A/N: Okay, here we are! We've made it! Thank you so, so, so much for the reviews! You guys are epic! Epic! And to reward all of you...The heavy angst ends with this chapter! Yay! Now, before you guys do a victory dance, I have to warn you that the angst doesn't lighten up until the end of the chapter. This chapter is still angst...it's just that after this, it's really not so bad. It goes from angst to suspense/drama, so I think you guys can live with that, right? :D

I finished my leaf collection! Thank goodness, let's all do a happy dance! That's a load off my mind, I tell you. Now, all I really have to focus on is my research paper. Joy. But, anywho, moving on...

This chapter is my fav. It was so fun to write, and I stole a few lines from here and there because of the context. Because I'm rewriting the season, that particular little bit of dialogue is better applied to this situation than in canon.

By the way, we're skipping ahead about two weeks from last chapter. :D

Random Disclaimer: (I don't own Buffy).

Me: Woo! We're here guys! It's time!

Buffy: For what?

Me: Your final, epic argument!

Buffy: (deadpan) You've got to be kidding.

Angel: (broody) I don't think she is.

Me: Trust me guys...you'll like the end...a LOT...

Eye of the Beholder Chapter 8

Angel wandered aimlessly along the docks. He didn't know why he was here. The days since he'd gotten his soul back had been a blur. Only two weeks ago he had been Angelus. Only two weeks ago he had tried to awaken Acathla. Only two weeks ago had he tried, with all his might, to kill Buffy.

Buffy. They hadn't seen each other since their last argument at his apartment. He knew that she had come by, more than once, but the moment he'd smelled her fresh scent he'd bolted. Angel didn't know if he could face her. He feared what would happen if he did.

It wouldn't necessarily be a bad outcome if they met, but Angel was sure what would happen. They'd argue. They'd yell…and then they'd go at each other like two lovesick teenagers. Passion. It was something that neither of them lacked, and sometimes it was their enemy.

Angel hadn't seen anyone other than Buffy and Giles. Well, Angel had seen Willow once, a few days after she'd been released from the hospital. He'd climbed up the balcony to her room again, and he'd been surprised when she'd immediately invited him in. However, he didn't take the invitation. It seemed better, for him at least, to remain outside.

She'd immediately chewed him out for avoiding Buffy. Such a great friend she was. Angel had let her scold him, not bothering to interrupt. She'd promised him that his soul was anchored and permanent. She'd promised.

Angel had asked her why. Why had she done this? For him? For Buffy? Why? Willow had been silent for a moment, and then she'd given him the answer that was what he'd expected and yet still couldn't believe.

"Because you and Buffy deserve it."

Angel didn't know how either Buffy or Willow could think he deserved anything.

The wind blew slightly then, and the scent of salt water hit him strongly, causing him to break out of his reverie. He looked around and seemed to remember where he was. After all, he'd just started walking, not being able to take sitting in his apartment any longer. He didn't think he'd consciously chosen a direction, yet somehow he'd ended up at the docks.

Angel remembered the last time he was here, vividly.

Well, if you haven't noticed someone pretty much always wants us dead.

She'd been so worried. He'd wanted to reassure her.

Don't say that. We'll be fine.

We don't know that.

We can't know Buffy. Nobody can. That's just the deal. I have something for you, for your birthday. I was going to give it to you earlier, but…

Angel remembered reaching into his pocket to show her the Claddagh ring he'd gotten for her. In that moment, the little piece of metal had never felt so heavy.

Ideally, he would have rather given her the ring surrounded by candles and roses and the whole shebang. But, as usual, the supernatural screwed up his plans, again.

At least she'd liked it.

It's beautiful.

My people, before I was changed, exchanged this as a sign of devotion. It's a Claddagh ring. The hands represent friendship, the crown represents loyalty, and the heart…well, you know…wear it with the heart pointing towards you. It means you belong to somebody. Like this.

Angel remembered showing her his Claddagh. He'd never been so nervous. He couldn't even say the word 'love.' The most important thing about the ring, the heart, and he couldn't say 'love.' He'd been that nervous. Buffy was the only woman that had ever made him nervous. Well, except for his mother and Kathy, but they were long gone.

