A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews, guys! You are all so ridiculously amazing, and I love you so much for it! Okay, this chapter was so much FUN to write. It's the first big confrontation between Buffy and Angel, and I. Am. So. Excited. !

Random Disclaimer: (I don't own Buffy).

Me: (bounces up and down and does very awkward happy dance) Woo! Yay! I'm so excited, you guys!

Buffy: (frowns) Why?

Me: (grins) Because you and Angel get in a fight!

Angel: (frowns) But...

Me: Uh huh, no arguing Hot Stuff. You will not win.

Buffy: Angel...she's giving me a real creepy vibe

Angel: (takes Buffy's hand and starts to back away)...Yeah, definitely creepy...she's too happy...

Me: (frowns) Guys! Come back here! You have a fight!

*Angel and Buffy run*

Me: (hangs head and sighes)

Eye of the Beholder Chapter Three

Buffy raced through the hospital halls and out of habit went to the elevator. She stood there for all of two seconds before darting to her left and yanking open the door to the stairs. Overwhelming panic gripped her heart as she descended the stairs far faster than was safe, but she didn't care.

She had to find Angel.

The past months without him had torn her heart to pieces. Seeing his beautiful face wearing an evil, sadistic smirk, seeing his warm, chocolate brown eyes gleam violently. Hearing his low, soothing voice taunt her, hearing him laugh manically. It had been physically painful.

His words had hurt her the most. She knew it wasn't Angel saying those things. Angel would never say such things. Such cruel words could never have come from his mouth.

But they'd hurt nonetheless.

Not even giving a thought to the stitch in her side, Buffy descended the last of the stairs and threw open the door, running out into the hallway and then out the front doors of the hospital, not giving a damn at the looks she was getting. It was a freakin' hospital. They shouldn't be surprised by someone in a hurry.

However, once she was outside, the cool night air hitting her face, she skidded to a halt. She caught her breath as she was faced with a decision.

Where did she look?

Buffy's mind automatically thought of the places he could be. She nixed the Bronze, because he really didn't like it there anyway. She doubted he was in a graveyard…though he might be skulking around, staking any vampire that dared to even be near him—that idea held some promise, but Buffy filed the thought away for later.

She thought of his apartment and the mansion. She doubted he'd go to the latter…way too many bad memories. Buffy snorted. Going on that train of thought, his apartment wouldn't be that much better.

Buffy sighed. Angel was sentimental, a fact that probably only she knew, or at least knew the depth of. Where would he go? The answer caused her to mentally slap herself.

Sprinting off to the right, Buffy headed towards the alley where they'd first met.

Angel stared broodingly at the pavement in front of him as he rounded the corner to the alley where he and Buffy had first met—officially at least.

Is there a problem, ma'am?

Yeah, there's a problem. Why are you following me?

I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I don't bite.

Angel sighed and looked around. He really didn't know why he'd come here.

After leaving Buffy at the mansion, he'd gone back to his apartment, intending to pack up his stuff and leave. However, the moment he'd walked into the place, all thoughts of leaving had fled his mind.

The apartment still smelled of him and Buffy, and Angel couldn't help but notice how well their scents mixed together. Granted, it was faint, neither of them having been there in months (Angelus had refused to live in such standards). However, their scent had still been present in the air. The bed was still unmade, Buffy's scent and that of their love still clung to the sheets.

The apartment was exactly has they had left it.

Angel couldn't help the route his mind took when he'd seen the bed and smelled their scents. He vividly remembered that night, every single detail. It had been the absolute best night of his life. He'd been happy, truly happy, and the feeling had been exquisite.

She'd fallen asleep on his chest, and he'd held her until he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer.

Then, he'd woken up to a searing pain in his chest.

Angel shook his head and blocked the thoughts that immediately sprung to his mind. He didn't want to think about Angelus and what all he had done, what all he'd said…particularly to Buffy.

Faint footsteps echoed across the pavement, prompting Angel to turn and face the new arrival.

"Buffy."

"Angel," Buffy said, slightly breathless due to her sprint to find him. "Thought I might find you here."

"Yeah, well," Angel shrugged. "I was just leaving."

"You seem to be doing that a lot lately," Buffy said blithely, crossing her arms over her chest. "You know, if I didn't know you better I'd say you were a coward."

Angel's eyes flashed yellow, and Buffy knew she'd hit a nerve, but she didn't care.

"What do you want Buffy?" Angel asked flatly.

Buffy smiled. "I just wanna talk."

"We're talking."

"Yep," Buffy agreed. "And we're gonna talk just a little bit more about lots of bad things."

Angel didn't answer immediately. The urge to escape her flared again, and Angel debated whether or not to give in to it. He knew that Buffy wanted to talk about Angelus. What else could it be? Angel didn't want to talk about Angelus. He didn't even want to think about how he'd hurt her, how he'd haunted her. Guilt coursed through him anew as more memories and thoughts filtered through his mind from his months as Angelus. How could Buffy still want him?

"You sure you want to do that?" Angel asked raising his eyebrows, overcoming the urge to escape her presence for a moment.

