A/N: Okay, here we are! This is absolutely, without a doubt, one of my ultimate favorite chapters I've ever written. I am so excited! This chapter was tons and tons of fun to write. Mainly because I got to write Travers being so freakin' evil! Just a warning, you are going to want him dead by the end of the chapter, which, I think, shouldn't bother any of you. And before you go getting any ideas, Travers, however annoying, will remain alive...but that doesn't mean that we can't come up with terrible, yet somewhat humorous ways for Travers to bite the dust to pass the time! :D

Anywho, I'm glad all of you enjoyed the last chapter! Wes and Angel were fun to write, and I like writing that inital sorta kinda trust they've got going. If you remember, the last chapter took place during the beginning of this chapter. So, hopefully that saves some potential confusion.

Alright then...here we go!

Random Disclaimer: (I don't own Buffy).

Me: Alrighty, guys I need some serious emotion, 'kay?

Angel: How serious?

Me: Holding-back-tears-because-they-can't-fathom-the-guilt-you-feel-tears.

Angel: Oh...

Me: Same goes for you Buffy.

Buffy: That's so not cool.

Me: Yeah, I know...but you have to think about what you've done...

Travers: Because I'll tell you exactly what you've done!

Me: Shut up, Travers. Away with you!

Eye of the Beholder Chapter 15

Previously (Chapter 13)…

"Now," Travers said as his gaze settled on Buffy. "Miss Summers…are you ready?"

Buffy swallowed. No. "Yes."

Buffy's heart pounded in her chest, and she expected it to leap out of her body any minute. It was utterly quiet in the room except for the rustling papers and the scratching pens of some of the 'jury members,' or, at least, that's what Buffy had dubbed them some time ago. All in all, the whole atmosphere had Buffy on edge.

She couldn't believe that Giles had been so...un-Giles like. Seeing him being dragged out of the room had been shocking. Buffy had never seen Giles so angry. She was worried about him. Where had they taken him? Was he okay? What was he doing now?

She supposed she should probably be focusing more on her own defense, but Buffy couldn't make her mind focus on herself. She was worried about Angel too. Buffy hadn't seen him since they'd arrived and had no idea if he was alright or not. The thought that he might not even be alive tore at her heart, but Buffy batted it away, refusing to consider it further.

In the back of her mind, she even wondered where Wesley was at the moment. She figured he was having much more fun than she was.

Her anxiety climbed as Travers paused, purposely she knew, to consult his stupid notes. Buffy knew he was trying to freeze her up, to make her so nervous she just blurted out exactly what they wanted to hear so that he could smirk, shout that he was right from the rooftops, and then causally condemn her to whatever punishment he chose.

Finally, Travers looked up from his notes and asked the first question. "Miss Summers, during our interviews of your friends, we discovered that not only do they help you with your Calling, but they play a pivotal role in some of your more…impressive acts."

Buffy smiled, shrugging it off. "Well, what are friends for, right?" she asked before her gaze hardened. "Oh, wait, you wouldn't know that because you don't have any friends."

"Ah, but we're not here to talk about me," Travers shook his head, not amused by her games, yet refusing to show it. "This is all about you. Now, please, Miss Summers, would you answer the question?"

It wasn't really a question, Buffy thought to herself. "Yes, my friends help me," she answered, before adding. "I never wanted them to help me, and I would never have asked. I would never have told them my secret in the first place if it hadn't been for everything that happened."

"And what would that have been?" one of the Watchers asked.

Buffy sighed, before launching into the explanation. "When I first moved to Sunnydale, I got there just in time for the Harvest. The Master was trying to get above ground and make everything all hunky-dory for vamps. Anyway, Willow, Xander, and Jesse became the take-out menu one night and were taken. I saved Willow and Xander…but I couldn't save Jesse," she finished quietly, regret clear in her voice. "After that, Will and Xander both knew something was up. I couldn't let them just go out there alone, not knowing what they were up against."

