Where Secrets are Shared
Padme took a calming breath, putting a hand over her round stomach. The previous week, Anakin had started having horrible nightmares that would not only wake himself up, but herself and, she later learned, Obi-Wan. The pressure of his situation and the possible-future were pulling him apart at the seams and she was worried.
Enough was enough.
So she decided to do something about it. It was time to take some of the stress out of his life. And her life for that matter.
So she looked out to the dining room where her dear husband, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka were sitting and laughing. Little did they know what she really had on the menu for tonight.
"My lady, I don't see why I should shut down now," Threepio said, making Padme glance back. "I have served these dinners of yours for some time now. I am quite capable of-"
"Thank you, Threepio," she said, putting a hand on his golden shoulder. "But I have things I need to discuss that must remain private. Please, power down. If I can, I'll discuss details with you in the morning."
The protocol droid gave a stiff bow. "As you wish, Miss Padme."
One less headache, at least for this evening. So another calming breathe and she picked up a tray with a roasted fowl stuffed with a meat-filling Ahsoka enjoyed. She stepped into the dining room and everyone turned with smiles. Anakin was already getting up to take the tray for her, no doubt thinking something about her "delicate" condition. She so loved his thoughtfulness. And his stubborn streak, even though that could be highly irritating.
"So," Ahsoka said lightly, sniffing the delicious meal, "what's the currency for tonight's meal?"
"Something different," Padme replied seriously, taking her seat by her husband. "Tonight's currency is secrets."
Silence fell.
She took another deep breath. One hand went to her stomach the other reached out and held Anakin's hand.
"For various reasons, we've all been keeping things from each other. Most of it has been the result of positions we've been placed in without any say. Promises made without being able to back out, or responsibilities that pull us in different directions." She turned and looked at her husband. "We've talked about when to share things. But I don't think we have the luxury of waiting for an opportune time any more." Because Ahsoka, more than anyone at this table, had been left in the dark. The reasoning had been sound, but she would have to trust that Anakin's lessons had prepared her enough.
Her husband was resisting. He'd held onto these secrets for so long, he would be hard-pressed to let go. But letting go was what he needed right now. And she would do whatever it took to make things easier for her dear, dear Ani.
"Ahsoka, Anakin, Obi-Wan. I'll go first."
With a deep breath, she related everything she had been doing with Bail, Mon, and the rest of the Senators who didn't like all the power that Chancellor Palpatine had. The slow quiet moves they had been making to talk to other Senators and get a petition going to guarantee Palpatine let go of his power when this horrible war was over. Of how she had been vowed to silence before she understood what that would really entail. Of how she tried to get them to seek a Jedi's thoughts and the disappointingly negative views of the Jedi that they had. Of her compromise to bring in a Padawan, Ahsoka, who was not only apprenticed to a Council member, but was often with other Council members because of Anakin's tendency to be sent into difficult missions.
"I'm sorry," she said, her head lowered. "It wasn't right for me to keep this from any of you. I've always believed that as a politician, my duty to the people was to stick by my word. If I wasn't honest, how could the people trust me to do what was right? But this... this has hurt all of you. And," she squeezed Anakin's hand. "I believe that you should know about this. I have people's trust to do what is right. So I must do what I think is right. I think it's right to start opposing Palpatine because I don't agree with a lot of what he's doing. But I also think it's right for the three of you to know."
Padme looked up, tears in her eyes that she wiped away. Stupid hormones. "You're all a part of my family. You deserve more than what I've been doing."
Ahsoka looked around, wide-eyed. "I've been... does this count as leaking information? But I never talked about plans or anything..."
Padme reached out and held the young Togrutan's hand. "No, you haven't done anything wrong," she reassured her. "You've only been sharing a Jedi's view of things. Something that even the Council members would likely say; if asked."
"You were using me?" she asked, looking down.
"No, Snips, she wasn't," her husband said. "I told you that this was a lesson in politics, even if I didn't know the details of it. I trusted Padme with you because Padme is trustworthy." He glanced at her. "She was put in a bad place and did the best she could to hold true to herself, her ideals, and all of us. She chose to tell you because she trusts you."
Ahsoka looked around, before closing her eyes. Anakin did as well, and Padme glanced at Obi-Wan in askance.
"They're talking along the bond," he supplied. "She needs a lot of reassurance and it's easier to feel things more directly, than through words." The Jedi master sat back. "She'll be needing a lot of that before this night is over."
"It's necessary," she stated.
