It's a sunny Saturday, so the whole family is trapped indoors. Since it's been a sunny all week, we're basically running out of things to do. In other words, we are super bored. Today, all the girls have gathered in my room for some female pampering. That's what it started out as anyway. Now we are just experimenting on each other.
Not like that!
"I can't wear green nail polish, Alice," Esme complains as I hold her hands hostage.
"Esme, you may play mom, but you are like a 26 year old who looks 18. I'm pretty sure you can wear other color besides SoHo Spice."
"She is a doctor's wife. You can't have her running around in loud colors!" Bella teases and then growls as Rosalie pulls her hair. "Alright, Rose. Dang. You are lucky I am a vamp, or you would have pulled out a chunk of my hair."
"I told you to keep still. How many times do I have to say it?" Rosalie chides. Bella crosses her arms and pouts.
"Rose, I think that's enough. She's not going to fairyland or to an anime expo," I advise.
I'm trying to help. Rosalie has turned Bella's long hair into a braided, flowered concoction that is all over the place. There are small braids and thick braids. Some wrapped around her head, some intertwined with each other. The icing on this overcooked cake – Rosalie has added flowers as a final touch. I would name this look the Bridesmaid Disaster.
Bella reaches her hand up to feel what's going on, but Rosalie slaps her hand away. "I'm not done."
"Oh, I think you are," I counter.
"It's not like we have anything else to do. What is the problem?" she asks.
I look at Bella and shrug. She shrugs back. Rose has a point.
"Those are going to be such a pain to take out though," Esme adds. Rosalie shushes her.
Once I finish Esme's fingers, I move to her toes. You can't have them mismatched.
Rose twirls the last braid on Bella's head and pins it down with a daisy clip. "There, all done," she says very pleased with herself. I try not to laugh, so I end up sort of snorting into my hand. Esme leans back, grabs a mirror and hands it to Bella. Then Bella screams. More like shrieks.
"Are you kidding me with this?" She moves her head back and forth trying to get the full effect of the monstrosity. Standing, she rushes over to the full size mirror and does the same thing there.
"Oh, Bella, it's not that bad," Esme comforts. I look up to catch a devious smile on her lips right before she hides it and says, "But it's only fair that you get to do Rosie's hair now."
I snort-laugh again. Rosalie gasps. Bella grins.
"Just like I get to do Alice's nails when she's finished with mine." Now it's my turn to gasp. I hold up my long pink and orange checkerboard jeweled nails. "I already did mine," I whine.
Bella looks at me with sympathy in her eyes. She wouldn't ever let me style her nails like this, but she really likes it when I do my own. She calls them Harajuku nails.
Bella walks over and sits on the bed. She motions for Rosalie to take a seat on the floor in front of her. Rosalie obliges without complaint. I'm sure she's thinking there is nothing Bella can do that can top what she did. I can't see that happening either, so I cheat. I check ahead. I can't hold back the laughter this time.
Bella, Rosalie, and Esme all look at me. "What's so funny?" Bella asks.
"You'll see."
"Hey, Ladies ha-," Jasper stops midsentence and then just stares at us from the doorway.
Without moving a muscle, he yells for Edward, who appears seconds later.
"What Jasper? I was in the -," Edward also stops talking midsentence when he sees us.
Bella grins and says, "Yes, boys? Can we help you?"
Jasper shakes his head and then pushes Edward away from the door as they both run down the stairs.
"Well," Bella huffs jokingly, "Edward didn't even compliment my hair."
I finish Esme's pinky toe and screw the polish shut. It's time to face the music. "Alight, Mom, you're all done."
Esme wiggles her toes and smiles. "They look pretty cute. I love the little flower touch on the big toe."
I cross my fingers that she will leave my nails alone.
"Alice, be a dear and hand me the mauve," Esme requests sweetly. She's still smiling at her toes.
Mauve! I balk. "Mauve?"
Why didn't I look ahead for myself? I do now. My nails will look very professional. And bland. I toss Esme the polish she requested and then fall to the floor face first. I stretch my arms straight out and mumble into the carpeting, "Do your worst."
"Stop being so dramatic," Rosalie grumbles.
"Remember that when Bella's done," I retort.
Rosalie freezes up. "What do you mean by that?" she asks. Bella starts laughing. I start laughing too. Rosalie goes to stand up, but Bella uses her newborn strength to push her back down.
With her hand still on Rosalie's shoulder, Bella says, "Don't make me do this one-handed. It will only take longer." She won't have the extra strength much longer. She needs to abuse this power while she still can. I giggle into the carpet. I know Rosalie is pissed. She hates being put in her place.
"Shut up, Alice!" Rosalie snaps. She relaxes her shoulders. "Fine, I'll behave, Bella. Just let go."
Bella concedes and removes her hand. She grabs the hairspray from the floor next to Rosalie and goes to work. There is teasing and lifting and spraying and teasing. I watch from the floor. It's like the best thing ever.
"Tada!" Bella shouts when she's done. I'm already laughing and so is Esme.
"The Flock of Seagulls have nothing on you, girlfriend," I taunt.
Rosalie drops her head into her hands. "I'm afraid to look."
"The 80s are making a comeback," I add.
"You're done too," Esme informs me. I give her a sarcastic, "Thanks."
I crawl over to Rose and hand her the mirror Bella had abandoned on the floor. Esme yells at me to watch my nails. "Yeah, we wouldn't want to mess up these babies, now would we," I grumble.
Rose takes the mirror from me and then sighs. She didn't freak out like I foresaw earlier. My comment helped placated her.
"It's going to take forever to wash all this mousse and hairspray out of my hair," she whines.
"I wanted to dye it rainbow colors and maybe shave one side of your head, but I remembered what happened when Alice dyed it just one color. I didn't want to get into trouble," Bella says.
"What!" Rosalie turns her head to face Bella. "Thank God for that."
Bella shrugs.
Emmett shouts from downstairs, "I better not be hearing what I think I'm hearing!"
Rosalie smiles. "Come on, Bella. Let's go show off our new dos."
I laugh as I watch Rosalie drag Bella out of the room. I stay and blow on my nails. Esme is cleaning up around me.
"What the fuck is that!" Emmett bellows from below.
Esme and I crack up.
How many FF references can you catch?
Some dude got fired, so we were joking (inappropriately) about it -
Jessica - Now we're just waiting for him to come in and shoot the place up.
Me - not funny!
Jessica - hhaha
Me - When they find your body, your hand will be clutching your phone with FF on it
Jessica - LOLOLOLOL
Me - right at a smut scene
Jessica - "BUT I DIDN'T FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED WITH EaOMP"
Me - I would wail to the gods for you about that!
Jessica - What ever happened with the baby!
Me - LOL
- you'll never know
Jessica - :*(
Me - Because you'll be only getting through the Starry Eyed smut scene
Jessica - There's a smut scene?
Me - When we meet in heaven in our pink house I will tell you then
Jessica - Hahahahah! HAHAHAHAHAH!
- Lame.