DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER, AND I AM NOT MAKING ANY MONEY.

Chapter 5

'How can they do that to me? How can they just sit there and totally ignore me?'

It had been nearly a week since Ron had returned and Harry was resting his head on the table. He was trying not to watch Ron and Hermione. Ever since Ron had got back Hermione had barely talked to him. It seemed like their kiss had generated some kind of awkwardness between them. Harry missed being alone with Hermione, just being able to talk to her. Now Ron was back, and it seemed that he wanted to keep Hermione away from Harry as much as possible.

Harry thought that Ron had been acting like this because of what had exploded from within the locket. The images of himself and Hermione had been scarred into Harry's mind, and no matter what he did, or what he thought, he couldn't stop imagining what it would be like to have Hermione perform the act that the manifestations were doing on him.

He hated himself for it, and whenever he could he relieved himself. But this never helped and within a few hours he was back to thinking about a very accurate picture of a nude Hermione.

Raising his head a fraction, Harry glanced at the couple. They were on Ron's bed holding hands. Ron was laying down, in bed, whilst Hermione sat near his knees. She was still wearing her pyjamas. As Harry covertly watched, Ron slowly pulled Hermione's hand closer to himself, in turn forcing her to move closer as well. Ron's eyes raked over her face and body, almost hungrily.

Harry put his head back down. Seeing that hungry look in Ron's eyes really worried him.

'If they end up fucking I don't know what I'll do. I hope to god they use silencing charms though. The least they could do is be considerate of me. That is, if I don't kill him for trying to touch the girl I love in the most intimate place on her sexy body... You shouldn't be thinking these things Harry, there's nothing you can do, it's Hermione's choice, not yours. I know, I know. I can't help it, all I can dream about is being with her now, I love her so much. I just wish I had realised sooner rather than later.'

Harry sat up straight, raising his arms and stretching. He took a slow look around the tent, determined not to focus on Ron and Hermione when his eyes passed over them. But when he did reach them he found that Hermione was looking straight at him, her eyes piercing his.

Harry held her gaze for three seconds before continuing his sweep of the tent. Then he stood and went to the bathroom.

Hermione drew in a deep breath when Harry broke eye contact with her, and stood. She tried to hide the disappointment that she knew was threatening to show itself on her face. She looked down at Ron again. He had fallen asleep.

'Typical Ron,' she thought, 'He can't even stay awake even though he's just been asleep all night.'

Hermione dropped Ron's hand and sat quietly on his bed. Her hands were twisting in her lap as her thoughts turned to Harry.

'I know I love Harry now. That, at least, is one thing I have decided on. If Ron hadn't come back, who knows what we could have done. Maybe he would be the one laying on the bed and holding my hand, except Harry would sit up and kiss me, then pull me down to lay next to him, all the while he would kiss my neck. He wouldn't do what Ron does; just laying there checking me out and imagining me with nothing on. At least that's something Harry wouldn't have to worry about if he were in Ron's position. And at least I know we don't have to worry about Ginny. They broke up at Dumbledore's funeral, and even though they kissed at the Weasley's, I don't think that means much, Ginny more than likely instigated it anyway.'

'But even if that's what I want, getting together with Harry would be nearly impossible. Ron would take it so badly. He would think that everything he thought before was true, and then he would think that we'd lied to him. I don't think I could do that to him, as much as I don't want to be in a relationship with him, he's still our friend and I don't want to hurt him. He would probably think that we'd been having an affair the whole time, sneaking into a more secluded area of the tent to fuck when he's on his watch. Not that I would mind that...'

Hermione sighed. She slowly got to her feet, careful not to wake Ron, and made her way to her own bed. The soft springs in the thin mattress sunk slightly as she sat down and began rummaging through her beaded bag. She pushed several books, her bottle of dittany and a pair of Harry's jeans out of the way before finding her clothes. Hermione deliberated as to whether she should just change on her bed, as Harry was still in the bathroom.

'He's spending a lot of time in there recently,' she noted.

After deciding that it wouldn't be the best idea, as Ron might wake up and as Hermione didn't want Ron to see her naked she waited on her bed, her clothes placed neatly on her lap.

