Chapter 28

Hits Different

White walls, and as I got up from where I'd been lying, a stunning panorama of our flower farms filled my field of vision. Thinking about how I got here in my room has kept me too busy to fully appreciate it. I felt someone clutching my hand and then I realized who it was: Aunt Lilian, her beautiful blonde hair sprawled out on the edge of my bed as she slept soundly with her hand in mine. I withdrew my hand cautiously, hoping not to rouse her from her sleep, but the slightest jolt of my movement was enough to do the trick. When she saw me awake and sitting in front of her, she was startled and didn't have time to rub her sleepy eyes.

"Thank goodness Kohaku you're awake! Is something hurting you? How are you feeling? Oh my we're all worried sick for you my dear, what happened?"

"I-I have no idea really…"I thought about it while holding my head and letting my mind race, but no ideas came to me.

"Byakuya and I just arrived to surprise you and your husband, but instead we were the ones taken aback by the sight of a panicked Senku, who had you in his arms as he hurried through the door and had just ordered the staff to shut the greenhouse full with toxic plants."

"How did I… did something happened to me?"

"Yes dear… He concluded that you faintedl after inhaling the spores of a toxic plant while wandering around the farms. If you can't remember, that's fine. It's only that Senku has been the most concerned of the three of us who saw you collapse into his arms three days ago; he hasn't given Byakuya so much as an hour of his time since then, and he hasn't left his lab."

My ears perked up at her final statement, and I looked at her in surprise, asking, "Did you just say three days?" I didn't think the situation I was in was that serious.

"I'll just leave for a few minutes to tell the men downstairs you're finally awake…" Without giving it a second thought, Lilian got up and left my room, leaving me all alone.

She quickly returned with food to help me refuel, and as I was eating, Suika burst in with crying eyes, asking if I was all right. I reassured her that I was well, and she kept asking, even after Turqouise apologized on her behalf. Mr. Byakuya came in with Aunt Lilian to offer his congratulations on my wedding.

"Byakuya I already told you. Kohaku isn't fully recovered until I say so. If Senku wants to see her for himself, let him be…your son is abled while my niece is still recovering… "

"Lilian you know me… I won't be doing this if I don't have a stubborn head for a son, I am just worried, not just me but the servants as well.. If I really have a hammer I might-"

"Don't waste your time looking for a hammer old man…" Senku, who was standing in my doorway looking unperturbed, became the focus of everyone's attention in the room.

"Speaking of the devil… here I thought you got holed up in your own world of research this, research that, why aren't you opening the door and answering your phone young man?"

"Its a rather personal business, old man. Yes, its a research but not your usual research… besides I came here for the sole purpose of speaking alone with my wife, so can I ask you and Lilian to go out for a moment?"

"What… so is that al–" Byakuya wasn't able to continue what he was saying for he was met with a hand on his mouth by Lilian.

"Byakuya and I will now excuse ourselves, dear Senku… Kohaku is still healing and looks a little pale. Please be gentle with her..." Lilian, without a care, drags Mr. Byakuya outside, closing the door after her.

"How are you feeling?" Senku didn't bother to wait for me to give my consent before he momentarily held my hand, which I quickly yanked away. He noticed it instantly and backed away, putting his hands in the pockets of his lab coat.

"If you're not comfortable with me holding your hand, I suggest you get used to it. Not only are we husband and wife, but that's how I'd like to treat you, Kohaku."

"Why are you here? Isn't seeing me well and recovering enough?"

"It isn't. I'd like to check on you personally because not seeing you awakened for more than a day has made me anxious as hell. I can't bear to see you fainting like that and losing consciousness slowly in front of me ever again."

"If losing me, your wild card in this act we're playing really matters to you. Don't stress over it too much. As you can see I am already fine and well."

From that point on, we didn't say another word to each other, staring each other dead in the face. Sighing, he finally gave up and said,

"Listen, if we're going to make this work for the sake of our agreement, I suggest you cooperate with me. We–"

"I suggest we keep our distance to each other, Senku. I won't interfere with your life and you won't to mine. We'll only appear as husband and wife in front of your father, I won't have complaints."

I saw the glum in his eyes, the grim in his gestures. I just sat on the bed avoiding eye contact with him, flinching my fingers and nothing but him with deep painful sighs and my stareplease. This time, it was different —like he reached the edge of the cliff and never wanted me to follow after. It felt like he doesn't need someone to console thrifty words that follows were too wintry it killed the spring inside me.

"Did you ever consider asking me how I was while we were apart for so many years?," he said.

It got me on a dazed and leaving him made me realized it was possible to go away while your heart still cares, still mourns, still wishing it wasn't the end yet. I took the contrasting side of the world hoping I could leave him my love and respect despite the separation. I had loved him so much it hurts. I had loved him that I will no longer add burden to his regrets. I love him despite knowing his yesterdays and tomorrows now belongs to someone else that isn't me.

