Solana waited inside the Fall City Base. The door to the storage room opened and a teenage girl with a side ponytail wearing cuffed, knee-length black denim jeans, a baby blue peasant blouse and white sneakers entered the lobby.
"Iyori?"
"Solana-san," the younger teen cried as she carried several folders in her arms, her young Miltank following behind her.
"What're you doing at the base?" Solana asked.
"I am gathering data from Leilani-chan's and Percy-kun's latest missions. I am not sure if you are aware, but more amalgamations have been captured."
"I am aware. Something like that is hard to miss."
Iyori nodded. "Well, I am collecting their reports on the most recent incidents and comparing them with my samples for further analysis. It is just not making any sense. How can one creature have so many DNA profiles? And how did they get that way in the first place?"
"Answers we don't currently have. You'll find is this line of work, a lot of things don't make sense from an analytical point of view. You can't make sense of bad guys or of people who manipulate Pokémon and the system for their own sake. You just can't."
Iyori rested the folders down on the table between them. "I guess not. What are you doing here, Solana-san? Do you have a mission to do right now?"
"I am on a mission. My own personal mission actually."
"Personal mission?" Iyori repeated, confused, "Is that like some sort of self-given assignment?"
"Something like that, sure."
"I did not know Renjās could self-assign missions. Or at least, it was my understanding students had to graduate to Elite Rank before they could do such things."
"Actually, once we reach Rank 10, we can technically work missions on our own. We still answer to our Area Leader but we can now accept requests and missions without their approval so long as we document it. We've just never had a situation where we'd go against Spenser regarding a mission."
"I see. I suppose having the freedom to choose your own missions is essential in the Pokémon Renjā profession to better protect the region and its citizens."
"Well, it's better than not having a choice in the matter."
The doors to the base's elevator slid open and Šárka Yamamoto stepped off, drinking a strawberry smoothie from a Styrofoam cup.
"Hey, Šárka." Solana quickly called. "Can I ask you something?"
"What is it?"
"Your mom is a therapist right?"
"Yeah, what of it?" The younger teen asked scornfully.
Solana ignored her attitude. "You happen to know if she's accepting new clients?"
"I have no idea, but knowing her, she's not gonna turn away a buck."
"You mind giving me her contact information?"
Šárka eyed her up and down. "Why? You looking for a therapist?"
"I am actually."
A sly smile spread across the fifteen year old's face. "Are you now? Heh. Oh that's rich. I can't wait to tell Aria. You must be desperate if you're asking me."
Solana's brow crinkled. She tried her best not to grit her teeth. "Well, from what you've said before, your mom specializes in anxiety disorders, depression, and trauma. Sounds to me she would make a great asset to the team, don't you think? As a psych for the department?"
That was enough to make Šárka frown. She dropped her smoothie and balled her fists. "What, you trying to get her to watch me all day or something?"
"Just a suggestion. You know," Solana shrugged. "Maybe I'll mention it to the Professor -"
"You can't!"
"Or maybe I'll keep it to myself, like you."
"Arg!" Sneering, the red-haired beauty reached into her pack and pulled out a small business card, thrusting it in Solana's chest afterwards. "Here! Don't say I've never done anything nice for you!"
And with that, she stormed out of the base in high dudgeon, leaving her near empty smoothie cup on the ground.
"Wow, that really got her mad," Iyori observed.
"Probably because she can't go tell big sister Aria about me seeing a therapist so long as that therapist is also her mom." Solana said as she observed the card.
Reina Yamamoto, LCSW
"I sure hope you're right about this, Lunick."
As soon as Lunick saw Solana enter his room, a smile lit up on his face.
"You're back. I was worried I wouldn't see you for a couple of days."
"Yeah, no. This'll be brief. I haven't forgiven you for kissing Leilani yet." She said quickly before sitting on the bed next to him.
Lunick's frown returned. "How long are you gonna hold that over my head?"
"Until I hear Leilani's side of things."
"I didn't even kiss her back, Solana."
"But you didn't pull away?"
"Because I was in a state of shock. I didn't know she was going to do that."
"Right," Solana replied, unconvinced. "I just came by to tell you I made an appointment to see a therapist this afternoon."
"Really? That's awesome, Babe. You'll finally be getting the help you need."