Harry stood above the toilet, panting slightly. He put his hand on the sink for support and waved his wand cleaning himself and then flushed the toilet. He slowly washed his hands, waiting for his breathing, and his body, to return to normal.

He got to the door and checked himself again, making sure there wasn't a resurgent bulge in his jeans, and opened it. The scene he found was remarkably different from the one that he had left when he had entered the bathroom. Harry found he was much happier with it as well.

Ron was sleeping on his bed, his mouth hanging half open. Harry wouldn't have been surprised if he saw drool escaping Ron's mouth. Hermione sat on her bed, her clothes in her lap. He could see some red knickers sticking out from beneath her jeans. Just as Harry started to approach her she stood and walked passed him. Their eyes only made contact for a second this time and when Harry turned around he was met with the bathroom door closing, and then the snap as Hermione locked the door.

Ron was asleep yet again. Hermione didn't know how someone who did so little could sleep so much. She was pulling on a thick jumper and a pair of boots as she observed Ron. It was nearly midnight and Hermione was getting ready to go and take her turn on the night watch. Harry had been outside on his own most of the day after insisting that he would be okay and just needed some alone time to sort some things out in his head.

By ten o'clock Hermione had had enough and tried to make Harry come inside. She had failed miserably, Harry saying that he would come in when the watch ended at midnight. That was all he had said to her too, and Hermione, feeling a little dejected, had returned to the warmth of the tent.

Ron had told her to stop worrying about Harry, and that he would come back in when he was ready.

'That's just the way Harry is though,' she had thought at the time. But there was something telling her that she might have been the reason he had spent the majority of the day outside in the cold.

Now as she prepared to bare the cold for the rest of the night, she couldn't help but feel that if Ron really loved her then he would still be awake and would be offering to do her watch for her.

'Some boyfriend he's turning out to be.' Hermione knelt down to lace up her right boot. 'Well, he's not really my boyfriend, he hasn't asked me out yet, but I suppose we are pretty close to being a couple now. Even though we haven't actually kissed...' Hermione laced up her left boot. 'If a kiss is what qualifies someone as a boyfriend then Harry is more my boyfriend than Ron, but I have been pretty close to Ron recently... I haven't really been able to talk to Harry about anything like our kiss, Ron has always been there, but now is my chance.'

Hermione stood, drawing her arms around her for warmth, and stepped outside the tent.

Harry was sitting just a little way in front of the entrance, and had ignited a fire inside a jar for light and heat. Hermione made her way over to him and sat down. Harry didn't move, his eyes only glancing to his right to see who had joined him.

'When did you learn how to do that?' Hermione asked, pointing to the jar. Harry turned his head to look at Hermione. She was pleased to find that he was smiling at her.

'I learnt it from you,' he said. Hermione's brow furrowed.

'I've never taught you how to do it though.' she replied. Harry grinned and put his arms around Hermione, pulling her closer to him.

'Ah, but I've watched you do it before and I heard you say the incantation before so I put that, together with the wand movements and there is the finished product.' Harry indicated the jar.

'If only you'd use that intuition at school, you probably would have beat me,' said Hermione.

Harry shook his head, 'I doubt it, Hermione. If I learnt everything off you I'm sure you would have kept something from me, just so you would always come out on top.'

Hermione's mouth opened slightly at Harry's comment. But before she could say anything he had started to laugh lightly, trying not to make too much noise, and before long Hermione found herself laughing along with him.

'Harry, you know that isn't true. I always helped if you asked me to.'

The two of them fell into silence, Hermione resting her head on Harry's shoulder. It wasn't the awkward silence that Harry had been anticipating. But he was getting ready to break the silence. There were questions he had for Hermione and he needed them to be answered.

He had been sitting outside all day trying to come up with the questions he wanted to ask. Harry knew that this was the best way to get Hermione on her own; she would always come and check on him, especially if he'd been on a particularly long watch.

Harry glanced down, towards his shoulder. Seeing Hermione resting her head there struck him with a sense of uncertainty. For the first time in days she looked truly peaceful and content. He wasn't sure if he wanted to ruin that for her, especially as he was rather enjoying the feel of her body next to his.