It is possible to leave while you're still madly and desperately in love, but now we're here…I guess we're not the same person as we are back then.

"No… A-Are you done? I'd like to be left alone to recuperate, please."

I laid down on the other side of the bed, rolling over because I knew that staring into his eyes for even a moment longer would slowly but surely twist my heart and bring on the tears.

I didn't realize how much I'd been holding back tears ever since Ruri passed away, but now its hits different. Moving on was always easy for me to do. If I used to always switch lovers and ghost them, now, even though I'm back to normal after passing out, I get this anxious feeling when I see him, and it makes more sense the more I think about it. He's the reason the wounds reopened and are still bleeding.

He's the one I loved. I don't need another metaphor to prove it. Just like a wrinkle in time like the crease by his eyes, wherein in my dreams, I kept coming across his hair and the sensation of his intense gaze.

Should I give in? Should I held him instead? As I turn around…

He closed my door with a turn of the knob, and the sound echoed in my head like he had just shattered my heart all over again.

—-

After my conversation with Senku, no one else came to visit me that night. Sleep didn't come easily, but I forced myself to rest and succeeded.

The sun's rays woke me up, but I wasn't expecting to find a breakfast tray waiting for me by the side of my bed, this one decorated with a tulip flower in a vase. The rumbling in my stomach finally convinced me to give in, and as soon as I was done, I hopped in the shower and headed for downstairs.

I recognized Lilian's voice when I got closer to the dining room. She was laughing as she poured wine into a glass, but she stopped when she noticed me in the doorway.

"Kohaku!" Mr. Byakuya grinned as Lilian poured me a drink; Senku, emerging from his stupor, glanced at me; and, acting the part of a gentleman, Senku rose from his seat to offer me a seat beside him.

Mr. Byakuya seemed to realize what was going on and continued, "You know I've been feeling hopeless these pass few months dreading the day my son would marry himself to his work and dedicate himself to studying everything there is to Science, but seeing how he treat your niece, Lilian. If I'd known Kohaku was your niece earlier, I would have brought my son to visit you instead of making him spend all day, every day, at the lab."

"You make it seem like I'm some sort of hermit." Senku replied as he poked his ears without giving a care as to what his father said.

"Aren't you boy?" Senku simply rolled his eyes at his father's remarks.

We exchanged glances before he added, "You know what, Kohaku? I'll never forget the moment I caught a glimpse of Lilian entering the spaceship, despite knowing full well that she had spent millions to do so. You two looked so much alike that I initially thought she was your mother; yet, learning that you are actually her niece only a few days ago made it appear as though you and my son were destined to encounter each other again, huh?

I was about to tell my side of story when I felt Senku's hand holding mine just under the table, like he's secretly telling me he'll speak on my behalf.

It brought me back to the memories I have of him when we were young. I still remember it all clearly after all these years like it was yesterday.

I didn't realize it at the time, but he was following me around the garden in his casual clothes while the young Kohaku was dressed in a gorgeous long gown, and he eventually invited me to go stargazing with him at the temple of his old professor, which had been converted into a laboratory. That night he saw me, nothing was going to stop me. That night, I planned it all, none of those were accidental. The need to kiss him was overwhelming. For some reason, I really wanted to make out with Senku, and then I wanted to make out with him some more.

But then, I was wrong. Senku is just the first, who knows after this if I might love again.

Having matured and dealt with the tragedy that befell my family, I am finally ready to seek love again, especially now that I have kept my word and secured the estate following my deal with Senku. Then atleast I can have some peace of mind. I can now consider loving as a goal.

"It is true what they say everything comes to you at the right time, at the right moment.." Senku replied.

I felt him squeeze my hand when I attempt to remove it. He only smiled devilishly at me. What's that for huh? We are never fated for each other! This is all just for show. He really enjoyed getting his father's hopes up as if toying wih other people's feelings gave him the satisfaction to do so. I can't believe him.

Swallowing all of this and acting like its nothing is so hard for me, so I decided to drink the wine Lilian served me earlier.

"I'm sorry its late… the turkey took long enough, lunch is here!" Lilian hurriedly served the mouth-watering turkey in front of us.

"Byakuya had been telling us to surprise you both since we arrived in Japan, but we didn't expect to be the ones surprised instead. Who would have thought Senku is your longtime lover, Kohaku? When do you think we might see a grandchild in the future?"

I almost choked at Lilian's question but then Senku had to make it more embarrassing than it was.

"As soon as we're able Lilian." He quietly mischievously smiled at my direction. You're so full of shit, Senku!

"Which reminds me: I'm looking forward to becoming a grandparent, too. Which do you favor, sweetheart? There may be something else these two are keeping from us." He chuckled, As much as I tried to hide it, I wondered if Senku's dad knew anything about our little secret. When I felt Senku's hand on my thigh, it was as if he had realized what was happening and reassured me that we were still in the dark.

