*A/N: This chapter has an M-rated version (found in the separate story entitled Separation Anxiety: Album Version).

Chapter 20

.

"Oh, shit."

It was six-thirty a.m. and Alexis had just gotten up to get ready for her eight o'clock class (even for a natural early bird, Thursday mornings still killed her and she was frequently tempted to skip). Normally, she waited until she was eating breakfast before checking her RSS feeds but she was avoiding actually getting out of bed for as long as possible so she ended up opening her laptop while still blurry-eyed. What she came across, though, made her jump out of bed to grab her cellphone off of her desk, where she had left it the night before.

"Pick up… pick up…" she muttered until, "Dad!"

"Honey, I don't know what time it is but judging by the fact that the sun hasn't fully risen yet, I'd say you're calling me way too early."

"Is Kate there with you?"

"No. She had an early day so she didn't want to wake me up until she had to drop Zoey off," he replied and then added, "Which, as it turns out, hadn't been necessary since you've done her the favour."

Alexis ignored his groggy complaints. "She doesn't, by any chance, read the Post?"

"Uh, no. She's more of a Times girl." He sounded more awake now and slightly concerned. "Why?" And then knowing that Alexis kept tabs on him via news and gossip channels (mostly to make sure they weren't spreading lies), he asked, "What's going on? What did you read?"

"I don't know why they suddenly care since you've been out-and-about with her for a while now—"

"Who? Kate?"

"No, not Kate. Zoey."

"…Zoey?" Now he was more than a little concerned.

"Maybe it's because somebody overheard her calling you daddy ever since that night at Serendipity?" Alexis said, sounding distressed herself, "But they are not saying nice things…"

She heard him swear under his breath. "Is it only in the Post?"

"I think it's just regional stuff but once the gossip sites get a hold of it…" Alexis trailed off, "I mean, you're not exactly Robert Pattinson or Snooki—"

"—who the heck is Snooki?"

Alexis answered exasperatedly, "Dad."

"Right. Okay. Sweetie, don't worry, I'll take care of it." He paused and genuine helplessness laced his tone. "Are people going to bother you about it?"

"My classes are huge," she answered, "I don't even know a quarter of the people in my lectures. Besides, I've dealt with worse."

"Alexis, I'm so sorry."

"Dad, I'll be fine. You just… take care of Kate."

"How bad is it?"

Alexis flinched at the thought of Kate coming across it without warning. "You should just read it yourself."

.

Castle opened the door fully alert, dressed and with a travel mug full of coffee made the way Kate liked it.

"Oh, wow," Kate said, a little taken aback by the speediness with which he had answered the door. She hadn't even had time to fully insert her key. "You got up early today."

Castle gave Zoey a hug before the little girl bounded over to the living room. "Are you in a rush?" he asked. She shook her head. He would have had to tell her anyway but at least, this way, she wouldn't be stressed out about being late. He ushered her over to the kitchen where his laptop sat open on the countertop. He made her sit down on one of the barstools. "Kate, I have to tell you something. Or… well… show you something."

Kate caught the slight dread that laced his voice. "I'm not going to like this, am I?" she asked wearily.

He slowly shook his head. Hitting the space bar to bring his computer out of sleep mode, Castle watched Kate's eyes widen, first, at the picture and then, at the headline: A Living Reminder of His Playboy Days? Richard Castle's New Love Child Revealed!

Kate scanned the article, which contained a fair sprinkling of the words scandal, illegitimate, baby mama, and gold digger. He could tell when she neared the end because she started to ball her hands up into fists and by the time she read, '…So, now the question is, which one of Richard Castle's infamous one-night stands managed to seduce him into paying his share of the child support…' they were clenched so tight he was afraid she would draw blood.

"Kate…?" Castle said when her silence started to unnerve him, "Kate, breathe…"

When she did start to speak, he almost wished she hadn't because her voice came out murderously steady, as if she were ready to put a bullet through somebody at that very second. "Castle. I am going to drop Zoey off at Lanie's today."