"It's just an initial visit. Therapists are an intimate relationship. I don't know if I'll be sticking with her, I'm just trying it out to see how it is."
"You're not gonna quit so easily are you if things get a bit heated?"
"Heated? An interaction with a therapist should not be heated, Lunick."
"I mean, this is your first appointment. I'm just saying to keep an open mind about it, that's all."
It was then that she noticed the pink, folded-up cardboard paper with a crude drawing on the front of it on the table in Lunick's room.
"What's that?" She asked, pointing to it.
Lunick's smiled returned as he stared at it. "Oh, that's from Nems. Freddie and Niema were by earlier. She made me a card and everything, telling me I needed to hurry up and get better so her Eevee could play with Minun. Isn't that adorable?"
Solana smiled slightly. "That is sweet. Freddie is really lucky to have a daughter like her."
"She is a great kid. Funny too. She was telling me how old twenty twice was. I told her that just made forty and she replied 'Exactly!' The girl's a hoot."
Solana's hand flew to her chest and she held her heart, thinking about that first night of intimacy she had with Lunick. "Is it bad that I'm a tad bit upset that we're not having a baby?"
Lunick's face slowly morphed from a cheerful smile into serious confusion.
"Hold on, wait a minute…You wanted to be pregnant?"
"Well, not the entire time but the more time that past…The more I sat with the idea…I thought maybe, you know, it wouldn't be such a bad thing."
Lunick stared questioningly at his girlfriend. He then closed his eyes tightly and held his temples with his thumb and middle finger on his right hand, squeezing them ever so slightly to still the pain he was starting to feel there.
"What? Is that so wrong, Lunick? The two of us having a baby together?"
"Have you lost your mind, Solana?" He asked sitting back up, looking her straight in her face. "We can't take care of a child right now. How can you possibly be fantasizing about that idea?"
Solana furrowed her brow. "Why is that so horrible?"
"Because it's stupid."
"Excuse me?" Solana was offended.
"Solana, how could we possibly take care of a child? I'm in the hospital, not to mention you're just now in recovery for your anorexia. Do you know how many complications that could cause for a baby? Not only that, with our work schedule, we don't have the time. Plus, you know, we're still teenagers! You honestly think we're mentally and physically prepared and capable of raising and nurturing a child right now? Nevermind financially."
Solana narrowed her eyes slightly. "You said you would find a way."
"Only if I absolutely had to. I don't want a child right now. I'm not ready for a child right now. I can't handle it. And I seriously doubt you can either."
"Freddie's doing it."
"Freddie's struggling! Immensely! Do you know how hard he has it? He lucked out with the Otakas being able to watch Niema. Do you even understand why people quote that adage 'it takes a village'? Why do you think so? Because raising a child is extremely hard!"
Solana folded her arms. "I think we would have been all right."
"Really?" Lunick said incredulously. "You really think it would've been that easy?"
"I never said that."
"It sounds a lot like you're implying it. Raising a child isn't like raising a Pokémon. For one, it takes years to potty train a toddler. You can housebreak a baby Pokémon in like 4 months. Secondly, it's not like we can just undo and change everything once we have the child. You can't return a child, you can't dispose of a child, you can't release a child into the wild. You are stuck raising said child for at least eighteen years, ten and eleven if you want to be technical about Pokémon career paths, which by the way, we haven't even hit yet! You're still seventeen. I just turned eighteen a few months ago. We'd ruin our child's life if we made the unfortunate mistake of becoming teenaged parents with volatile lifestyles from an extremely dangerous and unpredictable job. We'd ruin our lives. How can you not see any of this at all? You don't see any red flags? Not even a little one?"
"Of course I do," Solana chided. "But I also see the positives as well, which you clearly don't despite your promises earlier."
"What positives?!" Lunick nearly screamed. "What world are you living in where having a baby at seventeen is a good thing?"
"It's certainly not always a bad thing!" She snapped back. "Who knows whether or not a child would break us? We've overcome a whole lot worse than an infant. Did you ever stop to think a child could bring us closer together?"
"That is an extremely toxic mindset to have. You don't have a child to get closer together, you have a child because you're ready for the responsibility of having a family and you are sound enough, stable enough to where you feel you can handle molding and shaping the mind of your own creation. Where you feel you can instill wisdom and knowledge into that little person. Hell, you wanna get biblical about it? Even the Bible says to be fruitful and multiply but you are supposed to nurture said offspring to love and live for Jesus and for the betterment of the world. You don't just pop kids out all willynilly, that's how serial killers, socio and psychopaths are created."
