Chapter 7: The Nightmare
The dream had been a bad one. Sarah woke up in a puddle of sweat, in a state of panic. She quickly called out into the darkness, her tone heartbroken. Frantic. Yearning.
"CHUCK!" Chuck where are you?" Sarah cried out.
Chuck flicked on the lamp, and placed himself in front of Sarah. "Sarah….Sarah…I'm right here. You're safe." Chuck said, holding Sarah firmly, but gently.
Sarah's eyes were wild. Reddened. Tears pouring from her face, pooling all down her neck.
Sarah pulled Chuck to her, crying. Chuck realized she was coming out of a nightmare, but this wasn't normal. Sarah had plenty of nightmares, but usually woke up in full control.
Not this time. Sarah was shaking uncontrollably. He debated taking her to an Emergency Room. He was that concerned.
"Sarah…honey, I'm right here. You're safe, now. It's all over. You're safe. Breathe, sweetheart. Breathe."
Sarah was hyperventilating, so he got out of bed, lifted her in his arms, and practically ran to the kitchen. Sarah was hugged against him, not daring to let go.
Chuck went to a drawer, and removed a brown lunch bag. He placed Sarah in a sitting position on the counter, and placed the bag to her mouth. "Sarah, honey! Breath into this!"
Sarah grabbed the bag, and began breathing. Chuck held her firmly in his arms, until her breathing returned to normal. He brushed her wet hair out of her face, trying to decide if this was an emotional emergency, or a medical one.
Once Sarah's breathing got back to normal, she kept the bag to her mouth in one hand, using the other to pull Chuck close. Chuck gently rubbed Sarah's back as she clung to him.
Finally able to talk, Sarah spoke barely above a whisper. "I thought…I thought the Belgian had…killed you."
Chuck sighed slowly. "That's right…but you saved me, Sarah."
Sarah's mouth quivered. "I tore half of Thailand apart looking for you…I was frantic. I…I couldn't lose you…I thought I lost you…" Sarah sobbed quietly after the comment.
"It's all over now, Sarah." Chuck replied softly.
"It felt so…real, Chuck. The dream. I can't explain it. I…found your proposal plan…in your pocket…after you were captured. I thought I was going to die if I didn't find you…so you could propose…to me." Sarah said, her tone broken.
Chuck smiled softly, pulling Sarah's face in his hands. She clung to his hands, her saddened and scared orbs still misting with tears.
"I remember. Several race cars were involved."
Sarah blinked, and chuckled softly. "And horses." Sarah took a steady breath. "But you didn't propose…because you didn't have the Intersect…you thought that's why I was with you…why I loved you…you thought the Intersect is what made me love you. I never told you I didn't care about the Intersect…that I love you…and you were captured…I couldn't lose you without telling you I love you…with or without the Intersect…" Sarah trailed, her mouth quivering. "Why was I such a fool, Chuck? Why was it so hard for me to just…tell you how I feel?"
"You're not a fool. Don't ever think that. You are smart, caring, amazing, and so many other things a multi-volume book series couldn't even cover. You saved my life. You found me. You told me that you loved me…and…you told me you were ready to get engaged." Chuck said softly, but passionately.
Sarah took a ragged breath. "Never again. I am never again keeping quiet about how I feel about you. It took almost three years for me to tell you that I love you…I don't understand why it took me that long. I knew I was in love with you…why couldn't I just say it?"
Sarah shook her head, staring at the ceiling. "I'll never keep my heart silent from you again."
Chuck gently kissed Sarah's hands. "Your eyes always said it. Your actions…that's how you said it. All the things you did…Sarah…I heard you. Even without you saying it. You always put me first…sacrificed a lot…for me. It took me a long time to understand that…but I do. I could get…stupid jealous…or think I have to go to these extremes to please you…and I was wrong."
Sarah traced Chuck's face with her hand. "Chuck…maybe me losing my memories wasn't such a bad thing. It's made me…see a lot that I've done…that I don't want to repeat moving forward in our marriage."
Chuck shook his head slowly. "Stop putting yourself down, Sarah. We both made mistakes...but at the end of the day…no matter what obstacle stood in our way…we found a way to be together."
"I know." Sarah said softly. "It's like…I'm a new person looking into the shell of the old me. I don't like everything I did to you…or didn't say to you."
"I don't like everything I did either." Chuck brushed Sarah's hair behind her ear. "We're human. Neither of us are perfect. We learned to accept each other at face value. Good, bad, and ugly. I hate to break it to you…but love isn't some Disney princess movie. Love is a lot of hard work. But the joy of it is...nothing worthwhile is ever easy. I'm in this for the long haul." Chuck winked. "Sorry...but you're stuck with me."
Sarah chuckled softly, kissing Chuck gently on the lips. "Thank you."
"Anytime." Chuck said, then turned to grab a bottle of water from the refrigerator, handing it to Sarah. Sarah drank the entire bottle, feeling the cool elixir restore her body.
Sighing in content, Sarah let out a small belch, grabbing her mouth. Chuck, laughing softly, simply said, "See? You're human."
Sarah sighed. "You...reminded me I'm still human. You saw...the real me. The...assassin. The woman I...wanted to be." Sarah's eyes widened, her tone changed somewhat. Cold. Distant. "You saw the killer...lurking inside me. Ready for the next mission...the next hunt...the next kill. I had blood on my hands...and I was embracing the nightmare I had become."