Immediately, Castle thought, 'This can't be it. This can't be what tears us apart.' He wondered if he was having a heart attack. Or maybe he was having an out-of-body experience because his voice didn't sound like his voice when he whispered, "Kate, don't. Don't do this. Please..."

He stopped talking when she turned to look at him. "I know you didn't do this. I know it's not your fault," she said, though her tone remained unchanged, "I'm not doing this to punish you, Castle."

"Just leave Zoey with me, then." His voice rose to a level of desperation. "You're going to be late if you drive all the way to Lanie's. That's going to take you at least an hour in traf—"

Kate cut him off. "You have to fix this, Castle. And you can't fix it having Zoey with you." She stood up from the stool. "Go to whomever it is you need to go to so that I don't have to see my daughter's face staring back at me from some gossip blog."

He saw Kate's expression seamlessly change to a more neutral one as she called for Zoey. She had already made up her mind. "You're going to go to Auntie Lanie's today, Zo," she said, helping her put her shoes and jacket back on.

Zoey looked confused. "Daddy? You don't play with me today?" she asked forlornly.

Castle gave Kate a distressed little look. She shook her head faintly.

He felt somewhat consoled that she didn't look happy about it either. To Zoey, he said, "I really want you to stay here and play with me today but your Aunt Lanie really, really wants to see you." He smoothed some of the curls away from face. "I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun, Zo. And you can tell me all about it tomorrow, okay?"

Zoey nodded, though her face was still full of trepidation, like she could sense that something was not right.

Castle wrapped his arms around Zoey. "I love you," he said when he pulled back in a way that made Kate unsure who he was addressing.

He gave Zoey one more kiss on the cheek before letting them leave.

.

"Paula! What the fuck is this?"

Instead of calling his agent, Castle had decided to storm her office instead, Post piece in hand.

"It's okay, Melanie." Paula waved away her assistant who had rushed after Castle and was now standing in the doorway, a little bit terrified. She directed her attention to Castle, who was now pacing back and forth in front of her desk. "I would offer you some coffee, Rick, but somehow I don't think that would be wise."

He slapped the newspaper onto her desk. "Have you read this?"

"It's no big deal, Rick. It's probably just a slow news day."

"No big deal? I have a skittish girlfriend who is now mad at me and a daughter whose face is now out there for the world to recognize!" He paused and narrowed his eyes. "This isn't one of your publicity stunts, is it? Because I swear to god, Paula…"

She interjected, "I am not going to get offended right now because I know you didn't mean to suggest that." She had stood up when Castle had entered but now she calmly lowered herself back into her chair. "You said, from day one, that your family was off limits and I have respected that." She pointed to a chair. "Now, sit down."

He did so with a sigh.

"You are right about one thing, Richard," Paula continued, "This renewed interest in your personal life probably does have something to do with the amount of publicity you've been getting lately."

"You mean the new Nikki Heat?" The latest instalment was due to be released in a couple of months and he had been doing a few interviews to promote it.

Paula nodded. "And they're shooting the second movie."

"Yeah, but it's not like I have any input. It has nothing to do with me!"

"It puts your name back in the news every time somebody writes an article about it," said Paula, adding with a roll of her eyes, "And there has been a lot of drama on that set lately."

"You have to help me fix this, Paula," he said despairingly, "Kate… I can't lose her over something this stupid."

Paula raised her eyebrows. "Don't be melodramatic, Richard. You won't lose her over this."

"You didn't see the way she looked at me this morning."

"She was probably just in shock. Give her a break. She's not as used to this kind of attention as you are. Besides, I've seen the way you look at each other," Paula paused as if she wasn't sure where that uncharacteristic touchy-feely comment came from. She followed it up with something more crass, "You would have to fuck up really badly for her to leave you. And even then, I'm sure you'd find a way to irritate her enough to take you back."

"Am I supposed to feel reassured?"

.

After he left Paula's office, Castle went to the New York Public Library. He knew he had to give Kate some space but he wasn't really sure how much of it was appropriate. He was certain Emily Post never wrote a chapter on how much time was required before approaching your girlfriend after she had found a picture of her daughter in the newspaper, accompanied by an article that pretty much slandered her in the process.

