Where Marriage is Discussed
His Padawan was going to be the death of him. Granted, Obi-Wan had come to realize this some time ago as his Padawan continued to somehow drop trouble by the freighter-full at his feet. Anakin's recklessness and desire to help anyone and everyone that was so much like Master Qui-Gon led to all sorts of predicaments and challenges. This was nothing new. Obi-Wan knew, with dead certainty, that Anakin would be the death of him.
He just had no idea that it would be death through mortification.
"I'm sorry... what?" Obi-Wan asked, praying he'd heard that wrong.
"If I'm going to marry Padme one day, how do Jedi marriages work?"
No, Obi-Wan had heard that right.
Dear Force, please let someone else have already explained the facts of life. Anakin was eleven years old, certainly his biology classes had started to cover some of this material?
... Then again, given Jedi views of attachments, maybe not...
It was times like this that Obi-Wan wished he didn't have so much red in his hair. His whole face was burning and he just knew he was red from his neck all the way to his roots, as Bruck Chun had often teased him about back when he'd been just an Initiate.
"Master, are you okay?"
Right, Anakin still needed an answer... Why does it have to be me to answer that?
"Padawan, attachments are..."
Obi-Wan trailed off, his embarrassment fading away as he looked at his Padawan and felt along their training bond. Anakin wasn't looking at... that aspect of marriage. He was a child in love and had always learned that people in love would marry. (Something Obi-Wan would have to thank Shmi for. Not many beings seemed to like the idea of being dedicated to only one person...) He sat back, running a hand along his chin. Anakin was not Temple-raised, and he'd promised himself back when he'd first learned that his Padawan couldn't even read Basic, that he would remember that and treat Anakin appropriately. Anakin didn't know the things that he and other Jedi took for granted. Such things needed to be explained, in explicit detail, for his Padawan to understand.
"Master?" Anakin was looking at him utterly puzzled, and getting annoyed that he wasn't getting an answer.
"Anakin, might I have a week to research this?"
The boy scowled, no doubt thinking Obi-Wan was dodging the question.
Obi-Wan reached out and put a hand on a small shoulder. "Anakin, you deserve a complete answer for that. If you were to ask any other Jedi here at the Temple, they'd all give you the same answer, and I can guarantee that the answer is completely inadequate for you. Allow me a week to research a few things that I know of, but don't know about, and I can give you a far more adequate answer."
"Fine," Anakin grumbled. They went back to their meal in an awkward silence. Obi-Wan let the silence be. He had a lot to meditate on this evening...
So it was, one week later, that Obi-Wan guided Anakin to their common room after dinner to discus things properly.
Obi-Wan closed his eyes, seeking a moment to clear his mind to properly talk about all the points he needed to, hopefully without boring his Padawan senseless. So, with a deep breath, he looked at Anakin.
"I have done a lot of research and I have quite a bit to say. I ask that you not interrupt me with questions for the moment, and just listen."
There was burning curiosity in his Padawan, and Obi-Wan hoped that it would work to his advantage.
"You asked me about Jedi and marriage. I almost told you the same thing that any other Jedi in this Temple would have told you. 'Attachments are forbidden.' " Anakin scowled, unsurprisingly. "I told you that the answer would be inadequate," Obi-Wan offered a small smile.
Anakin gave a tiny chuckle and Obi-Wan continued.
"For all that we say we don't have attachments, there are Jedi who marry. Most have been in our older history, but there are Jedi today who are happily married and with children."
His Padawan perked up at this.
"After all, only the Sith deal in absolutes. Most married Jedi you will find are Corellian. I've commed several over the week and spoken to them to get an idea of how marriage works for Jedi. You see-"
Anakin interrupted. "You didn't tell them about me and Padme did you?" he demanded.
"No Anakin, I did not mention Padme. I merely said that I had a Padawan who was doing a research project and I wanted some information from them so that I could properly look over his work."
There was a sigh of relief.
"Might I continue then?"
Anakin nodded. "Yes, Master, sorry for interrupting you."
Obi-Wan smiled. He certainly had his Padawan's attention. He hoped it would last.
"Before I get in depth with marriage, I'm gong to side-track to something else that's related to it, alright?"
Anakin nodded again.
Here we go. "Jedi, especially here at this Temple, frown on marriage. It is considered a great danger for a Jedi to fall in love, because there is a danger of the Darkside."
"Huh?" Anakin asked, his face scrunching up in confusion. "But Jedi are supposed to love everyone."
"Not quite. We are compassionate to everyone, as you already are. We wish for everyone to be happy and looked after. By spreading this compassion to everyone, there is little danger of the Darkside. But when a Jedi starts to fall in love... A moment Anakin, I want this to be clear."
Obi-Wan sat back, closing his eyes again, seeking the right path to take. Something about this conversation was important, and he wanted to be sure he was as clear and precise as possible.
"Padawan, you understand that there are many types of love, right?"
Anakin looked at him like he'd grown a second head. "Of course! I don't love Padme like I love my Mom!"
"Ah, but do you know the difference between a selfish love and a selfless love?"
That brought the boy up short.
Obi-Wan gave a small chuckle. "The best example of a selfless love that I can give you is one that you already know very, very well. Your mother's love of you."
