Chapter 22:

Utter Torment

For the first time in her life, Katherine Beckett felt that she was a coward. She had run away from the only man she felt that she had ever loved. Now, sitting alone in the darkness of her apartment, she allowed herself to weep. She didn't know if things were ever going to be repaired between the two of them. She was still unbelievably angry with him.

Earlier that day, she had gotten a slew of phone calls from him, but she, in her anger, ignored them all. He had left behind a singular message despite the many times he had called, and it broke her heart to hear the sheer anguish in his voice. She wanted to call him back, tell him not to worry, and that she loved him with all of her heart and soul…..but her pride and residual anger kept her from doing so. She wanted to teach him a lesson, to make him see that she wasn't like anyone else. Wasn't it he who had said that she was extraordinary? That seemed like ages ago, but she liked to think that she always was significant in his eyes.

Well, she thought to herself, they do always say that the ones you love the most can also hurt you the worst. As usual, I'm the idiot. I let my guard down. I let him see the real Katherine Beckett. I'm not the hard ass that everyone thinks I am.

She was startled out of her reverie when her phone rang. Checking to make sure that it wasn't Castle calling, she was pleasantly surprised to see that it was Lanie.

"Hey," she answered, trying to sound cheerful. It was amazing to her how draining that simple act really was.

"Drop the act, Kate. Listen, Castle called. He's extremely worried that something happened to you. After all, you did kind of disappear on him. He called me earlier looking for you."

"You didn't tell him where I am, did you?" Kate asked, suddenly worried. Even though she knew she had to talk to him, she wasn't ready.

"Of course I did! You should have heard him on the phone! By the way, he told me what happened, and I agree that he was an idiot at the time for saying those things to you, but he's trying to apologize, sweetie! He didn't know what he did to hurt you. I'm going to tell you right now that most guys usually don't. You know he wouldn't intentionally hurt you."

"I'm not ready to have any sort of conversation with him, Lanie. I'm still incredibly mad at him."

"Girl, I'mma smack you. You know what a good solution to this whole matter is? Call him and have him come over. Let him say his piece, and try to apologize to you. You can still be mad at him, which I wouldn't blame you, but at least allow him to have the peace of mind that everything's okay on the surface between you two. After that, have a little sex and call it a day. You know they say that make up sex is the best…"

"Stop."

"Stop what?" Lanie inquired, now becoming confused.

"I don't want to have sex with Castle. We never should have in the first place! I don't think I can work with him anymore after this. Why did I agree to go on this stupid trip anyway? I had a feeling that something bad was going to happen!"

"Well, logically, the Captain made you go. And you were enjoying yourself before he opened his mouth. Don't even try denying that. You fell hard for him, and you finally admitted it. Just promise me that when he comes to see you, you'll hear him out. You have no idea how upset he is. Let me ask you, does he even stand a chance with you if he apologizes?"

"I don't know, honestly. This whole relationship thing between us has happened so fast. I'm not sure where to go from here. We haven't been together even a week, and we're already trying to kill each other."

"And some couples are like that. But that doesn't mean you love each other any less. It just means you're both stubborn, and know how to piss each other off. Granted, sometimes that skill can be fun to utilize, but in your case, you're tormented. You love him too much to argue with him."

"Lanie," she sniffed, beginning to cry again, "I've really screwed up, haven't I?"

"Maybe. Just give it some time." With that, the line went dead, signaling the end of the conversation. She called in sick to work, saying that she wasn't feeling well and would be right as rain in a few days. The Captain sounded as if he was about to question her, but she wasn't going to have it. She needed time to think, to process what happened alone, and to figure out where to go from here.

Castle came home to a warm reception from his mother and daughter. However, that didn't last long when they picked up on the change in his demeanor.

"Richard," Martha began, "Why don't we have a drink? Where's Beckett? I thought she'd be coming with you."

"She's not, Mother. I don't know where she is. She disappeared on me today. Lanie says she went home. I really screwed up, and I don't know how to fix it."

"Why don't you go to the Precinct and see if you can find her? She can't avoid you forever. Have you ever seen the way she looks at you? That is a woman who worships the ground you walk on."

Castle chuckled, rolling his eyes. "Thank you, Mother, but I doubt she'll want to see me, much less talk to me. I can't even get her to answer her damn phone!"

"You love her, right?" At his hesitant nod, she continued. "Then do everything in your power to fight for her. In the end, love conquers all!"

With that, Martha left Castle alone with his thoughts. He was a writer, for God's sake! He should be able to think of dozens of ways to make himself look better in her eyes. However, when he tried to even think of one, he failed. She was such a conundrum, and he was most certain that any apology from him would be rejected. He couldn't get the look on her face out of his head.

Pulling out his cell phone again, he gathered up enough resolve to dial her number. When it again went to voicemail, he couldn't keep the torment from his voice.

"Kate, it's me again. Look, I know you went home. I talked to Lanie. I really need to talk to you. I want to work this out. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'll do anything to win your heart. I just wish you'd let me formally apologize. Call me as soon as you get this. I love and adore you, and always will."

Satisfied that he had left a message that didn't sound too pathetic, Castle went to bed. However, a long, restless night was in store for him. He'd confront her at the precinct tomorrow, he decided. She couldn't run away from him there.

With that thought, Castle drifted into a fitful slumber.

A/N: I'm loving writing this! Another chapter in the epic love story of Beckett and Castle is complete. Thanks to everyone for their love and support. I'm enjoying writing the emotions of all the characters, trying to keep them as much in character as I possibly can. Your responses to each chapter are amazing, and put a smile on my face. The more reviews I get, the more I'm encouraged to write, and the faster I can put my ideas into print for you to read. Much love, and REVIEW!