*A/N: This is the clean version - if you want to read the M-rated version of this chapter, it is posted in a separate story entitled Separation Anxiety: Album Version

Chapter 16

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"Dad, are you nervous?"

"I don't know. Am I?"

Alexis observed the way Castle was fumbling with his tie. She swatted his hand away and did it up herself. "You definitely are," she answered. She stepped back to observe her handiwork.

"Did Kate seem nervous when she came by to drop Zoey off?"

"Well, she asked me what she should wear in this, kind of, panicky tone, so yeah, I'd say she was." Alexis grinned. "You know that you guys are being ridiculous right? I mean this might be your first 'official' date but you've been together for, like, a year."

"Not a year," Castle denied.

Alexis pretended to consider his answer. "You're right. More like a year and a half. Ever since you stopped dating women from parties and she broke up with that guy."

Castle shook his head and smiled. "So, you're okay with all of this?"

Now, Alexis really did roll her eyes. "First of all, that question really should have been asked a year and a half ago. Second of all, it's about time you two made it official."

"We couldn't have pulled off the 'we're just really, really good friends' bit any longer, huh?"

"Dad, you and Kate have keys to each other's apartments; she spends at least a third of her nights here; and besides, I've already been telling all of my friends that Zoey's my new little sister." At her dad's raised eyebrows, she added, "You and Kate need little pushes to make you acknowledge reality. I'm just doing my duty as a daughter."

"Uh huh. Sure." Castle glanced at his watch, "So, do you think I've given her enough time to change?"

"Are you asking me because I'm a girl or because I know Kate so well?" Alexis asked cheekily.

He grinned. "Both."

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Castle knocked on Kate's door, even though he had the key. He figured this was a special occasion and he shouldn't just burst in like he usually did.

"Come in!" he heard her call out.

Castle closed the door behind him just as Kate exited the kitchen. She was wearing an off-the-shoulder silk patterned dress.

"You look…" he trailed off.

She smiled at the unstated compliment. "Thanks." She kissed him lightly on the lips as she brushed past him. "Just let me get my purse and we'll go."

Castle nodded.

Kate took no more than five steps before she paused abruptly and whirled back around. She looked at him with an unreadable expression on her face.

"What?" he asked.

"I just realised what I did," she answered.

"What did you do?" he paused. "You mean, kissing me?"

"Yeah," Kate made an awkward gesture. "Sorry."

"You're apologizing for kissing me?"

"Yes, I mean, no…" she paused again. "It's just… it felt like I did it out of habit."

Castle was still confused. "So?"

"So, this is our first real date. A first-date kiss shouldn't be done out of habit. It should be one of those awkward situations at the end of the night with you walking me to the door and me fiddling with my keys… you know, awkward."

The corners of Castle's lips twitched in amusement.

Kate rolled her eyes. "Okay. Clearly you aren't thinking about this as hard as I am… so, yeah. I'm really going to get my purse now—"

Castle grinned fully. "Hold on," he dragged out teasingly, grabbing her wrist to bring her back to him.

Kate groaned, "Don't turn this into a joke at my expense."

Castle pulled her close and kissed her gently. "I liked it, you kissing me familiarly. It's my favourite way of being greeted by you."

She smiled against his lips and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "If I greeted you like that all the time, you'd get bored of me."

He brought his arms around her waist. "I don't think I could ever get bored of this," he said. He eased his tongue between her lips and started to kiss her more passionately. "How hungry are you?" he asked, moving his mouth to whisper breathlessly against her ear.

"Not that—" she gasped as he sucked at her pulse point, "—hungry."

Unlike the first time they kissed, the first time they made love was mind-blowing and electric. Most likely due to the fact that they had waited so incredibly long for this – for each other.

And as soon as they had done it once, that was it. The dam had been broken and there was nothing that could stop the flood of desire flowing through them. Compulsion turned into want, which turned into a need that wouldn't be sated.

Needless to say, they didn't make their reservation.

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Sometime later, they both came to their senses long enough to notice the time.

"Oh crap," said Kate, sitting up in bed, covers exposing her body from the waist up. Castle reached out to wrap his arms around her middle in order to pull her on top of him but she resisted. "Castle, it's eleven," she said. "When did you tell Alexis we'd be home?"

"Oh crap," he repeated. "Where's my phone?"

He leaned over Kate to fumble for his phone, remembering that it had fallen out of his jacket and onto the floor beside the bed. Kate cursed her body for reacting to even that small movement of her torso on top of hers.

Castle finally managed to find his phone but he stayed on top of her. His grin made her realise that he had noticed as well. As he waited for the call to connect, he brushed his tongue across that sensitive spot right below her ear and watched as she squirmed underneath him.

Kate heard Alexis' 'hello?' float through the line.

"Hi honey," Castle answered, "How's everything going?"

Alexis answered that Zoey had already gone to bed and that everything was fine. Castle nodded. "Listen, do you think you could hold the fort tonight?" he asked.

Alexis' 'why?' sounded more than a little amused.

"Well, we just came back to Kate's place after dinner and since it's getting late, we're just going to stay here tonight." All three of them knew he was lying.

'Uh huh,' came Alexis' response. 'What was that?' she asked when Kate couldn't stop a gasp from escaping her mouth as Castle's hand continued to do whatever it was that he did so well. 'Never mind,' said Alexis, 'I don't want to know.'

