A/N: You. Guys. Are. Amazing. I know, I know, I tell you all the time, but, well...I really just can't thank you guys enough. You are so, so, so wonderful and I appreicate every review I get! Thank you SO much AGAIN!
Okay, school is a whole heck of a lot busier than I thought it would be. I have tons of work in AP Bio to do. Our current unit of study is botany. F. My. Life. It's scary how much you can know about a single leaf...and I have to learn about it all (slams head on desk). Even though I'm more than halfway through my leaf collection (only 33 more to go), I still got a term paper that I probably need to work on now so I don't have to worry about it later. Add on top of that a research paper for English that will be due before the term paper for Bio. Let's not forget AP Calculus and the fact that it's AP Calculus...and then I have AP Psych just for fun. What was I thinking when I made my schedule last year? What?
So...sorry about that little rant, but here's the point to said rant. I love you guys, I really do. I love to tell you how much I love you. Usually, I respond to reviews. All my reviews. It's never been troublesome, and I've always enjoyed it. I just don't know how much extra time I'll have at the moment. So if I don't reply back to you, I'm probably staring at a leaf, willing it to tell me what tree it came from.
On a much brighter, much happier note...guess what I did over the weekend? Any takers? Yes? No?
Okay, I'll assume at least one of you were right, and say YES! Yes, I DID write out the outline to the sequel of AISHB this weekend! Oh yeah, go me, go me, go me! It took forever. Lots and lots of thinking and babies and dark witches and vengeful demon hunters and weddings and gah, it just took some brain power! But alas, I emerged victorious! Bahahahahahahaha!
I am soooooo excited to start working on the sequel. This story's title will be "Same Song, Different Verse." I practically threw out all of Season 6, like I thought I would. No Warren and loonies. They were a pathetic, miserable excuse for evil. The vast, vast, vast majority of the episode rewrites will be Angel episodes, as that storyline just gives me tons to work with. I think I only plan to rewrite 6 episodes total of Buffy. I also plan to write two of my own original episodes! One for Buffy, and one for Angel. Subsequently, they are both the season finales! Woo hoo!
Okay...so, now that I've completely diverted attention away from this story, let's see if I can wrangle you back in with some wonderful angst.
Random Disclaimer: (I don't own Buffy).
Me: Okay, guys, ready for another chapter?
Buffy: What's going to happen to me this time?
Me: (looks innocent) I swear it's not fatal.
Angel: (growls) You hurt her, and I'll kill you.
Me: (smiles fondly) There's my protective Angel I know and worship! Good to have you back!
Buffy: Seriously, what did you do to me?
Me: (looks wide-eyed) Vamp!
Buffy and Angel: (spin around, stakes raised) Where?
Eye of the Beholder Chapter 5
Buffy stomped through the graveyard, a Slayer on a mission. How could her mom expect her to end things with Angel? How could she try and interfere with her love life? Well, Buffy really didn't have enough experience to have a love life, but she was working on it.
The night was still relatively young, well, for Buffy at least. It was around midnight, the equivalent to a vampire rush hour or five o' clock traffic. This didn't bother Buffy though. This meant that she would definitely see some action, and she was just itching to stake some vamps.
Buffy wove in between the graves easily, hardly needing to pay attention as to where she stepped. She knew the cemeteries in Sunnydale like the back of her hand. This really helped when her mind was somewhere else.
Why was everyone against her relationship with Angel? What had he done? Okay, his alter ego had terrorized them for months. She had to give them that, but what she didn't understand was how they couldn't see the difference between Angel and Angelus.
It was blaringly obvious to Buffy, and she could separate them into two groups that anyone with the intellect of a kindergartener would understand. Angel was good. Angelus was bad. It really was that simple.
How could everyone else not see that?
How could they not see how compassionate Angel was? How could they not see how much he cared? How could they not see what he was underneath the surface? Why did they all just see a vampire, who happened to be on the good side? How many times had Angel saved them? How many times had Angel saved her?
Why couldn't they just see who he really was?
He was a man. He had his problems, yes, but so does everyone else in the world. Granted, Angel's problems involved an evil alter ego and a hundred years of self-loathing because of a hundred and fifty years of terror and destruction, but who was going to get that technical?
Angel was just a man, a beautiful, loving, passionate, loyal, selfless, noble man. He was also an idiot sometimes (like now), but Buffy had just accepted that it came with the territory.
The sound of a snapping twig caused Buffy to spin around just in time to plunge her stake into the vampire's chest. "Why do you vamps always follow me?" she asked as the dust settled onto the ground. "It's so cliché!"