Obi-Wan tugged at his beard. "At this point, I agree. Especially for Anakin. With all the stress he's under, especially with the assignment he's been working on, it's a wonder he hasn't snapped."
"Assignment?" she asked. "He's been busy with the Council."
Obi-Wan nodded. "That's part of the stress. I'll explain in a moment."
When Anakin and Ahsoka finally opened their eyes, the young Padawan was teary eyed when she turned to Padme. "Senator... May I..." she looked down, still clutching Padme's hand. "May I look into your mind about this? Master Anakin said you'd be okay with it."
"Of course," Padme smiled. "Anything you need." Padme closed her eyes and waited, focusing on her memories of that meeting and her confused and torn feelings on what she'd been doing. She thought of her glowing pride in Ahsoka as the girl "reported" her findings and how astute she was and of her profound gratitude as more stubborn Senators like Mon Mothma were starting to change their opinion of the Jedi as they spoke with the young Padawan.
"She's all done," Anakin whispered and Padme opened her eyes. Ahsoka was looking down but then she stood and came over to encircle Padme in a hug that could rival her husband.
He's been teaching her about hugs, she mused about her dear husband.
"Of course," he replied. "My mother's wisdom knows no bounds."
"I believe I'll share next," Obi-Wan said as Ahsoka sat down. "This one, Ahsoka, won't be quite so painful to hear. Anakin has been given an assignment by the Council and he's been given an assignment by the Chancellor that has put him in a difficult position."
Ahsoka nodded, knowing that often assignments weren't general knowledge.
Anakin turned to Obi-Wan, with a small glare, but Obi-Wan stared right back.
"You need this, Anakin," he said quietly, reaching over and placing a hand on her husband's shoulder. "You've been under far too much strain. I trust you've taught Ahsoka well and that she can handle all the information that will be shared this evening."
Anakin sighed. "I know that," he hissed. "But-"
"But nothing," Obi-Wan said quietly, yet firmly. "You've been holding far too much in. Yes, you're going to give up some control by letting all of us know everything, the same way I am. But by letting go, I believe we'll have more options. And you need to get some of this out or you're going to implode."
Padme took a moment to focus on the conversation the three of them had had that first night of nightmares. Of how Anakin wasn't all-powerful, but he could do even more with the support of his friends and family.
Anakin relented. "Fine. But I'll drop the big bombshell for her."
"Very well," Obi-Wan replied. Turning to Padme and Ahsoka, he started to explain about the Jedi suspicions of the Sith, the tunnel that led to 500 Republica, (Padme gasped) and that a Sith was likely part of Palpatine's circle. How Palpatine's appointment of Anakin on the Council gave a chance for them to sniff out the Sith by Anakin giving a false impression of the Council to Palpatine. That the Council actually didn't know that Anakin knew he was giving false impressions. That Anakin didn't like lying to the Chancellor. How the Chancellor had lost so much faith in the Jedi, he'd heard and thought possible rumors that the Jedi were plotting to overthrow the Republic (Ahsoka slammed her hands on the table shouting denials) and had asked Anakin to spy on the Council for him.
"So we have my old Padawan playing double agent with two groups that are on the same side but no longer trust each other, and now we learn that Padme is part of a resistance against the Chancellor, one of Anakin's oldest friends." Obi-Wan sat back again, looking far older than he should. "Stars above, Anakin. No wonder you've been strung out."
"And so long as we're dropping bombshells," Ani added, staring straight at his Padawan and utterly ignoring the implications of the position he was in, "There's one more you need to know Ahsoka: Padme's pregnant."
A long silence stretched out before them; Padme looking back and forth between the three Jedi. Obi-Wan was holding his head in his hand, a clear indication of his opinion of Anakin's lack of subtlety. Anakin blatantly ignored him, staring intently at Ahsoka and waiting for her to figure it out. Ahsoka herself was wide eyed as she absorbed the information, looking slowly at Padme and Anakin, sitting next to each other at the table as they always did, looking at Padme's suspiciously absent hand, holding Anakin's as it was under the table and out of sight.
When it finally hit her, Padme noted, Ahsoka decided that rolling her eyes wasn't a strong enough reaction. Her entire head rolled along with her eyes, and she slammed her hands face down on the table. "Master!" she shrieked. Padme watched the Togrutan's face twist in hurt and she felt more than a little guilty that Anakin had decided to induct her on their great secret in such a way. Obi-Wan's low moan showed his agreement.
"You're a Jedi!" she continued in an even higher pitch, and Padme and Obi-Wan both held their head in their hands. Confronting her beloved Ani was never a good idea.
