A/N: Okie dokie, here we are! Part Two of Amends! Are we excited? I'm excited.

So, my research paper is due tomorrow. I still have to find another source and write another third of a page to make it long enough. Instead, I'm editing this chapter so I can post it tomorrow. My love for you guys knows no bounds apparently. :D

Random Disclaimer: (I don't own Buffy).

Me: Angel!

Angel: What?

Me: (takes a calming breath) I have to tell you something...I love you.

Angel: (dubiously) Um...it sure doesn't seem like it...

Me: (earnestly) But I do! I do love you, I promise! It's just that, well, I...

Angel: (interrupts)...Have a sick sense of humor. Seriously, why are you making me want to kill myself? It's so obvious that it's The First.

Me: (frowns confused) But you don't know about The First yet.

Angel: The Angel in your other Buffyverse told me.

Other Angel: (smugly) Yeah, I totally ratted you out. Stop driving the other me crazy, okay?

Me: (glares) Get back to your own Buffyverse! Don't you think that Buffy might, I don't know, need you?

Other Angel: (rolls his eyes) She keeps reminding me that just because she's...

Me: (scared) No! Don't spoil it!

Angel: (curious) What? Buffy's what in the other universe?

Me: Um...(avoids eye contact) she has the flu...(smiles brightly) So let's get back to this story, huh? No objections? Fantastic.

Amends Part Two

Angel walked aimlessly, not even knowing where he was going. He didn't care. He just needed to escape. Even though he he was already beginning to fight the frenzied haze that the dream had created. Even though he already felt the urge to turn back around, drop to his knees in front of Buffy and beg forgiveness…

But he kept on walking.

Emotions roiled through him so quickly, he couldn't possibly process them all. This left him off-balance and edgy. He hated it. Confusion. Yes, he was sure as hell confused. What was happening? Why was it happening? Was he going crazy? Had a century of guilt finally caught up with him? Was this what he was to become? Trapped in his own guilt, in his own mind, in the horrors of what he'd done? Would he ever have peace?

Of course he had peace. Buffy was that peace.

But he kept walking.

"Trouble sleeping?" Jenny asked suddenly appearing beside him.

Angel froze mid-step. "You're not here," he told himself.

"I'm always here," Jenny said seriously as she moved closer to him.

"Leave me alone," Angel demanded, though it sounded like a plea even to his own ears.

"I can't," Jenny said simply. "You won't let me."

"What do you want?" Angel asked as he once again resumed his walking.

"I wanna die in a bed surrounded by fat grandchildren, but I guess that's off the menu."

Angel looked away from her. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? For me? I'm dead. I'm over it," Jenny shrugged, although Angel missed the action. Maybe if he didn't look at her, she'd disappear. It didn't work.

"If you want to feel sorry for someone, you should feel sorry for yourself," Jenny told him. "Oh, but I guess you've already got that covered."

"I am sorry," Angel said earnestly, stopping once again to face her. "…for what I've done. What else do you want me to say?"

Suddenly, Jenny became Daniel. "I don't want to make you feel bad. I just want to show you who you are."

"There's something wrong with him, Giles," Buffy told her Watcher earnestly. "I was in Angel's dream. There was stuff in there, stuff in his past that I couldn't possibly know about. He was dreaming, and somehow I got sucked in."

"I agree," Wesley said as he appeared from behind the bookshelves, reading from a large volume as he walked. "I've been researching. Angel asked me to."

Giles sighed, remembering how Angel had stared fearfully at nothing. "Yes, I suppose I should be looking as well."

"Oh, well then I'll look too," Buffy immediately volunteered. "Give me a book."

"Oh, me too," Xander said as he came in. "What?" he asked defensively when he saw their looks. "Look, I'm aware I haven't been the bestest friend to you when it comes to the whole Angel thing, and I don't know, maybe I, um, got caught up in the Hanukkah spirit."

Wesley began divvying out books. "The Black Chronicles," he said as he placed the book in Xander's hands. He turned to Buffy, giving her a thick volume. "The Diary of Luscious Temple, he's an expert on demons."

"I'd skip the parts about his gardens," Giles advised. "Unless you want to learn how to grow heartier beets."

Buffy looked to Xander, with a grateful, yet hesitant smile. "Are you sure this is how you want to spend your Christmas vacation?"

"Yeah," Xander smiled. "This is actually the most exciting thing I've got planned. Who else can claim that pathetic a social life?"

As if on cue, Willow entered. "Hey, guys! What are we doing?"

