Chapter 3
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"Rosie, I'll try to be home by six," Kate said to the nanny as she wrestled with her coat while simultaneously trying to slip into her heels.
"That's fine, Kate," Rosie said from the kitchen. Zoey had been up hours ago (Kate no longer needed an alarm clock) but it was only in the last ten minutes that Kate had managed to convince Zoey to eat her breakfast.
"Can you—" Kate indicated the mess of soggy cereal bits scattered across the table and the floor.
"Yeah, I'll take care of it."
"Thank you so much, I'm running a little late." She grabbed her keys and her phone from the side table. "Bye Zoey!"
"Say bye to your mommy," Rosie said.
Zoey twisted around in her high chair and waved, mouth occupied from stuffing a handful of Cheerios in there a second earlier.
Kate laughed, waving one more time before shutting and locking the door behind her. She was glad that Zoey seemed to be adjusting to Rosie – it took a couple of weeks but she was no longer as clingy as she had been. Still, Zoey remained super shy around people. Castle did manage to make her warm up a little to Esposito, Ryan and Lanie during the weeks that she spent at the precinct but she really only showed her true bubbly personality to Kate, Castle, and now occasionally Rosie.
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"Beckett," said Castle, handing her a cup of coffee before settling down in his chair, "How's the Zoester?"
"Zoester?"
"Just tryin' in out. You don't like it?"
"It sounds like toaster."
"Or gangster."
"Is that better?"
"Street cred, Beckett."
"Right." Kate rolled her eyes. "Zoey is fine. We seem to be settling into a routine now which I think is what she needs."
"And would I approve of this Rosie character?"
"Well, she's not a young, hot blonde if that's what you're asking," Kate replied with a smirk.
"Oh, haha. I meant is she as awesomely fun as I am?"
"Nobody's as 'awesomely fun' as you are Castle."
"Why, thank you, Detective!"
"That wasn't a compliment," Kate retorted immediately. "And Rosie is a good person. I mean she raised two children of her own so she probably knows more about taking care of a toddler than I do. She's very helpful."
Castle scrunched up his nose. "If 'helpful' is the best adjective you've got, I don't think I would approve. And 'very helpful'? That's not a promising adverb."
"Well, not everyone can be described in superlatives, Castle."
"Funny, those are the only kinds of people I surround myself with."
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"Beckett."
"Ssh."
"No, really, Beckett…"
"Castle, I'm trying to think here." Kate was staring intently at the murder board as if staring down the suspect's picture would suddenly make the real person, who was currently sitting in the interrogation room, confess.
He tapped his watch. "It's 7:30."
"Yeah, so?"
"So, it's 7:30."
Kate's eyes widened. "Oh, shit! I told Rosie I'd be home by six!"
"Yeah, I know."
Kate picked up her phone and quickly dialled her home number. "Rosie!" she exclaimed when the other line clicked on. "I'm so sorry! I got held up at work. Do you think you could stay for a little while longer? … Maybe another hour? … Oh. … No, no, I understand … No, I'll just figure something out … Yeah, I'll see you in a bit. Bye."
"What'd she say?"
"Her son is performing in a play that starts at 8 o'clock." Kate pushed her hand through her hair in frustration. "And that guy-" she pointed a finger accusingly in the direction of the interrogation room, "- refuses to speak."
Kate ran through her options and quickly realised, she only had one logical one. By the look on Castle's face, it seemed as though he'd already thought of it.
"Castle," Kate started slowly.
"Yes?" he answered with an annoying grin. Kate knew that he was just relishing in the fact that she had to ask for his help.
"Can you look after Zoey for me while I try to save the citizens of New York from a murderous psycho-killer?"
"Well, when you put it that way…"
"Castle!"
"Of course I will." This time, his smile was sincere.
Kate opened the second drawer of her desk and rummaged around until she found a crumpled manila envelope. "Here," she said, pulling out some keys and sliding two off of the ring. "This is the key to my building and this one is for my apartment."
"If I had known that you kept your spare keys in that drawer, I would have—"
Kate cut him off. "Zoey should be asleep by the time you get there so just… don't touch anything, okay?"
