Warning/Disclaimer: JKR gets credit.
You Could
By WittchWay
It was the dead of the night when Hermione woke for the first time. It was the only time that Harry Potter could visit and he was grateful she had chosen to wake while he was there.
He hated himself for such a selfish thought. He wanted to be a good friend and be there every step of her recovery. He wanted to sit by her bedside, holding her hand, kissing her fingertips, muttering words of support. He wanted to give her sips of water and be there as the Healer gave her parents the good news that she would be fine in a month's time.
But he couldn't.
During the daylight hours, the world outside these wall at St. Mungo's had become unbearable.
It wasn't even the Death Eater attacks that he couldn't deal with… though those had become fierce and savage.
It wasn't even the fact that the wizard world was on some self-imposed lock down. No one in their right mind ventured outdoors unless absolute necessary, not that it stopped the Death Eaters. The Ministry of Magic was in an uproar, people were missing, paranoia was running ramped. All Hogwarts students were forbidden from leaving the castle.
But it was the outcry from the wizarding community that had Harry Potter mostly hiding in the dark of the shadows.
Complete strangers had taken to coming up to him on the street, assaulting him in the halls of the Aurors training academy or at St. Mungo's. They yelled at him as he passed, "complete the bond". They waved the Daily Prophet at him as he passed, they waved petitions they had signed… all supporting the bond.
Howlers were bombarding him constantly and had taken to going off whether or not he opened them. Several held spells that had caused the parchment to attack him. Some held dangerous slime that made his skin boil or a mushroom like fungus appeared when he touched them.
Shops in both Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade had put up banners begging with him to complete the bond. Snape had even come forward saying he would complete the bond… suddenly becoming their twisted hero. Personally Harry thought Dumbledore had a hand in that…
"Is he dead?"
Her fingers twitched in his hand, her eyes fluttering softly yet not fully opening.
"…Yes" He whispered.
He stood suddenly, silently, moving to stand at the foot of Hermione's bed, he wore a simple T-shirt with a jacket over it and jeans, a long black cape with hood was tossed over the chair he had just exited.
Her voice was rough and ragged sounding, though soft in a tired sort of way. Half her face was still shiny with the gel that the Healer had applied, it would repair her skin and it was doing a fine job, there would be no scars or shiny tissue. The hair on her head was gone on one side, singed to the scalp, now also slick with the shiny healing gel. The remaining hair was pulled into a tight lopsided pigtail on the other side.
The fire had singed one eyebrow and not the other. Making her one eye look overly large and white, though it was healthy looking. He moved to her good side and sat down in the chair again and took up her hand once more. Her other hand was placed over a small rubber ball and with magic would cause her hand to automatically flex every 12 minutes or so.
"How many…days… has it been."
"Five…" he answered slowly.
Five of the worst days of his life. He had barely spoken in the days that followed. Barely eaten, barely moved except to come here. Here was his life now. He slipped in every evening and stayed till dawn when the ward shift changed and they ushered him out. Then headed back to the Aurors Academy downed a dreamless sleep potion and slept till he returned here. He did not allow himself to think. Not of Ron's death, not of the howlers and wizard community in general… and though it was becoming harder to avoid, not of Snape. He just sat in this bedside chair, mindless, numb, waiting.
"Hermione" Harry whispered, gently tracing the line of bones in her hand, causing one finger to twitch.
"Hermione, I know now isn't the best time…and you probably don't want to hear this... if you don't just tell me and I'll shut up…I'll wait but I need to be talk to you for a moment. ..." Harry felt bad for bring this up, selfish even but he had no one to discuss this with. A pressure in his chest tightened, his voice dropped to a whisper, "Hermione, should I bond with Snape?"
But she was silent.
Her hand tightened in his, he look to her face, taut in concentration, her brow furrowed, she looked tired and drained. He felt really bad now, he should have waited but he knew she was doing what Hermione did best…weighing the pro's and con's. Whatever she decided he would do…if nothing else for her…and her future well being and safety.
He had never fully discussed the bond with his friends beyond that first day they had received their cloaks. Hermione had rambled off the positives that initial night; powers intensify, one of them would become the new Headmaster of Hogwarts.
But after that day there had been other pressing matters at Hogwarts, the school had turned into a whirlwind of activity; the graduation dance, the graduation itself, future employers stopping by, classes, paperwork, Newt results, students signing up for University…it just seem like there hadn't been time. Even now just over two months later, Hogwarts had just returned to session for the next school year. It hadn't even sunk in that he would not be returning. Returning to the one place that had always felt like a true home.