By the time late afternoon rolled around, Castle couldn't stand it anymore. He had to see her.

When he got to the precinct, a sandwich from Kate's favourite deli in hand, he found her desk empty and her jacket gone.

Esposito approached him, expression betraying pity. "She left for the day, man."

"Where?" he asked immediately.

Esposito shrugged but Castle had a feeling he knew. Esposito was like an older brother to Kate and if she had told him not to tell, he would just as soon face a knife to his throat than betray her trust. Castle admired and appreciated that about Esposito – to know that somebody else had Kate's back no matter what – but right now, at this very moment, he found that loyalty extremely annoying.

"Well, she had to go to Lanie's, right?" Castle pressed. "To pick up Zo?"

Esposito stayed silent.

"Well, how long ago did she leave? Can you at least tell me that?"

Esposito's face softened. "About an hour ago," he finally replied, "Ryan and I told her we'd finish the paperwork."

"Was she mad?" Castle asked, voice quiet.

"She was… upset." Esposito seemed to consider how much he wanted to tell him. "Listen, Beckett understands that this kind of thing is part of your job. She's more than fine with her occasional appearance in articles and pictures as long as it has to do with Nikki Heat. But, this article…"

"…It doesn't," Castle finished.

"She's wicked private, man. You know that. And having somebody drag her daughter into this? Let's just say that she doesn't even know where or how to start fixing the damage. She has no idea how to deal. And if there's something Beckett hates, it's losing control."

Castle nodded. He already knew all of those things.

Esposito patted Castle's shoulder. "Lanie has the day off," he said, "But we're finalizing the wedding menu tonight and we have a food tasting planned. I'm picking her up in about an hour to meet with the caterer."

Castle read between the lines. Kate would have to pick up Zoey before Lanie could leave. "Thanks," he said to Esposito.

Castle rushed off, dialling Lanie's number as he got into his car. "Lanie, it's Castle," he said when she picked up.

His greeting was met with silence on the other end. Several seconds passed and he started to wonder if they had gotten cut off.

Lanie wasn't one to sell-out Kate either but as the best friend, she felt that her job consisted of more than just being a confidante. Lanie also had to make sure that Kate didn't make stupid decisions or, because of how stubborn she could be, screw up something that had the potential to make her happy. So, when Castle called, she thought long and hard before making her decision.

When her voice finally floated across the line, it was without hesitation that she told him, "She's at her dad's."

.

Castle waited nervously outside Jim Beckett's house two hours later. He hoped the man didn't murder him for hurting his little girl before he had a chance to even talk to Kate.

The door opened. Jim wasn't usually intimidating but the way he was blocking the doorway seemed incredibly predatory. "Richard."

Jim usually called him 'Rick'. He was being formal. This was not good. Castle cleared his throat. "Hello, Jim."

Absolute silence for a full minute while Jim just stared – no, observed – him.

Then, "Did you have anything to do with this?"

"No, sir. Absolutely no."

"You love my granddaughter?"

"Yes."

"And you love my daughter?"

"She's my life."

Jim swung open the door fully to let Castle enter. "Katie's upstairs."

Castle let out a breath that he didn't know he had been holding. "Thank you," he said before bounding up the stairs.

He had visited a couple of times before with Kate so he knew the layout well. This hadn't been her childhood home but Jim had still set aside a room for his daughter so that, no matter what, she would always have somewhere to go.

He heard Kate's voice through the closed door, reading what sounded like a Shel Silverstein book to Zoey. He knocked quietly before stepping into the room.

"Daddy!" Zoey exclaimed, immediately sliding herself off of the bed to jump into Castle's arms.

"Hey, baby girl," he said, hugging her tight. "Did you have fun at Auntie Lanie's?"

Zoey nodded, pointing to her necklace made up of miscellaneous beads. "She help me make this. And one for Lexi and one for mommy."

"What about me?" he teased.