Hermione's eyes roamed the skies, the stars shining brightly through the thin layer of leaves covering their heads.

'I wish we could be like this all the time,' she thought. However she knew they couldn't. Resigned to this fact, Hermione sighed and lifted her head from Harry's shoulder.

'You should go inside, Harry,' she said, as Harry looked at her, wondering why she had moved when she had looked so comfortable. 'You really look like you could use some sleep.' When Harry didn't move Hermione glared at him. 'Harry, if you think you're going to take my watch then you've got another thing-'

'I wasn't going to,' said Harry.

'Oh, well, good. You go inside now then.' Hermione turned away from Harry and looked back up to the stars. When Hermione noticed that Harry still hadn't moved she started to become agitated. 'Harry. Go inside, now.'

Harry shifted his weight uncomfortably and looked everywhere but at Hermione, as if he was nervous about something. Hermione's expression changed from annoyed to worried.

'Harry, what's wrong?' Hermione's voice was considerably softer than it had been a few seconds previously. She watched him anxiously but he still didn't meet her eyes.

'What's happened to the Harry from before? He seemed really happy, and we were even laughing. I haven't heard him laugh for a while now.'

Harry gulped and finally met Hermione's eyes.

'Hermione, can I- Can I ask you something?' Harry's voice was shaky and Hermione thought she knew why.

'This is the first time we've really been able to talk since Ron got back. He's going to ask me about our kiss.'

She watched as Harry controlled his breathing, desperate to keep his voice level. When this seemed to have no effect Hermione reached out her hand and rubbed his arm supportively.

'It's okay Harry, just say it,' she said. Harry's eyes met hers and he took one last breath.

'Hermione,' he said slowly, his voice still shaky despite his best efforts, 'do you, you know, like me?'

Hermione didn't remove her hand from Harry's arm and said, 'Of course I like you Harry, we've been friends for seven years.'

Harry looked away into the darkness, shaking his head. 'No no, not as friends. I mean- Do you see me as- Well, more than a friend...' Harry trailed off quietly, not meeting Hermione's eye.

Hermione had been expecting this kind of conversation, but the topic still threw her. She realised that she hadn't actually thought about how she would answer Harry's question, even though she knew what she should say to him.

'I- I suppose, why do you ask?' Hermione said tentatively. She wanted to know if he liked her before she admitted any feelings she had for him.

'Because we kissed,' said Harry simply. He saw Hermione's tongue dart out of her mouth and lick her lips.

'Yes, we did.'

'So does that mean you have feelings for me?' Harry was looking straight at Hermione now, his eyes boring into hers.

'Erm,' there was a silence as she paused, 'yes I do have feelings for you, Harry.'

Hermione watched as Harry took in a deep, fortifying breath. He slowly nodded his head, as if he was confirming something with himself.

'She does like me in that way. Well, that's good. At least I know now that she's not going to do anything with Ron,' thought Harry.

As Hermione surveyed Harry she saw that his face had split into a wide grin. The same one he had worn before they had gone shopping.

'Oh no. This is going to be messy,' thought Hermione.

'Hermione likes me! Yes! This is fantastic! Even if we have to hide it from Ron we can be together,' thought Harry.

Harry reached forward and took Hermione's hands in his own.

'Hermione,' he said, his voice no longer shaky but infused with confidence. 'I love you. I've been wondering if you'd like to be my girlfriend.'

Hermione's face fell slightly, and she pulled her hands out of his. Harry was confused.

'Isn't this what she wanted?' Harry thought.

'Harry,' her voice was quiet, 'we can't be together.'

'What? Why?' Harry didn't know what to do. Hermione stood up and began pacing around the jar that held the little flame. Harry jumped up too, and stood still, watching Hermione pace. He knew not to hurry her in these situations when she needed to think about something and get all the facts clear in her head. His hands started twisting, and his palms were sweating.

Eventually Hermione stopped pacing and stood facing Harry, hands on her hips. Harry could only see her features in the flickering light from the flame.

'What about Ron?'

Harry frowned, 'What about him? Hermione, Ron doesn't need to know.'

She raised her hand, gesticulating in his direction, 'And how do you suppose that we keep our relationship from him? Only kissing when he's sleeping? Sex in the bathroom when he's on his watch?'