"Yes" she whispered breaking Harry's thought process.
Harry whimpered.
Resting his head on the bed, holding her hand, tears quickly clouded his vision.
Harry didn't know why he was surprised at the answer. He knew it was coming. Perhaps this is what he should have done from the beginning…then Ron… Ron would still have been here, alive and well.
He swallowed…. Nodding.
It was the right thing to do. Sacrifice his chance at a normal life, cause really it would never be that way anyway, not with this hanging over his head.
This bond would loom over his head for the rest of his life. He would always be that boy…that boy who wouldn't bond. Who wouldn't save them.
She was right of course.
It would end the war, their powers, combined, Snape and he would rid the world of Voldemort once and for all.
Harry stood, he tried to stop the tremble in his legs.
It was near dawn, the sun was just beginning to peak through the windows. Shift change on the ward would be happening soon.
"Talk to him Harry…maybe… you could work things out with him." She silently knew what was holding him back. Love. She smiled to herself, who knew a boy could have such romantic notions about a bond. Only Harry Potter could, only he could want a bond… any bond to be for love and romance. He would have made a loyal boyfriend or husband for anyone. But he was the product of a boy who never knew anything of love. No family to dot on their child, girls and boys a like in school had their feeling change with each coming school year, flirting with him, chasing after him… but never loving him. Not the way he wanted, the way he deserved.
"I might not make it back tonight Hermione." He tried to calm his voice. He didn't know what would happen today. He just knew he was exhausted but he had to do this, for Hermione before something could possibly happen to her.
She was his life now. He had to protect her.
She nodded, holding her hand out to touch his. He took it, bending down to kiss her on the cheek, "I love you…" he whispered. Hugged her gently and turned pulling on his cloak before he lost his courage. He walked slowly toward the door just as her parents opened it.
They looked at him, not seeing him beneath the darkness of the hood. But seeing their daughter awake rushed over toward her, forgetting him.
He watched them silently for a moment then was gone.
Harry didn't immediately go to Hogwarts.
Instead he walked the early morning streets of London in silence. It was chilly out and the sky was overcast, as it was most early mornings. He had planed on going to the Aurors Academy to pick up a few things but he didn't feel like returning there. The way they looked at him was enough. The way they snarled at him, whispered about him just loud enough so he could hear. He supposed that he could always just send for his things. He wasn't even sure if he would need them.
Twisting through the streets, taking turns he never had before. He watched the passing people from his spot in front of the coffee shop he had stopped at, he didn't really care for coffee it was just something warm to hold.
But soon the crowds of morning commuters lined the streets, the silence was gone and the traffic began to build. The trains began to run with more frequency and he knew it was time.
And with a small pop he was at the gates of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, winding up the dirt path too the castles main doors. The winged boarhounds on the top of the gates watched his every move, peering down at him suspiciously.
He figured the chance of running into students this time of the early morning would be slim. Several might be roaming the halls or in the great hall for an early breakfast but if he was silent enough he might be able to enter the staircase leading to the dungeons without anyone seeing him.
And so there he stood, outside Snape's private rooms at Hogwarts. The dark of the dungeons surrounding him. A lone torch lit the corridor.
The painting guarding Snape's door, was dark and dirty looking and in need of a good cleaning.
The painting was of an old wizard dressed in dark purple robes holding a staff with snakes slithering along the ground. His pointed wizard hat tilted to one side. A wrinkled face and creased brow watched Harry Potter approach, the wizard within stroked his beard as if in deep thought, "Password" he finally stated softly. Harry watched a unicorn hasten across the canvas, darting into the black of the forested background
Biting his bottom lip Harry backed up, he wasn't ready for this yet.
He turned and sat on the base of the suit of armor across the hall to think and calm him self. The wizard in the painting watched him for a moment then disappeared into the canvas, Harry assumed to alert Snape that there was an intruder in the Hall.
Harry held his breath and waited for Snape to slam the door open and yell and berate him.
But that didn't happen.
The wizard popped back in the portrait as a door materialized behind it, the door opened of it's own accord enough to cast a small stream of light into the hall but not enough to see the contents of the room. Harry could now hear papers shuffling inside and soft footsteps. No one came to the door but Snape knew he was there…that he was sure of.
The portrait looked at him, then sat crossed legged in the clearing in the forest to wait along with the boy.
Harry knew he should just get it over with, just tell Snape he was ready to complete the bond. But it was a hard thing to come to terms with. Harder to admit that if he had completed it, it might have saved Ron's life and Hermione a lot of pain. Not to mention the Aurors who had lost their lives, the muggles and countless families who were now without their loved ones.