"Two others know of your Calling," the Watcher continued. "A…" she paused to look at her notes. "Cordelia Chase and a Daniel Osborne?"

"They both found out by accident," Buffy explained. "Cordelia was almost bitten by Luke during the Harvest, and Oz was just trying to attend my seventeenth birthday party—I had some uninvited guests."

"You never willingly chose to tell anyone?" the Watcher asked pointedly, and Buffy began to wonder if she was on her side.

Buffy shook her head, "No."

"But you still allow them to help you," Travers took over again.

"They want to help," Buffy argued. "I mean, sure, I'd rather them not because they can get hurt, but they want to help. Willow is mostly research anyway; she's good with books and stuff. Oz does the same, and if Cordy takes the time to read a book, then she helps too. Xander usually makes pizza runs. Honestly, they rarely come out with me to actually patrol."

"Rationalizing your actions does not validate them," Travers said in an annoyingly arrogant voice. "You still violated the Handbook."

"But—"

"Moving on," Travers ignored her. "You are also accused of violating Section 47c."

"And that would be what, exactly?" Buffy asked anxiously, not liking how the proceedings were going. She didn't think she was winning.

"You continue you go to school and live with your mother," Travers elaborated. "Now, we have allowed this previously due to Mr. Giles assurances that it did not distract you from your Calling. Although, what with Mr. Giles' attachment to you, the Council sees this as something that needs to be addressed."

"Look," Buffy said heatedly, anger overcoming her nervousness. "I'm not some weapon that you can just use whenever or however you choose. I'm a person, not an object. I need to live with my mom; I need to have friends; I need to go to school. Is it just a little bit of a hassle to still turn in that English paper Monday after saving the world over the weekend? Yeah, it is. Do my grades suffer for it? Yeah, they do, but I wouldn't have it any other way."

"You want it all," one Watcher spoke up. "This is illogical. You cannot live a normal life and fulfill your Calling as a Slayer."

"No, I can't," Buffy agreed. "But I don't have to choose one or the other, either. I can have a balance of both, and so far I'm kinda likin' the results."

"Yes, the Council does concede you have quite an impressive record," Travers admitted reluctantly. "However, the Council is much more interested in what happened the past four months."

Buffy's expression didn't falter, but she felt the blood drain from her face. Maybe with the dim lighting they wouldn't notice.

Suddenly the doors opened, and Buffy looked up to see Angel being led to the room. The Watchers quickly chained him to the wall with manacles that Buffy hadn't even noticed were present. Throughout all of this, Travers had not once looked at the new arrivals.

"Four months ago, Angelus began to terrorize Sunnydale," Travers continued as if nothing had happened, causing Buffy to focus her attention back on him. "Not once did you kill him, though you had many opportunities to do so."

Buffy started to speak, but Travers held up a silencing hand. "But let's not get ahead of ourselves. The most important question is why this happened when it could have been easily avoided."

"Avoided how?" Buffy wanted to know, although she knew exactly how it could have been avoided.

"Your final charge is being in violation of Sections 54-56 of the Slayer Handbook, which states, among other things, that all vampires met by the Slayer should be killed," Travers explained.

Buffy felt like her heart had stopped.

"It is not a Slayer's duty to grant mercy," Travers continued. "It is not her place."

"Angel has a soul," Buffy defended, glancing at Angel, and noting with worry that his entire left arm was stained red with blood. "He's not evil."

"But he's not innocent."

"Neither are you," Buffy shot back angrily. "None of us are completely innocent!"

"I'm fairly sure that none of us here have killed the number of people that Angelus has over the centuries," Travers retorted coldly. "Tell me, what all do you know about Angelus?"

Buffy glanced at Angel, who wouldn't meet her gaze. "I—I know the gist of it."

"Ah, I see you don't know the specifics," Travers said calmly. "Perhaps I should enlighten you," he said as he opened up a book and took the time to adjust his glasses. "Ah, here we go. Angelus, turned sometime around 1753, was sired by the vampire Darla, member of the Order of Aurelius."