Zoey tilted her head, pondering before answering, "You can share with mommy."

Castle smiled. "Good idea," he said, ruffling her hair.

"But daddy?" Zoey peered at Castle, grey eyes wide and serious. "I miss you today a lot, a lot."

Kate had been watching the entire exchange and at Zoey's confession, she averted her eyes looking either guilty or anguished. Castle hoped it was guilt because anguish could mean she planned to keep Zoey away from him for a longer period of time.

Castle swallowed to keep himself from getting irrationally emotional. "I missed you, too, Zo."

A shuffling at the door made him turn around. It was Jim.

"Katie," he said, "I have to go out and—"

"—get groceries," Kate finished, "Yeah, I remember."

He nodded at Zoey. "Do you want me to…"

Kate looked at Castle for a beat before answering, "Yeah, dad, would you please?"

"Of course." Then, speaking to Zoey, he said, "Hey sweetheart. How about you come on a little trip with me? Maybe we can even get you some snacks."

"Yeah," Zoey said. Castle set her down and she took Jim's proffered hand. "Cookies?" she asked hopefully.

"We'll see," he answered with a smile. Jim shot Kate one last look before closing the door behind him.

"I'm sorry, Kate," Castle said, after a beat.

"Don't apologise," she said. "You didn't do anything."

He indicated Zoey's vacated spot beside her. "Can I—?"

She nodded. "Did Lanie tell you I was here?" When Castle didn't answer, she said, "It's okay. I knew she would."

"We have to talk, Kate. I had to come here so that we could talk," he said by way of explanation. He reached for one of her hands but her arms were wrapped around her body protectively and she didn't budge. He didn't press it. He just continued talking. "I went to see Paula this morning. She said the media was just looking for something new and shocking to report since I was back in the spotlight again. You know, because of the book and the movie…"

He breathed a sigh of relief when she responded. "What did she say? For you to do, I mean."

Castle spoke in a rush, "She said it would be best if we just released a statement. We could leave it alone but that might backfire on us if they decided to pursue it. We can't predict how far they'll go or how much they'll dig up. I was thinking," he continued, slowing down his speech, "We could just come clean about our relationship. That we are serious and committed and Zoey is as much my daughter as yours and to please respect the privacy of our family."

Kate was silent, thinking over what he had suggested. "No," she finally said, "Just say that she's the daughter of a close friend and that she called you 'daddy' by mistake. She's a child. They'll believe that. And don't mention Zoey by name."

Castle didn't miss how Kate's proposed statement made their relationship – the one he had with her and the one he had with Zoey – seem trivial. "Kate," he said gently, "Are you okay?"

But, Kate didn't respond. In fact, she didn't say anything for a long while. When the words finally came, though, her voice was quiet and resolute. "I don't want to keep Zoey from you."

It seemed as though it took extra long for Castle's brain to process her sentence. But then, the meaning rushed towards him like a speeding train with an impact that was equally devastating. "Are you… are you breaking up with me?"

Kate squeezed her eyes shut. "Castle…"

"No!" he practically yelled, "What about not running away? What about trusting me?"

"—I do trust you, Castle! It's not you, it's—"

"—it's everything else, right?" he waved his hands around erratically. "If you let them get to you – to what we have – then they win. I know you Kate, you hate losing. The media just likes to stir things up. Nobody will remember it in a couple of days and we'll just go back to being this boring couple with two kids."

"Until the next time."

"Kate, I know you're guarded and I know you like to keep personal things private but this is us! There are so many things we have, that we share, that nobody will be able to take away." He wasn't sitting beside her anymore. He was in front of her, trapping her long legs between his knees. "Kate, it's us."

"Exactly, it's us!" Even with his proximity, her eyes were avoiding his as she spoke. "Why do you think it took us so long to get together? I'll tell you. It's because our lifestyles have always been completely different."

"No, it's because both of us were too chicken to admit our feelings," he countered. "Look at us now. We're a family. Families encounter problems and then they solve them together."

"You gave Zoey a room."