"I thought you were of the belief that if a child was born, that they were a gift and blessing from God. Is that not the case?"
"Do not twist my words. Do not use the Bible against me and be manipulative like that. Trust me, you are not ready for this fight," Lunick growled. "Ephesians 6:4: 'Fathers, do not exasperate your children…' I'd break that one right there! Proverbs 22:6: 'Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it'. You think I have the capacity to teach or body anyone right now, especially a child, let alone our own child? Proverbs 17:6: 'Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.' Titus 2:7: 'In everything set them an example by doing what is good.' 1 Timothy 5:8: 'Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.' Need anymore? Are you getting the picture now?"
"Lunick, stop it!"
"It's living in a way that makes your children look up to you. It's modeling how to live. It's taking care of the children's needs. Very basic things yet at the same time are not easy to do and take an inordinate amount of experience, confidence, and diligence to even begin to be ready for life with a child. I just, I just!…"
"Lunick, I get it. You can stop now. Please, stop."
Lunick stopped his ranting to notice that Solana had turned away from him and was actually hugging herself, a behavior she often did when she was overwhelmed or upset.
"You didn't have to make me feel bad or stupid about it." She muttered.
"That wasn't my intention," Lunick said, finally starting to calm down.
"Well, you did!"
"I'm sorry. I just wanted you to understand how ill-prepared and unready we are to have a child right now. It's scary to me that you were starting to become comfortable with the idea, especially when you know how much Freddie struggles with Niema and he's been doing it since he was fourteen."
Solana closed her eyes as her tears fell. "Is it so bad that I wanted a little us?"
Lunick stared at her features intently. She was seriously asking. He reached over and slid her closer to him, placing his head on her right shoulder as her back pressed against his sore abdomen.
"No," he finally said. "It's not bad to fantasize about it. It's not necessarily bad to want it. But I don't think we should be acting upon it. At this point in time, a child just does not fit the bill for us right now, Solana. It would be more than hard as hell, and we're not ready. We're just not. Look at all the things we're struggling to overcome already."
"So you don't think we should have sex anymore after you heal?"
He kissed her on her upper back by her shoulder before snuggling back with her. "I didn't say that. As long as we're careful and more mindful from now about it, we can do it as often as you'd like."
"As we'd like. Both of us. Not just me," she finally turned around to face. "You said you're sick of me saying I don't deserve you. Well, you put me first a lot of the time too. And you gotta stop that. We're in this together as you said. There's not one before the other. There's just us, okay?"
He gave her waist a light squeeze. "Okay. Deal. I'll work on that as well."
Bringing her hands up to cup his face, Solana kissed Lunick lovingly on the lips. It started out gentle and warm, but quickly became passionate and intense. Lunick's hands started to roam as they did when he got more excited and they made their way down to the curve of Solana's backside where they started to knead. Solana moved her legs to straddle Lunick before moving her hand down to his waistband.
"What're you doing?" He whispered, separating from her. "There's no way we can do this in here, we'd get caught. Plus, I don't think I have the strength. Not yet anyway."
"No, but we can do other things," she whispered back.
"I don't know if we should," he hesitated as he felt her fingers trace the outside of the waistband of his boxers, doing his best not to show how her soft touch was causing his stomach to twinge and flex, causing him more discomfort and pain while arousing him in a most unusual way.
"When are you due for your next set of meds?" She asked him.
"Maybe two hours?"
"And therapy?"
"Maybe one?"
Solana smiled as she hovered just above his face and mouth, her lips barely touching his.
"Then we have plenty of time." She whispered.
"To do what?"
"Shenanigans."
Elvera entered Lunick's hospital room full of contrite. It was bad enough to be getting that scornful look from Lunick, but the one of complete disappointment and disapproval she got from her husband Lou nearly destroyed her.
"How could you say such things to him, 'Vera? Woman do you have no self-control?"
"I was only looking out for our son."
"No, you were looking out for yourself." He argued, pointing an accusatory finger at her. "You better make this right, 'Vera. Go tell them how sorry you are. And I don't care if you have to call a Hail Mary for intercession on your behalf, you better do what is necessary to make this right. I am not losing my son and my future daughter-in-law over your nonsensical, purity crap. Make it right, 'Vera. Make it right."