"I know that," Buffy interrupted. "Kinda hard to forget since Darla tried to shoot me and the Master killed me."

Travers merely raised his eyebrows before continuing to read. "His first victims were his family, did you know that?"

Buffy was silent. She did know. Angel had told her.

"He killed his father, his mother…and his little sister," Travers said emotionlessly, though purposely emphasizing the 'little' in little sister. "She wasn't more than twelve."

Buffy looked at Angel, and he could feel her gaze on him. Angel was torn at being overwhelmed with guilt and overwhelmed with fury. Guilt because what Travers had read was true. He'd killed his family, yes. Angel was also furious that Travers even had the gall to mention Kathy. Dear, sweet, sweet Kathy, the little girl that he'd loved so much—his fondest memory of his human life. Travers wasn't worthy to even allude to her.

Buffy's heart broke at Angel's expression. She'd never seen so much guilt in his eyes.

Buffy glared at Travers, "Angel would never do that. He'd never harm anyone if he could help it."

"Angelus did," Travers retorted easily. "And I'm just dusting the surface on Angelus," he motioned to the book he held in his hands and Buffy couldn't help but notice how thick the volume was. "It says that in 1793, he killed his first Slayer. A young French mademoiselle, Marguerite Jarvis."

Angel had closed his eyes when Travers had mentioned killing a Slayer. He hadn't just killed one Slayer, he'd killed three in his time. Buffy didn't know about it, and he hadn't planned to tell her. It was something that he didn't want her to know. How would she feel about him now? Knowing that he'd taken out three of her predecessors? He could feel her gaze on him, and it felt like she was burning a hole through him.

"Tell me, how can you let him live?" Travers said calmly. "Angelus has killed one of your kin, a girl just like you. Well, she was actually a little younger than you," Travers pretended to consult his book. "Ah, she was fourteen."

"It wasn't Angel," Buffy argued quietly, yet on the inside she wanted to go up to Angel and demand details. Why hadn't he told her?

Travers looked back at his book. "Angelus killed two more Slayers after dear Marguerite…one in Scotland and one in Italy. All of those girls were like you, doing their duty, and he killed them. How can you let a vampire such as him live?"

Travers studied Buffy, watching for reactions, anything that would give her away. He was baiting her and it was working. The great thing was that he was just glossing the shiny surface of everything that Angleus had done. He could easily do this all night.

"Angelus also seemed to have an affinity for killing people during the Christmas holidays," Travers said, pretending to be surprised. "Such a joyful time, and he openly mocked it by killing. What about those families? Their Christmas was ruined, instead of celebrating they were preparing a funeral. You let the monster responsible for this strife live."

Buffy couldn't help the tears in her eyes. Christmas was her favorite time of year, and she hated that Angelus had destroyed a time so precious. Her heart ached for the families that had suffered. The thought caused her to think of the other families who had suffered most recently due to Angelus. All because she hadn't been strong enough, because she'd been selfish enough to want Angel in her life somehow.

"I-It wasn't him…" she argued weakly, but Travers pretended not to notice and continued.

"And Drusilla," he shook his head. "His most notable, and most notorious work if I do say so myself," he sighed. "Drove her mad, killed her family, destroyed her very life and sanity before he finally turned her…and you still let this monster live…"

Buffy felt a tear slide down her cheek that she didn't realize Angel had seen.

Angel fought the tears that were trying to pool in his own eyes. He didn't like to think about everything that he'd done, and he sure as hell didn't want to hear it read, especially by someone like Travers, and he didn't want it to be read to Buffy either. She didn't deserve to be burdened with the knowledge of what he truly was.

"It seems to me, Miss Summers, that knowing as much as you do about Angelus…how could you let such a loathsome creature walk around, terrorizing you and your friends, killing who knows how many…how could you allow this? What kind of Slayer does that make you?"

