Where Bonds Deepen Further

Dinner had been a tense affair. Padme had tried to poke and prod at what had occurred - what catastrophe the HoloNet didn't air - that had caused her beloved husband to be so at odds around Obi-Wan. To her knowledge, the pair had been on separate missions for the last few weeks and the two were perfectly cordial before they left, so she couldn't imagine how they could have become so tense.

Perhaps it had something to do with the bond. Anakin had been telling her that it had somehow become very strong. They could feel each other even though sometimes they were systems apart.

Padme tried to understand what he was talking about at those times. Anakin was always incredibly understanding to the fact that she knew very little about the Jedi ways other than the incredible feats that they could perform when the need called for it. He was always very frank - sometimes perhaps even too open, she feared - in explaining the inner workings of the Force. One affected the Force through one's mind - their will, and so Padawans, when chosen by a Master, would be given a training bond - a link between the two minds - so that the teacher could better instruct the student. Padme couldn't even imagine having another mind inside hers, and Ani often smiled at that comment, saying he never had his mind entirely to himself. Even as a child he'd had a bond with his mother. It was when Padme thought about it like that - her closeness to her sister and her sister's children, that she thought she could picture what the bond would look like.

She'd once asked Anakin if it was possible to bond with someone who wasn't Force-sensitive. He'd grinned slyly at the question and then kissed her thoroughly... amongst other things... and later told her yes; and yes he had a bond with her. Ever thoughtful, he'd dropped by a few days later and gave her some data chips on bonds from the Jedi Temple. Padme had been shocked, thinking it would be forbidden for her to read it.

"It can't be forbidden," Anakin had explained with a wide grin. "I am a Jedi after all, and it is my duty to help people in whatever way I see fit."

Typical Anakin logic. She could never deny his sincerity in wanting her to be happy, and she took the chips.

Padme sometimes thought she could sense the bond between her and Anakin. Often in moments of fierce debate with other politicians or intense danger, when her mind would irrationally (or rationally, depending on one's point of view) wish for her husband to be with her, she would suddenly feel his powerful arms around her, or breathe the scent of his hair, or even just feel his love, deep and overwhelming. More likely it was the some neuro-chemical response in her brain, satisfying her need. But she liked to think it was the bond, and Anakin often encouraged her, saying usage made it stronger. He often told her to reach out in more peaceful times, just send her thoughts to him and he would hear her. She had tried a time or two, but in the end she felt foolish for thinking so loudly with no return on the investment. Anakin laughed and said it would take time.

Now, though, standing in the kitchen of her apartment refilling tea and caf, hoping there would be something appropriate for dessert, she thought "Foolishness be damned," and closed her eyes, thinking about all her concern for her dear Ani and confusion on how things had become so strained with Obi-Wan and tried to direct it to her husband.

It wasn't like the relationship wasn't strained before. Padme more than remembered Ani's description of his master when they'd first met after so many years apart: wise as Master Yoda, powerful as Master Windu, and utterly jealous of what Anakin was capable of and determined to hold him back. At the time Padme had been flustered - never before had she met a Jedi so prone to speaking his mind outright. Breaking protocol seemed to be second nature to him, and worse, it had never seemed to bother him.

It was one of the things she'd loved about him.

... Which had nothing to do with the now. Huffing, frustrated with herself, she went back to looking for desert, finally settling on something and pouring drinks. This was why she didn't try to reach out through a bond - her mind would just end up wandering!

Setting everything on a tray, she picked it up and started to walk back to the common room. Her husband and Obi-Wan, who had barely said a word to each other, were now talking quietly. Padme paused, debating on interrupting the moment or segueing to safer, lighter topics. For Anakin, at least, she knew that he wanted to get it all out in the open. Obi-Wan, she didn't have as clear a read on, but sensed the older Jedi preferred to take time, meditate on matters, and return with a clear head. She waited at the door, wondering which approach would be best.

"Anakin, please. Not now; not here."

"Yes here, Obi-Wan. I want to know why."

"I've already explained-"

"But I could've done it! Those people didn't have to die!"

"Anakin, you don't know that."