She sighed deeply just before walking into the room. She prayed she was able to restore her relationship with her son. She walked in to see Solana snuggled with Lunick on his bed, their heads resting on one another as they both slept. Her hands rested on his opened chest while his remained fixed on her behind.
Elvera frowned disapprovingly, before walking up to her child and shaking him lightly on his shoulder to wake him.
Lunick stirred slightly. His head dropped before snapping back up and he groggily looked about the room.
"Wha…?" He snorted.
"Lunick," Elvera whispered.
Lunick blinked as he followed where he heard the voice, rubbing his tired eyes.
"Mom?" He groaned.
"I need to talk to you, honey. Can you ask her to leave?"
She nodded in Solana's direction. Lunick glanced down at his sleeping girlfriend whose head was resting on his shoulder before tiredly looking back up at his mother, annoyed.
"Please, Lunick." She begged.
Sighing heavily, Lunick turned back to Solana and kissed her lovingly on the forehead before rubbing the back of his hand against her cheek. "Hey, sleeping beauty. Time to get up."
Solana shifted above the sheet and stretched before her eyes fluttered open.
"Lunick?"
"Time to get up, Babe. It's late."
"What time is it?"
"After eight. Visiting hours will be over soon. And you have an appointment to get to."
"Why can't I stay until -"
It was then that she saw Elvera standing to the side of the bed and immediately got her answer. The tiredness left Solana as she sat up in the bed, glancing between Lunick and his mother.
"Don't even worry about it, Babe. It's okay," he tried to reassure her. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
Solana nodded.
Lunick leaned over and kissed her tenderly on the lips and Solana instantly melted in his arms as he caressed her and brushed the hair from her face.
Elvera cleared her throat uncomfortably.
Ending the kiss a lot sooner than he wanted to, Lunick rested his forehead against Solana, whispering "Good Night" to her before she picked up a sleeping Plusle from the foot of the bed and exited the room, not once looking at the Kaneko matriarch.
Elvera sat down in the visitor's chair and turned her attention back to Lunick.
"Lunick -"
"It's late, Mom. You shouldn't be here." Lunick said plainly.
A little taken aback by his words, Elvera steeled herself. She would ensure this was the last time they had this discussion.
"Lunick, please. Let us talk about this."
"I really have nothing more to say, Mom."
"Then just listen…I cannot apologize enough right now for the way I've treated Solana over the years. The things I said about her were cruel and I expect it will take time for both of you to forgive me, but Lunick…you have to understand…I just wanted to protect you."
Lunick chuckled dryly and shook his head.
"I just wanted to protect you from getting hurt…I now see I went about it all the wrong way."
"Yeah, no kidding."
"It was never my intention to upset you -"
"Uh huh."
"Or make Solana feel less than -"
"Bullshit." Lunick uttered.
"Lunick!"
"No, Mom. I don't believe you. I don't believe you can be that dense not to know what you were doing when you said those things to us. You were trying to break us up."
"I most certainly was not. I was only looking out for you, son."
"Jesus."
"Lunick! You dare take our Lord's name in vain?"
Lunick held up his hands. "Okay, enough of this. Enough of this righteous woman crap, I'm not buying it."
"Lunick -"
"Not only did you call Solana a tramp and slut and whore -"
"I never said any of that -"
"But you expect me to believe you were coming from a genuine place of concern?"
"I was, Lunick. I promise you, I was and I still am."
Lunick once again shook his head and huffed.
"This is so rich coming from you."
"Now listen here, Lunick. I don't care how upset you are with me, you will still respect me as your mother."
"And then to top it off, you have the audacity to say because she is nondenominational, that she is even more unworthy of being with me. You, the woman who changed religions more often than a Kecleon changes color."
"That's enough, Lunick."