Slipping the ring on Buffy's finger, feeling it fit her perfectly; Angel had felt the faint stirrings of true happiness in him. The feeling had felt so foreign; he'd almost been unable to place it. Realizing this, the courage to tell her that he loved her came to him.

And right before he was able to get the words out they were attacked.

Figures.

Angel leaned against the railing. The very same railing that Buffy had gone over, the very same railing that he'd leapt over to save her. He slid his Claddagh off his finger and held it in his hand, staring at it. He studied the ring. The hands represented friendship. He didn't know if he and Buffy could ever be just friends. He loved her too much—far, far too much. The crown represented his loyalty. He'd always be loyal to Buffy, always no matter what. She was his everything, and without her he was nothing. The heart, his heart, would forever be hers. That was something that would never fail to remain true.

"Don't tell me you're thinking about tossing that."

Angel whirled around. "Buffy! You scared me."

"Now you know how it feels, Stealth Guy," Buffy smirked slightly as she walked up beside him and leaned against the railing, staring out over the water. "Whatcha doin' here?"

"I have no idea," Angel answered honestly. "I just sorta ended up here."

"Huh, me too," Buffy replied lightly. "Just got done with another Scooby meeting…my mom was in attendance, again."

"What?"

"Mom knows I'm a Slayer," Buffy elaborated idly. "I don't think I told you that the last time we spoke. How long ago was it? Oh, right, two weeks."

Angel's brow furrowed, ignoring the 'time' comment. "No, you didn't tell me she knew."

"Yeah, well," Buffy sighed. "I was on my way to kill you the other day, and she found out—it really didn't help when two of your guys jumped me and Spike right in front of her. Guys just turning to dust really raises some questions."

Angel was quiet as she reminded him of what had happened only a short while ago. "She didn't take it too well, then?" he assumed quietly.

"That's being kind," she said sarcastically before sobering as she recalled what all had been said before she'd left the house. "We fought," she admittedly quietly. "She…she wanted to call the police. You know the normal, rational thing to do. Of course, I was wanted for murder. But the good news was once she found out I was the Slayer she didn't think I actually killed Kendra." Buffy snorted, before continuing. "That was a big morale booster there. I was really feelin' the love."

"I'm sorry," Angel apologized quietly, feeling the guilt that he was all too familiar with rush through him. Though, oddly enough, this time it felt more potent, almost making him feel the need to sit down as the weight he carried nearly became too much.

"Oh, that's not even the best part," Buffy said, bitterness lacing her tone. "I was about to leave—I was running out of time. I knew I had to go. I'm at the door, right? My hand is on the doorknob…and you know what she says to me?" Buffy didn't give Angel a chance to answer. "She told me that if I walked out the door to not even think of coming back."

"I'm sorry," Angel repeated. "All of this is my fault."

"Will you stop doing that?" Buffy snapped. "My mother's reaction to my Slayerness is totally not your fault."

"But if I hadn't—"

"If we hadn't," Buffy corrected him, frustration building in her veins as she talked to him for the first time in two weeks. Two. Weeks. He'd been avoiding her for two weeks, and now that she was facing him the slow anger that had been simmering underneath the surface began to boil.

"It wasn't just you that night Angel," she snapped. "I was there too, remember?"

Angel glared at her. "How could I forget?"

"Then stop trying to make this all about you!" Buffy said exasperatedly. "I am just as guilty as you, okay?"

"No you're not," Angel shook his head angrily. Buffy was completely innocent in his mind. She hadn't known what she was doing, but he had. He had known exactly what he was doing. "None of what happened was your fault, Buffy! It was all me! I killed those people! I'm the one who tried to end the world, remember?"

"Of course I remember!" Buffy cried as angry, hurt tears pooled in her eyes. "How could I forget seeing the man I love with all my heart turn into an evil, soulless monster? How could I forget looking into his eyes and seeing nothing but cold, calculating emptiness when I was so used to seeing warmth and compassion and love? How could I forget hearing you mock me, laughing at me so cruelly? How could I forget anything about the last few months, Angel?" Buffy sobbed, her heart feeling as though it were being ripped from her chest.