"So?" Anakin demanded, immediately irate as he dug his heels in and prepared for a battle.
"You're not supposed to do stuff like this!"
"Did you ever listen to anything I ever taught you?" Ani shouted back. "About love and bonds and connection?"
"But Jedi are forbidden to get married! You are married right? You didn't just randomly decide to jack her-"
"How dare you even think I would do that Snips?"
"Because you're so impulsive!" Ahsoka shouted right back, standing up so abruptly the chair moaned as it was shoved back. "You always rush off to do whatever you think is right and damn anybody else's opinion!"
Padme and Obi-Wan both coughed. Padme was suddenly thinking about that one night she witnessed a fight between her Ani and Obi-Wan. This was just as awkward as then, and she wanted to interrupt somehow, to take a page from Obi-Wan's book and negotiate a truce, but she couldn't get a word in edgewise. She looked helplessly to her husband's former master and he minutely shook his head. They had to wait. Padme hated waiting.
"You weren't there, you don't know what happened; you didn't even know me; what makes you think you had a say in it?"
"Oh, so I'm just another youngling?" Ahsoka shouted, slamming a fist on the table. "Another little stupid Initiate that's too stupid to know what's going on around her and has to have everything kept from her? I'm your Padawan! I'm supposed to know everything about you! I'm supposed to be by your side through thick and thin, I've saved your life in battle, I've fought next to you, I've looked after you, and it all means nothing? Master Obi-Wan and Senator Padme can know everything about you but I can't? Am I really so unimportant?"
Padme saw Anakin open his mouth in rage, and she knew that whatever came out of his mouth would be hurtful to everyone involved. A glance at Obi-Wan was all she had time to give and she mustered all her strength to elbow him hard in his arm. His eyes spun wildly to her, but Obi-Wan took his chance and cut in:
"I have a question, Ahsoka," he said in calm, level, but unyieldingly firm tones. "Has my former Padawan taught you any lessons about controlling anger?"
It was like a knife cutting through their dinner. One difference between Ani and his Padawan was that: when a fault or problem was pointed out, Anakin would immediately be defensive; Ahsoka by contrast would stop and reflect. Where Anakin would deny, Ahsoka would grudgingly admit; and as she replayed the last several minutes in her head, the energy seeped out of her. She finally collapsed back into her seat, elbows falling to her knees and she simply looked down, dejected and hurt. Padme reached out and put a hand on her shoulder, but she shied away, too hurt for comfort.
"I see," Obi-Wan said, his gaze hard on Ani though he spoke to Ahsoka. "I'd recommend asking him to be more forthcoming; anger usually is an energy-induced reaction to fear, am I right, Anakin?"
The two said nothing after that, and Padme knew they had taken their fight to the bond. Padme sighed, taking her drink and taking a decidedly large sip. "I'm never choosing this currency again," she muttered, rubbing her forehead. "I wanted to relieve stress, not cause more of it. I'm sorry, Ahsoka; I feel I've hurt you the most."
The Padawan looked up, a glance before her eyes flicked back down. "I thought I was learning so much," she said softly. "I thought I knew him, but he's been lying to me about so much."
Padme nodded, understanding. "My Ani is a complicated man," she said gently. "He's very open in some ways; he wears his heart on his sleeve and he believes in things from the bottom of his heart. But he has a very bad habit of clutching things very close to him, from people to secrets. We'd always agreed to tell you, Ahsoka, after the war when the time was right." She rubbed at her child, feeling him or her starting to kick. "But I get the feeling we're running out of time."
"I won't let it happen," Anakin said in a flat, dark voice, even though he continued his mental debate with Obi-Wan.
Ahsoka looked up, a frown on her face. "Let what...?"
"You've had visions before," Padme said softly, reaching out but not touching Ahsoka, giving her the choice. The Padawan didn't take it but she didn't reject it either. "You saved me from that bounty hunter, Aura Sing, because you had a vision. Ani has them too. He had a dream last week that was very bad; all three of us were in it."
Ahsoka looked up again, her face colored with surprise. "Me, too?" she asked in a small voice.
Padme smiled warmly. "Of course, Ahsoka. You're part of the family."
The Togrutan smiled; a small, tentative smile, and she reached out to take Padme's hand. "Thank you," she said softly.
Obi-Wan moaned slightly. "No, Anakin, bad idea."
