap. "Don't say that to me Kurosaki…"

"It's your turn to do some work, go ahead and set yourself down, and do whatever you want."

With that said, Ichigo scooted forward before lying down on the bed, and Toushirou did as he wanted.

The captain stirred awake slowly to find himself fully clothed and the man at his side was absent, his voice could be heard in the front room in which caused him to walk out to the scene and investigate. His rear-end slightly hurt from the entire day's event yesterday, but there was no way in Hell that he would take it back. He poked his head out from the hallway to earn the immediate attention of the redheaded lieutenant that sat on the couch across from the host. Toushirou mentally took in a deep breath before coming over to join them—the redhead smirked at him though, and received a scowl.

"Renji…" Ichigo warned.

"S-Sorry," his throat cleared, trying to behave. "Good morning, Hitsugaya-taichou."
"Have I done something amusing, Abarai?" The captain glared dangerously.
"He knows we slept together by how you were walking in here." Ichigo explained.
In his defense, the redhead spoke clearly. "My lips are sealed, I'm already in trouble."
"It turns out that Renji didn't use a condom and got Rukia pregnant, Byakuya's mad."
Toushirou scoffed at this. "His lieutenant and his sister, it would scar his nobility."
"Hey." Ichigo shared his omelet. "He just found out he's going to be a father."
He looked at him before taking the bite that was offered. "I was only explaining it."

"Are… you two a couple?" Renji interrupted their soon to be conversation, and they looked at him. "Far be it from me to say anything, but you two are acting like buddies suddenly." The two blinked at him quietly.
The carrot top was the one that recovered first. "Last night was in the heat of the moment, but judging by our situation, I would say we're still friend with benefits, that don't relate to sexual activities mind you."
He stared at him firmly. "Seeing how your hiding something from me and keeping your guard up slightly, I can only assume something happened to Hitsugaya-taichou. That said, I hope everything is alright now?"
Toushirou almost flinched at this, but managed to stay strong. "Yes, there were complications on my end, and Kurosaki has gone above and beyond to help me." He then whispered. "For it, I'm forever grateful."

It hit the lieutenant and looked to Ichigo, "that's why you wouldn't tell me where those punks were… you killed them because they got to Hitsugaya-taichou, didn't you?" Silence was his answer, and he knew the truth. "Ichigo, you can't just go around killing people who kidnap your friends in your—" He was glared at.

"I was in my human body," Ichigo stated sharply, but sighed heavily. "If they had taken him as they took you, then I really would have transformed and killed them all." He softened. "You know what to do, right?"

"Like I said, my lips are sealed." Eventually, he looked to the captain to see him on edge. "Can I tell him my side? I don't have to ask about his." Ichigo nodded softly, so Renji began to explain. "A while back, I came by to visit here, and Ichigo had warned me before to stay away from those men. When I saw them chasing a guy, I couldn't help but chase them." His hands laced together. "They all went into an alleyway only to corner me—it was all a trap. Some of the guys grabbed me before I could get out of my gigai, so I did what I was supposed to, and called for Ichigo." He lightly shook. "Ichigo had apparently chased us…"

"When I found them holding Renji inappropriately in front of me, I snapped." Ichigo explained, knowing it was getting difficult for the redhead to speak. It was also to make sure the words were chosen carefully. "I lost myself to Hollow side, which is Vasto Lorde level, and killed all but five men before he stopped me."

"Then why didn't you snap when you rescued me?" Toushirou seemed a little bummed about it.
He smiled weakly at the slight jealous he heard from him. "You kidding? Walking for days without sleep or food? I killed those idiots and let the others kill and burn everyone else." The man offered his meal to him.
He took it without much thought, now slowly eating the meal. "I suppose I didn't think it through, sorry."

Renji saw the reaction between the two though he paid most of his attention towards the Strawberry who rustled the captain's head to tell him not to apologize. His eyes met with chocolate brown liquid pools to figure out the truth within them—that Kurosaki Ichigo blamed himself for everything. As soon as Ichigo realized that the redhead figured out what he was feeling, both of them stood in unison and went to his bedroom to talk about it. Toushirou was a little confused about the sudden decision of leaving the room, but he was not going to ask what was happening between them.

After he finished the meal, he placed it in the sink, and checked on the two.

Listening to them…

"Ichigo, whatever happened with Hitsugaya-taichou, I'm sure that it's not your fault." The lieutenant's voice was trying to stay quiet. "I'm sure he did something stupid just like I did to set those guys off."
"I should have taken their lives the day they even looked at Momo, but I didn't want to cause harm to life. But not going with my instincts caused you and Toushirou pain." He sounded as if he was in pain himself.
"The more you kill, the more you lose yourself, I know that." There was a slight pause, letting things sink in. "But being with friends, it keeps you sane. I can't help but think that Hitsugaya-taichou is helping you."