"Then why do you still love me!" Angel exclaimed, tears forming in his eyes that he couldn't hold back. "Tell me, Buffy! Why do I deserve everything that you have to give?"

"Love doesn't have reason, Angel!" Buffy sobbed angrily. "And I hate it! I hate that it's so hard! And I hate that you can hurt me so much! But, dammit, I don't care! I love you! I know that I shouldn't and that all of this is so messed up, but I love you! It's just how it is!"

Buffy slapped his chest so hard that Angel stumbled back, and Buffy advanced on him. "You want me to tell you why I love you? Fine! I love you because you have the biggest heart! I love you because you care so much! I love you because you're so damn smart, even if you can be so stupid sometimes! I love you because you love me! You make me feel like I'm the most important person in the world! When I'm around you I forget about all the bad in the world! It's just you and me! You make my heart flutter, you make my knees weak! When you kiss me I forget to breathe!"

Buffy was crying in earnest now. During her speech, she'd slowly backed Angel up against a shipping container and now they were so close that their chests were touching. Tears were pouring down her cheeks as she looked up at him to see that he too was crying just as hard as she was. He was hurting just as much as she was.

"What more do you want me to say?" Buffy whispered brokenly.

Angel just shook his head. He didn't want to hear anymore. He didn't know if he could hear anymore. Angel stared into her eyes, her beautiful green eyes that were moist with tears. Tears shed for him, because of him. He hated that. He hated making her cry.

But she was right.

Love had no reason. It just was, and it sucked sometimes. Buffy could make him happy, and then she could make him mad as hell. She could make him laugh, and then she could make him cry. She had an unshakable hold over him, just as he had over her.

Suddenly, he was aware of their proximity. Their chests were touching, both of them breathing hard even though the action was a moot point for him. They were staring up at each other, each of them with pain in their eyes. Angel was overwhelmed with an urge to make her pain go away.

Unthinkingly, his lips crashed down on hers.

Buffy tensed in surprise, but then she immediately melted into him, molding herself to him. Her arms wrapped around his neck as his hands slid around her waist, keeping her tight against him. No space could exist.

They kissed until Angel broke away to allow Buffy to breathe, though his lips never strayed from her skin. A lone tear slid down her cheek, and he kissed it away before leaving a trail of little kisses down her neck. Buffy pulled his face back to hers and her lips were on his again. She trailed her tongue over his bottom lip, begging for entry.

Angel didn't hesitate to comply, letting her deepen the kiss. His hands gripped her hips firmly before lifting her up, and pressing her back against the shipping container. Buffy wrapped her legs tight around his waist as he nipped and sucked his way down her neck and along her collarbone.

"Angel," Buffy said breathlessly. "W-we…can't do this…" she paused as Angel kissed the sweet spot behind her ear. "Here…" she finished breathing hard as his hands began to wander.

"Right," Angel murmured, trying to fight through his lusty haze. "Right. Not here."

The door to Angel's apartment was hardly shut before he had Buffy pressed up against it, kissing her hungrily. Buffy's hands flew to the buttons of his shirt, undoing them quickly before yanking the offensive article of clothing out of the way so she could run her hands over his chest. She felt his muscles tense under her touch, and Buffy couldn't fight the small smirk that pulled at her lips.

Angel picked her up again, carrying her to the bed before setting her down gently. In the back of his mind, Angel knew that he should stop. He knew it wasn't right. They were both emotionally out of whack. They were both under too much stress. It wasn't right.

But it was.

It was so right. They needed each other, a physical, aching need. Angel's conscience was shouting at him to stop because he was about to lose his soul again if Willow's spell hadn't worked fully, but Angel ignored it. He didn't care. He knew he should, but right now, with Buffy underneath him, touching him, he didn't care.

Buffy woke up in a daze. She was nearly overcome with a sense of safety. She knew that this was how it felt to be invincible. Nothing could hurt her here. He wouldn't let anything hurt her.

Her brain was slowly making sense of her surroundings. She felt strong arms wrapped around her, holding her close. One of her arms was draped over his waist. Her head rested on one broad shoulder. Buffy smiled softly as she came to the conclusion that she was in Angel's arms, in Angel's bed.