Angel collapsed onto the floor of his apartment, shivering and panting in horror as another one of his past victims paced in front of him. "The thing I remember most was thinking how artful it was. In the dark, they looked just like they were sleeping. It wasn't until I bent down and kissed them goodnight that I felt how cold they were. You grabbed me and I thought, 'Who would go through so much trouble to arrange them like that?'"

Angel looked up at the man; he didn't even know his name. Suddenly, he was no longer looking at the business man. It was Margaret. "But you see," she smiled at him. "That's what makes you different than other beasts. They kill to feed, but you took more pleasure in it than any other creature that walks or crawls."

"Oh, God!" Angel closed his eyes, trying to make it all go away. He didn't want to think about it. They were right of course, but he didn't want to think about it. He just wanted it all to stop. He just wanted it to stop.

"Yeah, cry out," Margaret mocked. "Make a scene."

Trying to escape, Angel jumped to his feet and ran past her, but Daniel blocked his way. "I was to be married that week," he said coldly. "But then, as I recall, you knew that."

"It wasn't me," Angel argued weakly, clinging to Buffy's faint, reassuring voice in his head.

Daniel transformed into Jenny. "It wasn't you?"

"A demon isn't a man," Angel argued, clinging to his logic. "I was a man once."

"Oh yes, and what a man you were," Jenny scowled derisively.

"A drunken, whoring layabout," Margaret sniffed disdainfully. "A terrible disappointment to your parents…"

"I was young," Angel defended. "I never had a chance to…"

"To what? Die of syphilis?" Margaret interrupted. "You were a worthless being before you were ever a monster."

Kathy's bright, happy face appeared briefly in Angel's mind, but it was gone so quickly that he didn't have a chance to cling to it.

Angel placed his hands over his ears. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't take it. He wasn't strong enough. He was weak. "Stop it!" he begged. "Stop!"

Margaret transformed into Jenny again, and gently removed his hands from over his ears. "I don't want to hurt you Angel, but you have to understand. Cruelty's the only thing you've ever truly had a talent for."

"That's not true," Angel shook his head, clinging to Buffy's faint voice in his head like a lifeline.

"Ssh," Jenny consoled as she pushed him back gently on the bed. "Rest," she commanded. "You think you can be with her, Angel, but you're wrong. You'll be her end. It's your destiny."

"I'll show you," she continued as she stroked his hair. "I'll show you."

Angel knew he was dreaming and for once he didn't care. This was a good dream.

They were in Buffy's room, and she was asleep in her bed. He was sitting beside her, watching her peaceful slumber. Unable to help himself, Angel reached out and caressed her face lightly. Buffy opened her eyes blearily, but she quickly brightened as she blinked back the fogginess of sleep. She smiled up at him.

And then she was straddling his waist, pressing her body against him in such a delicious way Angel couldn't help the low growl in his throat. He pulled her impossibly closer to him as his hands slid down her back. He grabbed the hem of her shirt, and quickly pulled it over her head. Greedily, his hands caressed her soft, warm skin as his lips moved along her collarbone.

Buffy's hands ran down his chest, and before he knew it, his shirt had joined hers on the floor. They continued to kiss and hold each other tenderly, soaking up the loving passion that seemed to have engulfed them.

Now, they had switched positions. He was on top of her. Angel ran his hand up her outstretched arm until they'd clasped hands. Then, all of a sudden, there was a bright flash of lights and a loud crash of thunder. Angel grabbed her wrists roughly, pinning her arms to her side, and then he vamped out and sunk his fangs savagely into her neck.

Angel jerked awake with a gasp, wide-eyed and terrified.

"You want her," Jenny said with an evil smile that Angel didn't see.

"No," Angel panted, knowing that if it were possible his heart would be pounding in his chest.

"Take her," Jenny whispered in his ear. "Take what you want. Take it, take her blood. Taste it, it's yours. You'll be free…"

"No," Angel shook his head, closing his eyes and then opening them just as quickly. If he closed his eyes all he saw was Buffy, her lifeless eyes staring hauntingly back at him.

"You can't live for all eternity with all this pain," Jenny continued to whisper in his ear. "This is what you are. She trusts you. She'd let you. Take it! And then you'll kill her…"

"I can't do it," Angel shook his head. "I can't."

"You have to do it," Jenny told him. "What else are you good for?"

"Get away from me!" Angel pleaded.

"Couldn't you just…feel her," Jenny taunted in his ear. "How soft her skin was? How she was so pliant in your arms? So trusting? It's too easy."

Angel shook his head fruitlessly, trying to fight, trying to find Buffy's voice in his head. She'd tell him. She'd remind him who he was. She'd make it better. Angel searched and searched his mind—Buffy was gone.