The two girls looked to the two men. They were staring at each other intently, their wills probably crackling brightly for all that Padme knew; but she didn't need to be Force-sensitive to feel the tension between the two. This fight had brought up Ani's core problem, loneliness, and he was always at his worst when it was brought up so unexpectedly. Padme loved her Ani but sometimes he was just so temperamental.
"Don't you start with me, Padme," Anakin said, not breaking his glare at Obi-Wan.
There were times Padme really wished she had her privacy in her head. Sighing, she took a breath and reordered her priorities: 1) Calm down her beloved but currently irritating husband. 2) Reassure her beloved but currently irritating husband and his hurt little Padawan both that they were loved and important. 3) Sort through the political mess that they had uncovered with all the secrets they just divulged to each other. 4) Find a way to help her beloved but currently irritating husband with the impossible position he was in. 5) More reassurance that he was loved. 6) Maybe, oh, she didn't know, play some music for the baby and relax it? The kicking was starting to hurt and she was certain it was a reaction to the stress she was feeling.
That little thought snapped Anakin to full attention. "The baby's kicking?" he asked, breaking off whatever he was glaring about to turn and face her fully. "Is it okay? Are you okay? You're not..." his voice trailed off, and Padme knew he was thinking about the dream.
"I'm fine," she said softly, taking his hand with her free one and placing it on her stomach. "See? Everything's fine."
"I'm sorry," he muttered, forgetting everything else. "I'm sorry. Sh, it's okay little one; settle down for Mommy, okay?"
Across the table, Padme saw Obi-Wan give a long suffering sigh. "I will never understand how he can turn his emotions on and off on a credit like that," he muttered, rubbing his forehead and then his beard. Padme offered him a reassuring smile.
For the next twenty minutes they all focused on the baby; Anakin cooing and singing softly while Ahsoka rubbed her belly repeatedly. Obi-Wan sat off to the side, enjoying the show but opting not to take part. Padme offered him to join once or twice, but ultimately he didn't feel comfortable.
When she finally looked at the clock she realized they were well into the next day; and still there was so much to discuss. They had moved to the main room, she and her husband on one couch with Ahsoka kneeling next to them. Obi-Wan was on the opposite couch, watching from a distance. "Anakin," he said gently, "Perhaps it's time to meditate."
"Mm," he said, half listening. He gave a long, lingering kiss to Padme - to Ahsoka's embarrassing shock, before tapping her on her montrals. "Alright, Snips; I think it's past time I showed you how Obi-Wan and I meditate. Your shields should be strong enough to handle it. If not, well, we'll see what happens."
"... And what does that mean," Ahsoka asked in a trite but soft tone. They stood and Ani lead them to the balcony.
It left Obi-Wan and Padme alone.
"Well, this is a beautiful mess, isn't it?" Obi-Wan said by way of introduction.
"My Ani certainly knows how to pick them." She paused. "You know you can touch the baby," she said.
Obi-Wan shook his head, a soft and perhaps sad smile on his face. "It's not my place," he answered. "I know nothing at all about babies and infants until they come to the Temple, and there they are trained as Jedi and not treated as proper younglings." He paused, his gaze far away, looking at something no one else could see. "Attachment... the policy is so clear..." his voice trailed off.
Padme was very quiet, realizing perhaps for the first time that Obi-Wan never saw Padme outside of work or coming with Anakin for dinner. If her husband was off planet and he wasn't, he never dropped by for dinner; and he never talked about himself if he could help it - dinner currency aside, and even then she realized it was always a story about Anakin in some way, never about himself personally. Anakin had more than once scorned the Jedi teachings on attachment, that it was forbidden for fear of attachment turning a Jedi to the Darkside; her husband spat at the very idea. It occurred to her that his very participation in their dinners, being in the presence of such strong attachment and seeing it's love and light and happiness, might sometimes be painful for him who never had it as a child himself, or that he protected himself as he could by keeping at a safe distance. She suddenly wondered if Obi-Wan was questioning the Jedi code for attachment, and the insight made her decidedly uncomfortable.
"Well," Obi-Wan said lightly, deliberately closing the unopened topic, "I'd say the first thing we need to do is somehow let Bail and the others have much more open access to the Jedi. Might you suggest inducting young Ahsoka into your organization; a Jedi consultant perhaps?"
Padme frowned, thinking about it. "I think most of them would agree, but we need a unanimous vote to include someone new."
Obi-Wan sighed, rubbing his beard. He looked older then, tired and exhausted. Padme was, too. She lifted her swollen feet up, glaring at the appendages. "Perhaps if I made an overture; I don't want to inform the Council of this until your committee is comfortable with it if I can help it. If there are two organizations, yours and ours, that want to effect change, then we may be able to get Palpatine out from under the Sith's thumb and thereby draw him out."