What a nice thought.

Buffy's eyes shot open in alarm. Oh, God.

Her heat began to beat frantically, and she tried to control her breathing as panic gripped her in its cold, steely clutches. What had they done? Oh, no, not again. She couldn't handle this again. She couldn't look into his soulless eyes and know that she…

"Buffy?"

Buffy looked up at him, fearing what she would see. A cold mask…cruel, brown eyes…a merciless smirk…

"I'm still here, Muirnín," Angel assured her softly, his brown eyes shining with the depth of his soul.

Buffy immediately burst into tears of relief.

Angel held her tightly to him, rubbing a soothing hand down her back and muttering nonsense love words in her ear. After a few moments, Buffy drew some deep breaths to try and calm herself.

"We were so stupid," she mumbled into his neck.

"So stupid," Angel agreed.

"I don't regret it though," Buffy admitted softly.

"Me either." Angel gently rolled on top of her so he could see her face. He wiped away some errant tears tenderly with his thumb. "Willow's spell worked," he said obviously.

"I'm glad," Buffy smiled slightly, but Angel could see the conflict in her eyes. "I don't regret what happened last night—."

"And most of the morning—," Angel couldn't help but add.

"And most of the morning," Buffy revised, though she gave him a scolding look. Or at least, she tried to give him a scolding look. She really only succeeded at conveying annoyed, loving irritation.

"But it was stupid and irresponsible and stupid," Buffy finished.

"You said stupid twice."

"Because it's twice as important."

"Irresponsible doesn't measure up to stupid, huh?" Angel joked, but seeing Buffy's glare, he became more somber. "Yeah," he agreed quietly. "It was stupid."

"But here we are," Buffy murmured. "Well, more importantly, here you are. Which, might I add, is a definite plus compared to last time."

Angel blanched slightly, and rolled off of her onto his back. "We're terrible at pillow talk, ya know that?"

"Horrible," Buffy agreed as she cuddled against him.

They were both quiet for a moment, each soaking up each other's presence. The clock on the wall was the only sound in the apartment, aside from Buffy's beating heart, which only Angel could hear. Idly, he counted the beats, each one a reassurance that she was really in his arms.

"What does this mean?" Angel asked quietly.

"Well, let's see. We're stupid, reckless, irresponsible, and completely blind to anything else but each other—most of the time at least." Buffy sighed. "I'm pretty sure those are some of the symptoms of love."

"Be serious Buffy," Angel said gently, but with an authority in his tone that Buffy had rarely heard. Angel propped himself up on his elbow, and looked at her with a subtle wisdom shining brightly in his brown eyes. It suddenly made her feel very young.

"Willow's spell worked," Buffy replied quietly, her eyes darting down to his chest as she felt a tingle of nerves cause her stomach to flop. "Your soul is here to stay…so we don't have to worry about, um, getting carried away…"

"Even if my soul's anchored, we still have problems," Angel argued softly.

"Which we've already fought about, quite thoroughly I might add," Buffy replied with an edge in her voice that said, 'I dare you to try and argue.'

"I just want you, Angel," she said seeming to caress his name. Buffy placed a hand on his cheek lovingly. "Do you love me?" she asked.

"Yes," Angel whispered. "Forever."

"Forever's good," Buffy smiled before pressing her lips to his. They kissed softly for a minute before Angel broke away.

"What about you?" Angel asked as he caressed her bare shoulder before letting his hand slide down her arm. "You still my girl?"

Buffy smiled softly. "Always." She nuzzled his neck and sighed contentedly as Angel held her close. This was right where she wanted be.

"We still have stuff to work through," Angel reminded her after a moment, breaking the silence.

"Tons," Buffy agreed. Like avoiding each other whenever we have a problem, she thought to herself. She debated whether or not to bring it up but decided that it would be a real mood killer.

"But we'll work through it together, right?" she asked instead.

"Right."

"Besides," Buffy attempted a half-hearted shrug. "What else could happen?"

Buffy, Buffy, Buffy, why did ya have to say that? You totally just jinxed it. Shame on you.

This is when I completely go on my own little tangent! I'm really hoping you guys will like it!

Lots of love,

ArthursCamelot