"You were never a fighter, Angel," Jenny whispered mockingly. "Don't start trying now. Sooner or later you will drink her."

"I'll never hurt her," Angel argued weakly.

"You already have," Jenny retorted easily. "You were born to hurt her. Have you learned nothing? As long as you're alive…"

"Then I'll die," Angel said flatly.

Jenny paused, considering. "You don't have the strength to kill yourself."

"I don't need strength," Angel replied, suddenly calm—content with this course of action. "I just need the sun to rise."

Buffy paced in the library, her mind racing with her thoughts. The bad guy, apparently, was The First. He was incorporeal, and his little minions, Harbringers, were eyeless and creepy and could conjure spirit manifestations and set them on people—influence them—haunt them.

She and Xander had gone to Willy's looking for answers, but they'd basically ended up back at square one. Underground. That was the only clue they had.

Faith had shown up at her house, claiming that the party was a no-go. She'd even brought gifts. Granted, she'd repeatedly told them that they were crappy, but the gesture truly meant a lot to Buffy, and when she wasn't busy worrying about Angel she would take the proper amount of time smiling over the positive gesture of goodwill.

But for now, Buffy's thoughts drifted back to her latest shared dream with Angel.

Buffy remembered her dream. Vividly. It had been a good dream, in the beginning. It had been a welcome dream, a nice reprieve—in the beginning. Surprisingly though, the fact that Angel had killed her was not the scariest thing about the dream. The scariest aspect of the dream was the little part of her that had liked it—being bitten. There was a part of her that longed for Angel to sink his fangs into her neck and drink from her. There was a part of her that told her it was right. She trusted Angel completely. Buffy knew that if Angel ever drank from her that he wouldn't take too much. He wouldn't kill her. She trusted him to stop.

Buffy shook those thoughts away for later pondering. She turned to Wesley and Giles, both of whom had their noses buried in books. "Okay, guys, what have we got?"

Wesley looked up from his book. "Um, 'A child shall be born of man and goat and have two heads, and The First shall only speak in riddles…'" Wesley frowned. "Not very helpful, I'm afraid."

"Giles?" Buffy looked to her other Watcher. "Come on, I'm begging."

"Um..." Giles read from his book silently for a moment. "More posturing I'm afraid," he explained as he read aloud. "For they are Harbringers of death—nothing shall grow above or below them—no seed shall flower, neither in man nor—" Giles made a so and so gesture with his hand. "They're rebels and they'll never ever be any good. Nothing specific about their haunts."

Something clicked in Buffy's brain. "Give me that," she said quickly. Giles placed the book in her hand, and she reread the passage that had caught her attention. "Nothing shall grow above or below…" she trailed off, completely amazed at how she hadn't realized it before. Underground. Neither above nor below.

The dead Christmas trees.

Buffy kicked open the gate to the Christmas tree farm and marched straight to the spot where she'd seen the dead Christmas trees. Once Buffy reached the right spot, she looked around, seeing it clearly for the first time. As she'd noticed before, the trees around the brown trees were green and alive. The brown trees themselves formed a circle.

Buffy looked around for something to dig with and noticed a long-handled ax. Not hesitating, Buffy hefted the ax and swung it to the ground. It didn't take long to make a hole. The ground was dead and fell away like sand.

Dropping into the hole, Buffy landed a few feet down in a cave. It was lit with candles. They were everywhere. In the middle of the cave, circled around a little, makeshift stone table, were the Bringers. They were chanting endlessly, and the creepy monotone in which they spoke made Buffy shiver.

"Okay, ten more minutes of chanting and then you guys have got to go to bed," Buffy chided in her best patronizing mother-y voice.

Buffy didn't give them time to argue with her. She swung her ax at the closest of the three Bringers. It hit him in the stomach and he went down. Immediately, Buffy swung her weapon at another Bringer. Hitting him twice, once in the stomach and then once on the head, the final blow knocking him to the ground. The third one, the smartest or the most cowardly, ran away.

Buffy then used her ax to destroy the artifacts that were on the table.

Then, Jenny appeared.

"Hmm…I'm impressed," Jenny admitted.

Buffy hesitated. Was this mass confusion what Angel had been feeling all this time? Sadly, Buffy realized that he probably felt infinitely worse. However, Buffy looked back at Jenny defiantly. It wasn't really Jenny. Just her image.

This was The First.

"You won't get Angel," Buffy said firmly.