"Yes I do! Why do you always do this? Whenever I have a good idea you do everything to get in my way!" Anakin was yelling now, leaving Padme frozen in place, knowing now that they did need privacy but somehow rooted to her spot by the door, morbidly fascinated by the words and unable to pull away.

Where Ani was yelling, Obi-Wan was ever calm.

"Anakin, I don't get in your way and I'm sorry you think that. But one day, you'll have to understand the limits-"

"I'm the Chosen One! I don't have limits!"

"Anakin, we all have-"

"Qui-Gon would have let me! He knew I was destined for great things!" A growl. "Why, huh? Why wasn't it the other way around!"

Silence.

Padme quickly put her tray down, fearing it she would drop it, her hands were suddenly shaking. She rushed into the common room, uncertain what she was even going to say but knowing that there needed to be some kind of mediation before any more damage was done.

She came in just in time to see Ani grunt and suddenly clutch his head. He had been pacing, Obi-Wan still firmly planted in his seat. The older Jedi's eyes were closed in a sign of pain. His eyes snapped open, however, at Anakin's grunt and stood up quickly, striding around the table.

"Anakin? You weren't supposed to see-"

But once again Obi-Wan was cut off, not verbally this time, but physically. Faster than Padme had ever seen, Anakin's hands shot out, gripping Obi-Wan's arms. Padme couldn't decide if it was to keep him in one place or to cling to him. Ani's shoulders were shaking, his head still bent down, tension rippling through his taught muscles. Padme stepped forward, catching Obi-Wan's eye, but only sparing him a glance; her first priority was her husband.

"... Ani?" she asked softly, reaching a hand up to touch his shaking shoulder.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

His voice was low, cracked, hurting like he did on nights he was desperate for her, nights he clung to her and begged that she never went away, that she never leave him like he did his mother. Only now the need wasn't directed at her, it was directed at Obi-Wan. She looked to the older Jedi in askance. He had closed his eyes again.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Padme felt her heart break.

"... Because it wouldn't have done either of us any good," Obi-Wan replied, his voice tired, oddly resigned.

Anakin's head snapped up. "Do you really think so little of me?" he demanded, voice harsh.

"No, of course not," Obi-Wan replied, a hand reaching up and touching an elbow.

"Then why?"

"Oh, Anakin," Obi-Wan sighed, closing eyes again and just taking a moment to breath. "Whenever you get that angry nothing I say or do will affect you. Your emotions have control of you and it has to blow over before we can talk. By then, it hardly seems helpful to mention-"

"Hardly seems helpful?" Anakin demanded, eyes still fixed on his master. Padme rubbed a shoulder, offering quiet comfort. "Master, do you have any idea how differently things would have gone if you ever admitted that I caused you pain?"

There was a long period of silence; Obi-Wan's face was unreadable to Padme, and she favored her husband's desperate, pleading look. She kissed his shoulder and gently coaxed him, them, away from the table and to the couches. She didn't know what to do. One instinct was telling her this was not her place and to leave them to resolve this apparent bombshell on their own, another was telling her that these two wonderful stubborn men would need her to run interference. She remembered the many fights she had with her sister though, and how she always hated it when her parents interfered. It was their fight, not anyone else's, and so only they could resolve the differences by stating her arguments and grievances and coming to a compromise. Mediation was only necessary if things came to blows, and both Padme and her sister were better than that. They saw to it.

Another thought told her not to apply her ideals on others. Anakin and Obi-Wan were different people - Jedi, even - and held themselves to different standards. She knew Anakin, knew what Obi-Wan said was true. His emotions were so strong, so powerful they sometimes consumed him. She'd learned that the hard way on Tatooine, when he'd confessed his slaughter of the Tusken Raiders. His pain was so raw it was palpable, tangible; and his regret afterwards quickly overcome by his anger at what the Raiders had done to his mother. So, too, was his rage when they had thought Obi-Wan dead - everyone but him, and no one would believe him. The same held true for his love, sometimes his need for her was crushing and on those nights she took great pleasure in satisfying him, much like he did on nights when her own love for him was overflowing.

For a long time, her Ani didn't know that his master had even felt pain. He often talked about his early Padawanship, how his master knew the answer to everything and always took the time to answer every question, even stupid ones, to the best of his ability. It wasn't until the war that he had started to get an inkling that his master wasn't as Jedi-perfect as he believed him to be.