"No, I'm not done, Mom," Lunick yelled. "You act like this virtuous, holy woman who knows what's best for everyone when for years you didn't have any control over your life or know how to cope with being together with a former yakuza member. So much so you flipped through religions every couple of months as if that was going to give you some sort of direction in life and fix everything you were struggling with until you landed back on Christianity. But you chose to be with Dad, who was a yakuza member, and you knew exactly what you were getting yourself into when you started dating. Nobody just leaves the yakuza. Yet, you believed fully that Dad was a good person. Despite what Aunt Esther, Aunt Maggie, what all the holy elderly women on your side of the family said and thought about Dad, you defended him and loved him. And despite his troubled past life, to you, he was still worth being a part of your life and your eventual husband. Which is why I cannot fathom how after enduring all of that and being on the run for years that you could possibly find it in yourself to hold such contempt for Solana, a girl you have known for years who hasn't done nearly, not even remotely close to any of the bad shit Dad did. How could she possibly be unworthy of me, even if she was as hypersexual as you claimed? Dad was good enough for you. Why not her? What makes her any different? How could you be so critical and judgmental?"
Elvera clasped her hands together as she felt tears welling in her eyes from her son's anger.
"Lunick, please, you have to understand. You are my only son, my only child. I would go to the ends of the earth for you and your father. You are my precious baby boy. I didn't want anyone taking you from me that could hurt you."
"Oh God, do you know how sick you sound? Taking me from you? What is this attachment you have to me being yours?"
"You are mine," she stood to her feet. "I gave birth to you. You have half of my DNA. What part of you are my only son are you not comprehending? I wanted to protect you from everything."
"You can't!" Lunick yelled. "You can't, Mom. The world is a dangerous, fucked up place. You and I both know that. You and I have both experienced that. You can't shield me from everything. Not from my job, not from heartbreak, not from death. You can't keep me under your bosom forever."
The tears were streaming full force down Elvera's cheeks. "You are my precious baby boy."
"Would you stop saying that? I am not a baby anymore, Mom. I'm eighteen, damn near an adult. I've seen a hell of a lot of bad and evil in this world and so have you being with Dad. You know you cannot protect me from everything. You know you cannot be involved in every aspect of my life. So, I don't get how you can come down so hard on Solana, a girl I thought you knew well enough to know that she could never hurt me as much as you have learning the way you think and talk about her so degradingly, especially as a holy Christian woman, if you want to flaunt it that badly. Especially as a woman who dated a gang member who did horrible things. I love Dad but I know what the yakuza is all about. I spent years trying to keep us safe too, I took on that burden with Dad in protecting you. And to hear you talk about Solana not being good enough when you dated and married someone who was involved in mafia-like gang crimes is just dumbfounding."
"I'm sorry, Lunick," Elvera cried. "How many times do I have to tell you I'm sorry?"
"I don't want your apology, Mom. I want your atonement. I want vindication for Solana. You've done nothing to make reparations or amends for the things you've said about Solana. You're just as bad as Aunt Esther is with Dad."
"No!" She grasped Lunick firmly by the shoulders. "I am nothing like that woman! I would never demean Solana like she has your father."
"But you have." Lunick shrugged out of her grasp. "You've demeaned and humiliated her. Just how did you think she would feel learning that you felt so horridly about her? How do you think anyone would feel to be called those things, let alone my girlfriend? I just can't believe you didn't consider any of this."
"Lunick, I just wanted to make sure she wasn't going to break your heart. Truthfully, I probably would have felt that way about any potential partner you had."
"Which in and of itself is totally wrong!"
"I know that. I know that, Lunick. It was terrible of me. But I needed to be honest with you about how I felt about the direction you were heading. Engaging in so much sexual activities, that isn't like you, son."
Lunick narrowed his eyes. "Is that all you think we're doing all day when we're not at work? Maybe we are a little liberal about the amount of PDA we show, but we're not going at it like Nidos and Lopunny. We have some decorum. But even if we were, that is none of your business. I can be as sexually active as I want with my partner. As long as we're being careful and/or using birth control to prevent an unwanted pregnancy."
Elvera stared uncomfortably at Lunick and he held his arms in the air in frustration.
"Arg! I can't do this!"
"Please, Lunick. Please forgive me."
"Mom -"
"Lunick, please. Let me make it up to you and Solana. You said you want me to atone? Well let me make up for my sins and transgressions. Please, I beg you, son. I don't want to lose you. I can't live with myself if I do."
Lunick sighed heavily. "I'm your son, Mom. You're never gonna lose me."
Elvera wiped her tearstained face. "Just tell me what you need me to do. I'll do anything to make up for this. Anything at all."