"I agree," Padme said. "Maybe you can talk to Bail, tell him independently about the Sith."
Obi-Wan shook his head. "Not even the entire Council knows about the Sith being in the Supreme Chancellor's circle. Technically, Anakin wasn't to know either, and the Council doesn't even know that. The sheer number of secrets about is nauseating."
"Then perhaps it's time we came out all at once, like we did tonight," Padme suggested, rubbing comforting circles round her child. "Get the Council and the key members together and tell them everything. I doubt any of them will react as badly as Ani did."
The Jedi master gave a wry grin but ultimately frowned. "But how can we slip Palpatine into that little meeting?" Obi-Wan countered, "Or should we even try? We can't have an all-points dump because, ultimately, we don't know who or where the Sith is. The result could be catastrophic; but the more we gather in secret the more Palpatine has a right to think he's being plotted against. In point of fact, we are, if only because we can't trust how safe his ears are."
"Then let's just settle for what we can do. I'll talk to the others about Ahsoka. She'll be the link between us."
"And Anakin?"
Yes. Anakin. There was the rub.
"He knows everything now," she sighed. "That should help a little."
"And it puts even more pressure on him. Now he has a clearer view of just how deep these waters run."
"Oh, to be young and ignorant," Padme moaned, rubbing her forehead. "I wonder what it was ever like."
Obi-Wan shrugged his shoulders. "I worry. He's in a bad situation; anyone would be, but it's worse for Anakin. Not only does he have a poor disposition for undercover work like this, he has to lie to someone he has utmost respect for: Palpatine." He sighed and rubbed his beard again. "I'm beginning to wonder if his policies are even his; if the Sith is influencing him to a degree necessary to make these dictatorial decisions. That bodes ill for the Supreme Chancellor overall. I'd rather he leave the political arena entirely, for his safety as well as Anakin's piece of mind."
Padme suddenly perked. "Of course!" she said. "That would be perfect!"
"I'm sorry?"
"Palpatine!" she said, the excitement filling her with adrenaline and waking her up. "I think I know a way to remove him for office: retirement!"
Obi-Wan blinked, the information sinking in slowly. When he straightened suddenly, Padme knew he understood. Her predecessor was now over sixty years old. He'd been Supreme Chancellor for almost fifteen years, long past the maximum turn of office. It was common knowledge for anyone of any political clout that the job was stressful to the extreme - especially in a time of war. She couldn't even imagine the amount of health concerns he had; even with close monitoring, proper diet, and exercise, the job would simply wear him out in time; it may even have been how the Sith Lord was able to manipulate him. No one could possibly blame him if he retired, and it would allow him to be removed from the Sith's control or - at the very least - be able to place him under better protection. Similarly, it would force the Sith to make a move, he would have to pick a replacement and that might expose him enough for the Jedi to do something. It also relieved the stress on her beloved Ani since he would no longer have to worry about his esteemed mentor.
"That's an excellent idea, one I think I should suggest to the Council."
Padme smiled, and she found pride welling up inside of her. She blinked, tilting her head. "Did Ani just send me pride?" she asked.
"Yes, did you feel it?"
"I think so. Is that normal?"
Obi-Wan offered a large grin. "With my errant former Padawan one quickly realizes that 'normal' is simply a point of reference."
Author's Notes: Meh. This is a bloody important chapter and it falls really flat. After almost two weeks of BOTH of us working on it it's just boring. Even making Anakin fight with Ahsoka couldn't inject any feeling into it. You'd think, given what happens, it would be downright epic. (sighs)
At any rate, we hope by this point the radical right turn of everyone sharing their secrets with everyone else is believable and acceptable. If nothing else, we feel it's absolutely necessary if these guys (re: Anakin) are going to come out remotely sane. It also adds another layer to the political conspiracy - which frankly is complicated enough for us to have trouble with it to begin with. You can only guess how future chapters are going to be whined about when we throw Dooku back into the mix and watch all the sparks as they're being lit.
Anyway, as always, let us know what you think.
Poor Ahsoka. This was a lot to dump on her all at once.
Here's hoping we'll be online next week. Much like Hurricane Irene forecasted massive power outages in our state (with some areas being out for well over a week), this snow storm is also forecasting lots of power outages since not all the leaves have come down here in New England. Wish us luck.
Next week: Dooku smirks and Anakin visits an opera...