"You don't know how painful it is Renji, not only do I need self control during the day, but during the time I use to sleep too." He sighed with stress, trying to figure things out as he spoke. "Every second in the day, I worry that I'll snap and hurt him, I'm terrified that I might scare him worse than those bastards ever did."

"Are you saying that your Hollow side is interested?" The two turned to see Toushirou whom asked this question, but Ichigo quickly looked away from him. "Abarai, can you leave us for the moment if you will."

"Yeah," Renji looked to the other man, "I have to get to Rukia anyway," he frowned. "Will you be okay?"
Ichigo shrugged. "It doesn't matter, I'll take what's coming to me." His shoulder was patted, Renji left.
"Why did you have sex with me." Toushirou asked after Renji left the apartment. "Was it your Hollow?"

"Come on… sit down," he brought him over to the bed to sit down. "My Hollow side is very demanding because of our power. A little after you began to sleep in my bed, it began to desire the attention you were giving me, and talking in your sleep did not exactly help." Ichigo smiled weakly so the captain would not think that any of this was his fault. "A week ago when you pulled that stunt, it drove my Hollow to its peak of attempting to fight me for my body, that's why I accidentally yelled at you." His hand came to the small one's chin to keep him looking eye to eye instead of blushing and turning away as he was. "Yes, my Hollow side was interested, so I offered my body to you so that I would know you would not be in any danger." The man caressed his face. "It was me with you last night, not my Hollow, or anyone else."

Toushirou nodded as he subconsciously leaned into his hand. "You had me have sex with you so you wouldn't lose control over your Hollow?" He saw him flicker. "I'm not mad, especially after last night."
"There's nothing for you to worry about now, but you need to understand that from my point of view, it wasn't sex last night." The man sighed. "Sex is just another word for having intercourse on impulse."
"You told me that you were loving me… but to assume that our involvement together last night was love is to imply too much." Thinking of it was making him panic. "Kurosaki, I don't mean to lead you on that I—"
"I know, calm down. What I meant was that I care for you, I love you as a friend like I do with Momo, Rangiku-san, Renji, Rukia, and a lot of others." He watched him settle down. "I don't want to hurt you."
"Whatever last night was, I never experienced it in that manner." It was his turn to try smiling for him now. "It opened a new perspective for me, but I had never thought that I could be anymore grateful to you."

"That's something I haven't seen in a while." Ichigo brought a hand up to caress the smiling lips. "It's a shame though… that I got used to you staying here, I might begin to actually miss you after I graduate."

The captain then began to frown as he thought about this for a moment or how he would have to go back to Soul Society without this man there to keep him safe. There was nothing that he could do about it unless he was able to admit to the Commanding-General what had happened to him a few months ago. If he did this, then he would have the chance to stay here a little longer until to receive a little more time to be positive that he would be fine. Toushirou looked to the man who lowered his hand from his face, took in a deep breath, and then asked him flat out to avoid misunderstanding.

"Can I stay here with you a little longer, until I'm absolutely sure that I will not cause a scene?" The small captain saw how Ichigo was a little confused by this. "I can sleep in the guestroom, I practiced this week."

"Toushirou, you need to take a step to find your independence." Having him stay here would not help.
"I will tell Soutaichou what happened." He started. "And gradually work my way to how I used to be."
His brows knitted more than usual. "Jii-san would possibly want Unohana-san's opinion on this though."
"I need to stop being a coward, I'm proud to know that I am a survivor, with a friend who has saved me."
This made him chuckle a little as he leaned up against the headboard. "Whatever you think is right."

"Since you had me on my own for a few hours here, and Matsumoto understands my situation, maybe I could work one day at a time before coming back here to sleep." Toushirou looked at him in hopes of having him agree. "After a while, I'll stay there for a week, then recuperate here. Eventually, I would try for a month, and after that, hopefully I'll be ready to stay in Soul Society without your help." He waited now.

"Which means I won't have any sex while you're around here," the man huffed as he scratched the back of his head—instantly feeling lips softly press against his. "T-Toushirou, what do you think you're doing?"
"If you have sexual impulses while I'm here, I want to help you. You can have your desires met, and my fear erased more." He earned a disapproval reaction. "What you said to me last night intrigued me…"
"We talked a lot last night, you need to be a little more specific." As he said this, the captain came over and sat on his lap as he did last night. "The communicator's on Toushirou, this isn't a good time to—"

"I asked you why you let me sit atop of you during intercourse," he did not bother to say sex to bring up any word corrections again. "And you told me that you wanted to see the look in my eyes, was it true?"

