Chapter 23:

Apology

The next morning, Castle scrambled as fast as he could to the 12th Precinct, hoping to find Kate there. However, no sooner had he entered the bullpen had he been intercepted by Ryan and Esposito. Both bore heavy frowns on their faces. Castle tried his best to lighten the mood, but to no avail.

"Hey guys," he greeted them. "What gives? What's with the ogre faces? I thought you'd be happy to not have quite as much to do this week. Where's Beckett? I've got to talk to her."

"You've got a lot of nerve showing up here, you know," growled Esposito. The way he was looking at Castle gave him the image of a Rottweiler about to kill.

"Yeah, dude. I'd scram if I were you," echoed Ryan.

Castle held up his hands in defeat. "All right guys, what did I do? I know I didn't take you with us on the trip, and forgot to bring you presents, but you're acting like you want to kill me. Talk to me."

"What did you do to her?" Esposito snarled, taking a step toward Castle.

Castle retreated slightly. He had never seen Esposito so angry with him before, and didn't know why he was so angry now. He realized then that perhaps Kate had called, warning them of what happened, and they were doing what they did best….which was protect her.

"Look, guys. I don't know what she told you…"

Esposito interrupted him. "That's just it. She's not talking. She won't say a damn word. So, naturally we figure you did something, but only because you're the only one on the planet that could upset her this much. You have no idea how much she cares for you, do you? Are you really that dumb?"

"Okay, yeah, I hurt her. And yes, I feel like a horrible person about it. I haven't been able to sleep because I know I hurt her. I never meant to. I love her. There, I said it. You can yell at me, arrest me, beat me up, or even kill me, but that wouldn't change the fact that I adore her and would give anything in the world just to make things right. All I want is for her to talk to me. I thought she'd be here. She can't avoid me forever."

"You didn't answer my question," Esposito glared at him. "What did you do?"

"I said something I shouldn't have. It's all so stupid now. I told her that I no one has ever made me feel like she does. And then I pulled out Meredith and Gina's names, and she went nuts. I've tried calling her, but she's been ignoring me."

"Then you should stop. She obviously doesn't want to talk to you. Give it up."

"Give it up? That's like telling me to stop breathing. God, are you even listening to me?"

"We hear you just fine. Look, if you really want to make this right with her, stop bugging her. The more you bug her, the more pissed off she'll be, and the less willing she'll be to hear you out. Beckett might not show it, but she's all irrational female. I generally stay out of it when she's in a bad mood as a rule. When she called in sick, she didn't sound it. Captain says she sounded really depressed about something, so we figured you're the reason why. Either that, or it's that time of the month."

"All right, I think I'm done here. You guys have been so unbelievably helpful," Castle replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. He turned then, and left the precinct.

After talking with the boys, Castle felt worse than he had before. He stopped at a local flower shop to pick up a peace offering. He was going to fix this. He couldn't just leave it alone. He felt that if he did, she'd never come talk to him. Or worse, she'd find someone to replace him…in their relationship. He knew he wasn't exactly being rational, but in his writer's mind, he thought, what exactly about love is rational?

Thus renewed, he gathered his resolve and hailed a taxi, giving the driver Kate's address.

Kate was lying on the couch, a gallon of chocolate ice cream open on her lap. She knew she was hiding. Hell, she felt like the boys even knew she lied to them about being sick. So when a knock sounded at her door, she prepared herself for whatever lecture was to come her way. However, she didn't expect to find Lanie standing at the door.

"Hey," Kate greeted lamely.

When she didn't move to allow her inside, Lanie blinked. "You gonna let me in, or are we going to do this on your doorstep?"

Kate stepped aside, shutting the door behind her friend. Lanie scoffed at her.

"Are you gonna tell me what's with you today? The boys called and said you didn't come to work, so I'm coming to check on you. Are you still upset about Castle? He showed up at the Precinct looking for you, and he seemed just as upset as I'm sure you're feeling. I take it you haven't talked to him?"