Kate's abrupt change of topic disrupted his chain of thought. "What?" he asked.

"I'm not stupid, Castle. I know why you redesigned the guest room," she crossed her arms, "You make all of these decisions without telling me. What kind of family are we if you don't even feel like you can discuss things with me?"

"I just didn't want you to freak out! I didn't want you to run away because you were scared!"

"I'm not scared!" she shot back immediately.

"Oh really? Then what the hell is this?" he yelled.

"We're just moving so fast!" she yelled back.

"No, Kate," he said, voice suddenly calm, "We're not. We would be moving too fast if I had decided to propose to you but right now, we're moving at just the right speed."

"You don't know everything about relationships, Castle," she said, still angry.

"No, but I know what it feels like to jump the gun, fall headfirst without a life preserver and then find out later that you don't know how to swim." He toyed with the edge of her t-shirt. She didn't swat his hands away – probably because her arms were still crossed but he would take what he could get. He took a deep breath and continued, "With Meredith, I proposed because it was the right thing to do and with Gina, I never waited past the honeymoon period of our relationship before I got down on one knee. Our relationship has already lasted longer than both of my marriages combined." He took a deep breath. "Before you, I was sure that I would never get married again but maybe that's because I've never been with somebody who I wasn't willing to let go of. But, with you… I don't want to screw things up, okay? Someday, I—"

"—Don't, Castle," she cut him off, "Don't say it."

"We can slow down, Kate. We can take it as slow as you want."

"I don't want to slow down."

"You can't just quit on me here," he pleaded and then made a last ditch effort, "You can't just separate our daughters."

Her eyes flashed at that. "I love Alexis, Castle. I'm not going to abandon her just because we don't work."

So, that was it. She really was planning on breaking them up. "So, what was this past year to you?" he said, voice rising again, "Wasn't it proof that we work?"

She leaned forward and he thought maybe he had managed to convince her. When he felt the pressure on his shoulders, he knew that she was only trying to push him away. "It wasn't proof," she said, "It was just a failed experiment."

He fell back, scrambling off the bed after her. She was opening the door for him to leave. He slammed his palm against it, holding his hand there. "No, Kate," he said, as forcibly as he could manage, "I'm sticking. Remember? I'm sticking like glue. I won't let you do this."

He tilted his head to kiss her forehead. There were no tears waiting to escape when he kissed both of her closed eyelids. Kate was strong.

Her eyes opened when he pulled away but he took the opportunity to bend down to meet them with his own. She startled. He didn't hesitate. He wrapped his free arm around her waist and brought his lips to hers at the same time.

She wasn't that strong.

There was a sense of desperation to the way she kissed him. Instead of the lazy way their tongues usually played with one another, she was urging hers forward to twist with his in a flurry of movement. There was no space between their bodies and everything she did was fast, feverish, and fierce. It was like she wanted to mark him one last time before letting him go.

He was the one who broke apart first, feeling dizzy. His breaths came fast and so did hers. He kept the grip around her waist tight so she had no option but to rest her head against him. He made sure his voice was low and calm when he finally spoke. "I told Alexis once, that love gets more complicated as you get older," he said, "And do you know what she told me?" He didn't wait for her to shake her head. "She said, 'if you love each other then you love each other'."

She backed away from him and he let her. "Release the statement," she said.

"Which one? Yours or mine?"

"Mine."

Castle inhaled sharply.

"I just need a couple of days," she said, quietly. "I'm going to stay here for the weekend. My dad will look after Zoey tomorrow while I'm at work."

"So, we're not… are we okay?"

Kate met his gaze. "Just give me a couple of days, Castle."

A/N: This has been the longest chapter yet (hence the teeny, tiny cliffhanger) and I'm sorry that it was such a rollercoaster. I hope you guys aren't mad at me for the angst – initially I wasn't going to write it this way but then I realised, they've yet to have a real fight… the words kind of just flowed from that thought… No worries, though. As I said, this is still ultimately a fluffy piece! I really hope the tension added rather than subtracted from the story…