"I'm just kidding you two. I think what I'm trying to say is that we don't want you to keep the news of Kohaku's pregnancy a secret. Me and Lilian here will make a bet…" The only response he got from Lilian was a sneaky grin. In a way, I'm envious of their relationship since it seems genuine, but what Senku and I have is just for show.

"So you want me to make a bet about what my grandkids would be? My bet would is they're gonna have some twins!"

I immediately downed another wine in front of me right away, and I don't care if it was Senku's or not. What Lilian is saying right now is absurd, given what Senku and I really are. She really is serious with what she just said!

"That's a tough bet Lilian, considering my son here, you're already pressuring them into having one wouldn't you think so?" Lilian just ignored what Mr. Byakuya said, when she continued

"I bet its a twin girl and a boy before the year ends!" I swallowed hard at her statement.

"Its not impossible old man… having twins sure is special but considering my wife, I'd rather have her think about having kids first." His hand remained on my thigh as his smile was sly and mischievous, hinting at me he's agreeing with Lilian. I only smiled at them.

Well, you're a liar, Senku! Actually, we're both liars, now that I think about it.

"Since Kohaku's family passed on the excellent looks, and since my dearest Lilian here can't have a baby, I would be perfectly content with only a granddaughter. You look a lot like her Kohaku, thus I'd want to look after someone who resembles her. Your children will undoubtedly inherit Senku's intelligence, so I wouldn't have to worry about that either. Alas! If we seem pushy, please don't take it personally." he chuckles, I assume Senku didn't inherit his father's delicate sense of humor or his father's capacity for kindness and understanding.

"Yes, you heard that right. Please, you two, ignore us. It depends on whenever you want. From what I understand, dear Kohaku spent the rest of her years in the United States. You two are lucky to have made everything work when you were apart, so I think you should prioritize enjoying married life first. "

"Everything sorts itself out with a little time of patience…" I felt Senku gave my hand a squeeze three times ".. but thinking you'll eventually have someone to go home to, to fight for, and someone who will give meaning in this meaningless world. I can say it's all worth my while." Senku casually said as if referring to someone else he really loves.

What if everything that I want is already reserved for someone else? What if I am just another temporary fill – to which I am— a mere replenish for somebody's absence? I am afraid to get used to something that will soon be taken away from me especially in the midst of me being completely attached to it already.

Senku's words struck me knowing all too well he's not pertaining to me. I am afraid to only have the "almost", the "so-close", the "fleeting". It's selfish but I am afraid to watch someone else living my dreams. Luna you're lucky to have such a good man.

"It's amazing to hear it from you, Senku! To think you two didn't see each other for so long, then out of the blue you two decided to get married…" Lilian beamed.

"Hmmm I'm guessing my son doesn't want to get left behind again. I'd guess you should go ask your husband sometimes what's the first thing he decided to do the moment he knows you're gone." Mr. Byakuya intervened. What he said got me curious but I didn't pursue what it might be when Senku replied,

"She's my weakness, old man. That's just how it is." Lilian smiled serenely at us while Mr. Byakuya gave a quick, tight smile.

Do I felt the need to appreciate what he just said? No. Do I need to pretend that I am affected? I think so, instead, I chose to focus from eating this delicious turkey. Did Senku really think I'll have to appear lovey dovey as he is? No. Its still hard for me to digest everything that's coming out of his mouth. I really can't comprehend how far Senku is willing to lie to his own father.

Mr. Byakuya seems to notice my uneasiness when he asks "Are the media's reports of Senku's supposed girlfriends bothering you, Kohaku?"

"They're not even worth my while old man, do we even have to talk about this?" Mr. Byakuya just ignored him as he sternly looked at my direction seemingly waiting my answer.

"There's no need for me to feel jealous, sir. I truly believe if a man really loves you, he'll makes you feel you're the only woman in his life. He'll never makes you feel otherwise. Also he'll never go to such lengths as to hide you from the world. I guess that's also the things about lovers, sometimes they would make you feel they've given you the world, while other times they made you feel as if you didn't exist at all."

"My son is well-known in his area, and I suppose his fame is all the more surprising to me considering that he has always worked so hard to keep his personal life under wraps." mr. Byakuya explained.

I was misunderstood but that's fine. "I hope you also understand sir. That if you truly want someone, then they will show it. No one is going to want something and then let it slip away. That's not how the human heart works." Senku paused a looked of puzzlement crossed his face.

See? He can't even fucking defend that! Because its true, what we had is a charade and he is hiding his real relationship with Luna.

I can see him pretending after remembering that phone call he had with Luna. And just like how his heart worked, I learned that it's possible to stay away when your heart is still full of willingness to continue. It hits different just picturing him with some other girl and in love. It was like him to her now we're in this agreement, while it was like me to him who still loves him all those years. It hits different now and the reason for all these catastrophic blues is because I'm still madly inlove with him.