They stood facing each other on the vent. The hot air whooshed around them, sending Cristina's black curls cascading into the space around them.
For what seemed like an eternity neither of them said a word. The only sounds that could be heard was the hiss and rumbling of the air as it built in pressure in the metal pipes. The force of the jet that exploded from the vent nearly knocked them both off their feet. This seemed to act as a catalyst- the pressure was too great the words had to escape.
"So let me guess how it goes." Owen's tone was accusatory and she could sense he was seething with anger. "Not only were you going to marry the wonderful Preston Burke but you were also going to have a family with him. No doubts, no hesitation. You were going to have the life with him that I have had to fight you every step of the way to even consider having with me?"
Owen knew he was shouting but he could not hold back. As he looked at his wife he was taken back to that night in the firehouse when she had told him she had made the appointment to terminate their pregnancy. This just felt like another betrayal and it hurt. It cut through his heart like a scalpel. He knew that the scalpel ultimately cut to make things better, he hoped this pain would turn into healing pain too. He got Cristina, he knew her but right now he could not understand her.
"How dare you!" Cristina shot back. As she spoke another jet from the vent escaped and for a moment cleared the hostile air between them. Exhaling with the steam she steeled herself to tell him the whole, painful truth.
"At least hear me out before inventing your own version of events. You can't get mad or be angry at me because all this was before I knew you." Softening her tone, she gazed into those blue eyes that could still take her breath away. "Before I loved you. Ok?"
Hearing her say those 3 words, the 3 words that had killed him to keep inside when he was putting himself back together to try and be a better man for her, centred him, the anger started to seep away. Closing his eyes and reaching for her hand, Owen nodded and softly agreed. "Ok. I'm listening."
Inching closer to him, she took his other hand in hers. She needed to keep him physically close to her while she explained, she could not bear the thought of him slipping away from her again, especially not over Burke.
"I was an intern and Burke and I had been sleeping together for a while. I was wowed by him, he was a world renowned cardio god, I wanted to learn from him. Then it turned into just sex."
Noting that Owen was uncomfortably looking down at his feet, she gently squeezed his hands and slightly changed tack.
"The chief had stepped aside, after he had an operation, and Burke was asked to step up. So Burke being Burke broke up with me. He claimed to love me and chose his career!" Cristina let out a small laugh and the irony of what she described was not lost on Owen. He gave a half smile and his eyes widened in question, silently willing her to continue.
Cristina nodded and looking him straight in the eye, continued in a voice not much louder than a whisper.
"I found out I was pregnant and scheduled an abortion." Owen's face fell. The words hung in the air between them. He opened his mouth to speak but words failed him.
"Don't say anything Owen. I need you to understand where I was at in my life. I was an intern, pregnant by a powerful man who had tossed me aside and I had let him. I didn't want to be a mother and now I am glad I did not have his baby or I would still be tied to him."
"What did he say when you told him you didn't want to go through with the pregnancy? That is what I don't understand, how you could involve him in the discussion but not me!" Owen was exasperated and he had to admit jealous. He had never before been threatened by Preston Burke and the legacy of his relationship with Cristina but in this situation he could not shake the feeling that what she had with Burke was more significant than anything he shared with her.
Cristina shook her head and adamantly declared "I didn't tell him about any of it. The first he knew of the pregnancy was post op after I had a miscarriage and lost a fallopian tube."
"Cristina…..I'm sorry….I just assumed…." Owen looked up at her but for the first time ever she couldn't read his emotions. He just looked blank and exhausted.
Recalling the actual events of the miscarriage were difficult for Cristina. At the time it had plunged her into an emotional rollercoaster that she had no control over and it scared her that she could feel that much. Telling Owen re-opened the jar of feelings she had squeezed the lid shut on and locked away. But she had to tell him, she had to let him in to her before and trust that he could help her leave it there.
"I was in his OR and I collapsed. Addison found I was having an extra uterine pregnancy and the left fallopian tube was too damaged so she removed it. Even though I was never intending to go through with the pregnancy, I grieved for the baby. I cried- I couldn't stop. It was like I was outside my body looking in." Tears escaped from her eyes and she gave into them. Her body softly heaving with tears, just standing on the vent.
Not knowing how else to help the woman he loved so desperately, Owen did the one thing that felt so natural. He pulled Cristina against his chest, wrapped his arms around her and gently rocked her from side to side, just as he had the day she had confessed to missing her father.
Squeezing tighter into Owen's embrace, Cristina felt like everything that had happened with Burke had bought her exactly where she was supposed to be.
"After he left me at the altar there was no one else. Until you."
Leaning backwards and cupping her husbands face in her hands, she traced her fingers over the stubble on his chin. "You bought me back to life. now I know what love is. You. You for me are what love is. You are who I was meant for." She pulled his face towards her and kissed him, deeply and longingly. She thought about the first tine they had kissed on this spot and how now this kiss was more loaded with passion, love and connection.
"I love you. I love you more than I loved Burke I love you. That is why I had the doubts about our baby."
As she stressed the word our she placed both of Owen's hands on her rounded abdomen. Owen responded by moving his own body closer to hers and tilting his head so their foreheads were touching. "I love you so much that to let you down, to be a bad mother to your child would break me. After everything that's happened I don't know if I am that strong anymore."
Cristina paused. She bent her head down and felt tears at the backs of her eyes again. Owen took in every detail of his wife in front of him. He knew what the shooting had cost her professionally and how she had struggled to come through it. He kissed her forehead and rested his chin on the top of her head. Cristina place her left hand on his chest to feel his heartbeat- strong, regular, just like their baby's heartbeat had been minutes earlier. These 2 connected sounds made her feel safe- the 2 people who her heart now beated for.
"With Burke I was forced to imagine the huge life he saw for himself and my small role within it. With you, my husband, I can see that we are just at the start of the huge life that you saw for us. I see it Owen and I want it with you. It just took me a while to realise it"
She stopped. There was no more to say. The part of her past she kept so guarded was free. Snuggling into each other once again, Cristina, Owen and their baby just waited on the vent. Another burst of smoke exploded from the vent and carried her words and all the feelings associated with them away.