Ichigo could not help but turn his weak smile into a smirk. "Yeah, when I'm with someone for the first time, I like looking into their eyes." He chuckled. "But you… you were begging to enjoy it if I'm not mistaken."
Cheeks turned bright red before hiding against the man's chest. "That's because you took good care of me, I didn't feel any pain." A thought occurred to him, 'I wonder how he did it.' He leaned up to his neck—
"Ah… no… none of that, okay? You need a few more hours before you could do any more activities." A moment later, the captain looked at him. "Be good and let your body rest up before—" His watch beeped.

Toushirou left his lap and sat on the bed a few feet away from him.

On the screen, Rukia appeared with the most depressed face either of them had ever seen, but the man had an idea about what this was about. It did not take long for her to announce her pregnancy to them—not caring about the fact that there was a captain next to the man she was talking to. She explained how she and Renji slept together without protection because it was spur of the moment, which led to her having conceived this unborn child. The minutes went by as she explained how furious her adoptive brother was due to their nobility, and being with his lieutenant. However, it finally came down to her real reason of calling this man, and the question was what Ichigo knew she was going to ask from him.

"…should I have an abortion?" Rukia asked quietly. "I'm scared… of what would happen…"

"I can't tell you what to do, that's something between you and Renji, Rukia. I can't be involved in your decision, but I can give you a little bit of advice." The Strawberry watched her nod worriedly. "No one took away precious moments of your life, it's up to you and Renji to take away a precious life that has not a moment to live." He looked at her helplessly, trying to make her feel at ease. "Whatever you decide, I'll support you. If you keep it, I'll help you… if you don't, I won't judge you. Just do what you think is right."

The captain stared at him for using these words.

"What if it was your child?" She whispered, a little scared. "What if it was a child between you and—"
"It isn't," Ichigo interrupted sharply, startling her, making him feel guilty. "Renji and I are different."
Her head nodded slowly, "I'll ask Renji what he wants to do, thanks Ichigo…" the screen went blank.
"Take care, Rukia…" he muttered to her despite the fact that the transmission ended. "Good grief…"
"Do you say that to everyone? To do what others think what's right?" Toushirou asked in a quiet tone.
The man turned to look at him, before looking at the ground. "It a necessity that needs to be heard."

He thought about it, and almost smirked. "I suppose you're right." Suddenly, the man got up on the bed towards him. "K-Kurosaki, what are you doing?" Arms wrapped around his small back, a head against his lower abdomen, and he slowly settled down when seeing that the man was just tired. "Are you alright?"

"I'm tired of being strong…" Ichigo mumbled exhaustedly, eyes closed. "If you want me to move… I will."

"Yes, I do." The captain watched him obediently release him to roll over. This allowed him to get up and disconnect the communicator before returning to the bed. He took Ichigo's position by sitting against the headboard so he would be comfortable. "There, now I don't mind what you do Kurosaki, you can rest."

"You made me move… just for that damn thing?" He growled tiredly before snaking his arms around the captain. "I was going to be nice, but now you pissed me off!" His nose lifted Toushirou's shirt and blew.

"K-KUROSAKI!"

The vertically challenged male began squirming and trying his best to get away from him as he tried his utmost best to keep himself from giggling and laughing. It was too late, one hand was at his side, the other at a foot, and a pair of gentle lips blowing raspberries against his pale stomach with no mercy. His laughter filled the air as he begged the man to stop—that he admitted defeat with joyful fits as he still tried to get away playfully. Suddenly, all of the rubbing against the man through all of his squirming had made him aroused easily, causing his face to flush as he tried to be serious now.

"K-Kurosaki—please stop, I mean it! I-I—" Toushirou tried to calm down now. "I-I'm… I need to go to—"
"Are you embarrassed? You were fine being aroused in front of me last night." He whispered softly.
His cheeks reddened lightly as he nodded. "I was still embarrassed last night… you were covered in—"
"Don't be scared when I tell you this, okay?" The man looked him in the eyes. "And don't run off either."
Hearing how he said them made everything silent in the room. "What is it? I… I can't hold it much longer."

"Even after being sexually assaulted for days a few months ago, and the incident with the Hollow, you really have moved on from that place in your life to start anew." Ichigo stated quietly as he kept an eye on him. "Last night, you enjoyed the activities the way you are supposed to since it's supposed to be pleasurable, not abusive. For that, I'm very proud of you."

Toushirou looked away, blushing, "…can you take care of this?"