"No. He's called several times, but I don't know what to say. I mean, I'm still upset with him for saying those things."

"You can still be upset with him and hear him out at the same time, you know. Being around him makes you happy. Don't lie to me. I haven't ever seen you this happy around a guy in….well, never. You don't see it, but your eyes light up when he walks into a room. You smile and laugh more. You let people see the real you, not this hard as nails girl you're trying to play. He's good for you. Stop fighting it."

Just then, there was a knock on the door. When Kate didn't get up to answer it, Lanie took it as a hint that she should. She wasn't surprised when she saw Castle on the other side.

"Is Kate here? I really need to talk to her."

Lanie snorted. "Yeah, you do. Go on ahead, I was just leaving anyway. Talking to her is like talking to a brick wall. Maybe you're going to have some better luck." With that, Lanie excused herself and left.

Castle walked in and softly shut the door. Kate seemed uneasy, curled up on the couch, never making eye contact or acknowledging his presence.

"Hey," he began.

When she didn't budge, he sat down on the couch next to her. Taking one of her hands in his, he marveled how tiny she was. She flinched as he did so, but didn't pull away.

"Look, Kate. I'm really sorry for the things I said yesterday. I had no idea it would upset you. I wasn't saying those things to you to be negative. You mean so much more to me than anyone else in this world. I didn't even know I had hurt you until after you had left. I called everyone I could think of freaking out because I couldn't find you. I thought something bad had happened to you. You weren't answering my calls. So I called Lanie, who proceeded to give me a long winded lecture about how I had really hurt you. Now, I feel like the biggest asshole ever. If there was a way that I could rewind and start that day over between us, I would. But I can't. I can only try to make things better for the future. And I can't promise that I will always be charming, or that there won't be more fights. I can only promise that at the end of the day, I'll still be here for you. I told you I loved you, and I meant it. I just know that if I don't try to make things right with you, I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life."

"And what am I supposed to say to all of this? That I forgive you, that I love you too and then fall into your arms and live happily ever after?"

"If you don't mean it, or don't want to, then don't. I only want your honest reply. No bullshit. If you've decided that you don't want to be with me anymore, then that's fine. I'll stop talking to you. I'll stop coming to the Precinct if that's what you want. Don't you get it? I'd do anything for you to make you happy. And if that means doing something that would kill me, like separating myself permanently from you, then I'd do it."

Fighting back the tears in her eyes, Kate let out a shaky breath. "I don't want you to leave. I just….wasn't prepared for this. Things are just happening so fast between us. I don't know how to process it all. We also fight a lot."

"Not to be judgmental here, but we always fight. Where have you been the last few years? It's what we do. At the end of the day, we're still together. Our differences make our relationship what it is."

Kate looked at him shyly through her lashes. "I don't want to fight anymore."

Castle smiled back at her. "I don't either. And I'm going to spend a lot of time making it up to you."

"You don't have to. Really. I'm okay."

"I know I don't have to, but I want to. Seriously, let me spoil you, and treat you like the princess you are."

Kate snorted, and then smiled. "I'm no princess. And I could kick your ass for saying that."

"I know. Hey, look at you! It's been a while since I've seen you smile. I missed that. Well, I guess I'd better go. It's getting late. I'll see you tomorrow."

He turned to get up, but felt her hand close around his wrist. "Stay," she said.

"What?"

"Stay the night with me, please. I'm not ready to be alone just yet."

He lay on the couch then, allowing her to stretch out on top of him with her head on his chest. She eventually began to fall asleep to the sound of Castle's heart beating beneath her cheek. Castle kissed the top of her head, wrapping his arms around her.

"I've got you, Kate," he murmured. "Always. I love you."

With that, Castle fell into a blissful, dreamless sleep.

A/N: Aww! Another chapter down, but there's still more story left! Hope you guys are still with me! Your reviews are like candy for me.