It was after Obi-Wan's escape from Ratattak, his revival from the dead that Anakin became aware of his master's pain. Was it really only a few months ago? Her husband would come home and simply held her for hours, explaining in broken sentences the things he saw in Obi-Wan's mind as he tried to help heal his master. Padme often whispered reassurance into his ears on those nights, kissing him lightly and letting him know she was there for him in whatever way she needed. She had drawn up a petition that week to give extended leave for soldiers - clones and Jedi alike - if they'd suffered mental or physical trauma. The motion was uproariously defeated - this was war, after all, and soldiers were supposed to fight.

When Anakin ever expressed fleetingly that he might have hurt his master, Padme stroked his curls and explained that even with the best of intentions, people who loved each other could hurt each other. That thought alone had left him stricken until Padme went on to explain that people who loved each other most knew all the sensitive spots that would do the most damage, and in anger could and would often use those things as ammunition. But what mattered most, Padme explained, was to come back later and to sincerely apologize and offer penance.

Anakin had murmured something about anger and emotions and Jedi hypocrisy. Later he had thanked her for the words, but that he must not have hurt Obi-Wan as badly as he feared.

Padme had hoped that her husband was right, and not just rationalizing in order to protect himself.

Now they both knew the truth.

"We can't change the past," Obi-Wan said at last. His voice once again sounded resigned. "Besides," he added, his eyes locking on to her Ani, "there are many times in which what you say in anger is completely true."

Padme felt her husband tense even more, turned to see his eyes widen and his face slack in shock. There was a deeper meaning here that the Senator didn't understand. She didn't know the things Anakin would say out of anger to Obi-Wan, though she could guess very well, but even her partial knowledge didn't seem enough. She suddenly realized - with no proof but with irrefutable certainty - that Anakin had heard something through the bond. A tiny voice in the back of her head admitted jealousy that Obi-Wan shared a connection with her husband that she did not, but it was violently squelched in recognition that Ani had told her more than once that over time they would be that connected as well. They hadn't even been together five years and Obi-Wan had the benefit of over a dozen and being Force-sensitive.

Focusing on the moment, she put her hands on Anakin's shoulders and pressed against his back, offering silent support.

"You believe that," he whispered. "You really believe that."

"It hardly matt-"

"Yes it DOES matter!" Anakin roared, startling both of them. He shot to his feet, energy pumping his legs this way and that, a long string of curses falling out of his mouth. "Force Obi-Wan! Do you honestly think so little of yourself? That you're really so expendable?"

The sudden silence was deafening. Padme listened to it draw out, long and profound and heavy, pressing on her. Anakin's eyes were flashing, expressions and micro-expressions flooding his face, and even though Obi-Wan's face was perfectly neutral, she somehow knew that the two of them had taken their quarrel to the bond. It left the senator feeling surprisingly helpless - an occurrence she despised bitterly but did not know how to rectify. They were both still, now; Anakin stood ramrod straight, his fists clenched at his sides; Obi-Wan still sat on the couch, one might have supposed he was simply lost in thought. Padme stood, pacing slightly as her husband had done earlier.

She wanted to help. Very badly. But she didn't think it was her place to interfere, this fight was only a surface wave to a much deeper current - something she only ever caught glimpses of when her Ani was truly, deeply, upset. How badly she wanted to ease his fears! To reassure him that she would never leave... but it was false in some ways, because death seemed to linger everywhere. And so she said it would never be willingly, she would be his supporter with every breath that she had. Feeling that, she once again took her place at his side, placing a hand on his arm and pressing a kiss to his shoulder before placing her head there. She hoped it would be enough.

"Padme," Anakin suddenly whispered.

"Yes?" she said, quickly looking up and seeing his determined eyes, still battling on a level she would likely never understand.

"Is it alright if you help me?"

"Yes, Ani, anything," she said, thrilled at the idea.

And then there was presence in her mind, and thoughts were popping up this way and that.