Buffy turned back around only to see a fist en route to her face. Ducking quickly, she barely dodged the punch. Buffy spun, swinging out her leg and sweeping the vampire off his feet. He landed on his back and Buffy jumped on him, pinning him to the ground by placing her knees on his chest.
She had just raised her stake to dust him when a hand grabbed her arm and threw her back. Buffy flew into a tombstone, causing it to break into pieces due to the impact. Buffy groaned, knowing that her entire back would be bruised tomorrow.
"Come on Slayer, let's play," the new vamp challenged as Buffy picked herself up.
"Aw, come on, guys, it's two against one!" Buffy whined pitifully before growing serious. "And I've had a really...bad...day!"
Buffy punched the vampire closest to her in the face, knocking him down. However, she wasn't quick enough to block the punch from the other vampire, and her head whipped to the side with the force of the blow.
"Okay, that's not nice!" Buffy admonished before kicking him in the groin, causing the vamp to crumble to the ground and curl up in the fetal position. "And are you really wearing platform shoes?" she asked before kicking him in the face, causing him to roll over on the ground. "Because those are seriously out of style! Pick up a Cosmo, would ya?"
Suddenly, something hit Buffy on the back of the head, which sent her tumbling to the ground. Buffy blinked furiously, trying to get rid of the stars in her vision. She saw a faint shadow behind her and gripped her stake tightly.
In one fluid movement, Buffy spun up and got to her feet, staking the vamp who had thought she was still disoriented. He had just enough time to look shocked before he turned to dust.
Buffy looked around, trying to find the other vampire. "Come out, come out, wherever you are!" Buffy called in a sing-song voice. "We can do this the hard way or…well, there's really only the hard way."
Buffy caught a movement out of the corner of her eye, causing her to switch her stake to her left hand. "Hiding is really not your strong suit," Buffy taunted, knowing that he was crouched behind a rather large headstone.
Buffy purposely turned her back on him, letting him think that she didn't know where he was. She saw a flash of movement and spun around, her stake raised, ready to strike.
But this vampire was faster than she expected and he caught her arm, twisting it roughly and pinning it behind her back, causing her to drop her stake. The vamp's other arm pinned hers to her side, leaving her neck exposed to him.
Buffy's heart thumped wildly in her chest as she struggled in his grip. Unable to wiggle out of his hold, Buffy threw her head back, feeling his nose crunch due to the impact. He dropped his hold on her, and Buffy reached down to pick up her stake.
But she wasn't quick enough.
The vamp had fallen to his knees when she'd head-butted him, and her stake had been laying conveniently right in front of him.
He twirled the stake in his hand. "Now this is an odd change of events," he grinned evilly before lunging at her.
Buffy fought him off, blocking his combinations easily…at first. He had twisted her arm, and she knew something was either torn or broken as it felt like it was on fire. Each punch she threw with her left hand caused a shooting pain to zing up her arm and to her shoulder where it fizzled out into a dull ache.
Her opponent kicked her in the chest, sending her flying back. Buffy landed with a groan as her already bruised back hit the hard ground.
Buffy had had enough of this. She pushed herself to her feet before somersaulting into the air with her stake raised, ready to strike. However, before she could get both feet on the ground, the vampire grabbed her arm and spun her around.
Pain.
Buffy looked down and gasped in surprise and horror as she stared at her own stake protruding from her abdomen. She was frozen for a moment in both pain and shock. Had this seriously just happened?
Buffy gripped the shaft of the stake and pulled, gasping as the bloody stake left her body. Her sweater was already wet, soaking up the blood was the pouring from the wound.
Her baser instincts kicked in. Fight or flight?
For the first time in her life, Buffy chose flight.
Buffy forced her legs to work, suddenly feeling the events of the day. After all, it had only been seven hours since she'd stopped Acathla, and she'd had enough emotionally draining conversations today to last a life time.
What had she been thinking going on patrol?
Buffy could hear him following her, and she tried to run faster, but her wound was slowing her. The blood loss was making her dizzy and Buffy could feel her pace slowing even though she was demanding her legs to move faster.
Pain shot from her stomach with every step she took. Adrenaline pumping through her veins only numbed the pain, and she knew it would only keep her going for so long. She glanced back over her shoulder, looking to see if she was still being followed—the hunter becoming the hunted.
Buffy looked back in front of her and skidded to a halt as she came face to face with her enemy, and most likely her killer.
Desperately she looked for an escape route, but she knew it was hopless. She was alone. She was going to die.