"Okay honey," Castle said, with a grin down at Kate. "You have a good night, 'k?"

As soon as he ended the call, Kate pulled him down against her. Her tongue was hot against his and they kissed passionately until she abruptly pulled away. Even with pupils dilated from her aroused state, she still managed to scare him with her glare, "You're fucking evil," she said.

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They ordered pizza around one o'clock. It had been hard to acknowledge that kind of hunger when there were more important things to do with their time. Still, their growling stomachs made them recognize the need for nourishment if only so they could continue to use up their energy in more stimulating ways later.

They were sitting in the living room. He, on the couch with his boxers on and she, cross-legged on the floor in a robe. The pizza place had gotten their order wrong and had put olives on both sides instead of just Kate's.

"Hey, Kate?" Castle said as he studiously picked off the offensive topping from his slice.

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you ever call me by my first name?"

"I don't know," she turned her head to look up at him, "Do you want me to?"

He shrugged. "I don't really care. I was just curious."

"You're just Castle to me," she said. She finished off her pizza and wiped her fingers with a napkin. "I mean, you used to call me Kate only when you needed to catch my attention but—" she moved up off the floor, "—I can get you to obey me just by changing the tone I use with you."

Castle grinned when she started to straddle him on the couch. He threw his unfinished slice into the pizza box and wrapped his arms around her waist. "You might have to demonstrate what you mean."

She smiled seductively, sliding her robe off slowly. "For example," she said and then leaned to place her mouth against his ear, "If I say your name breathlessly, Castle, I know half a dozen images of me naked and in various scandalous positions just floated across your mind – " she purposely ground her hips down against him "—and you're just waiting for me to let you do me right here on the couch." She looked into his eyes innocently, "Am I right?"

"Well, if I do, it's because you're so damn hot when you say things like that," he replied, clenching his jaw as she continued to tease him.

He very nearly exploded when she placed her lips inches from his and murmured, "So, Castle, tell me what you want to do to me."

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"Was it me?"

They were back in Kate's bed. It was a guarantee that one or both of them would be sore tomorrow.

Kate was resting her head on his chest and at his question she turned to peer up at him. "What?"

He repeated, "Was there something that made you not want to be with me?" he didn't sound hurt, just curious. "Why didn't you want to make us official until now?"

"It wasn't you," she answered, turning her head away again. "I mean, after a while, it wasn't about you."

"What do you mean, 'after a while'?"

"Do you remember that summer – maybe three summers ago – when you asked me to go to the Hamptons with you and then you ended up taking Gina?"

Castle nodded. "Yes. But, you said 'no'…"

"I did say 'no'." She fiddled with the edge of the comforter and tried to speak as casually as possible. "But, I wanted to say 'yes'."

"What?" he exclaimed, "You never told me!"

"I tried," Kate said, sitting up. "I broke up with Demming and then I tried to tell you…"

"…at the going away party…" he said, suddenly remembering that she had wanted to tell him something at the time.

Kate nodded.

"So, that's why you didn't want to be with me?" he asked, recognition flooding his consciousness. "You thought I would leave?"

"I'm not a sharer like you are Castle. I don't like to just throw my feelings out there for the world to see."

Castle sat up beside her and placed a hand on her bare leg. "I know that, Kate."

"It was really hard for me to let you back into my life after that," she said, "But then I did and everything was fine. We went back to getting on each other's nerves and dating other people and that was okay." Kate leaned her head back against the headboard and closed her eyes. "And even when you started taking care of Zoey, I was weary. As she started spending more time with you, I… it wasn't about me anymore..."

"You didn't want Zoey to get hurt."

She opened her eyes to stare at the ceiling. "But you never left."

"No, I didn't."

"You never strayed and you never even considered dating anyone else." Kate sighed. "But I knew you were serious when Alexis started getting attached to Zo. You wouldn't have let that happen if you had just been after me for the thrill of the chase."

"Kate, I was serious. I was always serious. About Zoey. About you." He placed a hand on her cheek and made her look at him.

Kate jerked her head away. "So, that's when it became about me," she said. She sounded embarrassed and hesitant. "You became such a big part of Zoey's life – of my life – and I just started getting scared. Because making it official? That would mean that if something did happen and you decided you didn't want us anymore – then I would really lose something." She paused to take a deep breath. "I would have lost you and my relationship with Alexis and your friendship. I would have lost all of those things, all at once, forever."

Castle heard her unspoken words. Kate had already lost somebody she loved once before and it had nearly destroyed her. Still, Castle knew that there were no promises he could make that would reassure her or lesson the pain of her haunted past. He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her body. "I can't make you believe that I won't leave you," he said, "You just have to trust that I won't."

She let him kiss her and slide them back down onto the mattress. He hovered over her and looked into her eyes. "It's always been you, Kate," he whispered, "You don't have to worry about that."

"I still don't believe in fate or magic, Castle," she said, smiling at the feeling of his fingers stroking her bare stomach.

He grinned. "I know. You like to colour within the lines."

She responded teasingly, "And you don't even see the lines. To you, the world is just one, big, giant piece of blank paper."

"Yes, that's true. But—" he laced their fingers together, "—when I look into that world, the only person I ever want to share my crayons with is you."

A/N: The next few chapters take on just a bit more of a serious/angsty tone but no worries, interspersed will be some fluff that I know you guys crave so much! :)

And GUYS, as if you could forget, ONE MORE DAY UNTIL THE EPICNESS.