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Chapter 17.

After her conversation with Dominick yesterday, she decided to talk to Olivia today. Amanda stood in the squad room and swallowed hard as she kept glancing into Olivia's office. She ranked shaky fingers through her hair, before moving towards her commanding officer's office. She barely made any noise when knocking on the door, but Olivia heard her and gave her permission to enter.

"We need to talk about the situation." Amanda said with a small voice. As she sat down in the chair across from Olivia.

She saw how the other side began to nod with hesitation: "I understand this is not an easy situation for any of us. It's hard for me to know. That my partner and my best friend are expecting a baby. Unfortunately, soon we'll have to come to terms with. I wish you had told me sooner."

Olivia wept as she looked at Amanda. Her voice trembled and small as she spoke, saying "I'm so sorry, Amanda." The pregnancy hormones were making her emotions uncontrollable.

"Liv, I wish you have trusted me enough to tell me." There was disappointment in her voice.

"Amanda, I was afraid and confused," Olivia nervously gulped. She diverted her gaze away from her best friend's stare. The situation was awkward and uncomfortable—the fear of their friendship falling apart weighed heavily on her.

Amanda's anger grew with each passing moment "I can't believe you kept this from me." Her heart pounded hard with rage. "You should have told me. I would have understood. But now I am more than annoyed."

Olivia was seethed as she listening to what Amanda had to say. She felt hurt and frustration, she clenching her fists to hide the pain that throbbed in her chest. "Don't imply that Sonny and I wanted to sleep together," she hissed through gritted teeth.

Amanda's eyes was full of sadness as she spoke. "I know what happened. I just did not know who was involved." she said in a trembling voice.

Olivia tried her best to calm down; she bit her lip. "Sonny and I decided not to tell anyone. We felt that was the best choice for everyone involved. Neither of us expected me to get pregnant..."

"So if it weren't for the pregnancy, you would have kept this a secret from me?" Amanda demanded, her tone a mix of outrage and pain. She was unable to comprehend that the two people she loved so much had not been honest to her.

Olivia opened and closed her mouth a number of times. She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples, slowly getting a migraine from the conversation. "Probably. We would have never told you anything at all." Olivia's eyes are filled with tears as she watches the young woman whose face is etched in pain.

"Liv, you have thought you were doing the right thing. But it only served to make everything worse." Amanda spat out in a furious whisper.

"I regret what happened." Olivia said it softly. "Amanda, you have to try and understand. We never intended to make more difficult for you. Sonny and I simply trying to look out for ourselves in order to cope with the unexpected issues that arose. "

Amanda nods with tears falling down her cheeks as she stares at Olivia. Her own thoughts are swirling with conflicting emotions.

"Can you give me some time off from work. I'll use my PTO, but I just need time off, please." She looked up at Liv, her face was pleading and wet with tears.

This was the last thing Olivia wanted. They were already shorthanded and she didn't want this gap between them to grow any wider. Amanda was like a sister to her, and Olivia didn't want to risk losing that connection. It would be like losing another family member.

Before her captain had a chance to reply, Amanda spun around on her heel and rushed away, tears blurring her vision. Her heart felt heavy with the crushing blow of disappointment that had come from these four walls. She needed to escape this place.

xxx

Amanda sat down slowly at the bar and sighed softly as the bartender moved in front of her. A napkin was laid on the bar, and the man moved expertly after Amanda ordered a beer and two shots.

"Hey there, stranger," A husky voice spoke from down the bar. Amanda ignored it at first, but looked after the man moved and sat beside her.

"Hey, Stabler," Amanda sighed.

"Whatcha doing here?" Elliot asked in a curious tone..

"I am trying to lose all feeling," Amanda replied, as the bartender sat her drinks down. She quickly knocked back the shots, before going to sip her beer.