Buffy's breath caught in her throat. What kind of Slayer does that make you? The question seemed to play on a loop in her mind. It wasn't the first time she'd heard that question. She'd asked herself that very same thing numerous times over the past four months. What kind of Slayer did that make her? She'd been willing to let people die, just on the off-chance that maybe Angel's soul could be restored to him. She'd been that selfish. She'd been willing to let people die, the people she was meant to protect. She'd let them die for her own selfish reasons. Jenny had died because Buffy hadn't been strong enough. She hadn't been strong enough to kill Angelus, because by doing so she killed every chance of ever seeing Angel again.

What kind of Slayer did that make her? That was truly the million dollar question.

"You let Angelus live, knowing what he was capable of..." Travers continued, though he paused when he heard a soft sob from Buffy. "Miss Summers, how could you let this happen?"

Buffy fought to get her emotions under control. She hadn't been strong enough before, that was true. But in the end, she had been. She'd been ready to kill him. One wasn't automatically strong. It took time. It took experience. Buffy had grown stronger because of Angelus. She'd also learned the difference between Angel and Angelus. It'd had always been clear to her, theoretically. Now, after everything that had happened, she'd seen the difference and it was clearer than she'd ever thought it to be.

"Angel didn't do those things," Buffy argued quietly, squeezing her eyes shut to try and force back her tears. "The soul had absolutely no part in that. It was the demon, not Angel."

"That's not the question here, Miss Summers," Travers shook his head. "You let Angelus live. He killed your schoolmates. He killed Ms. Calendar. He put your best friend in the hospital. He terrorized you for months…he tried to end the world by awakening Acathla."

"He's still a vampire," one Watcher spoke and Buffy glared at her. "It is your duty to kill him."

"He has a soul," Buffy repeated through gritted teeth. "He feels more guilt than you can possibly imagine. He lives with the memories of what Angelus did, and he has the heart to feel responsible! He helps me with Slaying, and he has saved my life more than once!"

Angel looked at Buffy incredulously, and unable to help the surge of love that blossomed in his heart. He'd known she was compassionate; he'd known that she loved unconditionally. But after hearing what all he'd done…and Travers was right, he'd barely even dusted the surface of possible material...but after all of that, Buffy was still defending him. Unworthiness washed through him in waves.

"You seem awfully passionate about him," a female Watcher pointed out, narrowing her eyes.

"He's my friend!" Buffy replied hotly. "I stick up for my friends!"

"Miss Summers," Travers scolded her as if she were a kindergartener. "There is no need to yell."

Buffy shut her mouth and fumed silently, glaring at Travers.

"Ah, that's better," Travers said, "Getting back on point. Let's talk about Acathla for a moment. You, a Slayer, not only let Angelus live, but because of this, we all almost lost. Because of your unwillingness to kill your 'friend,' Hell was almost brought upon earth. In fact, it's only been two weeks since this occurred, yes?"

"Yes," Buffy whispered.

"And…Angelus is still alive," Travers stressed. "After all that he's done, both past and present, you still allow him to live?"

Even though she was coming to make peace with what she'd done, Buffy couldn't stop the guilt that washed through her. "Yes," Buffy choked back a sob.

"Why?" Travers asked simply.

"He has a soul," Buffy defended, clinging to the notion in her heart and mind.

"But he didn't at the time," Travers pointed out, before seeming to be struck with a question. "But how can that be?" Travers asked pointedly. "You said that Angel had a soul before he became Angelus."

"H-he lost it," Buffy answered quietly, glancing at Angel once again out of the corner of her eye. He met her surreptitious gaze guiltily. "You already knew that."

Travers ignored her accusation. "So, Angel lost his soul, and became Angelus again, yes?"

"Yes."

"And how did he lose his soul, by chance?" Travers wondered. "Or was it a little more complicated?"

At this point, Angel was just ready to hand himself over to the Watchers and tell them to do with him as they wished. As long as he could spare Buffy this pain that he, by extension, was causing. It was his past. It was his crimes. It was him. All of this was because of him.