"You're going?" the vampire asked with a frown. "But you were having so much fun a minute ago!"
Buffy brought her stake up and made a lunge at him, but he easily knocked it from her grasp. Then she was flying through the air before hitting the stone wall of a crypt. Buffy couldn't help the whimper that escaped her. She looked up as the vampire approached her with her stake, a predatory gleam in his eye.
This was it. She was going to die.
Buffy watched as he raised the stake for the killing blow, and she stared up at her enemy helplessly. Suddenly, she saw a blur out of the corner of her eye, and then the vampire in front of her was on the ground.
A very familiar growl reached her ears and Buffy relaxed. Her adrenaline reserves had been all but drained, and she could barely keep her eyes open as the blood loss made her brain foggy. She glanced over to where she knew he was and watched as he punched her attacker over and over.
Angel punched the vampire underneath him relentlessly. It was all he could do. He smelled Buffy's blood and all he saw was red. Angel didn't know how long he pummeled the vampire before he realized that the bloody vampire underneath him was unconscious.
Angel grabbed the stake off the ground and plunged it into the vamp's chest.
He heard a whimper behind him and his eyes widened at the sight of Buffy struggling to her feet, using the mausoleum for support. Immediately, he rushed over to her.
"Buffy? What happened?" Angel asked as the smell of her blood overwhelmed his senses.
Buffy held up her hands, red with her blood. "Angel," she breathed as she took a tentative step towards him before collapsing unconscious into his arms.
Angel scooped her up and held her against his chest. He quickly made his way to his apartment, grateful that Buffy had just so happened to chose to patrol the cemetery that was closest to his place. Shutting the door behind him with his foot, Angel gently placed Buffy on the bed.
Forcing himself to remain calm, Angel got the first aid kit that he kept just for Buffy. Whenever she got hurt on patrol, she would usually come to him to avoid some questions from her mother. She even kept at least one change of clothes, which was helpful considering that her sweater was completely ruined.
Angel ridded her of the sweater and quickly inspected her wound. He thanked god for Slayer healing as the wound had already stopped bleeding. Thinking that he'd done this far too often, Angel bandaged Buffy's wound quickly and efficiently.
Just as he was placing the last piece of tape over the gauze, Buffy began to stir. "Ow," she groaned, causing a grin to pull at Angel's lips. Her eyes slowly focused on him and she blinked a few times before speaking. "Angel…?" she asked dazedly.
"I'm here, Muirnín," Angel assured her softly, caressing her cheek with his thumb.
"Ugh, I hate irony," Buffy muttered as her hand came to rest lightly on her gauze covered side.
"I'm not too amused," Angel said seriously.
"That makes two of us." Buffy sighed. "I can't believe I got stabbed with my own stake. That is so uncool."
"He was going to kill you," Angel whispered, causing Buffy's blasé attitude to falter.
"But he didn't," Buffy reminded him softly, placing her right hand on his muscled forearm. "You saved me."
"What were you doing? Why would you patrol?" Angel asked, ignoring how her touch had been like a spark of electricity shooting through him. "Don't you think you've done enough today?"
"I was mad," Buffy explained tiredly. "I had a fight with my Mom, after having my fight with you, which before then I'd had a fight with Xander. I'm really all fought out at the moment."
"What were you fighting about?" Angel asked, though he figured he already knew the answer.
"You," Buffy answered honestly, confirming Angel's guess. "She wanted me to stop seeing you."
"I don't blame her."
"Stop it," Buffy snapped as much as she could considering how exhausted she was. "I'm tired. I'm in pain. My back is going to have a bruise the size of Alabama tomorrow. My stomach's going to be sore for a week, and my arm got twisted in a way that was not meant to be. Can you not do the self-deprecating thing?"
Angel's eyes softened. "What do you want me to do?"
"Hold me?" Buffy pleaded softly, and there was no way in hell Angel was going to refuse.
Angel slowly came to awareness. The first thing he noticed was her scent. It seemed to bathe his small apartment, and Angel couldn't help but appreciate it the sweet vanilla and honey scent that held just a dash of roses. It was fantastic.
The next thing he was conscious of was her warm body snuggled next to his. Her body heat had warmed his skin over the course of the night and now he was almost as warm as she was. It was an exhilarating feeling.
He was acutely aware of the rise and fall of her chest and the steady beat of her heart. She had donned one of his shirts to sleep in and Angel couldn't help the possessiveness that erupted in him at the sight of her in it. There was just something about his girl in his shirt.