Harry kicked the floor, looking down. 'We could try, Hermione,' he muttered.

'Harry,' she cried, exasperated, 'we couldn't. Come on!'

Harry looked up at her, his face stony.

'So you don't love me?'

'That's not what I'm saying! Harry, I do love you, I really do, but with Ron here... We just can't, Harry.'

'Look, we'll just talk to him together. We'll tell him how we feel about each other, and if he gets upset, well, he'll just have to get over it and come to terms with the fact that we're in love and we're going to get together.'

Hermione was shaking her head now. She had begun pacing again, and was breathing deeply.

'Harry, we can't do that to Ron. It's not fair,' she declared.

Harry threw his hands into the air. 'That's not fair? I'll tell you what's not fair; being forced to live in a fucking cupboard for eleven years, having to face You-Know-Who in our first year at Hogwarts, having everyone think I was a murderer in our second, being forced into the Tri-Wizard tournament, having to watch Sirius and Dumbledore die-'

Harry's voice broke and tears streamed down his face at the outpouring of emotion. He fell to his knees and cradled his head in his hands. Hermione rushed over to him, much the same way she had rushed over to Ron after he had destroyed the locket. She knelt down next to him and wrapped her arms around his waist.

'Shh, shh. Come on, Harry, it's okay. Don't cry.'

Harry managed to subdue his sobs, more out of fear that Ron would wake up and come outside to find them in such a state. He knelt up and Hermione pulled him into a proper hug, her hand slowly and lovingly stroking his hair.

'It's okay, darling. It's okay.'

Harry sniffed and returned Hermione's hug. He held her tightly as he calmed down. She adjusted herself so she could see his face and said, 'Harry, we still can't be together though.'

Harry dropped his head.

'I know it's hard, and I know it hurts, but this is for the best,' raising his head Harry looked at her again, his face streaked with tears and full of pain, 'at least until we've finished hunting Horcruxes,' she finished.

'But Hermione, why can't we just be together. Ron will just have to get over it.'

'Because, Harry.' She was starting to sound annoyed again and had let go of him. 'Ron's still our friend,' she said, repeating her thoughts from earlier.

'Hermione, that's a stupid reason. He could still be our friend if he just accepts that we love each other,' said Harry.

'But that's just the thing, Harry, Ron won't accept it. He'll think we've been together ever since he got back and he'll probably think we were together before he left as well. And after seeing what the Horcrux said we'd done, he'll conclude that we've done that together, as well as a whole load of other stuff,' said Hermione, before adding, 'He'll be crushed if we told him.'

Harry gave an unbelieving smile.

'So we've finally come to it,' he said, his lip curling in a way he didn't think was possible for him, 'the real reason you don't want to be with me is because Ron's feelings will get hurt.'

Hermione stepped forward, trying to get closer to him. 'Harry that's not-' But Harry cut her off before she could finish.

'But you don't seem to care about my feelings, Hermione. You say you love me, but you won't be with me, because someone who's treated you like complete shit at several different points in your life might not like the idea of us being together.'

'Harry, that's not true, I love you and I wish we could be togeth-'

'And that's just it, Hermione, you say you love me and you want to be with me. So be with me. For once in our lives we should be selfish. We should do something for us and not worry about how everyone else will feel about it.'

Hermione tried to grab Harry as he spun on his heel and strode back into the tent. When she managed to snag his sleeve he ripped his arm away and said, 'Goodnight Hermione.'

Hermione gave up trying to stop Harry when she lost her grip on him. She watched helplessly as he strode away from her, back into the warm tent. Hermione turned away from the entrance and saw that the flame Harry had conjured within the jar had gone out.

She sat down in front of the jar and waved her wand. The flame sprang back into life, but it was much dimmer than the one Harry had created. Dropping her wand into her lap, Hermione held her head in her hands. She could feel her tears dropping onto her palms and staining her cheeks, although she made no effort to wipe them away.

'I'm sorry, Harry.'

A/N: Thanks for reading, and please leave a review. Poll on my profile, go and vote! It only takes a minute =D It's going to kick off next chapter!