He didn't deserve her love. He didn't deserve her defense. How could he, only two days ago, have been hoping that maybe, just maybe it would all work out between them? He was selfish, that was why. He wanted happiness. He wanted Buffy.

This would be easier if Buffy didn't want him. But she did. She loved him, and she wouldn't let him forget it. No matter what he did, as Angel or Angelus, it didn't matter. She loved him.

Angel almost wished she didn't.

"I don't know how he lost it," Buffy lied, and Angel closed his eyes briefly.

"I think you do," Travers said seriously. "May I point out Miss Summers, that if you are found guilty during this Review, you will be moved to London where you will be taught to perform to your highest potential? And not the way Mr. Giles taught you. No, we would follow the Handbook to the letter."

"You can't do that!" Buffy argued angry and incredulous. "You can't just ship me over here to London! What about my Mom? What about school?"

"You mother would, of course, be notified," Travers answered as if it were no consequence. "And school would be moot. There is no reason for you to go. The only subjects a Slayer needs to know are demonology and other subjects related to the Occult."

"Not biased much, are you?" Buffy snapped, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Getting back on point," Travers said calmly. "How did Angel lose his soul?"

"I told you, I don't know," Buffy lied through clenched teeth.

"You're lying," Travers shook his head. "How can a Slayer, especially as one as impressive as you, Miss Summers," he said oh, so graciously. "Not know?"

"Maybe I missed it in the Sunday paper," Buffy joked sarcastically, building up some steam, filing away her guilt over letting Angelus do what he'd done for later brooding. The thought almost made her snort. Setting time away for brooding…it was so something that Angel would do.

Travers frowned, and Buffy could practically see the steam coming out of his ears. "Miss Summers, I will not ask you again—"

"Good, cause I don't know the answer," Buffy interrupted heatedly.

"That's enough!" Travers slammed his hand down on the podium. "I and by extension the Council, will not be made a mockery of! Answer the question, Miss Summers!"

"There was a catch to Angel's curse," Buffy snapped angrily, deciding she had to give them something. "If Angel were to experience any moment of true happiness then he would lose his soul."

Travers smiled, glad they were getting somewhere. "And what could have made him so happy if he is so wracked by the guilt you say he carries?"

Buffy remained silent.

"Miss Summers?" Travers inquired with a slight, evil quirk of his lips. "Do you have an answer?"

"No."

"Liar," Travers replied quietly, yet with a dangerous menace in his tone that caused Buffy to pause. "Miss Summers, I don't think you understand me. I don't think Angelus is your friend."

"Well, he's not," Buffy retorted quickly. No, she was definitely not friends with Angelus. "I don't really like people that don't have a soul. It kinda bums me out."

"I think he's more than your friend," Travers continued, ignoring her, watching her reaction to his words carefully. He had to give her some credit though, because she barely twitched. It was so slight that he would have missed it if he hadn't been waiting for it.

Travers paused for a beat, letting his words fully sink in, before delivering the knockout punch. "I think, Miss Summers, that you're in love with him."

Buffy stood frozen for a moment, swearing that she'd felt her heart stop before it began thudding like it thought its beats were numbered. "That's crazy," she denied, but she couldn't help the quick glance she shot Angel out of the corner of her eye. He was standing stock still, his eyes burning a hole in Travers head.

"Isn't it?" Travers questioned rhetorically before looking towards the guards that had suddenly surrounded Angel. "Kill him."

"No!" Buffy cried, immediately starting towards Angel, but four Watchers held her back. "No! Don't!" she pleaded as she thrashed and tried to break free from the vise-like grips the men had on her arms.

The twang of a crossbow bolt caused Buffy to freeze in horror.

Da, da, da, dum!

Did I seriously just end another chapter with another cliffhanger? Yes, yes I did.

(Ducks objects thrown in outrage)

I swear I love you all,

ArthursCamelot