Over the course of the night, her legs had tangled with his and he was vividly reminded of everywhere they were touching. Buffy was practically on top of him, and Angel's thoughts went from sweet and sentimental to…not so sweet and sentimental.
Images of their night of passion flitted through his brain, causing him to fight a groan for fear of waking up Buffy. Angelus had been so wrong when he'd insulted her the morning after. So, so, so incredibly wrong.
Buffy was brilliant in bed, and Angelus had just been jealous that he hadn't been the one she'd made love to.
After that initial kiss, it had been like they couldn't get rid of their clothes fast enough. Only after shedding their clothes had Buffy become nervous. But Angel had just smiled, whispered in her ear that she was beautiful, and then he'd begun his worship of her body. He'd loved her, he'd shown her, physically, how much he loved her...and she'd reciprocated and totally rocked his world.
Angel didn't know if Buffy realized how much it meant to him that she'd chosen him to be her first. It was so important it was practically sacred to Angel, and he'd wanted to make her first time a night to remember.
Of course, losing his soul afterward had not been part of the plan.
The thought brought Angel up short and triggered a sentence that had been playing like a broken record over and over in his mind.
Willow anchored your soul…her spell was the permanent version.
Willow anchored your soul…her spell was the permanent version.
Willow anchored your soul…her spell was the permanent version.
Angel couldn't stop replaying those words over and over in his mind. The idea that his soul was permanent so soon after just getting it back made it hard to believe. It seemed ludicrous and almost like a ridiculously lucky gift from a higher power.
But why would they give him something so precious when he didn't deserve it?
Angel didn't deserve to be happy. He didn't deserve Buffy's love. He was a killer, a monster. That was what he could consistently prove. No matter how many people he saved, he would never be able to even the balance. Angel almost snorted. He had a cosmic balance sheet. As if saving as many he'd killed would somehow make better of what he'd done.
But Angel was selfish.
He wanted Buffy. He wanted her love because she made him feel human. He wanted her smile because it brightened his world. He wanted her laughter because it was music to his ears. He wanted her. She was his everything. The light to his darkness. The Yin to his Yang. The zig to his zag. However you wanted to compare them. They completed each other.
But Buffy got the short straw.
She have him everything, and he gave her nothing.
He couldn't give her children or a peaceful life. He couldn't take her out into the sun. He couldn't grow old with her. What did he have to offer?
Buffy stirred in his arms then, and Angel looked down to see a pair of sleepy green eyes staring up at him.
"Hey."
"Hey," Buffy smiled softly. "Now this is nice…waking up with you."
"It is," Angel admitted truthfully.
"It has its advantages." Buffy said before reaching up and brushing her lips against his.
Angel immediately responded, running a hand through her hair and another down her back, over her hip, finally coming to rest on her thigh, as Buffy shifted so that she was straddling him. She broke the kiss and then kissed her way down his neck. She nipped his shoulder playfully as her hands slid down his stomach, causing him to growl.
Angel brought her face back to his, kissing her deeply as his hands slid underneath her shirt. However, when his fingers grazed her gauze covered side, he froze.
Buffy pulled away to look at him. "Uh oh, I don't like that look. What's wrong?"
"This."
"That's the second time you've told me that in less than twenty-four hours," Buffy deadpanned. "I'm really feelin' the love here, Angel."
Angel gently moved Buffy off of him and got out of the bed, feeling the need to pace.
"What's going on, Angel?" Buffy asked, growing anxious. "Because you know, I was really enjoying my morning."
"It's nothing," Angel shook his head, and Buffy snorted.
"Yeah, sure," she said disbelievingly. "You've got a 'something' face. It's not nothing."
"I've just been thinking…"
"Surprise, surprise."
"I'm serious Buffy."
"So am I," Buffy said firmly. "All you do is think. Well you know what excessive thinking leads to besides migraines? Over-thinking."
"You deserve more," Angel said seriously. "More than I can give."
Buffy sighed. "Are we really going to hash this out now?" she asked. Personally, Buffy had had enough emotionally draining conversations.
"You deserve more than demons and darkness," Angel continued.
"Guess that's a 'yes,'" Buffy muttered.
"You should be with someone who can take you into the light." Angel looked at her, begging her to understand. "You deserve someone who can make love to you."
"The latter is no longer a problem," Buffy pointed out.
"Isn't it?" Angel retorted. "Do you really want to test it out and then find out it didn't work?"
Buffy hesitated. "I trust Willow."
"I don't know," Angel shook his head.