Anakin nodded, paying the strictest attention, and smiling at the mention of Shmi.
"Your mother wanted nothing but the best for you. She tried to provide it at every opportunity she could, correct? And by doing so, she gave you up to the Jedi so that you could lead a better life. Her own wants and needs were immaterial to her because her priority was you." Obi-Wan leaned back. "She truly is a remarkable woman."
He felt the swell of pride that Anakin had for his mother, but also some confusion on where this was all going.
"When a Jedi wishes to marry someone, a Jedi should make sure that their love is that same selfless type of love." He held his Padawan's eye. "Do you want Padme to be happy?"
"Of course!"
"What if she was happy being married to someone else?"
Anakin was brought up short again, clearly having never entertained the possibility.
"A selfless love would be happy that Padme was happy, even if she was with someone else."
He paused, giving Anakin a moment to think about this. It was a lot to take in, and Obi-Wan still had more to explain, much more to explain. He waited another moment before continuing.
"The unfortunate thing is, when many beings start to fall in love, it can become a mix of both selfless and selfish. For most, that isn't a problem unless the selfish starts to become too large a part. For a Jedi, selfish love is extremely dangerous."
"How so?"
"The more one falls in love with someone, the more emotional investment you put into that person. After a while, one can start thinking, 'Shouldn't I start to get something back?' And that's where the dangers lie for Jedi. If you've spent years chasing after someone that you've loved and they reject you, and if you feel that you've earned at least something from them, it can lead to many bad things. For many beings, this leads to a lot of pain, anger, a sense of loss. In really bad situations, with really bad beings, this might lead to forcing something."
Anakin scowled. "I'd never force Padme into anything she doesn't want!" he declared vehemently.
"I can only hope so. You're young, Anakin. In many ways, that makes the love you feel for Padme more pure than what an adult can feel." And Obi-Wan was not going to discuss that aspect of things in this conversation. No way. "I doubt any Jedi would go that far. But the feelings of pain, anger, even the fear of rejection, those are the danger for Jedi." Obi-Wan let out a small sigh. "Jedi have a great deal of power because we have such connection to the Force. We can do things no other being can do. And if we Fall, we can do more damage than an army."
He closed his eyes and took a small breath. "It is why most Jedi don't marry. We wish to avoid getting sucked into Darkness." He paused a moment, considering his words again. "There is also the concern that if a loved one dies, what happens to the Jedi? Qui-Gon was like a father to me and I came very close to touching the Darkside." Far too close. "It must be even worse when you lose someone you've fallen in love with, someone you wish to spend your life with, someone you'd do anything to make happy."
Anakin's jaw dropped.
"But... but..."
"As my master always told me, 'One must love with an open heart', Anakin. When Qui-Gon died, it was apparent that I still haven't learned that lesson. A Jedi must accept that everyone will die eventually. We try and ensure that everyone will die of old age after a long and happy life, but there will always be things outside of our control. So that when someone important to us is lost, we mourn and grieve, and let that feeling into the Force. It will take time, and it will not be instantaneous, but it will help eventually. If someone we love does not love us back, we must accept that the person is happy with the choice they made. We will mourn and grieve, perhaps, for what might have been, but then we will be happy that the person we love is happy."
Obi-Wan leaned back. "Because Jedi are selfless. And if we fall in love, it must be a selfless love. Otherwise, the danger we pose to our fellow beings if things go wrong is too great."
His Padawan sat there, his mind awhirl with thoughts flying to fast for him to even process, let alone for Obi-Wan to get a grasp of.
"It's a lot to think about, Anakin. If, when you grow up, you still love Padme, and it's a selfless love... If she loves you back and the two of you both wish to be married, I'll try to help you. But there's a long time between then and now."
He stood, leaving Anakin to his thoughts. "I hope I have answered your question adequately, Anakin."
The child barely nodded.
Author's Notes: Clearly, this is an important "subtle" change. A lot of Anakin's pursuit of Padme is actually rather selfish, and while we do believe that he loves her, he borders on obsessive. This needs to be addressed. This is very much a conversation that Anakin will keep revisiting in his head and meditations, wondering what he feels for Padme and how it would work if they don't marry. (Because he knows he's going to marry her from the moment he first met her...) Unfortunately, he still has Palpatine next door whispering in his ear about how it's okay to take what you want, etc.
This also shows how, for our subtle changes, Obi-Wan is more cognizant of the fact that Anakin isn't Temple-raised and adjusts accordingly. We both think that Anakin didn't really get such thorough explanations such as this originally. He would have gotten a blanket statement of "Attachments are forbidden" and no real reasons as to why. Obi-Wan might have gotten into it, only with a great deal of awkwardness and stammering. While here he still has the awkwardness, he deals with it a little better by giving himself some time to figure out how to word it and actually doing a little research.
And, as of this chapter being posted, we have finally finished the finale of this massive story. pant pant The two of us are quite excited about when it finally gets posted (easily a year from now at least, with how bloody long this is...) We still need to go back and tweak a few things, but it's nice to have such a large story done. Now we can let our imaginations rest and start thinking of new ideas. It's a long journey between here and the end, and we hope all of you enjoy.
Next chapter: We peak at how Palpatine continues to influence young Anakin and Obi-Wan's unknowing attempts to counter.