"No guarantees there, Detective." And then at Kate's glare, he amended. "I promise. No snooping."
Kate sighed. "Thanks Castle."
"You're welcome," he said, plucking the keys out of her hand. Just before he got into the elevator, he turned around. "Just so we're clear, anything out in the open is fair game right?"
"Castle!" Kate yelled but the doors had already closed.
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When Kate got home, it was after eleven o'clock. She found Castle sprawled across her couch, asleep, with the muted television still on. He was snoring a little, a fact that Kate tucked into her Castle arsenal to be used at an opportune time.
"Castle," she whispered, kneeling in front of him and shaking his shoulder lightly.
He made an unintelligible grunting noise.
"Castle," she tried, louder.
He flipped over on the couch.
Kate huffed and did what she really should have done in the first place.
"Ow, ow, ow!" Castle yelped and sat up abruptly.
"Ssh! Do you want to wake up Zoey?" Kate admonished, still keeping a firm grip on his ear.
"Apples! Apples!" he whispered vehemently.
Kate chuckled and let him go.
"What time is it?" he asked, rubbing his ear.
"Eleven."
"What happened to the psycho-killer?"
"Eh, it wasn't him. It was the best friend."
"Oh, no way!"
Kate nodded, plopping herself beside him on the couch, "So, did she wake up at all?"
"Well, she wasn't so much asleep when I got here as she was bouncing on the couch and giggling. And then when she saw that it was me, she just got revved up again and wanted to play."
"Of course."
"She was down for the count a half hour later. Magic powers."
"You'll have to teach me that sometime." Kate knew her comeback was lacking its usual spark. She pulled her legs up and hugged them to her chest, resting her head on her knees.
"You're tired." It was an unnecessary statement.
"It's been a really long month."
For once, Castle didn't have a witty reply. He placed a hand on her back and started rubbing in soothing circles.
Kate turned to rest her cheek so that she could look at Castle. "She started calling me mommy the other day."
"Did you not want her to?"
"I don't know." Kate sighed, "I mean, that's what Rosie refers to me as when she's talking to Zoey and I never really corrected her – she doesn't know the whole situation – but who am I really to Zoey? I'm not her mother."
"You adopted her. You took her in as your own," said Castle.
"I tried explaining to her what happened to Madison but she has no concept of what death means. The social worker told me that she kept looking for Maddie afterwards, wondering where her mother had gone. And then, of course, there was the crying – she probably thought people just disappear from her life just when she starts to get attached." Kate was trying to hold back tears. "Maddie loved her."
"Now, so do you."
Kate nodded, eyes now brimming. She knew that if she started crying, she wouldn't be able to stop. And she didn't want to cry. "Zoey relied on her and trusted her and Maddie had to go and get herself killed."
"Kate…"
"I know. That's not fair. I know, okay?"
When Castle pulled her towards him, engulfing her in a hug even while she tucked her own body closer together, she couldn't stop herself anymore. Her sobs were quiet but they shook her entire body and she ended up gasping for air.
Castle loosened his grip on her to let her take some deep breaths in.
"I miss her," she said, trying to control her shaky voice. "Maddie would've known how to get Zoey to bed without fussing and how to toilet-train her and what her favourite foods are."
Castle resumed drawing lazy circles on her back. "Look," he started, "Maybe you can try explaining things again when Zoey is older and starts to have a better understanding of what death means but right now? Right now you're doing a great job. And all of those other things, you'll learn." He pressed a kiss on her forehead. "Kate, you're not her mother but you have definitely become Zoey's mom. You have to earn that distinction and Zoey calling you mommy? It means she knows that you care for her and love her just as much as Madison did."
Kate peered up at him through bloodshot eyes. "Castle?" she sniffled.
"Yeah, Kate?"
"You're really good with words."
He chuckled, "Go figure."
There was a beat of silence as she laid her head back against his chest.
"And Castle?
"Yeah?"
"Thank you. For everything."
"You know I'd do anything for you, Kate."
A/N: Sigh. I had a crap day... :( Almost done, almost holidays, almost vacation time... (this is my daily mantra now)!
So, leave a girl some reviews, would you please?