Lunick stared hard at his mother before sighing heavily again. "You can fly out with us to Johto to see Grammy Kat. Solana and I need a bit of a vacation from everything we've been facing lately. Be her adviser and confidant when I can't be and ally with her, not against her."
Elvera nodded.
"I need you to seriously take a look at yourself and the way you think. You've hurt us greatly, Mom."
"I know I have. Just give me another chance, honey, please. I love you. I love you so much."
"I love you too, Mom."
Sobbing, Elvera swung her arms around Lunick's neck and crushed him into her chest before letting her head fall on his left shoulder and crying harder into the crook of his neck.
Though he was still upset with her, Lunick brought his arms up and hugged his mother back, rubbing small circles around her mid and upper back to console her.
For some, the decorations of a therapist's office is an afterthought or treated in the same casual manner as how one might decorate their own home. To Reina Yamamoto, the psychotherapy space was a sanctified one, a reflection of the therapist themself and an environment in which the privileged work of psychotherapy took place. Her room was designed with special care and attention to promote feelings of safety and refuge for her clients.
She heard the doorbell to her office door ring and prepared herself for her next appointment.
"You may come in."
Solana stepped into the large office, looking around the space cautiously.
"Solana Tsuki?"
"Yes."
Reina smiled. "Hello, I am Reina Yamamoto. It's nice to meet you."
"Nice meeting you too."
"Shall we?"
She extended her arm to a large, puffy sofa that was where her clients usually sat for her sessions. Uncomfortably, Solana stepped over to the red sofa and sat down on the cushion in the middle. She nearly sank inside, but it was, for all intents, comfortable.
Reina sat down in her chair and crossed her legs, clasping her hands across her lap.
"We can start anywhere you'd like."
"Um…" Solana began. "I guess I should start with why I'm here."
"The survey you filled out states that you were looking for help managing your eating disorder as well as some other mental health issues you've been experiencing."
"Yes, well, I've never actually been diagnosed with an eating disorder, unless you count my boyfriend's assessment."
Reina nodded. She reached over to her desk and pulled her laptop computer, placing it on her lap as she logged on.
"I took some notes from the clinical assessments you took during your intake survey. There are three criteria for the diagnosis of anorexia nervosa under the DSM-5: restriction of calorie consumption leading to weight loss or failure to gain weight resulting in a significantly low body weight based on a person's age, sex, height, and stage of growth, as well as intense fear of gaining weight or becoming 'fat'. One may exercise compulsively and/or purge the food they eat through intentional vomiting and/or the misuse of laxatives. They also typically have a distorted self-image of their body. You disclosed on intake that you did abuse recreational drugs to aid in your weight loss, that you engaged in obsessive exercising and self-induced vomiting and that you have an extremely high fear of gaining weight. In conjunction with your lab results which showed evidence of hyperglycemia, a lower than average white blood cell count, and anemia, I'd say you more than qualify for the diagnosis of anorexia nervosa, Solana."
"Wow," Solana uttered. "That was…a lot."
"I am just reading your results. Additionally, on your Patient Health Questionnaire (PHQ - 9), which is a screening to identify and measure the severity of depression, you scored a 22, indicating you have a sensitivity and specificity of 88% for severe major depression. So, in my clinical diagnosis, you would also be diagnosed clinically with major depressive disorder."
Solana chuckled uncomfortably. "Okay, maybe I'm a little depressed here and there, but I wouldn't say I'm chronically depressed. Not like Leilani anyway."
"Why do you feel the need to compare yourself to your friend?" Reina asked.
"I'm not. I'm just saying I disagree that I have major depression."
"But you brought up your friend for comparison, as if somehow her level of depression was more apparently severe than yours and therefore more valid. Why do you feel the need to qualify it?"
"Her depression is more valid. She is in an extremely abusive relationship. She's miserable all the time. I'm not going through the same things she is."
"That doesn't make your pain any less valid or true."
"Did my assessments say that too?"
"No, I'm saying that Solana," Reina replied, closing her laptop, placing it back on her desk and giving Solana her full attention. "I could go over your various results all day, that won't help us get to the root of your issues. The results may say what you're struggling with but only you can tell me why. And to do that, you have to accept you are struggling."
Solana's brow crinkled. "I did what you asked me to do. I took the assessments, I told you I wanted help with my eating disorder, if I had one, which…you are saying I do. Right?"