"You think you can fight me?" The First asked, still keeping Jenny's image. "I am not a demon, little girl. I am something you can't even conceive. The First Evil—I am beyond sin, beyond death. I am the thing the darkness fears. You'll never see me, but I am everywhere. Every being, every thought, every drop of hate…"

"Alright, I get it," Buffy interrupted annoyed. "You're Evil. Do we have to chat about it all day?"

"Angel will be dead by sunrise," The First told her with an evil smirk. "Your Christmas will be his wake."

"No," Buffy shook her head. He was bluffing. Angel would never kill himself, no matter how bad things got.

"You have no idea what you're dealing with," The First snarled impatient and frustrated by Buffy's blasé attitude.

"Lemme guess, is it…evil?" Buffy asked sarcastically.

The apparition of Jenny suddenly shrieked and swooped towards Buffy, morphing into a great clawed beast with horns before disappearing. However, it left with one final warning.

"Dead by sunrise!"

Buffy felt her stomach drop. She had to find Angel. Now.

With a speed she didn't know she possessed, Buffy ran out from the cave and climbed back through the hole she'd created. Her feet had barely hit the ground before she was running again, through the trees and out of the Christmas tree farm. She hit the sidewalk at a dead sprint.

However, it was when she'd been running for about a minute that she realized she had no idea where she was going. Buffy thought quickly, not bothering to slow down. Angel was actually one for the dramatic himself. He'd want to be on top of a mountain or something, where the sunlight would hit first. He'd have a good view.

But there were no mountains in Sunnydale. However, there were hills.

Abruptly, Buffy changed course. She ran. She didn't feel the burn in her legs, she didn't feel the stitch in her side. She just ran.

Buffy didn't think about the fact that she may be too late. She didn't think about the fact that sunrise was only minutes away. She had enough time. She would make it. She would save him. There was simply no other alternative.

Buffy ran past the mansion on Crawford Street and to the hills behind it. She had never once slackened her pace.

Finally, she made it to the top of the hill and allowed herself a moment to catch her breath. Her legs felt wobbly now, and she struggled to stand.

But she'd made it in time.

In front of her, sitting down, his arms resting on his knees, was Angel. He didn't look at her as he spoke, "I bet half the kids down there are already awake," Angel told her quietly. "Lying in their beds…sneaking downstairs…waiting for day."

"Angel, please," Buffy begged as she dropped to her knees beside him. "Th-there's only a few minutes left."

"I know," Angel replied. "I can smell the sunrise long before it comes."

"I don't have time to explain this," Buffy said hurriedly. "You just have to trust me. That thing that was haunting you…"

"It wasn't haunting me," Angel interrupted, shaking his head. "It was showing me."

"Showing you?" Buffy repeated warily.

"What I am—"

"—were"

"And ever shall be," Angel finished.

"Is this about the dream?" Buffy asked, getting angry. "Is this about biting me?"

"I can't do it again, Buffy," Angel said tiredly. "I can't become a killer."

"It was just a dream," Buffy argued. "It wasn't real. You'd never hurt me."

"It's all I've ever done."

Buffy felt angry tears spring into her eyes. He was giving up. The one person who always told her to fight, to keep on going—he was quitting. "Dammit, Angel! Fight!"

"It's too hard."

"Angel, please!" Buffy was begging again. Her emotions were so sporadic even she couldn't keep up with them. "Please, you have to get inside!"

"It told me to kill you," Angel said lowly, ignoring her plea. "You were in the dream. You know. It told me to drink from you."

"What does it matter?" Buffy asked, wanting nothing but to know why he was doing this.

"Because I want to!" Angel suddenly yelled, causing Buffy to take a startled step back. "Because I want you so badly! I know that I might not be able to stop, and a part of me doesn't care!" he sobbed despairingly, but it quickly turned to anger. "Last night I thought about biting you, did you know that? I was so tempted. I almost gave in. It's getting harder. Seeing your blood pulse through your neck, mocking me! I want to Mark you, to claim you as mine! What does that make me, huh?"

"It makes you a vampire!" Buffy snapped back, as angry tears poured down her cheeks. "Do you think that I've forgotten? So what if you want to bite me? If we're all for being honest, I really wouldn't mind if you drank from me! A part of me wants it! Does that make you feel better? This isn't all about you!"

"I'm weak, Buffy!" Angel shouted back. "I've never been anything else! It's not the demon in me that needs killing, it's the man!"

"You're wrong," Buffy whispered, shaking her head. Buffy cradled his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her. She gently ran her hand through his hair, as she searched his troubled, saddened brown eyes. "Angel, when I look at you all I see is a man—a beautiful man inside and out. You have the biggest heart. You care so much that you punish yourself for things that aren't your fault. Angel, I love you so much. I trust you with my life. It's about time you trusted yourself," Buffy said softly as she caressed his face with her fingertips. "Have a little faith Angel, please, for me."