Buffy took a deep breath, before meeting his eyes determinedly. "Yes."

Angel couldn't look at her anymore, seeing the determination in her eyes caused his false bravado falter. He looked anywhere but Buffy. "Want to pick a starting point?" he asked dully. "Or do you want to just say the first thing that comes to mind?"

"Angel, look at me," Buffy demanded gently, taking a few steps towards him.

Angel looked up, but he didn't meet her eyes.

"Look at me," Buffy repeated firmly.

Angel finally looked up, and Buffy wanted to cry at the haunted pain in his eyes. She ached to hold him, to tell him that it would be alright, that she wasn't going anywhere...but she knew that it would only push him away.

"Everything that's happened since my birthday is not your fault," Buffy said seriously.

"How can't it be?" Angel asked anguished. "I-I just wanted to love you and look what happened," he finished brokenly, looking away from her once again. "I was selfish. I should have stopped, I should have been able to stop…"

"You regret what we did?" Buffy asked hurt shining in her eyes.

Angel met her gaze again, his own eyes misty with tears. "I could never regret making love to you, Buffy," Angel said truthfully. "But I regret the consequences…"

"Angel, that wasn't you," Buffy whispered, pleading with him to understand. "It wasn't you."

"You don't understand," Angel shook his head, growing agitated. "You don't understand what it's like. You're gone and then one minute you're back and you have all these memories…you know that you didn't do them, but…you relive them in first person, because for that time, in that moment—it was you."

"When I remember the things he did, it's just like I had done them myself," Angel whispered. "Every thought, every image, every feeling…"

"It wasn't you," Buffy repeated shaking her head.

"I'm a monster," Angel said dejectedly. "A killer."

"Damnit, Angel, it wasn't you!" Buffy marched right up to him, getting in his face as much as she could considering their height difference. "It wasn't you," Buffy repeated again, hitting him in the chest pointedly after each word.

"You're not a monster," Buffy argued. "You're not a killer either! You're just Angel, and it's all you need to be!"

"I hurt you," Angel whispered brokenly, and Buffy knew that this was truly the crux of the matter.

Her heart broke for him as the already substantial pain in his eyes grew depthless.

"You could never hurt me," Buffy shook her head, and something in Angel's eyes seemed to flash.

Gone was the sadness. Gone was the pain. In its place was anger.

"I didn't hurt you?" Angel nearly snarled as he glared at her. He was fine with anger. In fact, anger was a nice reprieve from all his self loathing and brooding and guilt. Anger was easy, simple, directionless, thoughtless.

"Tell me Buffy, when didn't I hurt you?" Angel asked harshly. "Was it the morning after we made love? Did I hurt you then? I did. You cried. I insulted something that was so beautiful it's practically sacred to me. I hurt you then."

Tears sprung into Buffy's eyes at his words, but Angel kept going relentlessly.

"What about when I killed Jenny?" he continued. "What about when I put her in Giles' bed, like she was there waiting for him? Did I hurt you then?"

"And let's not forget everyone else I killed!" Angel shouted, pain flashing in his eyes. "There are so many more that you don't know about. Every single one of them killed because you had the chance to kill me and you didn't take it."

Tears ran down Buffy's face. Seeing him angry like this, seeing the anger in his eyes, the violence of his tirade made her feel a twinge of fear that instantly made her feel guilty. She knew that Angelus was not in front of her, shouting at her. She knew it was Angel. Angelus would never show so much pain. Buffy knew that it was pain that was truly driving Angel at the moment, not anger. But still…she couldn't help the fear she felt.

Seeing her teary face, smelling her fear, something in Angel told him to stop, but he was long past having the ability to.

"Does that hurt you?" he continued flatly. "It must, knowing that if you'd just put a stake through my heart that it'd all be over. Don't you wonder how many people could have been saved if you'd just gotten it over with? Doesn't that haunt you?"

"What about everything else that you don't know about?" Angel continued, tears pooling in his eyes. "What about me sleeping with Dru? Does that hurt you? What about me torturing Giles for hours? Does that hurt you?" By now, Angel had tears sliding down his cheeks.

"How can you say that I've never hurt you?" Angel whispered as his anger abruptly left him, and Buffy's subsequent fear vanished as well. "It's all I've done."

"Y-you slept with Drusilla?" Buffy asked as betrayal stung her.

"I—I…yes," Angel admitted quietly, turning away from her and walking towards the alley wall, needing to put some space between them.

"You were him though, right?" Buffy asked, though she was practically begging. "I mean, you didn't—."

"God, no!" Angel spun around at the suggestion. "I never cheated on you. I was…him…when it happened."

"Oh," Buffy nodded, relief washing through her, nearly overwhelming. "That's...better."

"I'm sorry," Angel apologized as the tears he'd just gotten under control slid down his face. Of all the things he'd done as Angelus, sleeping with Drusilla had been the one thing that caused him the most grief. "I can understand if you hate me..."

"I don't hate you," Buffy interrupted quickly, looking scandalized at the accusation. "I love you."