Chuck took Sarah by the hand, she looked in his eyes, her tone now breaking. "The way you always look at me...like you are right now...you could see right into my soul, Chuck. You...gave your heart to me...the killer...the assassin...and instead of craving the next kill...I craved...oh, Chuck...I craved you." Sarah sobbed after the statement.
Chuck kissed Sarah's hand, his tone, soft, but firm. "Behind the assassin...I saw a woman. A brave...beautiful...courageous...smart...charming woman. I saw a woman desperately fighting to protect an average guy who had a monumental mess dumped in his lap. It was a burden I couldn't bare alone...so you bore it with me. You fought for me...not just from the government...or, or, Fulcrum, the Ring, or anyone else who wanted to kill me. You fought to protect me from myself. How could I not fall in love with you? Sarah...you have more heart than anyone I have ever known."
Sarah sighed, chuckling at the absurdity of her current thoughts. "I didn't want you to become...me, Chuck. That's why I fought for you so hard. I thought...I thought I didn't deserve happiness...but each and every moment we were together...you gave me such happiness." Sarah put a hand on Chuck's cheek, narrowing her eyes. "Oh my gosh...I remember..."
"Sarah?" Chuck asked softly.
Sarah took his hands, closing her eyes, pulling his hands to her heart. She smiled, her eyes still closed. "I just had...a lot of new...thoughts, Chuck. Me...kissing you in the Buy More...you and I...taking advice from the Turners, who Beckman sent to mentor us...Roan...making you kiss me...and...you and I robbing a bank...and sitting in a restaurant...the way I wanted you...and...Casey crashing his car through the window..." Sarah trailed, opening her eyes. "Making love on a train in Japan...wanting to have a baby." Sarah smiled. "Wanting to have your child...our child..."
Chuck kissed Sarah's hands, tears pouring from his eyes. Sarah pulled Chuck to her lips, kissing him softly, resting her forehead on his.
Sarah took a long breath, feeling overwhelmed by the flood of memories. She focused back on the dream...still wanting answers. "Did they really call me the Giant Blonde She-Male?"
Chuck snorted. "Uh…yep. You infiltrated the Belgian's circle posing as a cage fighter."
Sarah glanced away in deep thought. "Casey and Morgan…helped me rescue you." Sarah laughed softly. "They both love you, Chuck."
"They love you too, Sarah. Casey was your partner in the beginning. Over time…we were a trio. Best friends. Even Morgan was part of our team later on. Beckman told me we were the best spy team she ever had."
Sarah sighed, putting a hand over her heart. "Chuck...how did you propose to me?"
Chuck took Sarah's hands. "You and mom had just escaped from Volkoff's men…while I lured Volkoff to my dad's cabin in Barstow. After I…captured him…with a lot of help from a company of Marines from Pendleton…courtesy of Beckman…we all met at Westside Medical Center for Clara's birth."
Chuck paused, as Sarah nodded for him to continue. "After…multiple failed attempts at a proposal…we were in a hallway…and I just…got on my knee…and did it."
Sarah smiled, sighing in content. "I remember now. Neither of us said a word. You got down on one knee…presented the ring…and I…slid out of the chair into your arms. I answered with a kiss. It was…perfect."
"Yeah." Chuck grinned. "And it didn't help that a janitor was buffing the floor a few feet away. I doubt you would have heard anything I said over the noise."
Sarah chuckled. "It didn't matter. I was going to say yes either way."
Chuck smiled softly. "Casey gave me the best advice over the proposal. He said I didn't need an elaborate proposal plan…all I needed was the girl."
"Well…Casey was right about that." Sarah frowned. "I just wish I could remember our wedding."
"Give it time, Sarah. You'll remember." Chuck said softly, moving a stray strand of hair from Sarah's face.
Sarah made eye contact, and pulled Chuck by his shirt to her face, for a soft kiss. She held on to his shirt, and said, "Chuck…when Ellie visited…she mentioned it would be a good idea to renew our vows. Create a new memory. I'd really like to do that."
"Sarah…I would marry you a million times if you asked me to." Chuck's heartfelt reply brought more tears, but happy ones.
"Then it seems we have a wedding to plan. Well…our second first wedding." Sarah said, laughing softly after the statement.
"We seem to have a lot of second firsts…this time… I may ask Beckman to borrow that Company of Marines again…better yet…the entire Division to thwart any crazed terrorists, ninjas, or space aliens from crashing this one. Hell, I don't even want Jeff and Lester within 100 miles of our wedding." Chuck winked after the comment, eliciting a chuckle from Sarah.
Comfortable silence filled the room. "I do remember picking out my wedding dress…and…having that…moment of reality when it sunk in that…we were getting married." Sarah said, wiping away a tear.
"Then…let's make a new memory." Chuck replied, kissing Sarah softly on the lips.
Sarah yawned softly. Chuck smiled. "Ready to go back to bed?"
"Yes. I'm okay now. Thank you."
Chuck gently lifted Sarah off the counter, and she rested her head on Chuck's shoulder, as Chuck carried her to bed.
Sarah slept the rest of the night with a smile on her face, her head resting in the crook of Chuck's neck. The rest of her dreams were happy ones.
After all, Sarah had a happy life.