Padme suddenly remembered when she first met Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon: two hooded Jedi that rescued her from Nute Gunray and the Trade Federation's occupation of Naboo. Qui-Gon was tall and had a strong presence, dominating any conversation he took part in without even trying; Obi-Wan however was always in the background. He wielded a quiet competence that made you listen to what he had to say. She remembered her double, Sabe, as she recounted what happened on the ship while she and Qui-Gon had gone looking for parts, how Obi-Wan gently but firmly insisted that no one make outside communications, his steady vigil at twilight waiting for his master. Padme suddenly recalled Ani talking about his master: strong as Windu and wise as Yoda, or seeing him fight in the arena on Geonosis and the transmission of his capture on that terrible planet; she remembered standing at Shmi Skywalker's grave, Ani collapsed to his knees in mourning, and how his face went white with horror when the two of them realized Obi-Wan's likely fate. She thought of how Obi-Wan must be like a father to Anakin. Memories of the Clone Wars, recent battles and explosions and times they were on the same negotiation table - his quiet disgust that he had been chosen for a political assignment.

More abstract thoughts filled Padme's mind: an observation she often had that Obi-Wan was a touchstone for internal strength. The Jedi was often unassuming, he was not one to stand out in a crowd, and yet people always knew he was there. When Padme was stressed she merely needed to think about Obi-Wan and his sturdiness, his strength, his woefully understated confidence, and suddenly it would transfer to her, giving her the sturdiness and strength to do what was needed; just as thinking of her love for Anakin gave her the passion to fight for what was necessary. Padme suddenly pictured the two together, briefing the Senate on something or returning from a mission or having dinner with her. She thought of their light banter and in-jokes and how close the two of them were. They reminded her of herself and her sister Sola.

Just as suddenly as her memories were picked through it was gone, leaving a tingling sensation in the back of her head. She gasped lightly, and blinked. She was still at her Ani's shoulder, only now Obi-Wan had joined them, perhaps to stop whatever Anakin had done. Ani's free arm was clutching the back of his Master's head, and their foreheads were touching.

She realized dimly they were both sweating.

"Someday, Anakin," Obi-Wan started, breaking the spell. "You are going to learn the fine art of subtlety." His voice was tired, oddly hoarse, but gentle.

Her husband sounded equally tired, but his grin was triumphant. "Oh, I don't know," he started. "I think I get points for creativity."

Obi-Wan then did something quite uncharacteristic: he snorted.

Then, as one, they looked into each other's eyes and said, "I'm sorry."

And the weight of the apology spoke of more than some petty argument. This was years in the making, and it was heartfelt to the bottom of the soul. On both sides.

With it came an equally heavy: "It's alright."

And, just like that, the weight lifted in the room. Everything was okay again. Padme breathed a sigh of relief.

Then she smacked them both on the backs of their heads.

"Don't ever make me worry like that again!" she scolded. "The two of you are like a couple of children!" The pair looked appropriately abashed, Ani still rubbing his head and for a brief moment Padme thought she felt the sting, but she pushed it aside in favor of what she'd wanted to say all evening. "If the two of you ever give each other the silent treatment like that again you'll face more than that! Do either of you have any idea how worried I've been this evening? Now the tea and caf are probably cold." She looked at the chrono and gave a strangled cry. "Is that the time? I have to get up early tomorrow!"

She put her hands on her hips and stared at the two gobsmacked men, bringing forth her full diplomaltic power. "I think it's only fair that the two of you finish clearing the plates, wash the dishes, and put the dessert back before the two of you go back to the Temple. Yes, Ani, two of you. I need to sleep and you are not going to help in that endeavor." Her face flushed slightly at that, but it was the only tell she gave. The men continued to stare.

"Well?" she demanded, her voice deliberately rising an octave.

She'd never seen two Jedi move so quickly before - even in battle.

As she walked to her bedroom, she allowed herself a smile as she thought she heard her husband say something, a feeling of awe and love that wasn't her own wash over her. The senator had staged that fit only in part to let them know how worried she had been. More so, it was because whatever Anakin had done - and to be sure he had done something big - the implications and the tension could be broken and discussed at a later date, when they both had time to absorb whatever impossible feat Anakin had just done.

The next day Padme didn't see Anakin at all. She expected that, last night had been big, and Obi-Wan and her husband needed time - war free time - together to sort it out. The senator would think several times over the day that she could sense his presence. She passed it off; knowing the affects of whatever Ani did would wear off in time.