"Yes. But you have other things going on besides anorexia."
"Like what?"
"Like your depression."
"I'm not depressed."
"Anxiety."
"Everybody has anxiety."
"Generalized anxiety, Solana. You also tested for obsessive compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, rape trauma syndrome, and suicidal ideation."
Solana held up her hands. "Okay, wait. I have never been raped. I do not worry about every little thing in my life, and I am not suicidal."
Reina paused for a moment before responding. "Solana, has anyone ever told you that eating disorders usually surface as a result of some sort of psychological family trauma one may endure in their upbringing or childhood. Dysfunctional families and childhood sexual abuse are common risk factors for developing an eating disorder."
Solana shifted uncomfortably on the sofa. She looked away from Reina. "You don't know anything about me."
"I'm trying to get to know you."
"My family did not hurt me. My family loves me," Solana turned back around to face her. "It is not my parents' fault what happened to me."
"Okay. Let's talk about it," Reina said, straightening up ever so slightly in her seat. "Did you grow up in a single or two parent household?"
"Both. My parents were together, then divorced, then remarried."
"All while you were under the age of ten, before you started your journey?"
"Yes."
"What's your relationship like with them?"
"It's fine. My parents and I are great. Close."
"Do you have any siblings?"
"One. And before you ask, my relationship with my brother is also fine."
"What about their spouses? You said they remarried?"
Solana was trying her best to calm the flame that was being ignited in her belly from this conversation. But it only seemed to fan it the longer it went on.
"My dad's wife is fine. We're great. She's like a big sister."
"What about your mom's spouse?"
Solana clasped her hands together and rested her head on her knuckles, pressing them into her forehead.
"I'm not doing this. I'm not talking about him."
"Is he the one? Do you have a poor relationship with him?"
"I am not doing this," Solana repeated a little more forcefully.
"Does your mother know?"
"I am not talking about Nate!" Solana nearly shouted as she lifted her head and stared daggers at the older woman.
Reina was unfazed. "Did he touch you?"
Solana chuckled nervously, her anger continuing to rise. She started scratching the side of her head before exhaling deeply.
"I'm leaving," she muttered, getting up from the sofa and walking towards the office door.
"That's fine. We can pickup again next time. When are you coming back?"
"I'm not coming back."
"Solana, I can only help you if you work with me."
"I don't want your help. I don't need it. I'm fine on my own."
"You are not fine, Solana."
"What do you know?! You weren't there!" She grabbed the doorknob.
"Solana, I want to help you."
"You can't help me, Mom!" She screamed as she spun on her heels. Her mouth slowly gaped open as she realized what she had just said. Tears flowed down her cheeks as she started to tremble.
Reina watched her carefully, assessing her body language and mental state before indicating back to the sofa.
"Please, Solana. Have a seat."
Solana glanced between the sofa and social worker for a moment before covering her face and walking back over to the loveseat and plopping down.
"You don't have to talk about him today. I suspect there is a lot to unpack when it comes to your family and the abuse you suffered at this man's hands. We don't have to get through it all today. Okay?"
Solana barely nodded, still silently sobbing.
"We can continue going over your results, so you can better understand them and know your diagnoses. I'll refer you to a psychiatrist for medication management to help with your symptoms. There's a program you can go to for help getting you back to a healthier weight as well. We'll take it real slow. I'm sorry I pushed you like that. I just needed you to understand that your tough girl persona is not going to work in this relationship. This work requires you to be vulnerable, to go to places you're going to be uncomfortable and even unwilling to go. But in order to heal, you need to go there and address them. You can't keep white-knuckling forever. You're going to have to face your trauma, your past, your demons, in order to be free from them. This isn't a one-and-done type of therapy. This will take time, years even. I can't give you a timeframe, everyone moves at their own pace. But I promise not to overload your system. I just needed you to take me seriously. You may not trust me right away. And I know there are other traumas you have probably suffered, both on and off the job. We'll get there. For now, let's finish going over the results from your intake and you diagnoses, okay, Solana?"
Again, Solana nodded. She lowered her hands from her face and was only half-listening as Reina took back up her laptop and read Solana the rest of her results. Her heart was racing and all she could think about was that one, most hated person flashing that deceptive smile of his.
And the tears returned full force.