Chapter 6

It was 7 months post the attack when the penny finally dropped and she had to admit the truth, her stomach was becoming more than distended, she was getting daily heartburn and feeling dizzy all the time. The final clue she couldn't deny was when she felt something kicking inside her. The first time she had attributed it to nerves or hunger, but as the kicks became more defined it became harder to deny.

There was only one thing she could do, forcing herself to walk slowly to her clinic room and check for herself. If she was right, she was too far to go through abortion, there was only one conception date which meant she was 7 months. Once in the clinic room she locked the door, lubing up her stomach and grabbing the wand. The beating heartbeat of her unborn baby echoed around the room. She was pregnant, moving the ultrasound around she checked her baby. A girl, measuring normally, in fact everything looked perfect.

Her world was crumbling, she'd wanted another child with Callie so badly and had miscarriage, she had failed Callie and their relationship, now she was alone, nobody to support her with a perfect healthy baby she didn't want, couldn't have, would it have his eyes, his face, his personality and yet a desperate yearning in her heart for a baby, her mind and heart were at war. Getting off the trolley Arizona fell to the floor sobbing hysterically. What was she going to do? She couldn't parent anybody, Callie had made that clear in the custody battle, she worked too many hours, to many emergent surgeries, and when, she had to tell people she was pregnant she was going to have to tell them how. After spending every waking minute hiding the truth, hiding her true emotions, acting like her normal self, now everyone was going to know, going to judge, going to think she was a slut. Breathing was becoming a problem; panic was building up. She was going to have to tell Callie and Sofia, what would they think? Would they even care, Arizona spoke to Sofia every night but hadn't spoken to Callie since that night.

After having a panic attack and crawling in a ball on the floor for nearly an hour, Arizona ran out of tears, her leg had stiffened up from sitting on the floor so long. Standing up she washed her face and limped down the corridor. Panic had given way to her type A personality and the need to have plans, to have equipment, she had 2 months to prepare.

First thing to do was a short walk away down the corridor to Ob/gynae, Dr Hands was professional, never gossiped and was a brilliant doctor. They'd worked together on multiple cases, and she'd always go the extra mile for her patients.

"Raina, hey" Arizona greeted,

"Arizona Robbins you need a consult?" the petit doctor asked, Arizona nodded stepping into the office closing the door,

"I am the consult, I'm pregnant, 28 weeks" Arizona revealed, at Raina's surprised look she continued, "One night stand" she lied, "he is out of the picture now," Raina to her credit said nothing, it was a weak lie. Everyone knew Arizona had never slept with a man willingly before and she doubted it had started now, but this wasn't the time to call her out.

"Let's get a scan and some bloods done" she said instead. Arizona jumped onto the table, grateful that at 28 weeks the vaginal scan was done, and it was all abdominal ultrasound's now.

"Okay, we have a foetus, healthy, did you want to know the gender?"

"It's a girl, I cheated and did my first ultrasound myself, she is a perfectly healthy baby, with normal growth." Arizona replied, Raina smirked, Doctors really did make the worst patients.

"Did you do your own bloods too?"

"No but I can" Arizona offered trying to jump off the couch, Raina gently pushed her back on,

"Stay still, I'll draw them myself." She offered as professional courtesy, once the bloods were done Arizona jumped up,

"I'll need to see you again in a few days go over the bloods and discuss the next steps, can I schedule you an appointment." Raina offered; Arizona nodded.

"I haven't told anyone yet," she added.

"My lips are sealed," Raina promised, "But if you want to talk, I'm here" she offered concerned, something was clearly wrong,

"There is nothing to talk about" Arizona lied, she got off the bed and walked out. Outside she checked her phone, as normal nobody had texted or called.

Arizona went back to work, just because she was pregnant didn't mean anything else had to change. She had a surgery in 10 mins.

She threw herself into work, on arriving a trauma appeared with a pregnant woman involved, there was bleeding into the uterus, so they did a crash c-section, after finishing that she was paged to another emergency, then another. It was as if every pregnant person in Seattle had waited until today to present with emergencies.

After 16 hours of Consults and surgeries Arizona paused for a second, at the nurse's desk feeling dizzy, Meredith came up, as Arizona clutched the desk trying to steady herself.

"I need a consult" Meredith began noticing her colleague for the first time in months, she was pale and seemed gaunt, had she always been that thin? It looked like a strong wind would blow her down,

"Are you okay?" Meredith questioned as Arizona swayed, "Arizona?" She placed her hand on her shoulder wanting to steady her friend, Arizona jumped at the contact, she put on her biggest smile,

"I'm good thanks, send me the file and I'll have a look after the board meeting," she kept her voice as perky as possible knowing it irritated Meredith, "Oh look at the time," she quickly escaped, with only a few minutes before the board meeting, she hadn't eaten today or the day previously not since doing the ultrasound.

Yesterday she had been too freaked out to think about food today she was too nervous about her big reveal to eat. Today was the day the rumours would spread, she had to tell the board she was pregnant. Already she had made phone calls for her cover being one of the few surgeons in the countries doing neonatal medicine meant she couldn't just take a few months off.

Arriving early to the board meeting she took the seat by the door ready for a quick escape. They discussed the current issues, Arizona tuned most of it out. Alex and the trial, Dr Minnick.

"Has anyone got anything else to add." Bailey questioned as the session ended, Arizona gripped the table with one hand as she spoke, her other hand rubbing her stomach,

"I have a personal announcement, I'm pregnant, about 7 months so I will be taking maternity leave shortly I have prepared a list of Surgeons who could replace me, my recommendation is Liza Shaw she has just finished her residency".

"You're pregnant?" Bailey exclaimed, Arizona nodded as people stood up to hug her or congratulate her. She accepted the hugs and congratulations. Over the last 2 days Arizona had concluded she did want to have another baby, but not like this. However, there was no way she was going to give her baby up. This was her baby and her baby alone. She rubbed her stomach as the baby kicked, we can do this, she thought to herself.

Arizona wasn't stupid she knew everyone was thinking the same thing, how does a life-long grade A lesbian get pregnant. Each member of the board was examining their fetal surgeon, she was smiling, but it didn't seem as real as her normal smile, there were bags under her eyes, she appeared gaunt, even pregnant her scrubs hung off her hiding any trace of pregnancy.

Each attending was thinking the same thing, 7 months, which was when Callie left. Was this a one-night stand or did Arizona plan this? She'd been pregnant before that was with Callie and IVF, had she decided to replace Sofia, or use up the extra eggs. For Jackson something was nagging at the back of his mind, the arm wound, the rape victim that had been Arizona's clinic, was it possible? He'd ignored it at the time convinced she'd tell someone, tell April at least, that someone would have noticed.

Arizona used the confusion and shock to leave the board room. After not talking about the rape for over 6 months, since the police had let the investigation lapse, discussing it in a room of her colleagues was a no go. Plus, she was feeling worse and needed to sit down and eat something.

Meredith saw her leave and chased after her wanting to know more. She caught up to her a few doors down,

"Arizona what's going on?" she asked, Arizona swayed as the adrenaline worn off. Meredith got to her just in time to catch her as she fainted, unconscious in her arms.