That night Anakin came home briefly - explaining he had been put on assignment again and he would be leaving the next day. They spent all night expressing their love for each other and saying their goodbyes.

Toward dawn, the two lay pressed together in bed, holding each other in their last moments before another long separation.

"It may not be that long this time," Ani said, answering her quiet thoughts.

"Liar," she whispered softly. Anakin stiffened but she felt a press on her mind as she thought about how there was no way of knowing that it would be short, and much evidence to the contrary.

"... yeah," he replied, relaxing again. Then, "Thanks. For you help with Obi-Wan."

Padme looked up from the patterns she'd been tracing on his abdomen. "What happened?" she asked. "What did you do?"

Her beloved frowned slightly, looking for words. "I... I showed him all my memories of him from my perspective. I showed yours, to, for good measure, and then I looked through his memories from his perspective. He has so little faith in his abilities, in how good he actually is, I... he had to see it, and so I made him."

"Hence his comment on subtlety," she said, grinning slightly at the memory.

"I... I never new how deeply I hurt him when I'm mad," Ani said, his face becoming distant. "I get angry so easily, too. It makes me wonder how many other people I've hurt."

"Oh, Ani," Padme said, leaning up to kiss his jawline. "It's perfectly normal to feel angry once in a while."

"Obi-Wan doesn't," Anakin pointed out, "And besides which, a Jedi can't feel anger. Anger leads to hate, and hate leads to the dark side. I... I'm a failure as a Jedi."

Padme stared at her husband, then sat up in bed, shocked. "Anakin Skywalker!" she cried out in disbelief. "Don't ever say that again! You're human! A person! People feel emotions, Jedi or not! I'm sure not even Master Yoda can claim that he's never felt emotions: worry, concern, pride in the younglings he teaches, satisfaction in a job well done.

"Besides," she added in a gentler voice, leaning forward and putting a hand on his bare chest. "Obi-Wan's a bad example to compare yourself to. Anger doesn't naturally come to some people; Obi-Wan is one of them. Instead of anger he'll turn inward, blame himself. Some people can let go of anger like he does, but others can't. You'd do better to look at me."

Ani blinked, uncomprehendingly. "But... but you..."

Oh, she loved this man.

"You seem to have quickly forgotten the day you made me angry enough to scream."

He actually looked stricken. "Padme... I'm sorry... I'd never..."

She smiled. "You couldn't help it, of course. Your mother had just died," she said gently, knowing it was a soft subject. He flinched, and she felt a pressure on her mind again. "You were so lost then, you doubted that you even had the ability to save Obi-Wan when we learned he was captured. I knew that we had to do something and you weren't even listening. So I did what I always do when I got angry."

"... What?"

"I channeled it," Padme continued. "I channel it into my work at the Senate, or I spend time with Sola, or I go to you and you let me rant and rave." She smiled again. "If you channel it to something constructive, anger suddenly loses its hold on you."

"You... you mean... it's okay to feel angry? Even at people you care about?"

"Yes," she replied.

"... saints and seekers..." he murmured. Something like understanding filled his face, and he smiled brighter than the morning sun before kissing her thoroughly.

He was late for his transport.

Author's Notes: Hyuuu, so much to say about this chapter. The idea for it was simple enough: someone witnesses an argument between Obi-Ani and watch as it happens more in the bond than in words. It turned into this.

Note that three major things just happened. Anakin and Obi-Wan now have total understanding of each other's perspectives, full disclosure. Anakin did more than a little to strengthen the bond between him and Padme. And Anakin learned that anger isn't something to be buried and hidden, but channeled into constructive outcomes.

I suddenly wonder if it came out remotely right. Padme, whom I don't know very well, just wouldn't shut up, and I hope what's on the screen matches what's in my head. Because this fic was written out of order this is actually the first scene we did with her, trying to find her voice. Hopefully it sounds like her. I love her staged tantrum.

Also, this chapter was originally meant to come after Anakin's knighting (as evidenced by the concept art we directed you to last week) and it still doesn't quite feel like it fits here, despite several edits.

Next week: Another outsider's look at the bond.