"Don't you want to? I mean," Buffy floundered as Angelus's words the morning after ran through her mind. "Don't you want me?"
Angel halted his paced and looked at her incredulously. "Every minute of every day," he answered with immediate, blunt honesty. "Buffy, none of what Angelus said that morning was true. It was all a lie, designed to hurt you." Angel moved toward her and caressed her cheek with his thumb. "He was just jealous because you'd made love to me and not him."
"Well that raises a girl's self-esteem," Buffy said softly, with a slight smile, though secretly she was soaring with the newly acquired information, not to mention overwhelmed with relief. Buffy remembered their argument and realized she needed to address it, or eventually he'd come back to it. "And don't worry about the sunlight thing, I don't care about that."
"You will," Angel argued as he resumed his pacing, snapping out of his soothing demeanor, and picking up right where he'd left off. Buffy was mentally kicking herself. "And children."
"Children?" Buffy repeated wide-eyed. "Can you say jumping the gun? I kill my goldfish."
"You have no idea how fast it goes, Buffy," Angel shook his head. "Before you know it, you'll want it all, a normal life."
"I'll never have a normal life," Buffy disagreed, wonderingly idly how long he'd been brooding about this.
"Right, you'll always be a Slayer," Angel agreed, but then he added. "Which is all the more reason to have a real relationship instead of this—this freak show," he said disdainfully.
Buffy looked at him stunned.
Realizing what he'd said, Angel said quickly, "I didn't mean that."
"I'm gonna go," Buffy said numbly as she climbed out of the bed, her perfect morning down the drain.
Angel grabbed her arm. "I'm sorry," he apologized, his brown eyes begging for forgiveness. "You know how much I love you, Buffy. It kills me to say this…"
"Then don't!" Buffy snapped angrily. "Who are you to tell me what's right for me? You think I haven't thought about this?"
"Have you?" Angel challenged. "Rationally?"
Buffy scoffed. "No," she said sarcastically. "No, I haven't. I'm just some swoony little schoolgirl, right?"
"I'm trying to think about what's right here, okay?" Angel retorted frustrated. "I'm trying to think with my brain instead of my heart."
"Heart?" Buffy repeated. "You have a heart? It isn't even beating!"
"Don't—," Angel began, but Buffy had had enough.
"Don't what?" Buffy interrupted. "Don't love you? I'm sorry. You know what? I didn't know that I got a choice in that," she said angrily. "I'm never going to change. I can't change. All I want is my life to be with you."
"It's not fair to you," Angel shook his head.
"Gah, would it kill you to be selfish just once?" Buffy cried, slapping his chest in frustration. "Would it kill you to just see yourself for who you are?"
"You're not a monster," Buffy stated fiercely. "You don't deserve to suffer. You deserve happiness, and if I'm the key then yippie for me, I'm ecstatic! I'm selfish. I want you. All of you. I love you. All of you. Every little facet that makes you who you are, I love. You don't have to give me the freakin' moon Angel! I just want you. You are enough."
"I-I can't," Angel shook his head, tears in his eyes. "I want to, but I can't."
"Fine!" Buffy threw up her hands in frustration. "Fine! Be a stubborn idiot."
Buffy stomped over to the dresser drawer where she kept some of her clothes for the nights when her patrols that ended with a fashion emergency. She dug out a pair of jeans and pulled them on quickly. Buffy sat down on the bed, grabbing her boots and putting them on with much more force than was really necessary.
"Are we breaking up?" Angel asked quietly, causing Buffy to freeze.
"No," Buffy said firmly. "No, we are just having a really huge fight that makes us both mad as hell at each other! Frankly, I think we were about due for one!" she said before storming towards the door.
"Buffy—," Angel began and Buffy interrupted him, not wanting him to completely ruin her dramatic exit.
"And yes, I am taking your shirt!" she declared before storming out of his apartment.
Hehehe...the whole taking the shirt line cracks me up every time. Soooooo...how'd ya like? I know I took the 'break-up' convo from later in Season 3 and put it here. There's a reason for that. And yes, I did have Buffy be stabbed with her own stake like in "Fool For Love." It was something dramatic, and it would freak Angel out so much he'd forget for a moment all the broody, I-don't-deserve-anything, nasty thoughts and focus solely on Buffy. It gave a chance to lighten up with just a little bit of fluff...which promptly turned into a fight, but I swear, our two lovebirds are slowly making progress! If you can just make it through chapter 8, then you're through the worst of the angst! :D
Lots and lots of love,
ArthursCamelot