But he just wanted to be normal for once. Just wanted something that wasn't pre determined. A few years with his own decisions and own way of doing things. He hadn't even lived a life where he could have pick up his own quirks and individuality… unless you count reckless behavior and fighting Voldemort.
Harry ran his hand through his hair. He had been sitting there the better part of a half-hour trying to place his thoughts in order. But he just couldn't concentrate, he couldn't believe he was here. That he had left Hermione's side long enough to come all the way to Hogwarts... to see Snape.
Was Snape going to make him grovel? Insult him, yell and scream that he had been right all along...
His pride hurting, Harry stood. Straightening his cloak, taking a deep breath, chewing on his bottom lip, looking down the empty dungeon corridor once more and pushed the door open.
Snape was standing over a tea table sorting newspapers into neat piles, placed several magazines on top and tossed the lot into the fire. The flames shot up as the papers instantly turned to ash and it began to float through the air.
Snape didn't look at him, he simply pulled his wand casting a quick spell on the fire to stop the ash from taking over the room.
"I cleared a space in the closet for your trunk," he said.
Harry blinked, waiting for the bite, the famous Snape fangs to drag him down, to tell him what a child he had been, to tell him Ron's death was his fault. Not that he hadn't had that same argument with himself a hundred times over.
But none came.
"I left it at the Academy…" he replied after a moments hesitation. His voice was soft and shaky, he suddenly felt like a child sent here for punishment.
Snape didn't look up. He tossed more stuff into the fire.
"Well hang your cloak up at least."
Harry nodded and moved down the hallway, toward the far door.
The bedroom was not overly large, a smaller fireplace loomed in the corner, void of fire. A smaller settee, with an extra blanket upon it, with several books in varies stages of being read and marked. Harry tried not to look at the bed, though he could see out of the corner of his eye that it was large with deep green Slytherin curtains. Harry sighed he had missed the curtains around the bed. Some how it was comforting, a little cocoon of peace.
Pulling the cloak from his shoulders he opened the closet door. Snape had obviously pushed all his clothes to one side, giving Harry enough room to hang his robes, though he barely needed half the space Snape had given him. Hanging his black hooded cloak up and pulled the jacket he wore beneath off tossing it in the clothes basket in the corner.
"If you need more space I can spell it bigger."
Startled Harry jumped. Snape was inches from him. He could feel the crackle of energy and magic radiate off him. His own magic was reaching out to touch Snapes. A strange sensation came over him like the last time they had been this close.
"It's fine" he whispered fearing if he spoke any louder the tears that had been threatening since he left Hermione would spill.
Snape nodded looking down at his hands, thinking of what else Potter would desire in a temporary home, "There's no tub, just a shower. If you require one, I can get the Headmaster to add one..."
Though the idea of slipping into a hot tub did sound appealing Harry didn't think it was immediately a good idea. He feared he would slip beneath the water surface and never rise.
He shook his head.
Snape nodded silently, "I'm not big on fires," he gestured at the empty fireplace, "I would prefer you cast warming charms if need be. In the winter..."
He didn't finish, Harry wasn't listening. He was silently looking at his feet.
"...How is Granger?" Snape's voice was softer though it lost none of its bite.
Harry shook his head again, he couldn't think about that... not yet. He kept his eyes locked on the floor.
Snape reached into his robes and fingered the vial within. The boy looked tired, dark creases beneath his eyes, a shallow parlor to his skin, still to thin… He could see the tears brimming along the edges.
He pulled the vial free of it holder and presented it to Potter, "Dreamless sleep?" he questioned.
Harry reached his hand out then stopped. He stepped closer instead. Snape nodded and Harry stepped even closer, allowing Snape to slip his arms around him. Pulling him to his chest, the warmth of the potion master was startling. Harry rested his head on the mans shoulder. The arms pulled him in tighter, the scent of lavender and smoke from the fire in the sitting room circled them. He let himself sink into those arms.
"Let's move to the bed," Snape whispered and instantly felt the body in his arms tense, "Just to sleep Potter, I've been up all night as well."
He felt the head on his shoulder nod and silently guided the boy to the bed. Harry crawled up curling on his side, Snape frowned and took a foot in his hand and slipped the boots off the young mans feet. Pulling a blanket up over him. Snape slid in next to him, spooning against him. Holding him tight. They lay like that for a moment, silently.
Slowly Harry turned to face him, snuggling up to the warmth of the man, arms pulled him forward. "Just sleep Potter… nothing harder then that."
Harry let his eyes finally shut and rest for a moment.
TBC