Angel looked at her, torn between sheer incredulity, relief, and hope. "Why?"

"Why?" Buffy asked incredulously, a shaky laugh escaping her as she wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. "Why do I love you? Gah, for this reason right here, for one thing…no matter how annoying it is."

"What?" Angel asked confused.

"You're so…you," Buffy floundered for the right words. "You're selfless and compassionate. Angel you have so much love to give that it completely blows me away. The reason you feel so much guilt over things that you yourself have never done is because of your ability to care. You have such a huge big heart, Angel. You're beautiful inside and out, and right now, I don't care if you don't see it that way. All I care about is you. All I want is you."

Angel stood there completely stunned for a moment. Her words triggered a memory.

So you don't think about the future?

No.

Never?

No.

You really don't care what happens a year from now? Five years from now?

Angel, when I look into the future, all I see is you…all I want is you.

"I know the feeling," Angel whispered, looking into Buffy's eyes with all the love he possessed.

Buffy started towards him, and Angel quickly closed the distance between them. His arms were around her waist, and then she was pulled flush against him. Their lips met and it was like a fire started, consuming them both. Passion flowed hot through their veins as their lips moved with each other with a familiarity that other couples spent years trying to reach.

So lost in the kiss Angel's hands slipped underneath Buffy's shirt to rest on her hips, lifting her up as Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist. Buffy felt her back hit the alley wall as she let her tongue trail along his bottom lip; begging for entry. Angel instantly complied, deepening the kiss, muffling Buffy's appreciative moan.

Buffy trailed her hands down Angel's back, causing him to shiver. Gasping for air, Buffy broke away to catch her breath. Not for the first time, she was grateful for Angel's lack of need for oxygen. His lips never strayed from her skin.

He trailed soft, wet kisses down her neck, sucking at the point where her neck and shoulder joined as his hands began to move towards the waistband of her jeans. Idly, he wondered what the chance of anyone walking down this alley was in the next twenty minutes.

The thought stopped Angel cold. What the hell was he doing?

Feeling Angel's tension, Buffy looked at him confused. "Angel? What's wrong?"

"This."

"This is wrong?" Buffy asked, hurt adding to her confusion.

"Buffy, I was just about to—," Angel shook his head. He'd been thinking about doing many things. He'd also been thinking that it would be easier if she were wearing a skirt. "We can't do this! Look at us, ten minutes together and we're halfway to having sex!"

Buffy unwrapped her legs from his waist, and dropped down to the ground. "Oh, yeah…" Buffy said trailed off. "I've got to tell you something."

"Is this something important?" Angel asked frustrated that Buffy wasn't at all worried about the fact he had almost taken her against the wall.

"Well, it's why I had to come find you before you skipped town without saying goodbye," Buffy explained, before adding. "Which, by the way, would have really annoyed me."

"Buffy, what is it?" Angel asked exasperatedly.

"You're so impatient sometimes. Is that a vampire thing?" she asked.

"How is it that whenever we fight you bring up the vampire thing?"

Buffy shrugged.

"What do you have go tell me?" Angel repeated.

Suddenly, Buffy was nervous and found her toes very interesting. "Well, um, you see…Willow did something."

"Willow did something," Angel repeated. "And this is an important something?"

"I think it is."

"Okay…what is it?"

"Willow anchored your soul…her spell was the permanent version," Buffy answered softly, finding the courage to gaze up into his eyes.

Angel just stared at her.

Admittedly, a part of him was jumping up and down like a kid on Christmas morning. Joyous relief threatened to overwhelm him, and Angel had to put a steadying hand against the wall to make sure he stayed on his feet.

His soul was anchored?

"You mean—Angelus—he's…" Angel trailed off, not wanting to finish the thought, afraid she'd deny it.

"Is completely null and void," Buffy said with a small smile. "Locked up nice and tight."

"Why?"

"Why?" Buffy repeated confused. This was not a response she'd anticipated.

"Why did Willow do it?"

"Because she wants us to be together, she wants us to be happy. Ms. Calendar had been working on it, and Willow figured it out," Buffy answered hesitatingly.

"After all of this?" Angel asked dubiously.

This was all too much right now. He was still reeling from almost making love to Buffy in an alley. Granted, they were in the alley where they'd first met, but still…it was an alley. And now Buffy was telling him that his soul was permanent. It was too much. Once again, he felt the need to escape.

"We talked about this, Angel," Buffy shook her head, raising her voice a little. "Angelus isn't—."

"I don't deserve this," Angel interrupted quickly, beginning to back away. "I don't deserve any of this."

And with that, Angel turned and escaped, leaving Buffy alone once again.

Hehehe...this was fun, right? :D

All this angst is making me want to watch Loony Tunes or something (lol). However, one great thing about angst is that I get to have Buffy and Angel want to jump each other's bones! Things were so hot between them before her birthday, but then Angelus came and stole the thunder. Even when Angel was Angelus there was still a wonderful sexual tension between them, so yeah...Buffy and Angel are going to be just little passionate (evil grin)...

Lots and lots of love,

ArthursCamelot