"Angel, you have the power to do real good," Buffy continued as Angel stared at her. She could see the light in his eyes. She was getting through to him. "You can make amends. But if you die now, then all you ever were was a monster."

Buffy glanced at the sky. It was beginning to lighten. "Angel, please," she begged. "Have a little faith, if not in yourself yet, then put it in us. Strong is living life. It's hard and it's painful, and it's every day. But we'll do it together."

Buffy kissed his lips softly. "You're not alone anymore," she whispered. "I'm here."

Angel's eyes met hers, and for a moment it was like time stood still.

"There's snow in your hair," Angel said after a moment.

"Huh?" Buffy asked dumbly.

Angel laughed, and once he started it was like he couldn't stop. It was too cathartic. "It's snowing!" he managed between chuckles.

Buffy finally looked around her, and she couldn't believe her eyes. White powder fell to the ground in big, fat snowflakes that she'd only seen in goofy, cartoon movies. It was snowing in Sunnydale.

And suddenly, Buffy was laughing too.

Angel reached up from his place on the ground and pulled her down to top of him. She landed on his chest, her hands splayed across his shoulders. Buffy's giggles slowly died down as she stared into his eyes, his warm, chocolate brown eyes. Angel returned her stare, and almost hesitantly reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. His hand lingered at the nape of her neck for a moment before he pulled her face to his.

Their lips met softly. There was no rush in this kiss. This kiss was all about love. It was about trust, and rebuilding that trust. Buffy opened her mouth to his, and Angel deepened the kiss without a second thought. This continued on for a few minutes before Buffy pulled away to breathe.

She looked around at the snow that had dusted everything in a layer of white. "Not that I'd necessarily mind staying out here and making snow angels with you," Buffy giggled at her pun. "But I'm getting cold…you think we can take this inside?"

Angel sat up, the movement causing Buffy to be sitting in lap. "That's probably a good idea."

Buffy stood and offered her hand to Angel. He took it and didn't let go as they began to walk leisurely back to his apartment. As they walked, Buffy leaned her head on his shoulder. "You know, I have your present at my house."

"I'll just stick a bow on your head," Angel joked, though there was a mischievous light in his eye that made Buffy wonder if he'd actually do it. "You're a gift."

"Are you going to wrap me up and put me in a box?" Buffy teased back.

Angel pulled her to a stop, and pressed his body against hers. "What are you talking about?" he teased as he fingered the hem of her shirt. "You're already wrapped."

Buffy's eyes were shining with laughter. She loved a playful Angel. "So I guess you'll just have to unwrap me then?"

"That's the plan," Angel smiled back as he resumed their trek.

After a moment, Buffy spoke again. "Hey Angel?"

"Yeah?"

"You know I could never ask for more than you, right?" Buffy told him earnestly, tugging on his hand, signaling him to stop.

Angel studied her for a moment. He searched her earnest gaze, so trusting, so honest. She'd saved him, again—from himself, again. She saw through the lies, the smokescreens, and his past. She saw him as he was, and she loved him.

Angel would do anything for her. He'd die for her. He'd kill for her. He'd do anything for her. Now, he realized that killing himself would have accomplished nothing. It would only have hurt her, quite possibly worse than anything Angelus could ever have concocted. Angel had vowed to himself that he'd never hurt her again. He intended to keep that promise.

Remembering her question, Angel smiled softly. "Yeah, Muirnín. I know."

"Merry Christmas, Angel," Buffy reached up to peck his lips, but Angel wanted a little bit more.

"Merry Christmas, Buffy," he whispered against her lips before kissing her tenderly.

When he pulled away, they resumed their walk to his apartment. "You know, we're rebels," Buffy said as they walked. "We've kissed four times already and there's not a sprig of mistletoe in sight."

And...there we go! I hope you guys liked it! I had to change the big argument at the end because I'd already used some of those lines in previous chapters! lol For those of you who may have noticed, or thought that some of the dialogue sounded familiar, it's because I took a little bit from Two Sides of the Same Coin. It applied in this situation as well, and I couldn't think of a way to get the same point across, but write it differently! lol

Okay, the next episode is "Helpless"! Don't expect anything close to canon! :D

Oh, and I forgot to put a little quote from the AISHB sequel in the last chapter! So...here's a quote from Chapter 1.

"Do I have to wear it?" - Angel

Reviews bring much love,

ArthursCamelot